Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“NO!” Minho cries out as he scoops up little Hyeji who was waddling too close to the lit fireplace. It’s the dead of winter so he understands the appeal of the close warmth. But she’s three, and “fire” and “hot” are not words that are quite perfectly associated in her head yet. He sits her back down and wraps her little fingers around the chalk she’s supposed to be drawing with.

He's thankful he only has two toddlers at a time and the oldest two are already 6 and 7. At least they know how to sit still. Beomju cannot stop humming though. Minho knows he’s got the habit from Jisung or “Appa Ji” as Beomju likes to call him. Despite the constant noise, he’s the most autonomous of the kids and Minho doesn’t have to monitor him too closely.

Speaking of toddler where is … His eyes dart around the room to find the little girl using her chalk on the wooden wall of the cabin, white squiggly line that Minho will have to swipe out later.

“Mia, no,” he states sharply.

The little girl’s hand stills in the air. She turns around comedically slowly and blinks her huge doe eyes at him. She folds her head down after meeting Minho’s unimpressed stare. Barely seconds later, she’s shuffling back to the huge table and taking her seat. She starts copying Minho’s ladders with precision, so innocent looking an outsider would be fooled at her little act.

Minho’s hands are full of the new baby and the oldest kid waiting for him so he can’t be bothered to correct her behavior further. He knows he’ll have to do something before either of the twins end up hurting themselves.

“Continue, love,” he says to the oldest who picks up Minho’s precious book. He paid good money for the novel in the local town so he may have been a bit insistent on carefulness. Judging by how Micha is barely pressing on the leather, he guesses the message has gone through.

She picks up her reading as Minho, sat to her right, alternates between helping her decipher and slowly rocking the baby to sleep.

He usually doesn’t accept babysitting during school hours but it’s their youngest omega’s son. And well, Minho would rather die than admit he has a soft spot for Jeongin, but he does. So he protested (Jeongin said “please omega Minho”), threatened to never school the children again (Jeongin didn’t believe him), threatened to cut Chan’s dick for having so many damn kids (Jeongin did look a bit more worried about that one), made Jeongin promised to give him his meat portion at dinner (Jeongin wailed but folded), and then agreed.

He would have said yes anyways, but hey, today was rabbit stew day. And Minho loved rabbit stew.

The baby’s little wet noises punctuate Micha’s reading and Minho can see Hyeji listening intently. It’s Minho’s cue to check the toddler’s work, praise her, erase the board, and make her practice circles next.

Minho never studied to be a teacher, his family couldn’t afford such an expense. He has, however, the strongest and longest education out of his pack members. Most of them come from the country and Seungmin’s a stray. So, when Micha hit three years old, he offered himself for the role.

“Can Beomju read?” Micha asks after finishing the page she’s on.

“Do you not like reading?” Minho blinks innocently.

“No, I love to read, Appa Minho. But I’ve read a whole page!” she whines, insisting on the word ‘whole’.

Minho loves that kids are all theirs. Minho is Appa to all five even if he’s really father to none. It’s Chan’s doing obviously. Only the pack leader can decide on such a tradition. But no one protested, even the tamed alpha.

Minho knows they are not his though, despite his mate best efforts.

“But I want you to read two whole pages,” he whines back in the exact same tone, emphasizing the ‘whole’ just as she did.

Beomju giggles from the side as Micha hides her pout in the collar of her sweater. Mia starts giggling too even though Minho suspects she’s just laughing to feel included.

Minho smiles. “Let’s make a deal, we do a break and then you do the second page.”

“Yes!” She claps her hands in excitement and in an instant, she’s running towards the wall.

There’s a coat hanger where all their outside clothes are drying. A beautifully sculpted plank of wood with nailed in handles.  Hyunjin is to blame, Minho only asked for nails on the wall. But asking Hyunjin to carve something simple is apparently “bridling an artist creativity”. Minho had to pretend not to be endeared.

He helps the youngest bundle up and nuzzles the baby close to his chest. She can’t seem to be able to fall asleep and he can’t leave her alone. He hides her in the folds of his clothes and follows the four bundles of energy out.

