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Sokka stares at the letter in his hands, bound with red ribbon and written in black ink.
Dear Sokka and Katara of the Southern Water Tribe,
You are cordially invited to the wedding of Mai Ukano and Fire Lord Zuko. Please join us at the Fire Nation Royal Palace in Caldera City on the 23rd day of summer, 109 AG, at 5 hours after midday.
Reply to this letter if you are able to attend.
Sokka stares at the letter in his hands and feels sick.
“Sokka?” Katara asks softly. Sokka looks up at her, her eyebrows creased in worry. “Are you okay?”
Sokka scoffs, quickly waving a hand at her. “I’m fine, why wouldn’t I be fine?”
“Well… I dunno, after things with Zuko—”
“I’m fine, Tara. I’m happy for him. I can’t wait to see him and Mai on their big day,” Sokka tries for his most convincing smile but he knows Katara doesn’t buy it. She doesn’t push though, just sighs.
“Hey, thanks for bringing this over but I’ve got some more work to do. I’ll see you later, okay?” Sokka smiles again as Katara nods.
She came over to Sokka’s house just to show him the letter, now leaving and throwing a wave and a smile back behind her shoulder.
“Bye, Sokka.”
“See ya!” Sokka closes the door behind her and his smile drops.
Zuko is getting married.
And he didn’t even fucking tell Sokka. How fucked up is that, that this is how Sokka finds out the best friend he’s ever had is getting married; from the fucking invitation. No letter from Zuko himself, just the invitation that got sent out to everyone else across the world.
They used to tell each other everything. Sokka really did think he meant something to Zuko, or at least used to. At least enough for Zuko to send a quick letter from himself instead of some official letter-writer or whatever they have in the Fire Nation.
Sokka throws the letter on the dining room table on his way to his bedroom.
He falls onto his bed, pointedly ignoring his eyes pricking with tears as he starts biting at his nails. It’s a dumb nervous habit, leaving his nails all mangled looking. But he doesn’t care right now, not when Zuko is getting married.
They used to be in love. Sokka doesn’t like thinking about it, doesn’t like remembering it, because it all only hurts. But he can’t help but think about it right now, thinking of those three whole years of laughing between kisses, dates at the turtleduck pond, whispered “I love you”s, and sneaking past the guards and into Zuko’s bedroom. It was good and it was sweet and they were in love.
Sokka’s still a little bit in love, but he isn’t ready to admit that.
So three of the best years of Sokka’s life abruptly ended because Zuko was just done with him. Zuko started getting worse, more upset, more prone to outbursts.
He broke up with Sokka over a screaming match. Sokka tried to fix things, but Zuko wouldn’t budge, so he told Zuko he was leaving the Fire Nation to go back home and he did.
And now, two years later, Zuko’s marrying Mai.
Sokka blows the candle in his room out and tucks himself under the furs on his bed. He turns underneath them, lying on his side and staring at the wall.
400 miles away and Zuko still controls him, controls every little thought, every little memory.
Zuko ran from the party and back to his bedroom, and when Sokka came to find him Zuko’s desk was on fire.
“Zuko?!” Sokka said quickly, glancing around the room. Zuko was sitting in the corner, knees to his chest. Sokka ran to the bathroom, filling an empty bowl with water and splashing it on the fire. He had to make a few trips until it was out, silently cursing his ancestors for not making him a waterbender. Sokka then rushed over to Zuko’s side, sitting down beside him.
“Zuko, baby, hey,” Sokka said softly. “What happened?”
“I set it on fire,” Zuko mumbled.
Sokka’s eyebrows furrowed. “Why?”
Zuko shrugged, tears pricking at his eyes. “I felt like it… It felt bad.”
Sokka tsked, rubbing a hand on Zuko’s arm. “It’s okay.”
Zuko shook his head, wiping at his eyes as tears began to fall. “I’m tired of destroying things, Sokka.”
—
Summer comes.
Spring into summer was brutal, knowing Zuko’s wedding was just around the corner. But Sokka’s processed it, he’s going to be mature and support his friend. Are they even still friends? Does it matter at this point?
He, Katara, and Aang all fly into the Fire Nation on Appa on the 23rd day of summer. They get to the palace for the wedding, the place absolutely buzzing with people and color and music. Sokka would normally love it. He used to love the palace and its elaborate, over the top parties.
The three find Toph and Suki in one of the palace gardens that has been converted into a wedding venue, taking a seat beside them on the benches that lead up to the wedding arch. Everything’s huge and grand and bright and so not Zuko.
But Sokka supposes he can’t know for sure since he just really doesn’t know Zuko anymore.
