Chapter Text
It was a matter of time until the others started to ask deeper questions on why they were here. There was something happening amongst the admins. Something Taph was being kept out of. He knew it, but he wasn't in the position to pry. Perhaps it was better for him to not know, as he was just a demolitionist.
Shedletsky and Builderman were always trying their hardest to figure out why everyone was trapped here. Most refused to share what had happened to them that had led them here. Noob, Chance, and Veeronica refused to share. Nobody knew what happened to Elliot, as he physically couldn't talk about it. Taph, naturally, had shared why he was here in private. Builderman had asked him. Who was he to refuse?
Well, Builderman, Shedletsky, and Dusekkar didn't tell him why they were here... but that didn't matter. They had a better reason to keep quiet than he did. Besides, he had done his share of prying. He had listened in on them discussing things when they thought nobody was around. Taph was a master of keeping his footsteps as silent as possible.
The conclusion that was drawn by Shedletsky was that it was some kind of rogue code that had failed to be deleted. Dusekkar felt that it was some advanced hacking software that had placed them here and stripped them of their abilities. Perhaps it was Scripter's design, for all they knew. Builderman, on the other hand, believed that they were in some kind of purgatory. And for what reason, even Builderman himself wouldn't share aloud. Since he wasn't part of that meeting, perhaps they had all made some kind of gesture to understand what that conclusion had meant.
It didn't seem to change anything, however. Things moved as they went as usual. As much as the admins tried to encourage good communication amongst everyone since that meeting, there was nothing to be done. Nobody wanted to talk to 007n7 due to the situation of his son and the fact that he was an exploiter. Taph didn't trust any of the other survivors as much as Builderman wanted him to. He just couldn't. Taph was willing to do anything for Builderman, but this was too much of an ask. These people couldn't be trusted, anyway. Not the cultist, the gambler, the pizza boy, Noob, the skater girl, and especially not the former exploiter.
The meeting didn't come to mind again until it was during a round.
Taph had already set up traps around the map and resetting those that had been already triggered. He was doing better than before; he had listened to Builderman's advice. He had told him that he needed to do better, after all, and Builderman was always right. The killer, 1x1x1x1, had a supposed disadvantage at spotting traps, according to Shedletsky. Taph wished that he didn’t need to go against 1x1x1x1 in the first place, but this land gave him no choice. Taph couldn’t try to persuade them not to kill him without causing problems, even though the two of them had… Well, something between the two of them.
Something wasn’t the right word for it.
It wasn’t friendship, so it had to be more. The two of them had never defined what their relationship meant, if it existed at all.
In Taph’s eyes, unveiling himself and letting 1x1x1x1 lay a non-violent hand on him meant something, but he didn’t know if they reciprocated. He didn’t know the first thing about these types of things, especially with everyone being trapped here.
The two of them kept on having encounters with each other. Sometimes, nothing was said between him and them. 1x1x1x1 just let him think, and they received energy off of him. Taph was relieved to be away from the others, so it wasn't like they were using him. Sometimes, they talked. Taph had let them touch his wings. Sometimes they would fly together. Sometimes 1x1x1x1 would rant about his colleagues, telling him about things they all had done wrong. Taph found himself agreeing with what was being said. He hated that he agreed with them. It made him feel uncertain.
And yet, despite the thing with him and 1x1x1x1, here he was. He was being hunted with the rest by them.
Taph watched the carnage from the top of the hill, wishing he had more power to do something about it. Noob was being pursued as of late. He had drank one of those colas and was trying to get away from them as fast as possible. Naturally, when Taph saw Noob coming towards the edge of the hill, he waved him closer. When Noob saw the traps, he ran up the hill in hopes that 1x1x1x1 would trigger them. Taph took that as his cue to leave and fled towards the glass house. Noob followed close behind, to Taph's displeasure.
Taph's first move was to throw a tripmine at the entrance. 1x1x1x1 pursued the two of them, rushing towards the entrance without the tripmine. Taph ran through the one with the mine, and 1x1x1x1 followed him. It seemed he had enraged them.