None of them are really academically inclined and Minho is sort of thankful, he’d feel like he was letting them down. Though he can’t be sure yet, as Hyeji and Mia have barely been in his class for five months. He feels hopeful he’ll get them to read, write, and count well enough to help the pack and maybe move to the city if they ever want to.

“Don’t run too far!” he reminds them emptily. The school cabin is surrounded by acres of woods and farmland. It had taken a while for Minho to get used to the lifestyle. He’s the only one whose childhood was between a bakery and a townhouse. Where Chan had been helping his parents build houses since the age of eight, Minho had played hopscotch with the neighbors.

The never-ending forest used to scare him. Now he can walk miles and find his way back. The kids know the land well too, and they know better than running out of Minho’s sight. He straddles the baby closer and starts slow laps around the kids. He knows the weather’s too cold to be sitting down or resting. He neither wants to freeze to death nor lower his body temperature enough to freeze their youngest.

Mia counts to three and giggles when she turns around and everyone stops in their run. She’s truly the light of their little group. Always bouncing in excitement, golden locks nicely braided on each side of her face. Minho sees Yongbok’s in her as she twirls around the other kids to make them break, contorting her face in what she thinks are ugly faces. She looks simply adorable.

It goes on for a while. Minho wonders if anyone’s going to join him for recess. But even as the minutes tick by, no one shows up. It’s to be expected as it’s usually Jeongin who’s still on baby rest that pays him company. He lets the kids run around for about half an hour, sighing in relief once he feels the baby fall into slumber.

It’s still awkward to call her “the baby”. It’s another one of forest packs tradition. You don’t give a baby its name until it’s one. The reasons are somber enough for Minho not to dwell on it, and Seungmin has lost enough siblings and nephews so that Minho understands how important it is to him. To them. His own traditions make little sense in the woods. So, he chose the learning curve and let them teach him what he lacks.

They haven’t lost anyone themselves, thankfully. All the kids are healthy and Minho’s request to establish their new pack close to a city has probably saved Beomju once. It had been a nasty fever, and a ten hour walk to the healer. He still has nightmares of Jisung kneeling in front of the healer, begging to save his only baby.

Beomju is doing fine now, even is he’s the fastest to get breathless. Even if he can’t be the chaser for too long when he plays with his siblings.

Minho senses it’s time to go back inside when Hyeji comes to complain about the snow getting into her clothes and refuses to keep playing, hugging Minho’s leg.

He gathers the kids up and leads them back inside. It takes as much time to dress down as it did to dress up, and Minho watches them obediently line up their shoes next to the fire.

Micha picks the book back up. The twins bully him (ask nicely) into allowing them to draw on the ground by the chimney. Beomju hums a rhyme Minho taught him years ago. Minho feels his shoulder relax.

Jeongin eventually comes to pick up his sleeping daughter. He pats Minho’s shoulder. Minho scowls. They crack into laughter after holding a daring gaze between them.

“She’s the cutest,” Minho offers as a goodbye. He misses her immediately.

“I know,” he smiles proudly before closing the door behind him.

Once Minho’s done with the kids’ study plan for the day, he does what he never experienced himself as a kid, he attributes chores.

He’s honestly impressed by how natural it is for them. Even when the twigs look like logs in Mia’s arms, she happily carries them from the drying pile to the kitchen house. The two oldest handle water duties while Minho cuts dried fruits and nuts for a snack.

When everything is done, he lets the kid babble around the huge dinner table. A long wooden masterpiece held up by wobbling trestles and covered with a long embroidered piece of cloth. Minho helped with that part. Hours upon hours in a rocking chair by Yongbok’s side when he was pregnant with the twins. Minho listening to Yongbok’s babbling, lulled into rest by the constant flow of words.

He knows that soon enough he’ll be doing it again, Yongbok’s showing early signs of carrying pups. He’s never alluded to the fact, either in doubt or denial. But he’s clingier, he eats a lot less than usual when he should be eating more and Minho suspect nausea.

“Appa Minho?” Micha asks.