“You good, snoozles?” Toph whispers to him, frowning slightly. “Your heartbeat’s a little wild right now.”
Sokka sputters a laugh. “I’m great! Just happy to be here on my buddy’s wedding day, don’t worry.”
Toph pouts, sitting back on the bench. “I know when you’re lying, dummy.”
Sokka sighs, decidedly not acknowledging Toph or her words. He catches Suki sending him a worried look out of the corner of his eye and crosses his arms. Why is everyone babying him? It’s not a big deal. It’s just Zuko.
Just Zuko.
Pretty music starts playing and the torches dim slightly, the audience shushing each other and going quiet. A few people Sokka doesn’t know go down the aisle, stopping at the end and standing off to the side of the arch.
Then Sokka looks back to the beginning of the aisle and there’s Zuko.
And he’s gorgeous.
Zuko’s dressed head to toe in blacks and reds and golds, robes flowing down his body. His dark brown hair is half down, half up in a topknot with his crown. It’s long now, past his shoulders, and looks more like silk than his silk robes do. His features are sharper, more matured, even, but his scar looks the exact same as when they first met. It’s always stayed the same, been this untouchable, unchangeable part of him. But the rest of his face is different; his jaw is sharper, his eyes an even brighter gold. Zuko holds himself high, barely sparing a glance at anyone in the benches as he walks to the wedding arch.
Suki places a gentle hand on Sokka’s elbow and he suddenly remembers to breathe.
Zuko gets to the arch, standing on one side and looking back to the beginning of the aisle.
Mai enters then, all dressed up in fancy Fire Nation regalia. But Sokka really can’t pay any attention to her right now. Not when Zuko’s up there, looking like that.
Zuko stares at Mai, pretty lips turned up in a smile, and he looks happy. Sokka’s heart aches.
The rest of the ceremony is formal but sweet. Zuko looks over at Team Avatar multiple times, sending them smiles, but he only looks at Sokka once. He only blinks, the two caught in what feels like an eternity long eye-contact, before he blinks again and turns back to Mai.
The ceremony feels like it goes on forever, and when Zuko speaks just to say “I do” Sokka feels like he’s drowning.
“Have you been in love before?” Zuko whispered in the dark, voice raspy.
Sokka and Zuko were fully under the covers, the first night they slept in the same bed together. It was all too hot and too dark to see anything but Zuko’s fingers were rubbing up and down Sokka’s bare arm and Sokka felt more content than he ever had before.
“Yeah. With Suki,” Sokka responded, biting the inside of his cheek. And you. “I think I could’ve fallen in love with Yue too, if we had more time.”
Zuko just hums in response.
Sokka swallows. “Have you?”
Zuko’s silent for a moment, seemingly in thought as his hand trails up Sokka’s arm and face to run through the boy’s hair.
“I don’t know. What does it feel like?”
Sokka thinks. “It’s like… it feels like home. Like everything fits and makes sense, even for a moment. You love even the bad parts of them, because it’s still a part of them, and you love… them? I dunno.”
Sokka laughs softly, Zuko’s hand stilling in his hair.
“Oh,” Zuko says softly.
“What?” Sokka chuckles. He can see Zuko shake his head.
“Nothing… I think I have then.”
Sokka nods. “Cool.”
“Cool.”
“I’m going to the bathroom,” Sokka mutters to Suki after the ceremony. She calls after him but he ignores her, walking inside and finding the nearest bathroom. He opens the door to the single stall and locks it behind him, turning around and leaning against the back of the door as tears prick at his eyes.
Zuko used to love him. But now he’s in love with Mai, and Sokka’s still here, somehow still behind everyone, still in love with Zuko.
He’s sure Zuko’s out there greeting everyone, kissing his new wife, laughing and celebrating. Even though Sokka wishes, more than anything, that Zuko was dying in shame. That seeing Sokka brought everything back up, and he can’t help but feel sick with regret about how things ended.
Sokka knows that’s horrible and unfair. But he can’t help it.
He moves to the sink and splashes water on his face until his eyes no longer look red, brushing off his formal blue Fire Nation robes.
“I understand a lot of shit’s happening right now, Zuko, but that doesn’t mean you can deal with it like this. It’s just… you’re not acting like yourself at all. You haven’t been for the past month,” Sokka said, moving towards Zuko.
“I’m tired of being the perfect fucking Fire Lord!” Zuko yelled, throwing his hands up.
“I know, but going to see your dad in jail is a bad idea, Zuko! Can’t you see that?!” Sokka exclaimed. Zuko’s room suddenly felt too small for such a big conversation.
“You have no idea what it’s like, Sokka! He does!”
