Work Text:
Dog shows were tedious.
Every tournament season, throngs of poorly trained dogs and their impatient owners arrived, stamping across the grass at the beginner’s class tryouts. Ted Rumsworth announced their names and watched them flounder, minutes bleeding into hours, one bad “performance” blurring into another.
Every spring for the last three springs, Ted’s hand has hovered over the dotted line, the same stream of thoughts that reach the same pond flowing once more.
‘This isn’t what I went to Journalism school for’
‘I should apply for a job at the Nintendo News Circuit’
‘I hate the smell of dogfood’
‘So. Much. Poop’
‘...’
‘But Archie’
Every year, Ted stayed for the same reason: Archie Hubbs. His panel partner and puppy expert was the only exception to his general disdain of the Nintendogs contests. The entertainment industry didn’t hold particularly high regards of Archie, but where they saw ditzy, Ted saw adorable. Although rationality told him that Archie probably didn’t feel that way, Ted still hoped.
Ted stared and dreamt. He dreamt of pulling off Archie’s beanie and running his hands through his hair, of rubbing his cheek on his stubble, of kissing every lame joke out of mouth. Hell, he even fantasized about blowing Archie up against a wall when he let his thoughts run amok.
But it was better to hold on to a someday that would never come than to lose Archie. Besides, didn’t Archie have a girlfriend who filled in for him sometimes? Was she even his girlfriend?
Ted had never asked. He was afraid to.
******
“Oi! Ted!”
Ted could feel the grin exploding on his face.
Finally.
Archie bounded across the room in his half walk, half hobble and launched himself at a surprised Ted. He wrapped his arms around Ted’s shoulders and sighed the words “God I missed you” against his neck. If Archie leaned in just a little, he could kiss it. Or maybe bite it.
Ted felt his pants get a little tighter at the thought.
“Uh, y-yes, lovely, great to see you too, Arch.” He spluttered as he ran through some potent boner taming mental tapes. Grandma in a spiky dog collar, Grandma in a spiky dog collar, Grandma in a spiky dog collar.
Archie didn’t seem to notice. If he didn’t, he didn’t comment on it. He’d wrapped an arm around Ted already, squeezing Ted’s arm and rubbing it soothingly.
“Don’t let the nerves get ta ya, Teddy. Gear up for the new season, because I bet you fifty bucks I can spot the next champion before you can”
Ted made a face. “A bet in the spirit of what, you always being right?”
Archie’s answer was a laugh. He laughed like the world was absolutely perfect and he was the happiest man in the world. Ted’s chest tightened at the sound of it.
“It’s always the nose, Ted. It’s always the nose. So whaddya say? Ready for this place to go to the dogs?” He raised his arm and ruffled Ted’s combed down brown hair. Oh my god, oh my god-
Ted forced a smile on his face, the inner turmoil safely tucked away inside his skin.
“Of course”
When Ted sat in his chair, announcing the best score of the day, he could still feel Archie’s hands in his hair and maybe it was wishful thinking, but he could swear they lingered a moment longer than was necessary.
*****
“Welcome to the open class of the Obedience Trials, the competition’s just starting to get fierce! I’m here with the ever entertaining Archie Hubbs!”
“Aw, I’m blushing, Ted. You’re quite the entertainer yourself!”
Ted blushed too.
“The first contestant of the day is Emily’s lab Daisy! What do you think, Archie?”
“That dog is super friendly! I just got a thorough face licking, Ted!”
Without warning, an image of Ted licking Archie’s sensitive spots popped up in Ted’s mind. If his cheeks got any hotter, they would blister.
“Uh..” He swallowed. Get a grip on yourself. “You might want to think about where that tongue has been Archie. And with that, let’s begin!” Ted announced and shut off his microphone.
“E-excuse me” Ted stammered and stumbled out of his chair.
“Ted, ya alright?”
“Ye-yes, need the bathroom, that’s all.”
“You just went to the bathroom.”
That was a valid visit. Now he had to get rid of his humungous boner. Jesus Christ.
“Well, I have to again, so-“
“What are you not telling me?” Archie deadpanned, frowning out of fierce almond eyes.
“I need to piss, do you mind?” Ted summoned every bit of annoyance he could muster and painted his words with it. Tugging on his jacket to hide the tenting of his pants, he paced to the bathroom.
The air-conditioner hit him when he stepped into the administrative building, feet following down the path to the restrooms faster than his mind could’ve. Pushing open the door, he leans on the counter and splashes water on his face. His racing heart was starting to calm.
“You really should’ve just told me.”
Ted jumped at Archie’s voice at the doorway.