“Yes, Micha.”

“Can you read the rest of the story after dinner? I want to know what happens.”

Minho should say no, that she’ll discover in due time and that it’s what makes reading fun. But it’s winter and more nights than not he is reading to willing members of the pack. Tonight won’t be the exception because his brand-new book is full of tales no one heard before. A rare treat.

“How about you ask the adults. If you gather enough people, Appa Minho will read.”

Micha nods gravely. The benches creaks when the kids run off to play now that they’ve helped the community.

Once again, they don’t last long outside. Snow hasn’t stopped falling since midafternoon. As fun as rustling in the powdered snow is, Hyeji breaks first and ends up face smushed in her favorite hiding place: Minho’s legs. The rest follow not long after and they find refuge in the main cabin, where they just ate.

It’s the first house they’ve ever built here. When it was just Chan, Minho, and Changbin. A simple cube with a fireplace. They used to sleep huddled up together in makeshift beds filled with dried hay. How Minho left his comfort for that way of life had his parents throw a fit. They always hated Chan anyway. Minho had been thoroughly courted and in love by the time they cut him off. So, he left without many regrets.

He still cried the first few months; always when both his mates were far enough so that they couldn’t hear him break down. He never wanted to show him his weak side, not when all their days were filled with survival duties.

It’s a chance really, that now that their pack has expanded, Minho’s tasks are reduced to take care of the kids, cook, and lend a hand in the reparations and farmwork. He likes hard tasks, the way his body built muscles upon hours of strenuous activities. He feels more alive than he ever did in the city.

He struggles more though, he suffers from the cold, the lack of variety in food, the lack of books. The latest is his most prominent struggle. The pack barely sells enough animal products and farm goods for them to buy nails, fabrics and miscellaneous cooking add ons: oil, butter, spices. So, books are not up the list of necessities. He used to ask frequently but now he just waits for good harvests or happy chicken.

His fable book is new though, leather bound. A birthday present for himself that he cherishes deeply. He feels useful with a book in his hand, like he contributes to something bigger than him for once.

Micha manages to enroll every pack member at dinner. She puts in her whole charm and bargains for a few pieces of dried apples with the youngers. Minho eats his double portion of rabbit stew, amused. Well, a portion and a half. Jeongin did come to pick up his baby early after all.

When he’s bundled up in the warmest furs, when Changbin and Seungmin have shifted into their favored, warmer, wolf forms, he takes in the soft chaos around him.

He watches the twins cling to the wolves, bickering about who’s taking most place. He waits for Chan to stop tickling Jeongin’s and his baby and for Beomju to stop singing about how much he loved his dinner. Only Micha, who sat in between Jisung’s crossed legs is already ready and alert.

She eventually whines loudly enough for the pack to quiet down.

And Minho reads.

It’s the first time he’s opened the book outside of class. He starts at the beginning of Micha’s fable. The story unfolds, there are witches and sandstorms and a moral in there that he can’t wait to carefully unravel with the kids later.

He even makes the oldest laugh when he eventually got caught up in imitating the witch laugh.

Micha is resting her head inside her palms, enraptured and gasping at appropriate plot points. Mia and Hyeji fall asleep quickly in Changbin’s chestnut brown fur. And Minho’s senses are flooded with everyone’s scent mixing with firewood.

The sensation is entrancing in its multitude. Minho feels a pang of loneliness. Watching them all, sniffing them all. There’s so much happiness. He’s only watching.

He doesn’t let the emotion settle though.

When he punctuates his last sentence with a dramatic “fin”, Chan makes a huge spectacle of applauding him.

Minho knows they can see the blush on his ears, but he still protests weakly that Chan is embarrassing himself and everyone in this room. Jisung bursts into laughter and uses Micha’s hands to clap even louder than their pack leader was, earning a delighted giggle for the girl.

It’s pitch dark out after reading. The dishes have been thoroughly cleaned and put away. The tablecloth folded away for laundry has been replaced with an older, plainer one. The toddlers woken up by the ruckus are whiny, uncomfortably trying to stay awake despite the late hour.

