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“How can I help you?” Flash Magnus had been saying that a lot over the past month, but his smile was still sincere as he dipped his head to Lady Luna.
She sighed, and Flash immediately took a step back at her clear annoyance. “Thank you for the offer, but unless you can get the whole staff to stop being lying hypocrites, there’s nothing you can do.”
“I wasn’t aware I was a lying hypocrite,” Flash tried to joke, but Luna didn’t laugh. “Uh, do you want to talk about it?”
Luna glanced at him, quickly looking him over and judging the offer. Flash knew from Starswirl’s complaints that Luna didn’t make solid eye contact often, and her glare was no exception, quickly returning to the ceiling.
“Everyone likes to say that paying attention to everyone's feelings is important until they get the chance to bully their assistant. Then it’s just a joke and I need to get a sense of humor.” She huffed and folded her arms before grumbling, “I have a sense of humor. It's just not funny.”
“Oh.” Flash set down his shield and leaned against the wall next to her. “That's not cool of them.”
“I know, right!” Luna threw her hands up in frustration. “He chews Stygian out for the littlest mistake but when I don’t remember the sixteenth step to greeting Chancellor Puddinghead I’m the rude one? I haven’t heard him say a single nice thing to him my whole life!”
Flash felt something stutter and stop, frozen behind his ribcage. “Stygian?”
“Yeah, Starswirl’s assistant.” Luna gave him a curious look. “You know him?”
“We joined the staff at the same time.” The lie was well practiced. He felt dizzy and far away. “I didn’t know you were friends with him.”
“I’m not. Starswirl won’t let me talk to him. I think he’s even assigning him extra work on the nights I dreamwalk so I can’t talk to him then either.” Luna sighed. “I wish I could, though.”
“I— I can talk to him.” His knees felt wobbly, and he didn’t trust himself to push away from the wall. “Do you know where he is?”
“Last I heard Starswirl had him finding some references from the library. If I write him a note, could you give it to him tomorrow?”
“Of course.”
Stygian wasn’t in the library. Starswirl directed him to Rockhoof, who directed him to Meadowbrook, who waved him off to the garden, where she had sent Stygian to grab a few important herbs. Flash found him crouched over a plant, comparing it to an image in a book.
The gravel crunched under his boots as he stopped right at Stygian’s side. Stygian didn’t seem to notice him. “Do you have a minute?”
“Depends. Does this look like mint to you?”
“…that’s basil.”
Stygian sighed. “If you can help me find mint, then I can do whatever task you’re here to give me after I bring it to Meadowbrook.”
Flash offered Stygian his hand and helped him to his feet. “I saw the mint on my way over here, we can get it on our way to Meadowbrook.”
“I can take it to Meadowbrook myself, I know you’re busy. You can tell me what I have to do and get on with your day.”
“Actually, my shift just finished.”
Stygian stopped in the middle of the path to stare at him. “Magnus, you should be resting. That’s the whole point of shifts. What are you doing here?”
Flash stared at the ground, suddenly realizing that he’d never let go of Styian’s hand, and that he hadn’t pulled it out of his grasp. “I wanted to see you, I guess. It’s been a while since we talked.”
“Oh.” Stygian considered as they started walking again. “I guess it has. How are you?”
“That’s what I wanted to ask you.”
“You first.” Stygian bumped his shoulder against Flash’s forearm.
Flash thought his answer over for a few steps before answering, “Well, I’ll be glad when this whole coronation thing is finished. I hate seeing everyone so agitated. I miss when it was just our little team, hiking across Equestria.”
“Really? You miss the trees hiding the sky and sticks in your wings? ‘Cause if I remember right you hated walking through those forests.”
“I miss being able to talk whenever I wanted. I miss getting a full night’s rest.”
Stygian nodded emphatically. “I want to pass out as soon as that party starts and sleep for at least a week.”
“Yeah,” Flash agreed softly, “But I think, most of all, I miss being friends. All this official ‘Pillars of Equestria’ stuff— I don’t know. It feels wrong calling you an assistant. Everything feels weird now. Does it feel weird to you?”
Stygian was quiet for a few steps. “It doesn’t feel real anymore. Our quest, going to stop the Sirens. It feels like I’m the only one who remembers, like it was a dream or a story I made up, like maybe it never happened at all, and I’ve lost my mind.”
“Well, you know we’re your friends, so it had to have happened, right?” Flash tried to laugh, but Stygian didn’t meet his eyes.
