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Contrary to popular belief, Kim Rok Soo never really took a liking to reading novels when he was younger. He was the type of kid who'd always stay glued to the computer screen for hours on end, and expose himself to any and all kinds of content on the internet without restriction from his parents. 

Perhaps he had abused his liberty to browse the internet to his heart's content a bit too much because he learned things he never should have learned. If his parents were to learn about it, they'd faint from a severe heart attack. But Rok Soo was a very, very curious child and he couldn't help but satiate his curiosity like how any normal kid would have done. 

He read articles tackling dark and taboo topics which fascinated him greatly, watched brutal crime documentaries, and hyper fixated on horror games' lores, storyline, and plot holes. It would be a lie to say Rok Soo didn’t find them terrifying at first, but slowly, that wary fear morphed into one of pure intrigue. 

However, it must be noted that while Rok Soo wouldn’t bat an eye or flinch away from bloody, gory, and violent scenes on the internet—

It was a different case when it came to real life situations. His skin would turn cold, his body would freeze still, and his tongue would taste acrid sand when witnessing a gruesome sight.

Right in front of his very own eyes. Out in the flesh. 

The experience was vastly different compared to looking at it from a glowing screen, serving as a barrier to shield Rok Soo from whatever atrocity or tragedy was occurring in it.

Being a personal witness, a bystander, to a crime or death scene, where his body was present and his senses highly sensitive to his surroundings, was nothing short of a dreadful nightmare.

Tears instantly filled his eyes from the overwhelming emotions flooding through him.

This was not like the articles, videos, and games he enjoyed immensely. This was real. Very real and so close to his line of vision. Rok Soo’s stomach lurched and he wanted to throw up the bile rising in his throat.

His mother panicked.

She asked for permission from the police investigators to leave, and quickly took him away from the awful sight Rok Soo shouldn’t have seen in the first place.

After all, he was still young. 

But despite that, he still found himself zipping through the room and eagerly turning on the computer after a long day from school to play a horror game about animatronics he had to put on hold last week because he had exams. Or search in YouTube the most interesting crime documentaries that’d pop up from the search bar. Or read an old published article about cannibalism in Japan.

And the thing was, Rok Soo knew his interests were not normal. They were strange, weird, and horrifying in more ways than one, especially for young children his age. 

More specifically, Koreans. 

Knowing how typical Korean parents usually act, he doubted they'd give their children the same amount of freedom to use the internet as much as his parents had done for him. It was mostly other Asian and Western kids across continents who were into these sorts of things. 

It could get lonely at times when Rok Soo didn’t have anyone he could talk to about his hyper fixations, but he got used to it. Besides, he had online friends he stumbled upon on multiple platforms who shared the same interests as him. They were good company when Rok Soo’s parents were away from home due to work, so he spent most of his spare time indulging in his interests and chatting with his newfound online friends. 

Even with his parents constantly bombarded with work and with very few—but not close to him—friends at school, life went well for Rok Soo with just him and the computer.

His parents got into a car crash.

They were dead.

He was the only survivor from the car crash. 

Rok Soo could only stare blankly at the bodies that were buried underneath the wrecked car. Someone had draped a blanket over him and covered him from the rain with an umbrella, but Rok Soo did not pay any attention to them.

Static white noise buzzed in his ears, drowning out all the sounds wrapping the tragic scene around him.

‘They’re dead.’ He thought, his heart achingly hollow. ‘They’re dead, but I’m alive.’

An irrefutable fact. It sounded unbelievable to him, but it could not change the fact his parents had long left the world.

They had abandoned Rok Soo.

Pure and simple as that.

Rok Soo maintained an expression of cold indifference but his eyes were trembling and glistening with tears. Tremors spread along his arms like spiders crawling through his skin. He looked down at his shaking hands, his gaze empty.

Cruelty was not a foreign concept to him, not by a long shot. He watched several grim crime documentaries and even witnessed a crime scene in person on one rare occasion, showcasing various forms of cruelty.

Yet Rok Soo could not help but think that this was the cruelest sight he ever laid his gaze on.

Rok Soo buried himself underneath his blanket in his closet-like room, shutting his eyes close with a shivering breath. He wanted to use the toilet badly, his stomach already hurt so much from trying to hold his pee in. But he did not move a single inch from his spot.

His uncle, Kim Seong Jong, was smashing alcohol bottles right and left across the living room just outside his door. Curses flew out of the man’s mouth, rocking the house with his thunderous voice. Rok Soo dreaded to think of the numerous glass shards that had surely littered the floor. Seong Jong would force him to clean them up later.

Rok Soo hoped his door was firmly locked. That was the only thing preventing Seong Jong from barging in.

“You fucking brat! Why can’t you get out of your damn room and be useful for once, ha?!”

Rok Soo winced at the voice yelling at him in wild fury. He curled himself into a ball, tugging his blanket closer to him like it could protect him from Seong Jong’s wrath. His eyes pricked with tears.

“Those bastards saddled me with a dead weight as their child! Fuckers, if they were going to die soon, they should have taken you with them too!”

Rok Soo was scared, no, he was terrified.

His uncle, someone who was initially kind and gentle with him, was now a violent drunkard and a gambling addict. With the red flush, bulging veins, and dark glare on his face combined—

He was more frightening than the monsters from the horror games Rok Soo played. 

He didn’t expect it to work, but Rok Soo managed to run away from Seong Jong. Thanks to the articles he read about abused victims such as himself recounting their stories about how they ran away from home, he successfully made his getaway.

He ended up in an orphanage.

The caretakers kindly took him in when he explained his situation.

Their gazes turned sympathetic. “Oh, you poor thing. Come in, we’ll show you around the orphanage. You can make new friends here.”

Rok Soo hesitated.

Then, he trailed behind the caretakers. Their words about how he’ll adjust eventually and how they’ll help him make his stay comfortable went in one ear and out the other. Rok Soo was too occupied with scrutinizing the children—orphans like him—around him. They stared at him with blank but curious eyes. Rok Soo ducked his head, pulling at the short sleeves on his arms. He wished he could make them longer.

They were staring at his scars. 

