Chapter Text
Michael’s jaw was on the goddamn floor.
Out of everything in the Pizzaplex that he had to take responsibility for, legal documents were some of the ones that he took the most pride in. Michael was one of the few business runners who worked to get all of their stuff back from the archives of Fazbear Entertainment and actually got the job done. Pretty much every form of paperwork passed through his - and Helpy’s - hands at some point.
So seeing the proud, smug grin on Gregory’s face as Michael read over the adoption papers, he was pretty worried he would have to go over it for any spelling errors before the mailing date of the papers.
The entire reason that he even had these filed in the first place was because if the Glamrocks wanted to keep Gregory around, he needed a legal guardian, and Michael would rather deal with a third gremlin in his house than let Vanessa or anyone else do it.
But what he wasn’t expecting to see, out of every possible minor mistake on the forms he’d given this kid, was a major one.
In the section labelled “Child’s name after adoption,” the last name was incorrect. And by a long shot. To the point where Michael’s remaining brain cells were completely misfiring into oblivion
“Gregory,” Michael said, entirely too slowly as his brain properly pieced things together. “You did not.”
Glamrock Freddy, who was also in the room with them, looked over with confusion, and then concern as he saw the look on Michael’s face. “Superstar, what did you do?”
The boy seemed a little more concerned now that Freddy was involved, and Michael kept looking between him and the document in his hands. “I swear, it was just a prank.”
Gregory, you cannot write jokes on legal documentation,” Glamrock Freddy chided, entirely too calmly for Michael’s personal sanity. “Those documents are binding, especially documents like adoption papers.”
“It was supposed to be temporary!” Gregory yelped, stubborn in his choice despite the fact that Michael’s ability to think straight was actually coming back now. “I thought the pen I was using was one of those erasable ones.”
“Gregory, what did you do?” Freddy asked, sounding a little more panicked now. Rightfully so, considering Gregory’s adoption was the only way the Glamrocks could keep the little shit without Michael running into trouble with CPS.
Michael read over the line, again and again, just trying to make sure he was processing this properly.
“Michael, what did he do?” Freddy demanded.
He just kept staring at the adoption form, with only one thought able to cross through his mind.
Oh God, Jeremy’s gonna kill me.
-=+=-
“He wrote Fitz-Afton as his last name after adoption!?”
“I shouldn’t have let him choose his own name!”
Jeremy burst out cackling, startling the toy version of Mangle in the corner of Michael's living room. They weren’t a frequent visitor of Michael’s house, but Jeremy had insisted on bringing them along today. Mainly because Michael had worded his panicked text messages very poorly in terms of… well, anything and everything readability related.
His siblings were off doing their own things - or so he was desperately hoping - meaning that it was mainly just Michael and Jeremy in the house. Ennard was off elsewhere, presumably bothering some of the nightmare animatronics, and Mangle was decidedly just chilling and almost falling asleep. Or at least, as much as they seemed to be able to.
“Why would you let him do that?” Jeremy demanded, still cackling like a madman. Michael dropped his head in his hands.
“I thought he would be responsible about it,” Michael groaned tiredly. “I thought it would be fine, with both Freddy and Helpy watching him the whole time!”
His friend snorted, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “You know that Freddy and Helpy probably wouldn’t have been able to catch that if he was being sneaky about it. Gregory’s a little punk, like you were.”
“I can’t submit the form like this!” he cried, the distress already hitting him upside the head as Jeremy broke out into more laughter. “The deadline for this is in a month, and I can’t file for any more forms! CPS is gonna serve my ass to the courts faster than you can tell them to fuck off!”
“Whoa, Mike, just slow down, man,” Jeremy said, the previously comedic grip on his shoulder now more meant to be comforting than anything. “Walk me through it. Why can’t we submit those adoption forms?”
“Because Gregory filed his new last name as being ‘Fitz-Afton.’”
“Okay, and you can’t get new forms because…?”
“I’m pretty sure you can’t request new adoption papers for the same child more than once. If I try again, there’s no way they’re going to let the request go through without some kind of case worker showing up.”
Michael let the words drop off into the air, leaning back into the couch cushions like he was trying to sink into them. Honestly, he would prefer to become couch cushions instead of dealing with this fine pile of shit Gregory had landed them into.
