Chapter Text
And just like that, Caine was gone. The white light that stabbed everyone’s sight slowly began to dim, and in a matter of seconds, the control room was dark again. A rush of blood spurred through Jax’s ears as he straightened up, so overcome with rage and disgust that he couldn’t think.
“That bastard!” He muttered, shivering uncontrollably. His words echoed uncomfortably across the room as he slowly turned around. All eyes were on him. Logically. He pushed the red button. Any hope of leaving was crushed. By him. What if it had been real? What if they could’ve left? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Jax fought for his breath, fearing that if he didn’t he would start convulsing. The other members were silent. Except for their shallow breathing. No one said anything, but he almost wished they would. He didn’t meet anyone’s gaze, instead, just turning toward the way they came and quickly walking away. A brisk pace turned into a jog, then a sprint, as he heard Pomni calling out to him.
“Jax! Wait a minute!” He heard her shout, but he shook his head as he ran through the aisle they had tentatively passed through just moments before. He couldn’t believe he was right. He couldn’t believe he had… Jax pushed the thought down, forcing himself to focus on getting to his room as quickly as possible. He could berate himself later. For now, he had to get far away from here. He heard some scrambling behind him, loud footsteps of someone trying to follow him, but the pace slowed down to a low hum as Jax kept his stride. It was times like these where he really appreciated his height and his long legs: there was no way Pomni could catch up to him.
He stumbled as he passed through the glistening red and blue doors that he unlocked so cautiously just moments before. He cursed himself for even coming. He should’ve known as soon as Abel started trying to isolate Kinger. He hesitated at the opening for the slide, realizing he couldn’t quite get out the way they came in. Jax turned around in a frenzied panic, trying to find another way, tightness rising in his chest like a tsunami about to crash over. To the left hung another slide-like opening. He made a dive for it, not questioning where he would end up. As he passed through all the bright colors and patterns the slide whirred around him, he couldn’t help but be reminded of his dream earlier. Jax closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to clear his mind of all that had transpired in the past day. It seemed as time went on everything got worse and worse. Would there ever be an end to it? He didn’t know.
In a flash, he found himself face first into the checkered circus floor. He hoisted himself up with a groan, taking care to ignore the agony that twisted throughout his limbs and his head.
“Jax, wait!” Pomni called, her voice twisting its way down the tube of the slide. She was probably going through it right now. He had to get moving. He hesitated too long.
Jax flinched as he grabbed his left shoulder and resumed his sprint. His joints were on fire but he didn’t care. He had to get to his room. In a matter of minutes he arrived, ripping the door open with a maddened swing, slamming it hard behind him. His hands fumbled around his pockets in a hurry, looking for his room key. He didn’t have it on him. Shit. He grabbed his ears and frantically whipped his head around, scanning his floor for it. No luck. He left his bucket of keys outside the Chinese room.
He slumped in defeat and threw himself onto his bed, burying his face into his pillow. Hot tears began to slip out of his eyes uncontrollably as the gravity of what he had done settled in his chest like a tank. The pillow helped to muffle his sobs, but did nothing to stop his racing mind. How could he have done that? Their one chance. And he [f****] it up as always. His actions were unforgivable. He was unforgivable. Not that he ever cared to seek out forgiveness from anyone. None of this would have happened if he had just abstracted this morning. He had almost abstracted this morning. If Pomni hadn’t-
Jax shot up from his bed at the sound of the door. The knob turned slowly, no knock to precede it. He hastily rubbed the tears from his eyes, trying to quell his panic.
“Jax, I-” Pomni started as her face peeked into the cracked door. “Can I come sit with you for a bit? We don’t have to talk. I just don’t want to be alone right now.” Her tone was gentle but firm, like she was talking to a wounded child. He wanted to shout, push her away, say anything at all, but he was entirely dried up. Nothing came out of his agape mouth aside from air. Pomni took a moment to analyze his decrepit expression, then slipped inside his room with a hushed gesture, closing the door quietly behind her. She didn’t take her bright, pinwheel eyes off of him as she walked closer, stopping at the foot of his bed and sinking, turning her back to him entirely. She didn’t say a word. Jax could hear her taking deep breaths and fidgeting with her gloves uncomfortably. She then started to chuckle to herself.