Ugly scars that traced his arms like poorly woven patterns.

They were staring at his bruises. 

Purple and yellow bruises that marred his sunken cheeks. 

They were staring at his shirt. 

The small shirt he wore when he was eight was loose on his thin, frail body. 

Rok Soo kept his eyes trained on the ground until the caretakers in front of him came to a halt.

He looked up. 

They beckoned him to come closer, gripping on a doorknob. 

A friendly smile crept on their face. “This will be your new room. You’ll be staying with a few kids who’ll be your roommates. Don’t worry, they’re nice.”

The door swung open, revealing a small room with two bunk beds stationed separately from each other. There were children around 9 to 13 years old reading what seemed to be comic books. Some were playing with their toys, scruffy and worn-out. Regardless of their condition, they clearly enjoyed playing with these toys.

A woody and tangy scent wafted through the air like smoke, the smell pleasant but unfamiliar to Rok Soo’s nose. He had the inexplicable desire to scrunch and cover his nose, but that would be too rude.

It was a peaceful scene. A scene Rok Soo was not used to seeing and could never imagine experiencing back when he was at Seong Jong’s home. 

Unbidden, memories of his uncle surfaced in his mind. He forcefully pushed them away, ignoring the churning of his stomach.

“Welcome to your new home—”

Rok Soo warily peered inside and his supposed roommates paused at the sight of him. The light, bubbly atmosphere shifted drastically. 

They stared. 

Like the kids from the hallway.

They were staring at him. The scars, bruises, his shirt—

Ice filled Rok Soo’s throat like it wanted to choke him.

“—Kim Rok Soo.”

Rok Soo was in his first year of high school when he discovered web novels.

He was at the school library, researching a topic he needed for a group project on the computer. Bored, he chose to scroll through random sites and such after he was done with his research. It was a familiar feeling, the pressing of the keyboard and clicking of a mouse. Hopefully, the librarian won’t find out what he was doing.

Rok Soo hadn’t touched a computer for ages.

He couldn’t use the computer back at Seong Jeong’s home, not when his uncle won’t even let him go near it. And there was no computer at the orphanage, mostly because there was no need for the children to use a computer. The orphanage was quite uptight when it came to rules they must follow and that included prohibited use of gadgets unless they reached the age of 18.

So Rok Soo, upon entering his first year of high school, just recently used the computer at his school’s library but not for personal use. It had been so long since he used a computer purely for himself.

Nostalgia washed over him.

A catchy title caught his interest as he scrolled down on a platform. He clicked on the link containing the title and a prologue appeared. Surprise briefly flickered across his eyes.

‘Oh, it’s actually a novel? Ah, wait…to be more accurate, a web novel. Interesting.’

He was neither an avid reader nor a bookworm but he gave it a shot.

After reading a few chapters, Rok Soo was hooked. He wanted to finish the entire novel. It wouldn’t hurt to read a couple more chapters, right—

The bell rang, indicating break time was over and classes would resume.

‘...damn it.’

Reluctantly, Rok Soo shut down the computer and prepared to go back to class. He glanced over at the computer, mulling silently.

He could try reading web novels using the library computer during breaks. It was not like he had any close friends he could hang out with nor assignments he needed to catch up on, always completing them on time whenever he arrived at the orphanage from school. Cramming was a hassle, so he preferred to get his tasks done in a jiffy and slack off for the rest of the day.

Ever since then, reading web novels became his new favorite pastime. He’d always find a way to squeeze reading into his hectic schedule. Going to the library every break quickly turned into a routine for Rok Soo.

This pastime of his helped him chase away the dark thoughts lingering in his mind, reminiscent of the time when he was a kid sitting by the computer for the whole day. 

He was grateful for it.

Rok Soo blinked blankly at the lowly lit ceiling, absentmindedly bringing a hand to his bruised cheek. He winced at the painful touch and lowered his hand. He eyed the door of the guidance counselor’s office, his head swimming with endless thoughts. Anxiety pooled in his stomach. 

Earlier, a typical Korean bully—a brunet—sidled up to Rok Soo in the classroom during lunch break. Slamming his hands down on his desk, a crooked grin lifted the corners of his lips. His three lackeys flanked him, trying to appear as intimidating as possible to Rok Soo.

Rok Soo looked up at them with an unimpressed gaze. Mildly annoyed because his nap was interrupted, he asked, “What do you want?” Unaware of the small gasps and several eyes watching the scene unfolding, shocked.

“Ho?” The brunet raised an eyebrow at his brazenness. He scoffed. “Glad you asked. Hey, do you mind doing me and my pals a favor?” He playfully waved his phone in his hand, leaning closer to Rok Soo. 

His face was getting an inch nearer to Rok Soo’s. 

Rok Soo instinctively backed away. He could hear his heart beating erratically as panic began to take root inside of him. He knew these guys were up to no good, having learned from his experiences with Seong Jeong. He feared what they might ask of him. Still, his stoic gaze remained resolute.

The brunet seemed miffed at his lack of reaction, scrunching his brow. Nonetheless, he explained.

“We’re thinking of playing a game. We were hoping you’d join, thanks to this guy’s—” He hooked a thumb behind him, “—idea. This game could get us viral on the internet. Seems fun, no?”

Rok Soo sent him a skeptical look. He did not like the sound of whatever this ‘game’ was. He knew for sure it was not a good game by all means.

He opened his mouth to refuse but the brunet pulled him up from his seat. Rok Soo was led toward the front of the classroom, leaving him no room for argument. 

Silence had fallen upon the class. Rok Soo held in the urge to curse loudly. 

Seriously, he just wanted to nap. How could it have come to this?

The brunet positioned him in place, dusting off his clothes. His lackeys were carrying a couple of plastic bags containing milk cartons, and one of them was holding a phone, focusing on Rok Soo and the brunet.

That definitely did not spell good news for Rok Soo.

“You stay right over there and just do as I say, alright? Sounds easy enough.” the brunet said, voice dripping with false sweetness. 

Deciding he had enough of this nonsense, Rok Soo roughly shoved his hands away. “I did not agree to this, nor did I allow you to touch me.”