Taph went to the left of the pillar, running in a circle around it and praying that 1x1x1x1 believed that he had ran elsewhere. He felt his throat burn, and he forcibly began to walk. He could hear them behind them, and he tried to run back to the glass houses. 1x1x1x1 had caught up to him, slashing at his back. Taph let out a silent cry of pain, turning quickly to prevent them from hurting his wings. 1x1x1x1 attempted to make a grab for his bandana, but he shielded his face. Taph knew Shedletsky was still alive. He was praying that he could save him.
Upon looking around, Shedletsky was nowhere to be seen. Builderman was there, luckily. Taph frantically tried to sign to him to get help, but all he was doing was watching. He seemed to be lost in thought.
Taph's signing had distracted 1x1x1x1 for a moment. Taph attempted to slip away, fleeing towards the misplaced walls by the glass house. Noob was nearby. Elliot had handed him a pizza for him to heal, oblivious of the fact that Taph was getting mauled right by him. 1x1x1x1 grabbed him by his hood and roughly pulled him close to them. The sound of his boots dragging against the hard soil drew the attention of the healer and the survivor.
Taph felt powerless as he fell to the floor. He curled up, still defending his face with his arms as 1x1x1x1 cut into him with their swords. They ended his anguish by impaling his chest on their blade--
--and Taph woke up laying on the floor of the cabin with a dull ache in his chest.
Taph sighed quietly before getting up and sweeping himself off. It was a shame that Shedletsky was unable to help, but then again, maybe he knew better than to go against 1x1x1x1. Or, he didn't know what was going on in the first place.
It was strange that Builderman just stood and stared instead of helping. Taph wondered what he was thinking about. It must've been important. As much as Taph tried to shrug it off, a piece of him grew frustrated. He tried to ignore it. At the very least, 1x1x1x1 had failed to pull off his hood or bandana in front of anyone. They were grabbing at his clothes, their claws somehow not ripping through. He didn't mind it as much as he should've.
He'd mention it later, when he went to see them.
If he went to see them to begin with. He wasn't sure if they'd want to. Usually, they went for him first when Taph was trying to be away from everyone else.
...
The round had ended at last. Taph caught a few glances from Elliot, Noob, and Builderman, but he shrugged it off. Builderman had been looking at him more often recently, which warmed his heart. He hadn't done that before being forsaken.
Elliot made dinner for everyone. It was pizza, just like yesterday. Taph felt sick of it, but he ate nevertheless so as to not draw attention to himself. He sat by the admins, Builderman and Shedletsky next to him to act as interpreters if someone asked him a question. As much as he wished that the others knew sign language, it was too much to ask for them to learn.
Somehow, there were eyes on him as he ate.
He knew it. Taph had a sense to know when others were staring at him, how they used to gawk or gasp at his face when it was uncovered.
Elliot and Noob were staring at him. He didn't see why, as he was eating like usual. Somehow, the two seemed worried.
"Taph... You know you don't have to eat like that, right?" Noob began.
Taph didn't need to take off his bandana to eat. What did he mean? Why did he care?
The way he was asking was getting on his nerves. He had asked as if it were a good thing to do, as if his concern came from a good place and he was being so noble…!
Taph needed to cool off. It was just a question.
'Why are you asking me about this?' Taph signed.
Noob squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what he was saying. Part of him felt he looked stupid trying. Builderman stepped in, luckily.
"He's askin' you what you mean by that," Builderman filled in.
That was not what he asked. Taph's annoyance was luckily covered by his bandana and hood.
"I don't want to be rude..." Noob began.
A rude piece of Taph felt it was a bit late for that. Taph made no comment.
"...but you really don't have to cover your face in front of us," Noob said.
Chance pushed up their shades and turned their head to look out the window, evidently not wanting to be included in this.
'It is fine. I want to,' Taph signed.
