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Lloyd had never had trouble with touch before. In fact, he’d loved it. He used to search it out like it was the only thing keeping him alive. Hugs, hair ruffles, cuddle puddles – you name it, Lloyd is searching for it. Kai and Nya suspected he hadn’t gotten it when he was a kid, which…fair. But the point was, Lloyd loved physical affection.
Loved. Past tense.
Because then Morro happened. And now. Now Lloyd couldn’t stand it.
He wasn’t really sure why. Morro had never really…..touched him. He’d possessed Lloyd sure, but there had never been any actual physical contact – at least, that Lloyd could remember.
It was the invasive aspect of it, he guessed. That Morro had been able to take control of Lloyd as easily as Lloyd could breathe freaked Lloyd out to no end. But it didn’t really matter because Lloyd could stand it. He could take the physical affection that his family gave him in the moment, even if it made his skin crawl. Even if he had to vomit later. It didn’t matter.
Until it did.
It was a normal day, all things considered. Lloyd had actually slept through the night without being woken up by nightmares. They had a day off, so he didn’t have to wake up with the sun, either. Lloyd was so sure the day couldn’t go badly.
Then, of course – because the Universe hated him – everything fell apart.
“What’s the plan today?” Lloyd called from the kitchen. The others were seated in various spots in the living room. From where he was, he could see Jay sitting upside down on the couch, his legs thrown over the back and his head hanging off. “Just lounging around?”
“I think Zane and I were going grocery shopping,” Nya called back. “Pantry’s pretty empty.”
Lloyd wrinkled his nose, leaning back to pull open the pantry. Sure enough, it was lacking. There was a can of green beans and a half empty box of cereal. The rest of the shelves were empty. “First Master,” Lloyd muttered. Then he called back, “Everyone else?”
“There's a mountain trail calling my name,” Cole said. “Jay’s coming with me.”
Lloyd looked back just in time to see Jay slide off the couch. His head thudded on the floor and his legs swung back over his chest. “Excuse me!” he yelled, voice a little muffled behind his legs. He slouched sideways so his legs hit the floor and cast an ugly look at Cole. “I am not.”
“Too late. Already told Wu you were coming.” Cole shrugged, grinning.
Jay groaned.
“There’s a new comic book store in town,” Kai yelled from the bathroom. He must be doing his hair because – despite what he claimed – his hair did not naturally spike like that. “Wanna go check it out, Green Bean?”
Lloyd raised an eyebrow, even though he knew none of them could see it. “Since when do you read comics?”
Kai made an affronted sound from the bathroom. “I read plenty of comics!”
Lloyd was not convinced. “Since when? Last time I had a comic, you called me a nerd.”
There was a long moment of silence. Through the doorway, Lloyd could see Jay muffling laughter with his hand. “Whatever. Do you want to go check it out, or not?”
Now, Lloyd had to be honest. He knew exactly what Kai was trying to do, because they’d all been trying to do it. A visit to a museum here, his favorite movie there. His favorite food. His favorite music. His favorite spot on the couch. They were trying to cheer him up – or distract him. Lloyd knew that and, as demeaning as it made him feel sometimes, he had to admit that it did work. Sometimes.
Lloyd wanted to say no. He really did. But Kai sounded so excited, and Lloyd had to admit – comics did sound fun. “Fine. Only if we can stop by the noodle house after.”
“Deal!”
This was a bad idea. Scratch that. It was a terrible idea. A monumentally, inconceivably terrible idea.
There were too many eyes on him. It was making his skin crawl.
Kai was a comforting presence next to him, bright as the sun and just as warm. That didn’t stop the feeling of eyes on his shoulders, roaming his face, watching his every move. “Are you sure this is–” Lloyd bit down on his lip to swallow the question. He’d already asked it more than once.
“Do you want to go home,” Kai asked gently. He didn’t stop walking, didn’t look at him, and Lloyd had to admit that it helped a little. “I don’t mind. We can go see it some other time.”
Lloyd shook his head so fast fire raced up his neck. “No! No, no this is fine.” Kai cocked his head, but didn’t answer. Good enough for Lloyd. The eyes were still making his skin crawl, but Kai’s presence made it easier to handle. “Just– how far?”
Kai gestured across Lloyd to their right. He turned and Lloyd turned with him to avoid getting run into. The building in front of them was small, a little hole in the wall place – probably locally owned. It was (creatively) named Ninjago City Comics. It wasn’t busy, not like Doomsday Comix got, but it had a good little crowd.
Lloyd was starting to second guess this, but he put on a brave face. He’d worried the other ninja enough. “Think they have a Starfarer comic?” Lloyd asked, trying to steady his voice.
If it was shaky, Kai didn’t comment on it. “Probably. Let’s go in and see.”
If the eyes on him were bad on the streets, it was worse here. It was crowded, too, more crowded than he’d first thought. Everywhere Lloyd turned, a stranger was standing. He turned one way, and his shoulder brushed against someone. Another, and his hand hit an elbow. Eyes skimmed over his shoulders, over his face, over his soul.
He couldn’t breathe.
For a second, Lloyd thought he’d been possessed again. The corners of his vision had gone dark, the way it did when Morro had control of him. But no– it was panic. Lloyd was intimately familiar with panic, these days, and he knew how to hide it. He tried to suck in a breath, to steel his nerves and steady his lungs. He could break down when he got home.
There was a muffled noise, like someone trying to yell underwater. Then a hand grabbed at Lloyd’s arm.
Without thinking, running on panic and pure instinct, Lloyd grabbed the arm holding him and twisted.
A scream cut through the panicked fog over his brain. Lloyd blinked and the spots cleared from his vision. There was a….a civilian in front of Lloyd, his arm twisted awkwardly in Lloyd’s hand. He was the one who had screamed, because–
Lloyd gasped, dropping the man’s arm and staggering backward. “Sorry, sorry. I don’t– sorry–”
Fire. Fire at his back. Warmth. “I think it’s time to go, Greenie,” Kai whispered. “Let’s head home, yeah?”
Lloyd shook his head, whipping around. There were people all around him, closing in on every side. Lloyd couldn’t breathe. “Kai,” he said desperately, reaching out a blind hand. He couldn’t see past the people on every side. “Kai, I don’t–”
“I’m right here, Lloyd.” A warm, calloused hand enveloped his own. “I’ve gotcha. Let it go, bud. I’ll get us home.”
He could listen to that.
The panic dropped away as Lloyd disconnected.