Everyone stared at him in horror.

“...ha!” The brunet finally exclaimed once he got over his initial shock. His expression darkened. “Since when did I say you have a choice?”

‘Shit.’ Rok Soo internally panicked.

Things were starting to get out of hand. Rok Soo needed to evade this as fast as possible.

“I’m busy, so please excuse me.” Busy, because he wanted to leave this ridiculous situation and return to his dear web novels he secretly bookmarked on the browser in the library’s computer. This cliche scene seemed straight out of a K-drama and Rok Soo did not have patience to handle these idiots. 

He tried to leave—

Smack!

Rok Soo stumbled backwards, precariously supporting his body by latching a hand on the blackboard. His other hand flew to his face, feeling his right cheek swell. It stung horribly.

He slowly looked at the fuming brunet, whose fist was raised shakily. “Did you not hear me at first? You do not have a choice. That means you can’t leave without our permission. Get it through your thick skull.” the brunet spat venomously at him.

But as silence had stretched between them, the brunet grew uncomfortable by Rok Soo’s blank stare that never left his figure. He could not decipher what was going on behind it. 

“Are you asking for another hit? Ah fuck, you know what, let’s get this over with—” He snatched a milk carton from one of his lackey’s arms, marching over to Rok Soo. 

As he uncapped it, ready to dump the contents over Rok Soo’s head, his head suddenly pounded with unbearable intensity and pain.

“Hyun-Woo-ssi!” Someone cried out.

Hyun-Woo, the brunet, dropped the milk carton and clutched his head, screwing his eyes shut and groaning. “...what—” His confused mumble was cut off as another jolt of pain hit him. This time in the abdomen. 

He wheezed and doubled over, falling onto his knees. Chaos erupted around him. Hyun-Woo couldn’t hear what they were saying with both his head and stomach throbbing horribly, but he caught a few sentences in.

“Freak! What did you just do to Hyun-Woo-ssi—!”

“Hey, where the hell did you even get that?!”

“Put that away!”

“Hyun-Woo-ssi—!”

Before he knew it, he could feel his back colliding with the floor. Hyun-Woo gasped weakly and his eyes fluttered open to see who pushed him against the floor.

Cold reddish brown eyes met his peripheral vision, glaring icily at him. In his hand was…a pebble?

Did Kim Rok Soo use a pebble to hit him?

Hyun-Woo bristled, his eyes flashing in hot vitriol. The pain he felt was momentarily forgotten as anger bubbled up in his chest. He tried to stand up. “You fucker—!” he screamed. The others backed away from him, terrified.

But Rok Soo was unfazed, looking down at Hyun-Woo as if he was some annoying cockroach he needed to get rid of. 

Hyun-Woo snapped.

A furious shout tore from his windpipe and he lunged at Rok Soo, tackling him to the ground. His lackeys and classmates were already keeping a safe distance from the two of them, keenly aware this was a fight they could not step in. 

They watched with shaking eyes. One of them left to call for a teacher but neither of the two cared.

Rok Soo grunted before quickly dodging the fist aiming for his face. He caught Hyun-Woo’s wrist in a grip of steel—briefly surprising Hyun-Woo considering Rok Soo’s skinny build—and rolled over him, trapping Hyun-Woo underneath him. 

Hyun-Woo opened his mouth to release a litany of curses but only a sharp gasp of pain left his lips. Hot pain seared through his stomach once more, agonizing and intense. Rok Soo had hit him with a pebble—again. ‘The fuck?!’ he screeched indignantly in his mind. Where had Rok Soo even gotten it from?! And how strong was the pebble to give him this much agony?

Rok Soo’s lips curled into a sardonic smile. “I think you are mistaken,” he started coolly. Hyun-Woo’s expression screamed ‘What are you on about, you piece of shit?!’. 

“You did not hear me. I said I was busy. But I guess someone like you can’t understand something so simple even if you heard it.”

Rok Soo calmly looked at Hyun-Woo’s wavering gaze. He raised the pebble in his hand again, the smile now completely gone from his face. 

“Therefore, I think you need to be taught a lesson.”

Anguished screams filled the classroom as Rok Soo proceeded to beat the crap out of Hyun-Woo. Rok Soo had to admit, it felt sweet and oddly satisfying beating him to a pulp (he did not know he had this side to him and this thought mortified him, but his exposure to the dark web at a young age must have influenced him. Oh, and where did the pebble come from? Rok Soo just so happened to pick it up from the schoolyard, what a coincidence). However, it was cut short when the teacher burst inside the classroom and studied the scene in front of her, her face paling.

That was how he wound up waiting outside the guidance counselor’s office.

Could he still go to a good college despite his new tainted record? He hoped so, even if the chances were low. Rok Soo wanted to graduate, get a decent job, and earn as much money as he could in order to live a peaceful life. That was all he dreamed of. 

It was not his intention to give Hyun-Woo a rather harsh beating in the first place. All he really wanted to do was to nap and read web novels afterwards. Then that guy just had to push him off the edge by asking him to essentially humiliate himself in the public eye and hit him when Rok Soo didn’t comply with his demands.

Rok Soo had faced indignity once, accepting it without fighting back. He gave up, even when he shouldn’t, even when he should have fought harder. 

(He was weak, too weak, and Rok Soo knew this was an irrevocable fact by heart. He wasn’t strong, brave, or cool like the fictional heroes he admired. He was nothing but a weakling, a coward, and a fool. The antithesis of all the traits heroes possessed. If they existed, they would surely despise him.

He hated it.)

Things had changed, though. 

He’d never tolerate it again.

He was in his last year of high school. Graduation was nearing and everyone felt immense relief and thought they could finally breathe now that finals were over. Including Rok Soo, of course. Words alone couldn’t explain just how happy he was that hell week had at last come to pass. 

Well, there was the issue of what college he should attend and the course he planned to get. But he already had a few ideas in mind, so really, unlike the majority of his classmates, it wasn’t a major life-changing crisis for him. 

