Chapter Text
Dear Diary,
It’s been nearly ten days, and I still can’t shake the adrenaline. I’m only getting a few hours of sleep a night, partly from insomnia, and partly thanks to the nightmares I’ve begun having. That gas that the chemist, Red’s sister, used, with the skin melting off the bluecoats, I keep seeing it when I close my eyes. I can’t even go to my parents about it, because what am I going to say? Hey mom, I was out last weekend committing grand larceny as part of a gang with a double-digit murder count, can I have some morphine?
It's affecting my classwork too, more than the dream smoke ever has. The first Market Day after the trip to Dean and Howitt, I had my dad’s psychopathology class, and I was, well, distracted for most of the lecture. Timoth, this boy who sits behind me, had to tap me on the shoulder twice when the bell rings.
At dinner that night, my dad asked, “How did you find the lecture today,” in that voice that means he suspects I wasn’t paying attention. I just shrugged and kept eating my rice, but he pushed, and asked again, “I guess you have a good idea for your dissertation?”
I looked up at that, because I had no idea what he meant, and evidently this was something he was talking about in class—unless it wasn’t, and this was his way of forcing me to admit that I didn’t listen. That’s his trick: no matter how I respond, I end up proving him right. I had to take a gamble, so I said, “We don’t have to start thinking about that yet.”
He smiled smarmily back at me from across the table, and said, “No such thing as too early.” That smile meant I’ve passed the test, so I finished up my food and excused myself.
I see less and less of him and my mom outside of the university, which suits all of us just fine. I don’t think they know that I’m sneaking out, but to be honest, I don’t know if they would even care. They’ve got my life and I’ve got mine, seems to be the theme.
Now that Garrett’s disappeared, I have no way of getting more dream smoke, so for the first few days I was slow coming down. I waited a few more evenings around Crow’s Foot looking for him, then asking around, but at this point I think he must have been taken to Ironhook. Next time I see X around (or Red or her sister), I’ll ask if they’ve contacted him since.
I’m seeing Quellyn at night, too. She’s taught me some more of what she’s learning in Charterhall, and I’ve spent the night there a few times. I gave her a couple of the trinkets I kept from Dean and Howitt—it’s been closed down since that night, and it’s not clear when it will reopen again. It’s a shame, since I really do like their jewellery. The news has reached up to Whitecrown now; my mother mentioned it to me (not directly, of course, she called it “dreadful business”) on one of our few conversations. Thank heavens, it doesn’t seem like my face has been released too widely to the public, or my parents would be so mad at me.
Last time I met up with Quellyn, we went out to a little place in Silkshore and she showed me something called Quicksilver. I didn’t take any, but she did, and she spent half the night talking to ghosts—which, of course, I don’t need any help with lately.
He doesn’t follow me around anymore, at least, and he seems harmless enough after the initial scare. It was pretty damn off-putting to have him standing in class watching me while I’m trying to learn about what light deprivation has done to our sleep cycles or whatever. It took a few days, but I’ve managed to make him stay in my room, and he stops trying to get my attention when my parents are around. He still talks to me all night though, and it doesn’t help my insomnia any.
He wanted me to find his body, so I tried to go back to the site, but the whole street was crawling with bluecoats and Inspectors. Not to mention a few wanted posters—I spent the rest of the afternoon tearing down as many as I could find with my face on them. I’m assuming that his body must have been so mangled by whatever killed him that the Spirit Wardens couldn’t dispose of it all. So I’m stuck with him until I can find another way to free his spirit. The next person to talk to is Quellyn, I guess. Maybe she can ask one of her teachers how to exorcise spirits, or restore their souls or whatever I’m supposed to be doing.
Ok, I’ve got to write essays for pathology and evo psych by tomorrow night, so I’m gonna get started on those. See ya ^w^.