Chapter Text
Hugh is standing outside the school about to enter the code when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He turns around and there Joel is standing with a big smile on his face. Something spreads like carbon dioxide in Hugh's body, he doesn't know why, but lately Hugh has been getting a queasy feeling in his stomach every time he's been near Joel. It must be some new perfume that doesn't make him feel good. What else could it be?
During class, Joel and Hugh sit next to each other. It's such an obvious thing that if it were different, people would be suspicious. Under the table, Hugh feels that Joel can't sit still with his legs. He must be nervous about the upcoming math test. Hugh puts his on Joel's thigh and Joel calms down immediately. Out of the corner of his eye, Hugh sees Joel looking at him.
When they eat lunch, they both reach for the tongs for the cucumber. They touch hands and Hugh gets that familiar queasy feeling in his stomach again. He notices Joel holding his hand longer than usual but shakes off that thought maybe he really wants a cucumber, Hugh thinks. He drops the tongs and moves on to the potatoes, but he notices Joel glances in his direction before bending over the cucumber again.
Hugh sits down at a corner table and their friend Boliver comes and sits down opposite him. Joel comes and Hugh notices that he hesitates a bit before sitting down next to Boliver. The chair to Hugh's left echoes cold and empty. A hole forms in his stomach and Hugh's left hand feels lonely without Joel's right hand next to him. Hugh looks up at Joel and notices that he is already looking at Hugh. Their eyes meet for a brief second before they both look down at their plates. Like Hugh, Joel has mostly been poking around his meatballs, but Boliver has already eaten up. "Are you ready soon?" he asks. Hugh and Joel both wake up from their trances and direct their gazes at Boliver. “Uh, yeah,” Joel replies before quickly looking at Hugh.
After school, the three of them have decided to study math at Joel’s house, but at the last minute Boliver says he can’t. “Shit guys, I forgot I have to walk the dog!” “It’s okay, we can study by ourselves,” Joel says, looking at Hugh.
On the way home, Hugh and Joel walk close together, but they’re both too nervous to say anything. When they’re at Joel’s house, they both sit on Joel’s couch to watch TV for a bit before they start studying. When Joel logs into Netflix, Hugh sees that he’s watched Heartstopper, before quickly switching to the search function. Joel suggests Squid Game, and Hugh doesn’t dare say that it scares him, so Joel presses Start Watching while Hugh sits tensely in front of the TV, worried about what might happen if he jumps.
About half an hour into the episode, a security guard shoots one of the players and Hugh backs away. He is ashamed of having shown his weak side but Joel puts his hand on Hugh's and assures him that it is okay. "There is nothing wrong with being a little scared" he says "I actually think it is more manly to show emotions than not to" Hugh looks at him in surprise. When Joel notices Hugh looking at him he quickly looks down and feels ashamed. He clears his throat "anyways, should we get up and study now?" he asks. "Uh yeah, of course" Hugh replies.
When they get up to Joel's room they sit opposite each other. Joel pulls out the study questions "how do you calculate the area of a triangle?" he asks. Hugh doesn't answer, instead he says "quiet" and pulls Joel closer to himself. They kiss each other and the pupae that have formed in Hugh's stomach explode into butterflies and spread throughout his body.
Knock knock "honey?" Joel's mother is heard through the door. They let go of each other and Joel's mother steps into the room. "Oh! Hi Hugh," she exclaims. Hugh weakly replies with a "hi" before standing up. "I forgot to water the flowers. But I'll see you tomorrow." Joel doesn't have time to answer before Hugh is out of the room with tears in his eyes. How could I be so stupid? he thinks and runs home in the rain.
When he gets home, he barely makes it to his bed before bursting into tears and muffling his sobs with the sweater Joel left in his room last week.