“[F***]... I can’t believe it. I really can’t believe it. I always knew Caine was…” Her sentence trailed off, floating away into the pink ceiling that hovered above them. Jax sighed, releasing the air he’d been trapping in his chest. He opened his mouth in hopes any sort of quip would sneak its way out, but he was too choked to speak. He threw himself back onto his pillow. Pomni flinched from the thump, turning around to examine him closer with large eyes.
“Can I sit up there with you? Your floor is not very soft.” She quietly asked, lowering her gaze. Jax didn’t speak, balling his knees up to his chest and slamming his face down into them. Pomni sighed. He felt the weight in his mattress shift as she joined him on the bed. He stiffened slightly.He wriggled deeper into his ball, tightening the grip on his knees.
“Jax…” Pomni’s hand grazed his arm. He flinched slightly, but didn’t make any attempt to move. She pulled away, noticing his discomfort. She started to get up and walk to the exit, but part of him didn’t want to be alone. Not again.
Without a second thought, his arm stretched out and grabbed her, holding fast to her shoulder.
“Please,” Jax croaked, looking at her for the first time since the disaster in Caine’s office. “Don’t go yet.”
Pomni turned and revealed a relieved expression, though he could see in her eyes that she was far more concerned than she tried to let on. Still, she remained composed, even if it was just a front for him.
She backtracked, slowly coming over and propping herself next to him, still a decent distance apart, but just close enough to be supportive. They settled in nicely next to one another, the natural rhythm and hum of their breathing syncing slowly, calming each other down into a sweet lull. She didn’t press him or make a big spectacle out of it. She had always been good at reading the room. A little too good at it.
Suddenly, Jax bolted upright, fighting for breath. A hand raced to his chest as he clutched himself. Pomni stirred next to him, wiping the groginess from her eyes.
“Everything okay?” She asked, sitting up attentively. Jax nodded.
“Just a dream,” he replied, flopping back down to stare at his ceiling, gloved hand outstretched in his line of sight. “How long were we asleep?”
“You’ve been out for a few days, I’ve been getting up and going about every now and then to check on things. No one has seen Caine for a few days.”
“Seriously?” Jax straightened up again in surprise. “No adventures, or anything?”
Pomni shrugged.
“Not that I’m aware of.”
“Huh,” Jax replied. “That’s new.”
“That’s not all, either. Ragatha said she and Zooble have been seeing… weird things… showing up around the circus. There’s a lot more NPCs appearing everywhere, but they’re not interactive, they just kind of stand around and stare.” Pomni shivered at that last part.
“I can’t shake the feeling that something is really wrong.”
“When is it ever not in this place,” Jax replied morosely. “Listen, I’ve been thinking. I-” he cut himself off as he thought about what he wanted to say. “I wanted to… apologize to you. About the other day. You didn’t deserve to see that.”
Pomni frowned and tucked her hair behind her ear. She scooted closer and gave him a slight squeeze on the arm.
“It’s fine, really. So much has changed the past few days, it makes that seem so far away now.” She leaned her head against his arm.
“Yeah,” Jax replied, as more of an echo than a profound statement.
“I’m just glad you’re okay.” Pomni retracted her posture and withdrew her hand from his.
Jax closed his eyes and took a slight breath.
A frantic banging started, and soon the door was completely swung open without much hesitation. It was a sweaty and huffing Ragatha.
“Pomni, Jax, hurry!” Ragatha shouted, widening her legs to stabilize herself from the erupting floor below her. “The circus is abstracting!”
“It’s what?!” Jax yelled, jumping to his feet, a rush of blood reaching his head in mere seconds.
“No time, run!” Ragatha panted, pointing at the ceiling of his room. It started to crack, revealing hundreds of abstracted eyes on them. Pomni snatched his hand and began to make a mad dash. Jax’s vision went sour, spinning into a frenzied panic. His mouth went completely dry as he was dragged from his room by Pomni
“Just look at me, okay? Don’t think about anything else,” Pomni called back to him, her eyes large and empathetic. Jax wanted to recoil his hand, but couldn’t. He nodded slightly instead, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath as the three of them ran.