Rok Soo was currently lounging near the reception area of a fast food restaurant he worked at. Just in case a new customer would enter the mostly empty restaurant with a few customers casually staying to talk with their friends or spend some alone time. After all, it was his job as the waiter to attend to them as quickly and efficiently as he could. This admirable attitude was what made the manager give him a bonus last month.

Rok Soo immediately used it to buy a secondhand phone from a nearby thrift store. He didn’t have enough money to buy a brand new phone, so he settled for a cheaper one. It was fine, what was most important for him was that he could use it for convenience just like his peers.

And so he could freely read web novels without having to rely on the school library’s computer anymore. He was glad he invested his money on it. Rok Soo did not have to worry about missing out on the web novels he’d been reading and following the past few years because he did not own any gadgets. 

Rok Soo leisurely read on his phone, basking in the comfortable atmosphere that had settled over the restaurant. Soft voices and bright laughter rang in the air, the steady movements of his fellow co-workers echoed throughout the polished walls and floors, and the aroma of crisp and spicy foods drifting from the kitchen made his mouth water but he resisted the temptation and resumed reading.

When he was younger, still confined within the walls of his uncle’s home, Rok Soo never would have thought he’d be able to live peacefully like this. Not to mention, finding comfort in reading web novels and becoming a bookworm of all things. His younger self would be mortified if he learned about it. 

A small smile made its way on his face.

This was nice. Living a peaceful life truly was his dream life. He could continue living like this. 

The world was plunged into chaos as monsters began to appear out of nowhere and wreaked havoc across countries on earth. News of their appearances had taken the news channels and social media by a storm. Some thought it was made-up. Others were bewildered. Most believed it was nonsense.

Because monsters? They could only be found in fantasy stories, they don’t exist in real life.

Yet, in just one day, many lives were lost and met their demise under the hands of these monsters.

They were currently stomping around the dilapidated streets, crushing buildings with their giant fists and sharp teeth, and devouring any humans they came across.

Rok Soo tried to keep his breathing quiet so as to not catch the attention of the scrutinizing monsters. He pulled his knees to his chest, hugging them tight. Trapped inside the restaurant crumbled into heaps of debris and rubble, there was no clear exit he could find to escape. He didn’t know how much time had passed, but one thing he knew for sure was that—

He was starving. 

Rok Soo hadn’t eaten nor drunk anything except drops of rainwater pouring into the small crack of the rubble trapping him from above. At least, he wasn’t dehydrated. The rainwater was the only thing keeping him alive.

His eyes subconsciously flitted toward the surrounding corpses. The stench of rotten flesh and metallic tang of blood entered his nostrils, making his head spin. Covering his nose, he dizzily darted his gaze away.

This sight did not bother Rok Soo in the slightest, it was something he was used to seeing (he blamed it on his curious 6-year-old self for venturing the dark web. As he grew older, he became slightly concerned for his younger self and wondered why he had explored disturbing and unhinged topics on the internet. This thought did not linger for long as Rok Soo deemed it too troublesome to dwell on). 

But the fact that these corpses belonged to his co-workers made his heart sink to the pit of his stomach.

He was the sole survivor of the devastating monster attack that occurred in the area near the restaurant.

Rok Soo plopped his head on his knees, clenching his fists so hard his knuckles turned pale white. A shaky exhale slipped past his lips, but the soft sound was stifled by the monsters’ roars overhead. He didn’t acknowledge it.

Maybe he shouldn’t have made wishes. Wishes about living happily and in peace with his close ones, in this case, new friends he made after deciding to leave his comfort bubble. It gave him expectations only to destroy them. 

He was eight years old, cooped up in his room after receiving a beating from his drunk uncle, when he wished for his parents to come back to him. To console him, offer him gentle words of reassurance, and give him a warm hug. To say that perhaps, everything was just a cruel nightmare he had yet to fully wake up from. 

To tell him that he didn’t need to put up with the cycle of abuse his uncle had started any longer, that everything will be okay because his parents will be there for him with inviting arms that he could run to and seek for comfort.

He simply wished for his parents’ return. Was that too much to ask for?

It may have been. Because they didn’t come back to him no matter how hard he wished, they never did.

‘It’s freeing to live life without any expectations.’

It was a lesson he learned from earlier on, but one he slowly came to forget. 

Rok Soo thought this must be life’s way of reminding him to never forget the lesson that was taught to him. 

He didn’t like it.

Rok Soo earned himself two self-proclaimed hyungs, Choi Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk. 

The former was around his age and happened to share the same birthday as him. He was cheerful, full of energy, and was always seen with a bright grin on his face. He got along with everyone in their team, but he always stuck to Rok Soo’s side like glue and kept rambling on and on just about any topic he could get his hands on.

Rok Soo did not know why Choi Jung Soo chose him out of all people to stubbornly cling to his side and pester him to no end. He thought Choi Jung Soo could’ve chosen someone better instead of him. He was stoic, cold, and quiet. The complete opposite of Choi Jung Soo. 

He elected to ignore him, thinking Choi Jung Soo would eventually get tired of him and leave him alone. But when it seemed that Choi Jung Soo had no plans of doing such things, Rok Soo gave in. A wary, unspoken acceptance.

(Choi Jung Soo beamed when he realized Rok Soo wasn’t pushing him away anymore.)

The latter, Lee Soo Hyuk, was their team leader. Reliable, calm, and composed. He radiated a charming aura that effortlessly pulled anyone in. He had a cold image, but he emitted warmth that brought comfort to their souls like a bonfire's tepid flames. He was the man who saved Rok Soo from the collapsed restaurant. 

And the man Rok Soo admired the most. Not like he’d say that out loud.

“Rok Sooooo…” Jung Soo drawled, snapping Rok Soo from his thoughts. He was sprawled all over the couch in their office, his face buried in a pillow. “Could you get that water bottle for your hyung, please? I’m thirsty.”

Rok Soo, who opted to sink in the armchair after a long day of mission, did not bat an eye. “No.”

“C’mon. It’s on the table behind you.”

“No.”

Jung Soo weakly glared from his pillow and tossed it at Rok Soo. “You punk. I know you want to be a slacker, but getting a water bottle shouldn’t be hard for you.” 

