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There had been eight scars on Zhao Yuanzhou’s back in what could now be considered his previous life, scars which he had inflicted himself with.
Zhao Yuanzhou’s previous life where Yichen had, however reluctantly, been forced to kill him in order to save the world. Now the world had been saved due to the dayao’s death but Yichen had never recovered from the latter.
Not until he had managed to bring Zhao Yuanzhou back, with the help of many whose cultivation was much better than Yichen’s who, even after centuries, could still merely be considered a baby yao and was lacking quite a lot.
The moment in which he had faced Zhao Yuanzhou again had most certainly been the happiest in his life. Yet it had also been one where Yichen had been more than lost. Zhao Yuanzhou, clearly, had been as well. Maybe that was normal when one came back to life.
Contrary to humans though, Zhao Yuanzhou remembered everything that had happened in his previous life. He remembered the grievances he had endured and he very well remembered the feelings for Yichen which had never faded away.
After centuries of undeniable pining for the white ape dayao, Yichen had actually been the first to confess his love to Zhao Yuanzhou. He had done too many things wrong and, especially when it came to their relationship, he didn’t want to repeat his mistakes.
Ever since Zhao Yuanzhou’s return, they had been almost happy, clearly as happy as neither had been for many years, centuries even. They had been happy…
Until the next blood moon had come up and Zhao Yuanzhou had lost control. Now the vessel for the malicious energy should’ve been destroyed after Zhao Yuanzhou had previously sacrificed himself for the greater good and after Yichen had slain him with the cloud light sword.
It truly should’ve been destroyed, yet it wasn’t. Zhao Yuanzhou and Yichen very painfully learned it in that night, having previously thought that everything was alright, Zhao Yuanzhou not having been able to feel any malicious energy within him either.
The malicious energy was truly malicious, only revealing itself on the night of the blood moon, previously having Zhao Yuanzhou revelling in feelings of safety.
It had been centuries since Yichen had last seen the white ape dayao so indifferent, a smug grin on his face as his only goal was slaying everything and everybody whom he encountered.
Obviously, Yichen had tried to hold him back, had tried everything he could think of – to no avail. Zhao Yuanzhou had once again slain villages in that night and Yichen hadn’t been able to do anything about it.
He had felt so powerless in that night and ever since then, so small and insignificant, even though he had thought to be stronger now after centuries had passed. Clearly, in the eyes of the malicious energy, he was but an ant.
The aftermath of that night was even worse. Zhao Yuanzhou’s suicidal thoughts had come back and he had locked himself up, not even allowing Yichen, the man he loved, to enter his room.
Yichen had understood it eventually, though it had taken him too many years to realize, that they were actually very similar. They had both had their fair share of pain and suffering in their lives, barely any days of actual happiness and carelessness, and they were plagued with regrets and feelings of desolation.
The older Yichen became, especially after he had been looking for Zhao Yuanzhou for so long, tirelessly doing everything to bring him back, the better he understood Zhao Yuanzhou, understood every single one of his actions and didn’t even blame him for them
Maybe such pained souls as the two of them were would always attract disaster. Maybe Yichen never should’ve… No, he couldn’t think that. Not bringing Zhao Yuanzhou back wouldn’t have been an option, no matter what.
Maybe Zhao Yuanzhou hated being alive right now but they’d find a different kind of solution for their problem. Yichen couldn’t kill him again and he also couldn’t let him kill himself.
After weeks of tirelessly trying to break through the barrier, which Zhao Yuanzhou had set up around the room he had locked himself in, Yichen finally succeeded, at least so much that he was able to see what the white ape dayao was doing.
The sight was equal to having his heart ripped out of his chest for how painful it was. It was certainly the third most excruciating thing he had ever witnessed. First was his brother’s death, second was Zhao Yuanzhou’s but this…
The eight scars on Zhao Yuanzhou’s body were obviously gone. The white ape dayao having been revived had also restored his body and so the skin on his back, which Yichen had intimately touched often enough to be aware of, was as soft as it could be – not anymore.
Zhao Yuanzhou was very meticulously – too diligently, considering that he was currently hurting himself – carving a new scar into the very same place where his old scars had been. He didn’t even require an external item, merely his claws were enough to do the job.
Yichen couldn’t stop Zhao Yuanzhou, knowing that this was his way to ease his feelings of guilt and devastation, if only to the tiniest degree. In this life, as well, Zhao Yuanzhou had been irreversibly marked for life and now he was showcasing that mark quite literally.
Yichen hated nothing more, yet he was unable to do anything but stand there and watch as Zhao Yuanzhou was causing himself to bleed so much that a pool of blood had long pooled up on the floor where he was currently sitting after the liquid had flown down his back.
It surely wasn’t the first time for Zhao Yuanzhou to do this in the past few weeks. He was clearly repeating the action, so that his wound would eventually become a scar, so that it wouldn’t heal but remain as a remainder of that night which had, once again, changed it all.
Yichen could only watch his beloved fall apart, couldn’t offer any comfort.
Even if he would’ve managed to entirely break through the barrier, which Zhao Yuanzhou had set up, he knew that he wouldn’t have found a way to properly comfort the white ape dayao. And Yichen had always been bad at pampering others anyways.
In fact, he was the worst at that, barely having experienced any comfort in his own life, having lost too many people and therefore having turned out to be quite… cold.
Merely Zhao Yuanzhou had managed to melt the ice within Yichen slowly but very thoroughly.
And so right in that moment, he decided that he’d give Zhao Yuanzhou the time he needed to grieve and to let himself be sucked up by the darkness. Eventually though, he’d make sure to slowly ignite the fire within the white ape dayao again, make him see that there were beautiful things in life as well, that not everything was as desolate as he now saw it, naturally.
This time, it’d be the other way around and it’d be Yichen who’d slowly make Zhao Yuanzhou take off the mask he had put on again, as self-protection, yet also to protect others from him because he merely saw himself as a monster.
Yichen would make Zhao Yuanzhou see that he was loved, that he wasn’t a beast, that he was the most important person to him. But for now, he could merely watch Zhao Yuanzhou carve the scar into his back so deeply that a mortal most certainly would’ve died from that wound. He could merely stand by and watch, not even noticing that tears were streaming down his face.