“And you told me because my last name was the other half of the combined one?”
“Yes.”
A few minutes of quiet passed, where Michael just turned over the sheer impossibility of it all in his head. He didn’t see any reasonable way out of this situation, not without fucking things up for Gregory, the Glamrocks, and probably Vanessa somehow. She was the one housing him right now, but she definitely wasn’t equipped to be handling a child all the time.
“I have an idea,” Jeremy said, and Michael took one hand off his face to look at his friend. He had that signature look like he was about to say something stupid, one he’d carried throughout their entire lives. “Marry me.”
If Michael had still had lungs, he would have stopped breathing.
“I’m sorry, what!?” he asked. Jeremy could not be serious about that.
“It’s technically a solution!” his friend yelped, putting his hands up in what was vaguely a ‘don’t punch me please’ gesture. “If we actually have the last name, then you don’t have to worry about submitting a document with false information, right?”
Michael just couldn’t process this at all. Why was everyone having absolutely insane ideas today!?
“I… how!?” he sputtered, trying to process everything just thrown his way. “You… Are you crazy!?”
Jeremy rolled his eyes, before punching him in the shoulder affectionately. “What’s wrong, Mike? Are you too chicken to marry me?”
And just like that, Michael’s entire decision making brain was deleted from existence. Jeremy knew a lot of stuff about Michael, and he knew that one of the best ways to instigate him into doing something stupid was by playing the chicken game.
It was stupid. It was really, really stupid. Out of everything that could possibly work as a solution, this was probably the most batshit insane one.
But unfortunately, it was the only solution that seemed possible right now.
And besides… Michael was no chicken.
Jeremy noticed the change in his demeanor, the way he always did, and his giggling started up again. “Whaddya say, Michael? Wanna mess with Gregory and actually marry me?”
Michael snorted, before pulling his friend into a one-armed hug. “Alright, Jer. Yes, I’ll marry you.”
Jeremy completely broke down into laughter, leaning into Michael as he did so. “Oh my God, this is gonna be so fucking funny.”
Michael couldn’t stop himself from breaking down into laughter, a sound which surprised both Jeremy and Mangle. He pulled his friend into a tighter hug - as tight as one could manage with fucked up muscles - ignoring the way that Mangle let out a couple garbled static sounds at the motion.
Jeremy snorted, before making an exaggerated gagging sound. “Okay, new household rule number one: you’re actually taking showers.”
“I’ve tried! Do you know how hard it is to shower with holes in your skin?”
“When was the last time you tried?”
“Like… two years ago?”
“Oh, GROSS.”
They both broke into uncontrollable giggling, and the Mangle in the corner delegated themselves to rolling both eyes and looking elsewhere.
Jeremy grinned, and Michael knew immediately that he was thinking too hard. “Okay, so, if we’re gonna do this, there’s probably rules, right?”
Michael let Jeremy pull away to stand up and start pacing around, a surprise considering today was one of his ‘dizzy’ days. Thanks to the bite from Mangle, Jeremy sometimes got light-headed to the point of being unable to walk properly. There were the other things as well, such as difficulty with doing some coordinated movements, a struggle Michael understood pretty well considering how much his nerves had been screwed with after getting scooped. And considering that rewiring nerves with remnant was a monumentally difficult task, it wasn't one he partook in very often.
But Jeremy was walking around, with less difficulty than earlier. Michael just decided to keep an eye on him in case he stumbled.
“Like, okay, holdup,” Jeremy said, looking at him with a grin. “I bet I can guess what you’d say if we’re gonna prank Gregory back with this.”
“And I can’t just say it because…?”
Jeremy snorted, crossing his arms and leaning to the side. “Well, if we’re gonna get married, then obviously we gotta prove we’re husband material. I think I qualify, because I know you pretty damn well, Mike.”
That challenge drew his attention. “Oh yeah? Then prove it, Jeremy. I’m not that easy to read.”
“You’re an open book, Mike,” Jeremy crowed. “I can guarantee that I can get all of it right.”
And so for the next few hours, the two of them went back and forth like that. And Michael couldn’t even deny the fact that Jeremy had been right on the dime for each thing he said. A benefit to knowing one another for 45 years, he supposed.