“Archie, I-“
“If you’re-“ Archie broke off, his hands fidgeting. “If you’re attracted to me, you should’ve just said so.”
Ted’s heart was a kick drum now.
“How did you-“
“Because I have eyes and your fancy pants can’t hide a boner.”
Oh god.
Ted’s hand shook as he raised it to wipe at his hairline.
“Archie it isn’t-“
“No. Not one more word from you.”
Archie is disgusted by him. Any moment he’s going to leave and never look at Ted again, he’s going to go lead his straight life because-
“Shut up” Archie continued, breaking off Ted’s thoughts. “And kiss me.”
Ted blinked.
What did Archie say?
He never had a chance to ask, because Archie had crossed the narrow tiled bathroom to take Ted’s face in his hands and was kissing him, lips pressed gently,
questioningly around his.
Ted made a sound that was almost a whimper and pressed closer. Archie gave out a tiny moan and wrapped an arm around Ted’s waist, their height difference made up by Archie rising on his toes.
They forgot about the contest outside. They forgot that this is a public restroom anyone could walk into. They forgot everything except the achingly perfect slide of their lips, the little keening sounds they made as the kiss got filthier, all soft tongues and bunched shirts in their palms, the world reduced to Archie and his body pressed against him.
Ted gasped when he felt Archie’s erection press against his own. As if answering, Archie grabbed Ted’s palm and pressed it against his groin. “I’m so hard for you, Ted” he whispered in Ted’s year, teeth fastening on Ted’s pulse and sucking, oh god.
“You-“ Ted gasped as Archie gripped between his legs. “You really-“
“Hm. Yes.”
“Oh god.”
Archie smirked. “Oh yes.”
*****
There was only so far things could go at a contest where the presence of both men was expected. That night, when Ted drove home like he had a million nights before, he had Archie Hubbs’ hand drawing lazy circles on his thigh, making the whole ‘Look-at-the-road-while-driving’ concept near unbearable.
They’d barely gotten through the door when Archie almost pounced on him, kissing him hard.
“I can’t wait to do all the things I’m going to do to you, today, you posh-ass know-it-all” He muttered against the love bite he’d left earlier that afternoon before fastening his mouth on the same spot.
Ted’s hips snapped forward and he moaned, unshuttered and unashamed. They were here in the privacy of his home and they were going to drive each other crazy.
“All those, ‘No Archie, that’s a beagle’, ‘No Archie, this’ and ‘No Archie, that’ were such a turn on, do you know?” Ted’s head tipped back at the things Archie was saying. “All those condescending comments, god I wanted you to reduce you to a gibbering fucking wreck, moaning and wet and open under me, begging me” Archie was kneading Ted’s ass now. “Begging me to push into you, fill you up, you’ll have a literal stick in your ass now, do you want that, Ted? Do you want me inside you?”
Ted had never heard himself moan this loud. He found he didn’t care.
“That’s right” Archie sounded satisfied, but his voice was full of promise. “I’ll make you feel so good, baby. Do you want that?”
“Yes” Ted gasped. “Oh my god, yes, claim me, make me yours Archie, please please please”
Archie shut up him with another kiss, biting Ted’s lips. “Let’s get you what you want, then.”
******
“Welcome folks, to the expert class! Things sure are heating up, I’m here with my associate and colleague, Archie Hubbs!”
“You make it sound like we met three hours ago and yet, here we are, dating for a month, Ted. Yeah, folks, isn’t he the sweetest?”
The crowd probably laughed, but they couldn’t hear it in the glass walled booth they were sitting in.
“Alright, you idiot, I’m here with my boyfriend, Archie Hubbs.”
“Better.”
“The first contestant is Tony’s beagle Maxwell! What do you think, Archie?”
“His nose looks very moist, so I’d say he’s very healthy.”
“..Yes. And with that, let’s begin!”
“Kiss me if I’m wrong, but my money’s on that pup.” Archie said, his fingers twirling the border of his Beanie. As if on cue, the pup rolled over instead of lying down.
“I think I’m going to win.” Ted said, jerking his chin against the stage. “Might I collect in advance?”
Archie smirked and let out a fake sigh. “I suppose so.”
“This has been the best season yet.” Archie whispers.
Ted can’t help but nod in agreement.
Ted loves his life now. He doesn’t care about the dog poop or the other journalists or the news network or anything else, except the man beside him. He knows he won’t hesitate to sign his agreement forms next year.
Their chairs are as close as they can get as they’re making out to the sounds of a trainer screeching “SIT, MOTHERFUCKER, SIT.”