“That’s the part that feels the most made up,” he murmured, barely loud enough for Flash to hear.
He squeezed Stygian’s hand. “I’ve heard a few things recently. There’s supposed to be a Royal Guard transfer after the coronation, to make sure the Princesses are properly protected. I bet we could ask Luna to send us off on a scouting quest, to make a map of Equestria or something.”
“I’d be useless on that kind of quest.”
“No you wouldn’t.” Flash bumped his shoulder. “I’ve seen a bit of your journals. You collect information like Rockhoof collects concussions. If I got put in charge of a scouting quest you’d be the first person I’d want with me.”
Stygian rolled his eyes. “Not Starswirl, the Mage Mastermind?”
“Starswirl would start insulting the first group of people we come across and get us killed. Besides, you’re the first person I’d choose to go with me for any quest.”
“Weather Job?”
“You’d tell us what it looks like from the ground. You’d probably trick us into making a rare cloud formation or something. It’d be great.”
“Foreign Negotiations.”
“You’ve already stopped one dragon war.”
“That was Meadowbrook.”
“Well, if you hadn’t been there to distract me I would’ve started a war before Meadowbrook could do anything about it.” Flash squeezed Stygian’s hand again. “First person I’d choose for anything.”
“You’re absurd.” Flash sighed.
“This is not willow bark,” Meadowbrook dumped the bark Stygian had collected into the trash, glowering at him from across the room. “Yarrow, mint, and willow bark. Plants so distinctive only a fool could miss them, and yet here we are: King Cobalt’s inspection this evening and we were moments away from having poplar bark in place of willow.”
“I’m sorry, Meadowbrook, really, I won’t make that mistake again, I swear, I can go–”
“No.” Stygian flinched at the immediate response. “You’ve done enough. I’ve put too many hours into preparations to risk failing this entire inspection over another idiotic mistake. If you want to keep working here then you need to get your act together. We can’t have foolish behavior in a new nation’s head of operations.”
Stygian opened his mouth to say something, but thought twice and changed his mind, shoulders slumping. “I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t fix anything.” Meadowbrook was now glowering at the jars stacked across the counter. “Now go bother someone else.”
“I’ll be right behind you,” Flash whispered as Stygian left.
Once the door was closed, he turned to Meadowbrook. “I’m worried about him.”
“Who, Stygian? Don’t be. He’s a good kid, he just needs to get his act in order.”
“No, I—” Flash hesitated. “I’m worried we’re losing his trust. Don't you think–”
Meadowbrook sighed deeply, not looking up from her jars. “Magnus, I do not have the time or patience to deal with whatever teenage mood swings Stygian is having. If it’s still a problem after the inspection, talk to me then.”
“…I’ll see you later, then.”
She didn’t say anything in response, but Flash left anyway.
“I probably shouldn't be the first person you'd choose for a botanical quest, then,” Stygian grumbled as Flash closed the door behind him.
“Meadowbrook’s just tired. She'd be upset if you actually left.”
Stygian didn't meet his gaze. “It’d be fine if I weren't an idiot who got the wrong tree.”
“You're not an idiot.”
“Well, I keep acting like one!” Stygian’s voice cracked and he squeezed his temples with one hand, hiding his eyes from Flash.
“You should get some rest. You're tired too.”
Stygian laughed bitterly. “And be a lazy slacker as well as an idiot? Maybe if I wanted to get fired as soon as possible.”
“Stygian–”
He continued, not taking any notice of Flash’s attempted interruption. “Y'know what? Maybe that's a good idea! Maybe I should get it over with, spare everyone the trouble of having to put up with me until you inevitably run out of pity!”
“That's not what's going to happen.”
“It's already happening!” Stygian’s voice rose another wobbly octave, and Flash grimaced. “I'm already messing up everything I'm asked to do, I'm already wearing out everyone's patience, I'm already useless!”
“We're your friends–”
“Oh? Have you considered reminding anyone else of that? Because the last time anybody acted like that was true was more than a year ago, on the beach before you all realized there wasn’t a point in keeping me around anymore!” Stygian’s voice cracked again as he glared at Flash, his hands clenched in violently trembling fists at his sides.
“Stygian,” Flash stepped forward, gently patting away Stygian’s tears with his sleeve, “Listen to me, please. I don’t want you to leave. You are having an absolute garbage day –you’ve probably been having a garbage couple weeks– and that makes now a terrible time to evaluate all your relationships and make giant decisions. As much as I love your brain, I need you to stop thinking about the big picture and focus on what’s right in front of you. I’m your friend and you need to sleep. That’s all that matters right now. Trust me and go to sleep so tomorrow morning is a proper fresh start.”