One by one, members of the pack leave the cabin, kids in tow. Minho extinguishes the last dying flames of the fire pit.

He stands for a second there, not too long.

He puts his shoes on and leaves last.

Tonight, Chan will share his room. He doesn’t do it much lately, he still feels strongly protective of Jeongin and he’s hard to detach from his side. But Chan said he would sleep beside him tonight and Minho appreciates it.

Since the pack has expanded, and more cabins have been added, the room assignments have changed. And since Minho is the oldest pack omega, he was the first allowed, well appointed, to have his own room. All other pack members are paired off. Chan has his usual cabin with Seungmin.

The first room distribution had been all six pack members in one cabin and Seungmin and Chan in another. Seungmin’s taming had been a long and delicate process. He had come wounded, semi-feral, stuck in his wolf form for weeks on end. Once a stray, he had forgotten civilized life and as an alpha, he rejected Chan’s help on a biological level.

Nowadays, Seungmin lives his life like they all do, though Minho sometimes reads his past in his wary eyes.

Chan is allowed to wander between cabins more freely than the omegas are. Knock everyone up, Minho thinks bitterly. He knows eventually Seungmin will father pups in the pack, provided how close he has grown to Yongbok and Changbin.

Minho has yet to see Seungmin in his chambers. He’s not sold perfectly sold on the idea yet. Mostly because a pack with a tamed alpha is also quite there in the things Minho has never heard of. That and omegas sleeping together.

For now, he mostly relies on Chan. Sometimes, rarely, he knocks on Jisung’s door for a thorough scenting and some physical touch. Jisung’s the only one who gets it, who doesn’t tease him for being different and somewhat uptight.

He loves them all, dearly. Chan would have never accepted anyone in the pack without Minho’s prior enthusiastic consent. But it’s a bit of an open secret that Minho is off limit for most things.

It’s not really that Minho wants it. Or he does in a way. He always had a tough time reciprocating his members’ affections and so they faded little by little. Only the physical ones.

Hyunjin still regularly gifts him scraps and art projects he works on between his actual tasks. Seungmin cleans his cabin regularly because he knows how messy Minho is. They do still treat him as a pack member.

But affection is Chan’s territory and Minho would lie if he said he wasn’t anticipating tonight, restlessness deep in his bones.

When he gets home, though, Chan is not here. The small room is dark, and the walls are drenched in today’s cold. He spends some time lighting a proper fire for them both. He knows they won’t fall asleep immediately.  He puts a brick in the fire and stuffs the one he had stored in the kitchen firepit between layers of fabric, then underneath his bed covers.

The air is damp, and it is going to be a while before it goes to an acceptable drier level. Minho doesn’t spend much time in his cabin. It’s not lived in like Yongbok’s, or warm like Changbin’s. The walls are bare, save from a small shelf with its eleven books collection.

Tile ticks by and Chan has yet to show up.

Minho wonders if he forgot.

It would be fine. Chan can forget his engagement. It’s rare enough that Minho forgives him easily.

But tonight, tonight, feels different. The silence is more deafening than usual, the cold that has bitten him on the way to his cabin has yet to leave his body.

It’s fine, it’s late anyway. He’ll sleep and the uneasiness will flow away as fast as it caught him.

He walks to the dresser and selects his favorite sweater, unearths some of Chan’s old fur and lays them on the bed just in case he turns up later.

Minho sits in front of the fireplace. He can wait a little longer. His mate has just been giving a helping hand somewhere and needs a few minutes more. He did promise Minho twice in the last two days that he would come to the point that it had even felt irritating. So, he must remember.

The fire crackles loudly and Minho jumps at the sound. He exhales a chuckle and sits cross legged on his carpet. And then he waits, both to warm up before sleeping and for Chan’s potential arrival.

The fire cracks loudly again, then again.

A shiver ripples through Minho so suddenly it scares him. Tears start running down his face, tugged harshly from his eyes.

Minho doesn’t cry, haven’t for years. He’s a grown man who experienced the harshest ways this life can treat people.