Taph finished his food quickly. Builderman made no comment, not bothering to fill in. He froze up, which was very out of character for him. Noob seemed to partially understand what he said, so it was fine.
“There’s no reason to be insecure,” Noob said.
"Yeah! It would be nice to see what you look like," Elliot added.
'It is fine. I want to,' Taph repeated, a bit more firmly.
Builderman glanced at Shedletsky with a somewhat unreadable expression on his face. Builderman seemed to nod at nothing. Shedletsky seemed to disagree. Taph felt trapped. He got up from his seat and moved away from the table.
'I do not want to talk about this,' Taph signed.
Builderman turned in his seat, grabbing his arm softly. Taph nearly ripped it out of his grip with how hard he flinched.
"He doesn't wanna speak about it with ya'll," Builderman said.
Builderman looked up at him. Taph retracted his arm from his grip slowly. Builderman sighed, sounding like a mix between sad and irritated.
"After dinner," Builderman muttered.
Taph nodded quietly. He stepped away from the table and quickly walked upstairs. Taph heard something being said by Shedletsky, but he was too far away to properly hear it. A part of him simmered with frustration for what happened. But then again, what was Builderman going to say to him about this? He didn't do anything wrong. Sure, it wasn't Elliot or Noob's fault that they were curious, but that didn't mean that Taph needed to satisfy their curiosity.
Taph heard footsteps coming from the stairs. Builderman had walked up, and he was approaching him.
'Builderman,' Taph greeted,
"Taph," Builderman began.
Taph felt hopeful.
'You will straighten this out with Noob and Elliot later, right?' Taph asked.
Builderman looked to the side, seemingly ashamed. Taph felt confused.
"Taph..." Builderman said softly.
Why on earth was he using that tone with him?
"You do know that these people won't judge you, right?" Builderman asked.
Taph felt a sharp feeling of hatred boil up within him. What was Builderman doing?
'Yes, but it is better this way,' Taph said.
Builderman frowned. Taph seemed to have said the wrong thing.
'You and Dusekkar suggested that this was for the best. I agree with you and him,' Taph signed.
Builderman winced as if Taph had scalded him with his words.
"Taph... I..." Builderman began.
Builderman balled his fists, seemingly unsure of what to say.
"Let me make this right for once," Builderman said.
What was there to be made right? They had asked Taph to do something unnecessary. He didn’t want to, so he said no. It was as simple as that.
'What do you mean by that?' Taph asked.
Before Taph could keep talking, Builderman pulled something from his pocket and pushed it into his hand, almost to quiet him. Taph glanced down and saw a thing of concealer in his hand. Where did Builderman find this in a place like this?
"I know the accident was hard on you, but you can't let it consume you," Builderman said.
His tone of softness changed to frustration within an instant.
"Yes, I suggested that you cover your face. You still should, but just for one moment, let the others see so they'll not start askin' questions," Builderman said.
Taph stared at him, almost unsure of what to think for a moment.
"It would be the best way to resolve the situation, for both of us. For me," Builderman said.
Taph didn't know what to say. He put the concealer in his belt bag so he could speak. Before he could begin to say anything, Builderman spoke first.
"Don't try to argue, please. Dusekkar things this is the best thing to do as well," Builderman said.
Builderman turned away. Taph continued to stare.
"When you're done makin' yourself presentable, can you come down to the main cabin?" Builderman asked.
Builderman turned to see his answer.
'Builderman, why now? Can you please-' Taph began.
"Please," Builderman pleaded.
'You do not know how they will react. They do not have a single idea of how I look like. They will not react well,' Taph began.
His signs fell on unlooking eyes.
"Please, Taph. Make things right," Builderman pleaded.
'It does not feel right,' Taph signed.
"It will feel better when you have nothin' to hide. Don't you trust me, Raph?" Builderman pleaded.
'I do trust you,' Taph signed in a heartbeat.
"Then I'll see you down here in a half an hour or so," Builderman said.
Builderman turned and walked down the stairs, leaving Taph alone.