Rok Soo caught the pillow with effortless ease, throwing it back to Jung Soo who yelped. His answer remained the same. “No.”

Jung Soo groaned. “Ugh, my dongsaeng is too lazy.”

“I’m not your dongsaeng.” Was Rok Soo’s immediate reply.

“You are. I was born earlier than you. Therefore, that makes you my dongsaeng!”

Rok Soo merely snorted, draping an arm over his eyes. Jung Soo took that as a win, so he stood up from the couch, stretching his aching muscles. 

“Ah, I’m beat after the monster raid we had…then an unranked monster just had to appear and raze half the residential area we were in, giving us more workload. Seriously, how many more are going to pop up in the future? They should give it a rest! Why do monsters even exist? Where did they come from, anyway?” he complained, getting the water bottle himself, seeing that Rok Soo won’t move from the armchair any time soon. It was like he was merging himself with the armchair, a funny sight to Jung Soo. Was he even listening to his ramble?

“Hey, are you planning to sit there all day? We still have paperwork waiting for us at our desks, y’know.” Jung Soo poked a finger on Rok Soo’s shoulder, amused.

Rok Soo scowled, swatting Jung Soo’s hand away. “Don’t remind me.”

“Hypocrite. You’re the one who buries himself with paperwork till midnight.”

“Shut up. I just want to get them over with so I can slack off.”

Jung Soo snickered at Rok Soo’s solemn expression, taking a sip from his water bottle. His eyes lit up as he remembered something. “By the way, did you try out the fantasy novel I lent to you?”

Rok Soo hummed an affirmative, sagging in his armchair even further. Jung Soo made a mental note to drag him out of it before Rok Soo became one with the armchair. “The characters are written well, but the plot is a bit confusing to me. Overall, it’s an enjoyable read.” He peeked at Jung Soo from his arm. “Did you read the web novel I recommended?” 

“Hahaha…” Jung Soo scratched his cheek, avoiding eye contact. “I did. But my phone…well. It got crushed during the monster raid earlier. Shattered into pieces and stuff. So I don’t have a phone now and I didn’t get to finish reading it…” he trailed off awkwardly.

Rok Soo gave him a pointed stare.

Jung Soo huffed. “Don’t give me that look. It’s fine. I’ll look for a new one.”

Rok Soo’s eyebrows rose in disbelief. “In this economy?”

“If there’s a will, there’s a way!” Jung Soo declared, raising his water bottle high in the air in mock determination. He placed it back on the table after taking a couple of sips and grinned from ear to ear. “And besides, I can borrow yours for the meantime.”

“No, borrow team leader-nim’s instead.” Rok Soo shot him down. 

“Why not yours?”

“My phone has bad quality. Use team leader-nim’s expensive phone.”

Jung Soo went ‘Ooh’ and nodded, face brightening. A brilliant idea popped in his head. “Point taken, let’s go bother him.”

“Do it yourself.”

“Nope, you’re coming with me, buddy. Up we go!” Jung Soo cheerfully took hold of his arm, beckoning him to stand up.

Rok Soo’s eyes slightly widened in panic. “Wait—”

As soon as Jung Soo hoisted Rok Soo up to his feet, he staggered, his face twisting in agony. Startled, Jung Soo hurried to catch Rok Soo in his arms. “Oi, Rok Soo! You alright?! Why are you—” He flicked his gaze down, spotting Rok Soo’s ankle that appeared bent and covered with something white beneath his shoes. Realization dawned on him.

“So that’s why you didn’t get it…” he murmured softly to himself. Jung Soo clicked his tongue, causing Rok Soo to flinch. His cheery demeanor vanished. “You should’ve said so earlier! Did you get it from the monster raid?”

“It’d be too bothersome.” Rok Soo said flatly, clutching tightly onto Jung Soo’s shirt. He hissed as a sharp throb shot through his ankle. “...and yes, I did. No need to worry, I got it treated. It isn’t that serious.”

Jung Soo took a deep breath. He fought back the desire to violently shake Rok Soo right then and there. It isn’t that serious? Was Rok Soo being serious? Did he lose some of his brain cells from the monster raid as well?

He didn’t look convinced. “By who and how?”

“I wrapped it with bandages.” 

“That’s not—! Haaa, how did I get myself a troublesome dongsaeng?” Jung Soo grumbled under his breath, glancing up at the ceiling as if it held the answer to his question.

Rok Soo had the gall to look affronted. “ ‘M not troublesome. You’re the one who constantly gets injured.” 

“And you’re the one who constantly uses Record even when there’s no need to! You said it yourself that you dislike pain, yet you don’t think twice about using it!” Jung Soo snapped. 

He shouldn’t get worked up when Rok Soo was clearly hurting, but he couldn’t help himself, not when he knew Rok Soo had a tendency to overlook his well-being and neglect his health. Whether it would be overusing Record to spare the rest of the team from hurting themselves and finish off the monsters quicker to minimize significant damages, or to hide his injuries by acting indifferent about it—which was laughable because the stoic man didn't hesitate to say it straight in their faces that a simple paper cut hurt so badly, but when it boiled down to sustaining actual and life threatening injuries, not a single complaint could be heard from Rok Soo.

(Jung Soo wanted him to take care of himself more. If he can't do it, let Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk be the ones to take care of him.)

That had Rok Soo snap his mouth shut. He turned away, guilt flooding through him. “…it’s not like I had a choice." he mumbled.

The fire melted away from Jung Soo upon observing Rok Soo’s guilty look, a quiet understanding sinking through his bones. His shoulders slumped in defeat. Another thing he knew was that Rok Soo usually used Record to protect others. How could he get angry at him when Jung Soo himself would do the same if he had Record within his grasp?

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have lost my cool. I didn’t need to bring up Record, there was no good reason to…” Jung Soo amended. Rok Soo’s expression made his heart twinge. He couldn’t bring himself to get angry at him much longer, especially since it’s his dongsaeng. He had a soft spot specially reserved for Rok Soo only, the gesture shared with Soo Hyuk.

Jung Soo wondered if Rok Soo knew that, but he most probably didn’t. He was smart, but he could be dense at times. “But I’ll bring you to the infirmary and get you properly treated. That’s final.” he said, his voice soft yet firm.