But he can’t stop, the tears can’t stop, even as he ragefully tries to dry them with the back of his sleeves. Even as he swallows down the snot and the sobs that shake his whole body. The water pools at his collarbone.

He feels like a kid throwing a tantrum.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair that he’s alone and that it’s cold. It’s not fair that his members don’t like him enough to not let him be alone on the coldest night of the fucking year. It’s not fair that Chan forgets their only night together in weeks.

He gives in to tears after those thoughts. His body struggles to breathe but he lets himself coughs and growl in despair. Maybe he’ll choke on his tears loud enough someone will hear him and check on him. Or maybe it’s just something that needs to be out of his body.

His wolf wants to come out, wants to howl to round up his mates. Hurl to the night. Minho won’t let him. He’s not even sure he has the energy to shift.

It’s just unfair. Unfair that he can’t just be happy like he was all day.

They have it all, the bounds, the pups, the love and Minho is lonely, lonely, lonely.

“Minho, are you aw-“

Minho immediately hides in his arms. No. He wasn’t supposed to be seen. He wasn’t supposed to cry because Chan is an hour late.

But Chan is here, Minho would recognize his voice in a crowd. And he stumbles forward and reaches for Minho.

Minho flinches. It’s unconscious, it’s his body reacting before his mind could have put him up for anything. It’s Chan trying to breach Minho cocooned on himself.

Minho wants to say sorry, he’s sure he manages to say sorry because the next thing he knows, Chan is engulfing him in a strong hold. Giving the warmth Minho was desperately craving.

“Baby, baby, baby…” Chan breathes into his hair. “You’re okay…”

But Minho’s not. Chan is too polite to mention that he’s never seen Minho cry twice and it is the second time.

“Where... were you?” he asks before his filter can soften the accusatory words.

“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, if I had known… I”

“Where?”

“Changbin and Seungmin... They had so much energy, they wanted to fight in their wolf form, and I had to calm them down. It’s winter and they’re not pups anymore.”

Minho swallows a biting remark that they’re adults indeed. They can manage being stupid. But he doesn’t, instead he says wetly:

“They never fight with me.”

Minho struggles to understand why he feels so vindicative. It surprises Chan too, who settles more comfortably next to Minho, arms tight against his mate’s middle. He takes a beat before answering.

“It sounds like it’s something you want.”

It’s bittersweet to see that Chan still understands him so easily yet felt so far away moments before. Chan’s hold starts to scratch at Minho’s skin.

“I don’t know. I just… why?”

The momentary relief of Chan’s warmth loses ground to the cold air around him.

“Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?” Chan asks.

“It’s not… It’s nothing.”

Chan’s voice is tight when he answers. “It’s not nothing. Clearly.” He breathes out eventually. “I want you to tell me …if you can... if you want to, I guess.”

Minho hates the feeling of the carpet under his body; the fur is combed all wrong and it carves into his skin. He stares at his calloused hands. He’s stronger than this.

“I just need to get over myself, really,” he fakes laugh, sounding hollow to his own ears. He unravels Chan’s hold and shuffles back. “I’m sorry you had to see that. Please let’s not talk about it.”

“Ok?” Chan frowns. He does sound more taken aback than mad. His arms lower awkwardly slow. He swallows loudly. “Is that what we taught the kids?” he asks at the end. Oh, clearly, he is madder than Minho’ thought. “Eight persons in a pack we said. A single beta, a tamed alpha. In the woods.”

“I know that Chan.”

“Do you?”

Minho feels his stomach flip. “Why are you mad?” he snaps. It shouldn’t be this way around.

“We said there’s only one way it’s going to work. If we talk.”

“We’re talking.” Minho deadpans. He rises to his feet and dusts his clothes off. He’s been sitting too close to the fire for too long.

Chan scoffs. “Now you’re deflecting.” He follows Minho’s movements and clasps his hands just above his knees to help himself stand up.

Minho legitimately groans at that. Can’t Chan see what Minho’s trying to do here? “You also said that sometimes the good of the pack needs to come before individual needs, do you remember that one too?”