Taph felt nauseated. He didn't expect Builderman to side with Elliot and Noob. He shouldn't have, honestly. Did Builderman, after all this time, forget what he looked like after the accident? Did he even care how he felt?
No, no. He cared. How couldn’t he? He had given him something to help get the job done.
Taph stood there incompetently for a moment before forcing himself to move down the steps and out of the main cabin. He had to do it, naturally. Builderman told him to do so. It wasn’t like he could argue with his own boss. Taph trusted that there was a larger reason for this. If this was some kind of test for him, he'd try to pass it. Builderman and Dusekkar usually never changed their judgements easily, so surely it couldn't be because they had made a mistake. Builderman and the admins could do no wrong. They were all perfect beings, truly. Especially Builderman.
It was a harsh judgement at first, but Taph adapted and got comfortable with it. Perhaps too comfortable. Maybe that was what Builderman was trying to prove.
Taph was just glad that there was someone surely looking out for him.
Even with this in mind, a piece of him resisted every step he took to his cabin. Taph felt he was pushing at something deep within him when he pushed open his cabin door. He felt heavy on his feet as he traversed through his room, avoiding the carefully placed traps. His arm felt heavy when he pulled open the door to his bathroom. He walked toward the mirror quickly and put the concealer on the top of the sink with his other stuff. He took off his gloves for this.
Taph looked at himself in the mirror for a moment, staring at his covered face and head.
He felt he looked presentable. This was how he presented himself. His robes weren't dirty or wrinkled or stained with anything; if anything, he was more pristine than how Shedletsky looked. The admin always had a chicken stain or two on his stupid white shirt…
1x1x1x1 was getting to him. He really needed to stop being judgemental when he had the face that he did.
Taph took off his bandana and pushed down his hood. His hair had grown longer and he hadn’t bothered to do anything about its tangles yet. As for his face… Well, it was his face. Taph didn’t have much to say about it, but he knew he couldn’t just go around with it out if he didn’t want to get comments or stares.
The explosion from Telamon’s “mistake” had blown off a good portion of the lower left side of his face. His jaw was crooked due to it, appearing to be smaller on the affected side. What really was getting him stared at was the way his skin looked. The explosion was not only damaging; the heat had made his skin almost melt off of his face. He was lucky that he hadn’t lost an eye, but he was unlucky in the sense that he had lost a good part of his lips, a piece of his nose, and a bit of his earlobe.
He felt his eyes looked nice. Due to his constant working with the tripmines, they had grown to be a delightfully dark purple hue. He liked the way his hair fell on his back and shoulders now that it had grown longer. It gave more flexibility for styling, even if only he and 1x1x1x1 would see it.
Well, until now.
Taph’s fingers felt disgusting with the concealer sitting on his fingertips. He didn’t exactly know what Builderman meant with “presentable”, but he assumed it meant normal enough.
The shade was close enough to his real skin tone. He smeared it over the scarred area carefully, making sure to cover it. A pit settled sharply into his stomach as his appearance changed in the mirror. It covered things perfectly, ripping away the lines of reddish discoloration and mostly obscuring the slight wrinkles due to how his face had healed. His hands trembled, but he tried to remain firm to the task on hand. To be safe and to not cause much suspicion, he did the same for the other side of his face. His skin crawled under the mask he was making for himself. He stuffed the feelings down under the hopes of fulfilling what Builderman wanted.
To be presentable. To be good. Taph was good. He deserved to be Builderman’s right hand.
When he finished, he moved away from the mirror to look at himself. He didn’t know what to expect. He had to resist the urge to itch away at his cheeks or rub the mildly irritated skin around his eyes.
He… didn’t like it.
But, it was what Builderman asked for! It would be perfect! He’d appreciate it!
His hand was itching to turn on the sink and rub this nonsense off as fast as possible before he simply itched his face off. Taph stopped himself, naturally, but his hand’s next instinct was to pull up his hood.
He’d just see how it looked with his hood on. Maybe, he’d stop being so stubborn with fulfilling this and see the bright side in this.