Stygian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “You love my brain?”
“I said focus.”
He didn’t open his eyes. “I’m trying to get my mind off the big picture.”
“Oh.” Flash hesitated before patting Stygian’s shoulder. “Uh, yeah.”
“Why? Starswirl is smart, I just know random facts and get lucky half the time.”
“But you’re kind. And that’s important too.”
Stygian scoffed. “You sound like Somnambula.”
“That’s exactly what you need right now, some hope. You,” Flash tapped Stygian on the nose, “Should talk to Somnambula. Tomorrow, after you get a good night’s sleep.”
“Somnambula’s busy,” Stygian yawned, “But sleep sounds good.”
“I’ll walk you to your room.” The offer was immediate, sliding out of his mouth without a thought. He smiled at Stygian and slung an arm around his shoulders. “Lead the way.”
“You don’t have to do that, you need your rest too.”
“I know I don’t have to,” Flash shrugged and squeezed Stygian’s shoulder, “But being with you a little longer is worth it.”
“If you’re sure.” Stygian let his head fall against Flash’s shoulder, ignoring the discomfort of the metal plating pressing into his cheek.
“I’m sure.”
They walked like that to his room, and Stygian moved his cheek back to Flash’s shoulder every few steps, correcting the continual shift of metal against his face.
“That can’t be comfortable.”
“Eh. It’s good enough,” Stygian grumbled, moving his cheek to the top of his shoulder yet again.
Flash hummed and moved his hand down to rest on Stygian’s waist, feeling his top cave several inches to meet his actual middle. “It feels like I’m turning into a metal bucket with how much I’ve been wearing this junk.”
“I can imagine,” Stygian readjusted his cheek again, “But the maids think you look great.”
Flash choked on his surprise, staring at Stygian, “Why would you know that?”
Stygian shrugged. “Starswirl sends me to deliver a message to the head of staff at least twice a day. I’ve heard gossip nastier than you could believe.”
“Like what?”
Stygian rolled his eyes. “What’s said in the cleaning rooms stays in the cleaning rooms. Telling you anything is social suicide.”
“But they think the tin suit looks good?”
“Significantly better than good, I assure you.”
“But it’s so stuffy! I probably stink like crazy under here, there’s nowhere for the sweat to escape,” Flash continued, surprise turning into a morbid curiosity, “What did you tell them?”
“Well, uh, I told them, well, I said I thought the armor was actually kind of boring?”
“Oh?”
“Well, it’s kind of bland, the solid gray, and mostly they just like it because they had one good experience with a guard saying something sweet and assume that’s what they’re like all the time, right?”
Flash nodded, pretending he understood what Stygian was saying.
“But, like, it isn’t really you, it’s just a uniform. It’s like being attracted to a coat rack.”
“Ouch. I’m starting to wish I didn’t ask,” Flash tried to laugh and Stygian sighed in exasperation.
“Not like that. You aren’t a coat rack. You’re kind and funny and friendly and all that stuff, but it isn’t the armor that makes you attractive! You’d still be all those things if you were, I dunno, a mechanic who wore cargo pants with suspenders and the same shirt everyday.”
“You think I’m attractive?”
“I think your coworkers sure aren’t.”
“So I’m not not attractive, then?”
“Let’s not discuss this,” Stygian decided. Flash laughed and agreed.
“That’s your room, right? Number nine?”
Stygian nodded, fishing his key out of his pocket. “Thanks for the pep talk, Flash. Are you on duty for the coronation tomorrow, or should I look to sit by you?”
Flash winced. “I’m on duty. Sorry.”
The slump to Stygian’s shoulders was barely noticeable. “Then I’ll just look for you afterwards, I guess. I’ll see you then?”
“I— wait.” Flash froze when Stygian actually waited, looking over his shoulder at him in the doorway. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
“You’ve already done so much.” Stygian’s tone wasn’t unkind, and he gave Flash a soft smile.
“May I hug you?” The question was out of Flash’s mouth in the split second before he could lose his nerve. “I mean, only if that’s okay with you, you just— seem like you could use one right now. I’ve been told I give good–”
Stygian was resting his cheek on Flash’s shoulder, this time facing away from his neck, arms wrapping loosely around his waist, before he could panic and rescind the offer. “I could use a hug right now.”