Chan stops dead in his tracks. “Huh?”

The emotions rush back to the top. Minho’s throat closes around the words he’s repeated to himself like a mantra for years.

“Here what’s happening, Chan. This is me, trying to fucking swallow my sadness because I’m just needy and selfish.” He struggles on a sob “I’m putting pack first, like we said. I’m promise I’m trying to put pack first.”

The tears roll down his cheeks again and Minho wishes he could just storm out and find a place to cry out longer. Just like he used to do when he first lived with Chan.

“Minho.” Chan’s voice carries a softness Minho has rarely heard before. It comes as a caress, gently asking him to turn around.  Minho denies the request.  “I never meant that you needed to cry alone for our pack. I never said that you needed to suffer in silence for our pack. Minho, I don’t want you to suffer.”

Minho folds his arms, desperately trying not to completely break down. Chan doesn’t seem to get it at all. Has he never noticed?

“They don’t love me, you know,” he exhales shakily. He wants to be clear, but his words mesh and end up laced in venom, “they respect me, they appreciate what I do. But they don’t love me like you love me. They don’t see me as pack, they see me as a caregiver, an older dowager queen watching over them. They don’t fight with me because they don’t see me as a pack omega.”

Chan stays completely silent, allowing Minho’s hurt to swallow the whole room. It’s heavy, sticky, burning like lava.

“You barely see me as a lover. I’m just someone you have to stop by and say ‘hi’ once in a while. Because I was the first. The first you love, the first you chose. The city boy that was out of his depth in the woods. Is it because I’m barren? Do I need twins like Yongbok?”

His legs give out under him; he cannot face the man he loves. He can just let the words he’s been holding on for so long spill and sting likes wasps desperately defending their attacked nest.

“I used to cry everyday when we were young, did you know that? I wanted your pups so bad. And then there was Changbin and I loved him, but he bore Micha immediately. And I was barren, and I couldn’t give you what you wanted. And I was so lost, and everything was still so new to me. And I never heard of two omegas being together. I thought alphas chose their omegas like a harem and you told me I had to love them too. And I do, I do so much but I don’t know how to love them and it’s so late. It’s too late.

“They won’t touch me, they don’t hug me and because I couldn’t be at ease fast enough with Changbin and then Jisung. It became this whole thing that I couldn’t do. And I feel so alone.”

The cabin grows smaller, walls closing on Minho. He thinks of the pups that hold him up day after day. He remembers letting go of Jeongin’s baby, giving the pup to his real father. She’s not Minho’s. They’re never Minho’s.

“Why are they my kids? Why do we call the babies our kids if they never sleep in my room, if they never eat breakfast with me? I’m a teacher they call Appa. I’m not a father who happens to teach them. We’re not the pack we were supposed to be. We’re not the pack we say we are. Why am I living alone if we’re eight of the same soul.

“And everyday Chan. Every day I hope that I wake up pregnant because at least it wouldn’t be me against the world. I’d have a link here. A real reason that I’m pack. I would undoubtedly be yours. Right now, I’m just a vintage piece of decor.”

It’s a flow of words, of ache. It’s everything and nothing. It’s understatements and overstatements.

“It’s not too late baby. It’s…”

Chan is crying, hard. Minho should feel better, but it feels like he just stabbed the love of his life directly into his heart. He slandered their pack. Oh, what has he done? What has he done?

“I’m so sorry, Chan.”

“Don’t you dare saying sorry.”

The world turns pitch black.

Chan snarls, animalistic, and lunges at him. Minho feels the weight before the fur. He feels his own body shift before he senses his pack alpha’s order to do so.

It’s wolf against wolf in Minho’s cabin. They’re too big but Chan doesn’t seem to care. He exudes so many pheromones Minho immediately feels drunk on it. His head spins at the sheer force of Chan’s soothing waves of scent. He rubs himself all over Minho’s body, he claims him like they’re forming their mating bond all over again. He breaches the skin where Minho’s mark lies. He licks the blood, out of control.