“Of course I don’t! But this isn’t the solution, I can’t just sit by while you destroy yourself,” Sokka said, reaching out for Zuko.
Zuko’s jaw clenched as he moved away from the boy. Sokka tried to not look too destroyed, just let his hand fall. Zuko’s eyebrow furrowed as he threw a glance towards Sokka. “You don’t know what’s best for me.”
Sokka stared at him. “I think I, as your boyfriend of three years, have a pretty accurate idea of what’s good for you, Zuko.”
Zuko huffed, folding his arms.
“What is going on with you?” Sokka said, itching to reach out towards the boy.
Zuko suddenly looked up, staring at Sokka. He sighed, sitting down on the bed. “I don’t think this is working, Sokka.”
Sokka blinked, the drastic shift in tone unsettling. “…What isn’t?”
Zuko looked up, his eyebags dark. “You and I, I just…”
And Sokka felt like his heart just cracked in two.
“…Are you breaking up with me?” He said through an exhale, scoffing slightly.
Zuko ran a hand through his hair, sighing. “I think… it’d be best. For both of us. If we… took a break.”
Sokka stares at himself in the mirror.
He shakes his head and leaves the bathroom, entering the ballroom for the dinner and party portion of the night. He grabs a glass of wine and finds Suki on a bench at the outskirts of the crowd, sitting down beside her.
“Hey, Sukes,” He says, attempting his most convincing smile.
“Oh, Sokka! Are you okay?” She asks, eyes wide and concerned.
“I’m fine,” Sokka says, placing a hand on her knee. “How’s the party going?”
“Good,” She says, but still looks unconvinced. She looks back out to the crowd then blinks, turning to look at Sokka. “I’m gonna go… talk to Toph, stay right here. Don’t move.”
Sokka’s eyebrows furrow in confusion but he shrugs. “Oookay.”
“Okay great. Don’t move!” Suki yells as she runs into the crowd. Sokka rolls his eyes with a smile, leaning against the back of the bench. Sokka can see Zuko’s mother’s tree in the distance of the garden, smiling as he remembers how they sat under it for their first kiss. For the first time in a long time, Sokka had felt content.
It all seemed easier back then, even though it was just as hard as it is now.
“This seat taken?”
Sokka looks up to the voice and fuck his life.
Zuko smiles, unsure but still kind. Sokka’s stomach drops.
“Yeah, no—uh, go for it,” Sokka says, already stumbling over his words. Zuko nods and sits beside him, folding his hands in his lap. Zuko doesn’t say anything—he usually doesn’t at first, but Sokka can’t handle waiting in this horrible silence for him to speak first.
“Uh, the ceremony was really nice,” Sokka lies, sparing a glance over at Zuko. As much as he doesn’t think he’s able to hold eye contact with him, he’s trying to be polite.
“Oh, thank you. I was afraid it’d be too formal,” Zuko says, nodding.
And they’re right back to that awkward silence. Sokka chews at his lip, staring at the crowd.
“I haven’t seen you in ages, how’ve you been? You look great,” Zuko says, eyes quickly flitting up and down Sokka.
Sokka swallows, mouth suddenly dry. That is a normal thing for normal friends to say to each other, strictly platonically. Zuko is married now. Sokka screams at himself to not read into it.
“I’m good. Just been at home… with my dad. I travel with Aang and Katara sometimes when they need it but uh… yeah. Just working with my dad and the tribe to rebuild the South. It’s less rebuilding now and more expansion, but… yeah,” Sokka silently whacks himself for being so goddamn awkward.
Zuko nods, humming. There’s the silence again, but it’s shorter this time. Zuko speaks up after a second.
“Hey, thank you for coming,” Zuko starts, and Sokka looks down to Zuko’s hand on his lower thigh. Oh. “I wasn’t sure if you would… it means a lot that you’re here.”
Sokka laughs, strained and awkward. He looks back up. “Couldn’t miss my buddy’s big day.”
Zuko smiles. He moves his hand back and Sokka bites his lip, looking at his shoes. He feels his eyes pricking with tears, why is he on the verge of crying? Why can’t he just move on?
Sokka knows the question is dumb and random and obvious, but he also knows he needs closure.
“Mai… makes you happy, then? You love her?” Sokka asks, looking up at Zuko. Zuko smiles at him.
“Yeah. I do.”
Zuko’s soft love-struck expression says it all and Sokka feels like crying or throwing up or both.
He nods instead. “I’m glad. I’m gonna go find Suki now, I’ll see you later, Zuko.”
Zuko nods back. “See you, Sokka.”
Sokka stands up and walks away, not to Suki, but right back to his room to cry his pretty little blue eyes out.