He… still didn’t like it.
It didn’t take away from the fact that he had a crooked jaw, a ruined nose, and a shrunken ear. It highlighted the abnormality of it all-
Taph put on his bandana. He ran his hands under the sink’s cool, refreshing water, still resisting the urge to itch at his skin. He put the concealer in his pocket, making sure it wouldn’t leak out. He may need it again.
Taph was done. All he needed to do was just walk back to the main cabin and present himself in this presentable form, and things would be done with. Builderman would be pleased!
Instead of directly doing that, Taph found himself pacing around in his bathroom.
He didn’t want to do that.
He pushed onward nevertheless. The idea that Builderman would be happy with him pushed him onward and out of his cabin. The fact that he was pushing on his own nerves to do this weighed heavier and heavier on every step and swing of his arms. The joints in his fingers felt strained by his gloves. He realized his hands were clammy, but he ignored it.
Taph pushed the door open slowly, feeling his stomach churn and something deep in his chest begin to rip. Builderman was waiting for him with Elliot and Noob. Shedletsky was watching from above with eyes like a hawk’s.
“There he is!” Builderman said.
Taph didn’t want to do this.
Taph waved happily, his body betraying his true feelings.
‘What is happening here?’ Taph asked.
“We were just talkin’ aboutcha and what happened at dinner,” Builderman said.
Taph didn’t want to.
‘Really?’ Taph signed.
Noob and Elliot struggled for a moment, but they got it eventually.
“Y-Yeah! Dinner… We were just curious is all,” Noob said.
“It’s fine if we see, right?” Elliot asked.
Taph didn’t sign anything in response.
“You bet,” Builderman nodded, speaking for him.
Taph hadn’t said anything.
Elliot’s hand reached over towards his face. Taph froze, naturally. Nobody but 1x1x1x1 had put their hands that close to his face.
His hand approached his face. Taph felt that the time was going slower than usual, as if the Specter were drawing out his suffering. He didn’t want this to happen to begin with, but he had already put a lot of effort into this. This would be fine. He just needed to do it. Just ignore the feeling of something within him breaking, fracturing.
Builderman was right by him. So long as Taph heeded what he had said, things would be fine. Builderman had great logic and nearly always knew what to do for many given situations. He was smart, and he was certainly a figure to admire. Taph would do anything for him, really!
.
.
.
He wasn’t going to.
Taph slapped away the hand and shuffled back, nearly tripping on the back of his robes in the process. Noob’s once calm face was immediately pained with guilt. Elliot looked surprised. Builderman frowned, and then glowered at him.
‘Sorry, I do not…’ Taph signed.
“Damn it, Taph,” Builderman muttered.
Builderman moved forward towards Taph. His hands went straight towards his hood. Taph shook his head, but it didn’t work whatsoever. Elliot reached towards Builderman to try to encourage him to stop, but it was too late already. Builderman moved with more speed than Elliot, preparing to pull off his hood and resist whatever Taph may throw at him. Something in Taph shattered.
“Builderman, stop it-” Shedletsky called.
Builderman’s fingers made contact with his hood. Taph moved without thinking.
He wasn’t going to!
Taph felt his upper body twist to the left. His fist had balled, and he had swung, It had collided with the left side of Builderman’s face. Taph stumbled, nearly falling over. Builderman moved away, staggering back and clutching his jaw. Noob gasped loudly. Shedletsky stopped dead in his tracks. Elliot covered his mouth.
It felt amazing, the high. But Taph felt horrible all the same. He felt sick. He felt disgusting, and he was disgusting.
How dare he. Builderman just wanted to help, and he had turned and did that.
Taph moved away from the situation immediately. He turned and fled, nearly pulling the door off the hinges with how forcefully he slammed it open. He ran into the cool night air. Taph heard a call of his name from the cabin, but he ignored it. He couldn’t see those damn people after he had just punched his boss in the face.
He could honestly just shrivel up and die right here, right now.