Rok Soo held his gaze, studying him quietly. Jung Soo was giving him that look. A look he gave to no one else but him. Full of care and tenderness. Always considerate and attentive to his needs. A streak of fiery protectiveness carefully kept under wraps. Rok Soo swallowed the non-existent lump in his throat. He didn’t quite know what to do with the fond look that was directed at him. 

He didn’t deserve it. Choi Jung Soo, along with Lee Soo Hyuk, will leave him alone one day, that’s for certain. 

But…

It won’t hurt to hope again, right? They did promise each other to build a farm together once the apocalypse was finally over. Team leader-nim mentioned he’d like for them to try farming in Jeju Island since his acquaintances who lived there told him it was a good place to farm. Jung Soo dismissed it, insisting they should farm in his hometown. That led the two to bicker incessantly, with Rok Soo watching them silently like how a child would watch their parents quarrel.

And Rok Soo?

Though he would brush off their silly dreams because he loathed strenuous activities and say he preferred to be a slacker—

He kept his promises. Always. 

A few beats had passed between them. The clock on the wall ticked by in the pregnant silence that followed. It sounded deafening to his ears. He yielded. “Fine.”

Jung Soo smiled, satisfied. He gently ruffled Rok Soo’s hair. “Good dongsaeng.” That earned him a scowl which he laughed at. 

Instead of carrying him on Jung Soo’s back as Rok Soo had expected, Jung Soo smoothly swept him in a princess carry. Before Rok Soo could protest, his ears flushing pink, he dashed to the infirmary, cackling all the while. 

“HYUUUUUNG, OUR MAKNAE GOT HIMSELF HURT AGAIN AND DIDN’T TELL US!” He screamed from the top of his lungs. He burst into a fit of giggles at Rok Soo’s horrified look. 

Jung Soo learned that after being by Rok Soo’s side for a while, the latter regarded Soo Hyuk with great respect and listened to him well. And Soo Hyuk had drilled into his head to go to him right away if Rok Soo ever got injured and not to hide the injury, knowing how Rok Soo would keep his mouth sealed tight about it to avoid being a burden to the team. So for Rok Soo to blatantly ignore his words—he was going to get an earful lecture.

Their teammates shot them odd looks as Jung Soo ran off in the hallway. Some of them were exasperated, others seemed resigned, as if used to their hoobaes' antics. One of the doors lining up the hallway flung wide open, halting Jung Soo off his tracks. 

Soo Hyuk came stumbling out of the room, eyes rapidly searching for Jung Soo and Rok Soo. His gaze landed on the pair standing near the doorway he was at. Dull eyes lighting up, he eagerly approached them—then paused when he saw both of them gawking at him. 

He blinked dumbly, wondered why they were staring funny at him, and examined himself in the framed mirror hanging on the wall. That’s when it clicked for him. 

Dry blood splattered all over him from head to toe, there were dark prominent circles below his eyes, and his hair was sticking out in all directions. This was an unusual sight for the team leader, Lee Soo Hyuk, who regularly tried to cleanse himself from blood and filth whenever he could after missions, hence maintaining a professional and impeccable appearance. His eye bags weren’t anything new, though.

‘I must look like crap to them.’ Soo Hyuk thought dryly. He gave a lopsided grin and waved off their concerns, walking over to them. He was too busy dealing with some incompetent ability guild members and greedy higher-ups to even bother refreshing his look. Most of all, he was too exhausted. So seeing his hoobaes—dongsaengs rather—relieved the numb ache settling on his chest in the blink of an eye.

“Where did he get himself hurt this time?” he asked, faint worry etching his worn-out features. Lips pursing into a frown, he surveyed Rok Soo who shrunk under his piercing scrutiny, trying to make himself seem smaller in Jung Soo’s arms. 

Jung Soo immediately answered. “Sprained his ankle. Got it from the monster raid earlier.”

Soo Hyuk let out a sigh, unsurprised. “...that was four hours ago. Aigoo, Rok Soo-ya, did you forget what I told you?”

“I didn’t, team leader-nim…” 

“Then why—” He lightly pinched Rok Soo’s cheeks, holding back a chuckle at the uncharacteristic whine that came from their dongsaeng, “—did you not come to me, hm?”

“...” Rok Soo remained silent, unable to give them a response they’d like. It was no use telling them either, they clearly knew the reason behind it. 

While Rok Soo was deep in thought, Soo Hyuk turned toward Jung Soo, giving him an easy smile that’d won the hearts of many. “Jung Soo-ya, give him to me. I’ll carry him to the infirmary for you, you must be tired.” He reached expectant palms out, practically glowing with anticipation.

Jung Soo blinked, confused. Tired? Why would he be tired? Despite his lean build, Rok Soo was as light as a feather, so lifting him was a breeze. Processing his hyung’s words, he subconsciously tightened his grip on Rok Soo, eyes narrowing in suspicion. Did Soo Hyuk want to take him away from Jung Soo, spoil him rotten, and use his hyung privileges? 

He couldn’t have that! Jung Soo hadn’t done any of those yet!

Jung Soo edged away from Soo Hyuk, face splitting into a bright smile. “I’m not tired at all, hyung! I can carry Rok Soo just fine. If anything, you’re the one who looks worse for wear.” 

“And you stink. You should take a shower.” Rok Soo added bluntly, having caught wind of their conversation. Jung Soo mentally cheered. Nice one, Rok Soo!

Soo Hyuk’s smile fell at their joint efforts of refusing him to carry Rok Soo. Shaking his head, he ran a hand through his tousled hair and drew out a long sigh. “These rude brats. How could you talk to your hyung in such a manner?” 

Jung Soo innocently batted his eyelashes. “Hyung, what are you talking about? We’re totally being kind and considerate!” 

Rok Soo nodded seriously. “It would be bad if you walked around in that state.”

“Ah, yeah—pfft—you look like you live straight in a dumpster—ack! Wait, hyung! Let me go—bleugh—you smell gross—!”  