“Has anyone seen Caine?” Ragatha hollered, not to anyone in particular. No one answered. Not that anyone would’ve been able to hear her over the shrieking that emerged through the cracks in the decaying walls. Startled by the sudden onset of cries, Pomni tripped and was laying limp on the floor. Jax made an attempt to cover his ears and stooped lower to the ground over Pomni. Any attempts to muffle the sound were futile. They had to get out of here.
He hunched over Pomni, watching her lay unmoving for a second, then grabbed her torso and slung her over his shoulder in a swift sweeping motion. Ragatha was running a few paces ahead, oblivious to anything but the target she was running to. The doorway. There was an open door in the middle of the common area that Gangle had just fallen through. It looked like… no. It was an exit door. Jax’s stomach twisted into a knot as he ran, anxiety bubbling up under his veins. They had no choice but to go through it. It was the only untouched room. But who knew what waited on the other side. The real world? Another one of Caine’s stupid adventures? He suddenly remembered the polaroids Caine showed him and shuddered to himself. They needed to get out of here. No matter what waited on the other side. The ground beneath them was rattling at rapid speed, making it difficult to keep running. In any other circumstances, the jackhammer-like pain would’ve been unbearable, but Jax pushed forward. For Pomni. She was still clutching her ears, though he imagined she wasn’t having much luck in ignoring the ear splitting screams that pounded against their skulls like dying angels.
He glanced at the door again, just a few yards away now. Ragatha made it, stumbling through with a floundering silhouette. Under any other circumstances Jax might’ve laughed at the sight, but he felt so queasy from all of the distorted eyes that ogled at him, he couldn’t find an ounce in him that found any of this funny. He pressed on, ignoring every instinct in his body telling him to give up and let the floor consume him. The exit door was their only sanctuary.
“Jax, the floor! [F***], jump!” Pomni hollered in his ear, taking notice of the crumbling floor behind them. He reacted later than he wished he could, but soon enough they had pushed off of the splitting floor and landed partially in the doorway. Pomni made it through, though Jax was hanging to the door frame by his fists and nothing more. The cracked tile was gone, replaced by a pit of nothingness.
Pomni rushed to her feet and grabbed ahold of his gloves, trying her hardest to hoist him up. She was too small. The two of them began to slip in tandem, Pomni almost falling out into the void with him.
“Pomni!” Kinger exclaimed from somewhere behind them. Suddenly, he was next to her and holding onto her waist, heaving her up, pulling Jax up by extension. He was able to raise his foot up and step into the door frame, flopping face-first into the mushy carpet of the exit room.
“Close the door, [F*****]!” Zooble shouted, arms waving in annoyed immediacy. Jax rolled onto his back, lungs smoking like a racecar engine. Still, he had to admit they were right to heckle him. He forced himself to pop up, grabbing the silver handle with his throbbing hand, and with a loud slam, everything went dark. Jax couldn’t feel the door handle in his hand anymore.
There was weight over his face that obscured his vision. Before he could think, his hands rushed to his face, grabbing frantically at the mask covering his eyes. A headset. They made it out. They survived. It was cold and rugged, much unlike the smooth, cartoony textures of everything in the circus. After a deep breath and slowly counting to three, he lifted the mask and opened his eyes. He was met with the exact sight he last saw of the real world. The light in the office room was sterile, and it took him a few moments to adjust to his surroundings. Laying in front of him was his work computer, revealing a blank, black screen. He thought about the abstracting eyes that had them surrounded with a shudder. He rubbed his eyes to get a better look at the screen, but thankfully it was completely empty. In his lap sat a box of his belongings, including his desk tag. His resignation paper was sitting on the right side of his desk. He almost escaped one hell, diving headfirst into another one. Typical. His suffering was meant to be endless, it seemed. He had plenty of time in the circus to think about his job, and had always reached the same conclusion: he would never work for C&A again. Hell, he would never work in programming again. Even if it meant he was stuck living on the streets once more. He had to get out of here. And get out of there he did.