Minho, Minho just lets himself be smothered by Chan’s love. His wolf preens, chosen all over again. He’s an emotional mess. He’s so confused but his body feels so good. It’s like Chan’ sedating him. Relieving him of the impossible hurt he was stuck in.

Chan’s soothing is like eating a real meal for the first time in five days when the forest wouldn’t give way. It’s Hyunjin begging, crying to be in a pack even if he’s a beta. It’s Seungmin revealing his human form for the first time. It’s Yongbok having to give birth a second time not knowing he’d have twins, it’s Changbin excusing himself for falling pregnant first, it’s Jeongin presenting his baby to Minho first. Before Chan could even look at her. it’s Minho choosing Beomju’s name after he survived his fever and Jisung desperately crying during his nightmares.

It's Minho’s wolf taking care of his human companion.

It takes a while for them to come back. Daylight is breaching the walls when Minho reminds himself that he’s alive. Chan shifts back first. He dresses from Minho’s dresser and covers his first love in the bed covers. He grabs the stone from the fire and sticks it close to his mate.

Minho’s fur is stroked until he can’t ignore it anymore. Chan stays silent. He knows Minho doesn’t like being talk to when he’s wolf. His brain’s too fuzzy.

It’s only when his heartbeat calms that he shifts back to his human form.

“Minho, I have not loved you in the way you deserved. I failed as a pack alpha and I’m sorry.”

Chan folds his knee under himself and bows low on the ground. It’s a sign that a tamed alpha has accepted his leader. They both know Minho can’t lead pack, but he gets the significance, so he stays silent. He’s not sure what to say anyway. In the frail hours of the morning his body barely stands the weight of the covers.

“Today, we’re going to do a pack meeting.”

Minho shakes his head, shaken awake by the news. “No, please…”

“We are going to do a pack meeting. And it’s going to be really difficult. But this, Minho. The meeting cannot be worse than seeing my mate, my first love feeling like he had to lie, to suffer for years. It cannot be worse than hearing that my mate feels rejected from my pack. That my mate, feels like his ability to bear children has anything to do with his worth.”

It’s difficult to decipher the anger from the pain in Chan’s voice.

Minho softens. He feels slightly more secured since his wolf has been soothed. Like they can at least talk about some things. “Thank you for hearing me out but Chan, a pack meeting? I want you to think about their feelings.”

“Fuck Minho, and yours?” he yells. Chan rubs his eyes, exhausted. “And yours, my love? You don’t even think the kids love you when you’re the most precious things that happened to them. You completely broke down and what? We’re supposed to carry on like nothing happened? Minho, I love you more than I love myself. Why the hell would I want to spare their feelings over yours?”

Minho doesn’t cry, but it takes everything in him not to.

“I know they love me. They’re just not the pack’s kids. Micha is Changbin’s, Beomju is Jisung’s, the twins are Yongbok’s, our light is Jeongin’s.”

Chan looks so hurt Minho wishes he could take the feeling back. Instead, he lowers his own nape to receive his punishment. He knows how alphas need to act when a pack member is acting out. Chan has done it once or twice.

However, Minho doesn’t feel the sharp teeth of their leader on his neck. Instead, soft fingers tilt his head back up. He meets Chan’s gaze. He’s entranced, eyes a little crazy, soul-searching Minho to find out if he really means it.

He scoffs in disbelief when he finds no rebuttal.

“To your feet, omega Minho.”

The scold in his voice is reassuring. He’s finally understanding how wrong Minho is. So, the omega obeys and accepts the easy hand behind his elbow. Chan makes sure Minho’s able to stand up without help before putting shoes and coat on him.

There are numerous ways to mess up pack dynamics. Not showing up for hunts, ignoring mating nights. But ruining lives in a short monologue must be a novelty. Feeling insecure about something that he put on himself and blaming the other members have to be the stupidest way a pack is going to blow up. Or maybe it won’t at all

His mates are unseparable. Perhaps they’d just throw him out. He’d become a stray like Seungmin was. A dark future awaits him if they decide to do that. He hopes they won’t. Chan seems to still love him. But two against six votes is still a damning perspective.