“Take your words back, punk—”

“This is what Lee Min-ho meant by disgursting shit—ah, never mind! Pretend I never said anything! I’m sorry hyung—”

Jung Soo struggled to free himself from Soo Hyuk’s headlock, choking as Soo Hyuk cackled like a hyena at his visible distress. Rok Soo frowned and furrowed his brows, obviously perturbed. He told them to quit it before he’ll fall in the midst of their tomfoolery. That got them to stop, eyes widening as they remembered what they were supposed to do. 

Silence.

Then—

“WE’RE DELAYING ROK SOO’S TREATMENT!” Jung Soo shrieked.

“We need to hurry up, let’s go Jung Soo-ya!”

“Yes, hyung!”

Rok Soo thought he should point out that they were overreacting, before wisely deciding against it. They’ll adamantly refute his words if he did. Still, it was only a sprained ankle. Sure, it hurt a lot, but he had far worse injuries than this.

He ignored the warm, fuzzy feeling encompassing his whole being, letting his head rest on Jung Soo’s shoulder and closed his eyes, drops of sweat falling down his forehead. That prompted them to quicken their pace, panicking like heedless chickens. Huh, Rok Soo may had underestimated the severity of his sprained ankle.

“Rok Soo, don’t faint on me! We’re almost there!” What an exaggeration. How could he faint from spraining his ankle?

“Don’t worry, Rok Soo-ya, I’ll treat you to a nice dinner later! So stay awake!” That caused Rok Soo to perk up. A chance to buy the most expensive food on the menu?

“...you better.”

“Yeah, we’ll spend his money dry!”

“I don’t remember saying you two could splurge my money, Jung Soo-ya.”

“For Rok Soo!”

“Mm, good point.”

Rok Soo huffed, allowing a tiny smile to spread across his face as Jung Soo and Soo Hyuk fell into familiar banter on their way to the infirmary.

"By the way, can I borrow your phone, hyung?" Jung Soo piped up.

Soo Hyuk eyed him skeptically. "Hm? What for?"

"Rok Soo won't let me borrow his."

"So?"

"My phone broke earlier. Also due to the monster raid. Heh." Jung Soo grinned cheekily. Soo Hyuk heaved a weary sigh, rubbing his temples.

"…ha. You punks. You two keep adding more and more trouble to my already full plate. Do you not pity your poor hyung?"

"Nope!"

"Aigoo—"

It was odd to see the respected team leader engaging in childish squabbles with an overwhelmingly happy-go-lucky but surprisingly sensible hoobae.

And it was even odder, to see them showering the stoic, cold Rok Soo with endless attention and affection, to drag him along with their questionable and admittedly fun antics, to treat him like he was someone valuable, someone worthy of love, like he was a part of their family made up of dysfunctional oddballs. 

Like he didn’t have to do more to seamlessly fit in to become their family. There was no requirement, no condition, no trial needed in order for them to consider him their youngest brother, or what they’d like to call him—dongsaeng.

They took one look at him, then firmly decided to take him in akin to adopting a stray cat and declare him as their dongsaeng for no apparent reason at all. Puzzling, really. Rok Soo didn’t get why they were so obsessed with him calling them hyung so much. He did find their reaction amusing whenever he stubbornly refused. Teasing them took little to no effort, he observed, so Rok Soo took advantage of the privilege of being their dongsaeng and relished in it like the pampered, lazy cat he was.

(He’d only ever read about such a family in web novels. What was the trope called…

Found family, was it?

Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined gaining a ‘found family’ in times of calamity, sorrow, and despair. Frankly, he had thought he’d spend the rest of his life all alone. That was how it always was for him.

He never complained.

He never questioned.

He never wondered.

As if he got the chance to.

Nonetheless, survival was his greatest priority in life.)

Stupid, dramatic hyungs. Too idiotic and caring for their own good.

Rok Soo wouldn't have them any other way.

“I leave it to you.”

Blood.

There was so much of it.

But that was not what bothered Rok Soo the most.

It was the bodies of his teammates lying limp on the ground. What was left behind by the second strongest monster to ever appear on Earth in its wake of destruction and thirst for chaos.

Cold. Bloody. Lifeless.

He strayed his gaze away from them and fixed it on the two bodies in front of him instead. The bodies that belonged to Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo. His hyungs.

“I leave it to you.”

That sentence played in his mind for a loop, repeating the same exact words, tone, intonation, and facial expression by those who had said it. A haunting reminder echoing mockingly in the back of his head.

Like it was his punishment for being useless to everyone in his team. For surviving another tragedy that’ll be written down in history. But what use will it be if people could never know the true extent of the devastation that took place? That those who sacrificed their lives to achieve peace had big and small dreams too in spite of the harsh circumstances they were in.

Sympathy will not be enough.

It will never be enough.

They could be hailed as chivalrous heroes who saved South Korea from total annihilation, but they were just normal human beings who felt fear, anger, happiness, and sadness all the same. Normal human beings who wished to live peacefully with their loved ones.

Everyone but him died.

He was alive.

He was still alive.

(Why was he still alive? Everyone was gone. Why was he still here, feeling and thinking and seeing and hearing and breathing? How was he still alive?

"Being alive is the best!"

Was it really the best?)

Should he feel relieved?

Drip, drip, drip.

A trail of crimson continued to flow from his nose, staining the ashen ground like blooming red peonies.

He hadn’t noticed.

“I leave it to you.”

Who would have thought that it would be the last sentence to ever come out from their mouth? 

Rok Soo couldn’t believe it. He didn’t want to believe it. He didn’t dare to believe it. 

Because how could his hyungs—who were remarkably strong in unimaginable ways, who willingly bestowed kindness to those who were undeserving of it, who showed a heartfelt compassion that was scarce and empty of it in this bleak apocalyptic world, who showered others in their blinding light when darkness ruled over humanity—die horrible deaths?

They were supposed to put on a beaming smile to reassure him that everything was fine and laugh brightly to ease his nerves, they were supposed to annoy him persistently because they want to get a reaction out of him and tease him all day and all night, they were supposed to persuade him into calling them hyung, they were supposed to pull him into a delicate, comforting embrace to ward off his nightmares when everything felt too hard to keep on going, they were supposed to shout "Being alive is the best!" with all of their might—

They were supposed to build a farm together in the countryside—

“I leave it to you.”

