Work Text:
san regrets many things, too many to even count on both hands.
no matter how he looks at it, this is his fault.
all he can do is think about the “what ifs.” maybe if he had been stronger, maybe if he had spoken out against the higher powers, he wouldn't be in this situation now, surrounded by zombies that could eat him at any moment.
although, if he had to be honest, the living people around him scared him more.
he knew what they thought of him, they hated him, and maybe he was just overthinking it, but the doubts were always in the air. no matter how much he explained himself, changing someone's opinion about something is always difficult.
and the only one who gave him the assurance that he as a person wasn't so disgusting right now was tied up, completely isolated from the last survivors and surrounded by the undead who now saw him as their leader.
it's his fault.
if san hadn't pushed him to get on the helicopter, non wouldn't have made that decision in the midst of all the chaos, and maybe now they would still be playing hide-and-seek with the zombies.
but together, as it should be.
as san feels it should be.
non... the only person who understood him and who, just by looking him in the eyes, could make him feel that all was not lost, had suddenly vanished before his eyes to become a monster to be feared.
the problem is that san doesn't understand that.
san needs him, even if it's just to hold his hand and tell him that everything is fine, that ning is going to come back with a cure and everything will go back to the way it was before.
he doesn't want that either, he doesn't want everything to be like it was before the chaos.
he wants to be free, with non by his side.
but that reality seems increasingly distant. it has been a month since non took that courageous action, and since then everything around him has become even darker. the attacks are becoming more frequent, and the smell of blood, hunger, and exhaustion do not help at all.
“all that's left is to end it all,” he thought, looking at the zombie leader in front of him.
it was nighttime, the rest of the dead had run to find a glimmer of light, and he had escaped while his companions sneaked away to gather food.
ㅡ non ㅡ the name escaped his lips in a reckless sigh, the lump in his throat tightening ㅡ can you understand me? ㅡ
san would be lying if he said he hadn't tried it before, and although he knew non could react to mentions of certain things, he wasn't sure how much he understood of what he was saying.
a small smile appeared on his face as he watched non move his head from side to side, trying to figure out where the sound was coming from. “adorable,” san thought.
because even though his face was practically disfigured, with protruding veins and drenched in blood, he was still his adorable and brave non.
ㅡ i'm not just here to talk today, is that okay with you? ㅡ asked the older, carefully entering the space they had specially prepared for the other.
non finally looked him in the eyes, or rather, it seemed like he was looking at him.
ㅡ aren't you bored being here alone? ㅡ
a small growl formed in the zombie's throat, and san felt the urge to laugh threatening to escape. ㅡ yes, right? that's why i have a proposal for you ㅡ
he slowly pulled a piece of green cloth from one of his pockets. It was one of the flags they had used in the plan to catch aunt jit.
ㅡ i miss you ㅡ silence.
or at least that's what san expected.
what he least expected was to see tears begin to run down the cheeks of the dying man in front of him.
the lump in his throat intensified. it wasn't possible. ㅡ do you understand me? ㅡ he asked breathlessly.
ㅡ i miss you, non. damn it ㅡ he spoke louder ㅡ you're really incredible ㅡ a laugh slipped into the sentence.
ㅡ what you did isn't something anyone would do. i wouldn't have done it ㅡ “unless it was for you” ㅡ but i feel so alone, so lonely ㅡ he felt his eyes well up with tears ㅡ i need you, even if it's just for a little while ㅡ san swears that through his tears he could see non frowning.
he took the few steps that separated them, coming face to face with the other. ㅡ let's stay together, please? i don't know for how long, i may not even survive, but i can't take it anymore, i want to be by your side ㅡ
he took one of the zombie's hands and, crouching down to knee level, rested the cold back of it on his forehead. ㅡ i love you so much, non ㅡ and leaving one last kiss on his knuckles, he finally did what he had been planning to do.
he tied his wrist tightly to the zombie's, the cold, veiny flesh contrasting with his own warm, dirty skin. "together", he murmured, looking into the blind eyes of the boy in the chair.
slowly, he straightened up until he was level with non's face, only inches apart. if the other wanted to, he could simply stretch out his face and eat him to death.
not yet.
ㅡ may i...? ㅡ
it was crazy, but what else did he have to lose? the only thing he wanted was right in front of him now.
slowly but surely, he closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against his in a meaningless kiss, his dry lips quickly colliding with non's cold ones.
a laugh escaped his mouth as he quickly pulled away from his face. “stupid, isn't it?”
it was the last thing he said before finally leaning back against the other's body, his bare neck just inches from the zombie, offering himself to him.
“forever” was the last word he thought as he felt non's teeth pressing into his flesh until he tore it like an animal.