Flash wrapped one arm around his shoulders, set his other hand on the back of Stygian's head, and pressed his face to his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Thank you.”
After a moment, Stygian had to readjust, trying to find a comfortable point of contact with the metal.
“I can take the armor off,” Flash offered, “To hug you properly for a bit, if you’d like.”
Stygian sighed and slowly pulled away. “I’d like that, but you need your rest too.”
“It would be restful.”
Stygian nibbled at his upper lip, considering the argument. Flash noticed he had chewed pieces of chapped skin off with previous worry, leaving sections of his lips painfully raw.
“Sorry my room’s a disaster,” Stygian told him at last. It was a warning rather than a counter argument, and he held the door open for Flash to enter.
Disaster was an accurate description for the state of Stygian’s room. Also accurate descriptors included catastrophe, nightmare, and rapidly approaching unusable. Books were shoved unceremoniously into the shelves, some stacked into the gaps left between others and the top of the shelf, and the disarray of the desk spread to the unclosable boxes underneath it and the stack of items and books precariously placed on his chair. The floor was covered in supplies, open books and stones scattered in an unrecognizable pattern, various items of clothing partially obscuring taped symbols on the floor. A thin pathway from the bed to the dresser –which was stuffed too full of unfolded clothes to close– was the only section of the floor left clear.
“I don’t mind.”
“You can sit on the bed if you want,” Stygian sat and patted the space next to him, “It’s really the only available seating.”
The bed creaked in quiet protest when Flash sat down, and he started unbuckling the straps holding the metal plating to his chest. “What’s your project?”
“Oh, uh,” Stygian glanced at the messy floor, “It’s nothing really.”
“That’s crystal magic, right? The magic Queen Amore uses?” Flash dropped his vambraces onto the floor next to the bed. “You asked Starswirl about that a while ago.”
Stygian scoffed. “Starswirl doesn’t understand what crystal magic can really do. ‘Party tricks and conductors’ are all it is, to him.”
“And you think he’s wrong?” Stygian would have gotten defensive, but Flash’s tone was only curious.
“He hasn’t seen the caverns,” He leaned forward, almost glowing with excitement, “He wouldn't appreciate them properly anyway. Magic like that is so rarely stable, and it’s unbelievably powerful when it is. I’ve figured out how to harness it without destabilizing it and damaging the crystal, I just need to figure out how to focus it, so it does what I want it to.”
“What do you want it to do?” Flash immediately asked the wrong question.
Stygian froze, staring at his hand. “I haven’t decided on, uh, specifics yet.”
“What’s your end goal, then?” Flash continued, completely unaware of his discomfort with the conversation.
“I— Swear you won’t laugh. Or tell anybody.”
Flash raised one hand. “On my life.”
“I,” He still hesitated, “I’m trying to figure out a way to… I don’t know. I want to find a way to be more like the rest of you, I guess.”
Flash was in the middle of pulling his torso piece over his head, and let it clatter to the floor as he turned to stare at Stygian in surprise. “How so?”
Stygian startled, taken aback by the strangled sound of Flash's voice. “Does it matter?”
“Yes!” Flash grabbed Stygian’s hands, “Of course it matters. I need you to be you. Not a crystal Rockhoof.”
“I just want to be better, I guess,” Stygian shrugged, “I don’t want to be just an assistant to the others. I want to be friends again.”
“Are we not friends now?”
He paused, planning his response. “You and I are, and Somnambula’s still friendly, she’s just really busy.”
“What about Rockhoof?” The question was light, but they both felt the weight of the unspoken words behind it. You and Rockhoof used to be so close.
Stygian sighed, letting his head fall to rest on Flash’s shoulder. “I don’t know.”
Flash carded one hand through Stygian’s hair, prompting him to continue.
“Every time I think we’re going on a walk, or chatting like we used to, being friends, it turns out he just needs me to run a letter to Starswirl or pick up laundry or something and he doesn’t actually want to hear about my day or the joke I thought he’d like,” Flash could feel the prickle of tears on his skin as Stygian mumbled into his shirt, “And when he isn’t giving me an assignment he’s talking about the new friends he’s made at the Mason’s Guild and how much he enjoys their company. And then he leaves, because apparently my company isn’t worth a conversation longer than five minutes.”
Flash hugged him. Stygian hiccupped on his tears and hugged him back.