Something ugly stirred up in his chest, twisting it into knots. Emotions he couldn't pinpoint yet felt so achingly familiar rose to the surface. It was burning, it was vicious, it wanted to tear him apart and swallow him whole, to thrive off from his emotions running haywire. For him to fall deeper and deeper and deeper into the abyss that was tauntingly calling out to him to fill up the large gap in his bleeding heart.

A bleeding heart that had cracks he painstakingly tried to patch up with bandages and stitch it altogether with a thread and needle to keep his heart from spilling more blood. But bandages weren't enough to stop the blood from seeping through the overflowing cracks, neither did stitching for it only ripped the seams apart. For his heart to heal, he required medicine to soothe his wounds.

But what if he didn't have any access to medicine? What if there was no medicine to begin with? What then?

It was obvious. To do it all over again. To pick up the pieces and arrange them back in place. To grab the bandages, thread, and needle. To begin the tedious work of mending his raw, broken heart. And yet—

Rok Soo was tired. He felt too tired to will himself into repeating an arduous process, too tired to reach out to his essential tools to fix it, too tired to even try. But it was not like he had any say in this. He couldn't say he wanted to quit. It was not a choice, it was an obligation. He had to do it.

Because how else could he move on? How else could he survive?

(And what if he didn't want to move on, didn't want to keep on surviving because all he ever did in his life as Kim Rok Soo was survive, survive, survive—)

How else could he function as what was considered human?

“I leave it to you.”

Rok Soo felt so loaded and so empty all at once. Blood was pounding in his ears and a haze had taken control over the vestiges of his consciousness. He wasn't sure if he was sitting on a decimated piece of land or suffocating in an icy lake. The chilling blisters tingling his skin made him think it was most probably the latter. He couldn't be too sure.

Record sent his mind into a wild frenzy, blurring the line between reality and the images that were rushing through him. Embers ignited wildly like a storm, striking through his head in sharp, relentless attacks.

(It was hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, too hot, his head was on the verge of exploding—)

“I leave it to you.”

“I leave it to you.”

“I leave it to you.”

“I leave it to you.”

“I leave it to you.”

Right, they left it to him. To Kim Rok Soo.

What was he doing? Spiraling out of control? He should pull himself together. They trusted him to take charge and he should live up to their expectations.

The reinforcements had arrived. He should inform them about the unranked monster's fighting patterns to eliminate it. They were approaching him in haste, weapons gripped tight in their hands ready to fend off the monster, eyes gone wide and quivering at the corpses littering around him. Rok Soo should get to his feet, walk up to them, and act useful when he couldn't for his team.

(They were too late—too late—why hadn't they come earlier? If they had, they could've saved his team, his hyungs—

Why, why, why, why, why—)

His knees refused to listen to his commands and he had half a mind to punch them hard—whether it was out of irritation, desperation, or frustration, he didn't know—and well, he did punch them to the best of his ability, he exerted as much force as he could on his knees to get himself to stand up, and slowly, it seemed to work, feeling the dull sting beneath the fabric, but his knees threatened to buckle under him any moment and damn it, like hell he would let them—be useful for once Kim Rok Soo!

He dragged his sore body toward the reinforcements, straightening his back, face perfectly impassive, and opened his mouth.

"Here is the status report." His calm voice flowed through the still air. Mind falling into a state of numbness, he continued, "I will explain the fighting patterns of that monster."

After finishing his explanation (no one pointed out his nosebleed, no one told him to wipe it dry, no one handed him a handkerchief), he stepped back to let the reinforcements move in to launch a full-scale attack against the monster. Rok Soo tapped the person next to him on the shoulder before he could join them, garnering his attention. The person tilted his head questioningly at him.

"Please collect the bodies." Rok Soo stole a sidelong glance toward the sea of corpses as he said that. A part of him faltered at the view, his body stiffening. If he could move, if he wasn't rooted to the spot, he would have collected the bodies himself. But was he suited for the job? Could he carry their frigid bodies smeared in blood? Was he deserving of it when he was the one to lead them to their deaths?

(And perhaps the harmless, wishful thinking of possibly achieving a happy ending with Lee Soo Hyuk and Choi Jung Soo similar to the web novels he read had snuffed out like a dying spark of flame amidst winter.

He knew, deep down, that it was downright…impossible. Rok Soo getting a happy ending with his most treasured people? It sounded laughable. For someone who was supposed to be logical, the thought was astonishingly inane.

Rok Soo was meant to be alone, to be in pain, to be miserable. He was never meant to be happy with the people he loved.

But he wanted to hope, just as much as anyone else, that for someone like him, he could achieve it. To prove to the whole world that failed him over and over and over that this foolish dream of his was attainable and Rok Soo would make it so at all costs.

The world must be laughing at him at this very moment.

Did he really not deserve to love and be loved back? Was he that unlovable? Did loving him bear heavy consequences?

Was Rok Soo the problem?

Why did people keep on leaving him?

His parents died in a car accident.

His supposedly kind uncle turned abusive overnight.

His childhood friends became distant from him.

His amicable co-workers cruelly passed away from the monsters' onslaught.

The shelter he ended up in during the cataclysm was destroyed and almost everyone died.

And then—

And then—

Everyone in his team perished. All except for him.

He must have done something awful, right? That's the only plausible explanation he could provide for himself. If he were a good person, they wouldn't leave him. But since he must be the opposite, they did.

Rok Soo should have never dared to hope. Because of his selfishness, everyone around him died.)

Heart sputtering weakly, Rok Soo stared at Soo Hyuk who had his eyes closed and Jung Soo who had his head drooping. Belatedly, he realized—

He never got to call them hyung, didn’t he? 

Would they come back to life if he called them hyung, regardless of its absurdity? Would they jump around in joy to hear their stubborn dongsaeng finally recognize them as his hyungs?

(He had already recognized them as his hyungs a long time ago.)

Kim Rok Soo regretted not calling them hyung sooner.