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Sam sat down heavily on the wooden bench and tried to rub an upcoming headache out of his temples. He had walked into the small, pittoresque park in search for peace and quiet. And to get away from those relentlessly bickering assholes and their unresolved sexual tension.
He loved his brother and Cas was his best friend, but the two of them together were Sammy cryptonite. They were investigating a case of haunted teddy bears and Dean had “playfully” thrown one as hard as he could into Cas’s head and asked “Be my Valentine?” What followed was a series of “I’d love to Dean, but a possessed toy doesn’t seem to be an adequate present, but how would you know, you still think saying I’m Batman counts as a sufficient foreplay ” and “Oh, the gentlemen is to good for a simple teddy bear,or a Zorro mask, you ass” yada yada yada, Sam had slipped out during one of their staring matches, he bet they hadn’t even noticed his absence yet. He bet five bucks against himself on that and really wished he would win, he could go for a vanilla chai latte.
He was drawn out of his deep thoughts by a tiny tongue licking at his hands and for a second he thought it was Dean apologizing, his brother had never really gotten over this dog behaviour thing ( at least that was how he explained his frequent humping of Cas legs, or of the whole Cas), but this tongue belonged to an actual dog.
“Hey little fellow, do you want to come home with Sammy? Sammy wuffs dogs, yes he does, yes he does. You can be Bones the IXth, you look way more durable than Bones one to Bones eight.”
Sam could see no collar on the doggie, it must be Sam’s lucky dog day. He could grab the dog and take him back to the motel, he didn’t think the angel and his big brother would notice with all the staring into each other’s eyes, ears, noses and mouths.
Somewhere in the distance, Sam could hear a man whistle and call for a certain Winston and because Sam was a smart guy, he scooped up Bones the IXth and hurried back to the motel.
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Yeah! Sam won the five bucks, but the vanilla chai latte cost eight bucks, bummer. The two whatervers were standing nose to nose and shouting at the tops of their lungs, something about who has a longer whatnot, Sammy really didn’t care. He was happy to have a dog again, he hoped Dean wouldn’t bring this one up to the farm to play with the other Bones (*).
He only recognized that Dean was now shouting at him, when his brother poked him with a stick to get his attention.
“The hell have you been, Sam? We've been looking for you everywhere in this freaking weird ass town. I even went to the police station, but when I said I was looking for my brother Sam, a blood spatter analyst screamed something about a dark passenger and almost ganked me, freaking freak. Wings here zapped us out in the last minute-”
“I’m still waiting for a thank you for that, Dean, I save your ungrateful fat ass all the time, but do you thank me just once? No, of course not, Mr. Righteous Man here has better things to do -.”
“Who do you call fat ass, you fat ass?”
“Eloquent as ever, I can’t believe blah blah blah blah.”
Sam had zoned out, they would be trying not to have sex for the next few hours, he was so glad he had Bones the IXth to play with now, he sometimes felt so alone.
Sam was just about to apply some of Cas’s feather grooming gel to Bones the IXth not shiny enough fur, when suddenly the door flung open and a tiny man with curly hair and glasses and a bigger, scary man in a rainbow colored striped suit bursted in.
“Winston! There you are, I feared I’d have to walk barefoot down the highway to find you again!”
“And you must be the young man who took him.”
The tall man crowded in on Sam while the tiny man hugged his dog. Cas and Dean still hadn’t stopped not doing it and Sam had lost Ruby’s knife in another bet against himself, so he tried to turn up the Sammy charm to weasel his way out of this. Weasels are cute, by the way, Sam had always thought it was unfair that they had such a bad rep, but back to the murderously glaring man.
“Oh, you big, strong man, it’s just a misunderstanding, Sammy here only wanted to keep the doggie save while he was looking for the owner and what do you use to keep that youthful glow on your skin?”
“I occasionally bath in virgin’s blood, thank you for noticing, Will has stopped paying attention to these details a long time ago, sometimes I think he just doesn’t care.”
Oh oh, Sam knew what that meant, another pair of numbnuts who couldn’t get their crap together, he had to find a way out, pronto presto.
“Cough, cough, oh no, I think Sam is really sick and needs to go to a hospital, cough.!”
Sam’s coughing tickled the Sammy sense in Dean and he finally spun around to find two strangers fighting about what wine goes best with moose and a very shiny dog happily barking at Sam. The Hannibal man was holding a knife and the Will man was armed, he had to act quickly.
“Cas! Do something!”
Cas could never resist a skilfully worded request for help and teleported the Winchester brothers into the Impala, with himself behind the steering wheel, just to piss Dean off. He backed up out of the driveway and accidentally ran over a metaphorical stag before they got the hell out of Dodge.
Sam was a bit sad that he lost another Bones, but there was always a next town and a next doggie.