“You heard Meadowbrook, I’m— If I don’t figure out how to be good enough, then —when I run out of whatever worth I have left— They’re going to stop wanting me around.”
“That’s not true,” Flash promised, pulling him closer, “We will always want you around. Friendship isn’t something that dissolves out from under you like that.”
A sob tore itself out of Stygian’s chest and he clung to Flash’s undershirt, almost clawing into his skin with how tightly his fingers curled into the fabric. Flash relaxed into the vice-like embrace, rubbing small circles into the back of Stygian’s neck with his thumb as he waited for the sobs to slow enough to allow a response.
“Then why— Why does it feel like I’m falling through the cracks?”
“Because you don’t have any proof,” Flash immediately answered, “And for all the apparent randomness to your strategizing, you never trust an idea without proof. Even if it means critiquing a mummy horde.”
“Which I was right about; they weren’t mummies,” Stygian reminded him through his tears.
“You were right about that, and you were right about the dragons, and you were right about Mistmane’s plants abducting her,” Flash agreed, “But us? Rockhoof, me, the other Pillars? We’re not your opponents. What works so well in a fight will tear you apart, if you let it stay in the rest of your life. You have to learn to sheathe your weapons when they aren’t needed, or you’ll hurt yourself by mistake.”
“I know we aren’t opponents, I’m not trying to get in a fight.”
Flash sighed into his dark teal hair, ignoring the grease. “I know it’s not purposeful, it’s not your fault. I’ve seen it a million times in other guards, turning on each other so subtly they don’t realize what they’re doing. Conflict— it seeps through the cracks, stains your life in ways you didn’t intend. It messes with how you see things, makes it difficult to hope or trust.”
“I hate that,” Stygian grumbled into Flash’s chest, “Now I get why Rockhoof complains about problems he can’t hit really hard. Why does everything have to be complicated?”
“It really does suck, doesn’t it? Always an upwind battle with us.” Flash laughed tiredly, then kicked at the armor he’d left on the floor, “Not looking forward to dragging all that back to my room. I’m exhausted.”
“You can crash here, if you'd like,” Stygian offered, “For old time’s sake.”
He smiled, remembering sleeping next to Stygian near the campfire during the warm nights of their quest, one wing tossed over his sleeping form to shield him from the summer bugs. “I’d appreciate that, if you’re sure.”
“Of course I’m sure, wouldn’t have offered if I wasn’t.” He yawned directly into Flash’s shirt.
“Thanks, man.” He yawned as well, realizing how long he’d been awake for. “You should talk to Rockhoof in the morning.”
“What for? He’s going to be busy.”
Flash ignored the grumble in Stygian’s voice. “Well, he would probably love to plan a time to talk and catch up. And it’d probably be for the best if you told him how you’ve been feeling.”
Stygian shrugged and moved to tug the curtains closed and shut off the lights. Flash smoothed the bedding out, brushing crumbs off and out of their way, as he waited for Stygian to answer.
“Do I have to? We already decided I'm seeing a fight where there isn't one, what’s the point in bothering him over something that isn’t an actual problem?” Stygian asked, flopping into Flash’s embrace, letting his forehead fall against his heart.
Flash tucked the blanket over the both of them, “I never said there wasn’t an actual problem.”
“But if it’s just in my head–”
“Your head is important too, y’know.” Stygian didn’t respond, and Flash’s voice softened, “What, did you think I wouldn’t care that you're miserable?”
He felt Stygian shrug in his arms. “I mean, it’s just something I have to deal with, right? Self-reliance and all that.”
“You don’t have to deal with it alone, though.”
Silence.
“You shouldn’t have to deal with it alone,” he pulled Stygian closer, letting his head press into the stretch between his shoulder and neck, “Give us a chance to help you. Please?”
Stygian sighed, nestling into Flash’s warmth. Flash held back a flinch, trying not to react to the freezing touch of Stygian’s nose. “I’ll talk to Rockhoof, if you really think it’s a good idea. But only after he wraps up his coronation duties. Even if that means I end up waiting until the day after tomorrow. Fair?”
“Fair,” Flash sighed and smiled, relaxing into the mattress and Stygian’s clinging hug, “You know I love you, right?”
Silence. Flash heard Stygian’s breathing sync with his own, and realized he had already fallen asleep.
He pressed his lips to Stygian’s hair, not a true kiss, not even a peck, but let his head rest there, “I’ll tell you in the morning. Sleep well.”