Chan guides him to the main cabin without a single word and sits him down at the table. He leaves then, and Minho doesn’t have to ask to know he’s going to gather everyone up.

Minho’s first thought is to the kids. He hopes Chan’s clever enough not to include them. They’re too young, especially if the meeting turns into a banishment.

The first to show up is Jisung. Chan knew what he was doing because the omega immediately runs to his side and hugs him so tightly the world blacks out for a second.

“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Jisung frets once he has left a thorough imprint of his scent of Minho’s frail body. He checks Minho’s head, runs his hand through his hair, down his shoulder to his hips.

His hands are stopped by one of Minho’s strong holds. “I’m fine, Sung-ah.” He doesn’t need the pat down, the hurt is not physical.

“You smell awful,” Jisung notices, nose scrunching up, “underneath all that Chan’s claim,” he adds slowly.

Minho’s pheromones must be going completely haywire. “Aren’t you lovely.” He tries to wire down his brain to let only Chan scent come through. He doesn’t need to stink up the place.

“What’s wrong?” Jisung asks. He puts his hand back on Minho’s cheek, shaking out of his hold. “Chan wouldn’t tell. He asked me to hug you until everyone was up.”

Minho’s shoulder sag. He doesn’t want to hurt Jisung’s feelings and he’s not sure how to explain without sounding like he resents him. Worst, that he hates him.

Changbin and Hyunjin’s arrival saves him from answering. Hyunjin almost throws Jisung to the side and hugs Minho tight. The embrace is warm thanks to Hyunjin’s outside clothes and a little desperate. They’re crammed between the bench and the table. It helps.

Changbin kneels beside him as Hyunjin checks him for injuries as well. There’s less softness to his hands and he only stops when his search is infructuous.

“Are you okay, Min?”

He wonders what Chan has been telling them. Probably not that Minho thinks their pack is lacking. That he’s a selfish little flame thrower.

“I’m fine,” he says.

Changbin’s frown deepens. He’s the same man Minho chose to love all those years ago. All muscle and no bite. All teasing and warmth. Incapable of taking Minho’s bullshit. On the third of fourth courting date, Changbin asked if Minho wanted him as well. Minho said no, Changbin teased him all night. “You like me so much” he taunted, poking his side until Minho pretended to bite him.

Minho selfishly caresses Changbin’s hair. He closes his eyes tightly when he notices Changbin’s surprised look. The way his body tensed up just the slightest, being on the receiving end of his cold omega’s affections.

It was not unkind, yet it reminds Minho that every issue he brought up stems from himself. His first omega anchors his chin on Minho’s lap, leaning into the touch.

Hyunjin’s replaced by Yongbok, then Jeongin. They are hurriedly clothed, messy hair sole reminder they barely just woke up. Jeongin should be on birth rest and not frolicking around at the first hour of sunlight.

Seungmin is the last to come in and his reaction is the hardest to take. Seungmin’s hovering next to the entrance, looking at the rest of his pack sticking next to Minho. His eyes are completely hollow. If Minho had to bet, he’d say Chan had said more to him than the others.

He only steps aside when Chan enters with the baby in his arms.

“Beomju and Micha are taking care of the twins, but I couldn’t ask them to take care of her,” he explains, hugging the sleepy baby close to him. Minho internally sighs in relief.

His entrance casts a silent spell on the main cabin. Time stays frozen for a second too long. Minho’s skin burns with the heat of seven intensive stares.

“Let’s sit by the fire, yeah?”

Minho wonders who lit it. Yongbok probably.

Three pairs of hands rush to help Minho stand up. His face turns red from the humiliation.

He’s sat down in the middle of the biggest couch. Jisung cuddles to his side almost immediately and rubs his cheek quickly against Minho’s scent gland before settling down.

Changbin takes his other side, the others take place in their usual pack meeting circle.

They used to have meetings often in the beginning. A new cabin needed? Meeting. Organizing a hunt? Meeting. A fight between members? Meeting.

Nowadays, new cabins are barely a priority. There’s enough room for everyone and winter’s keeping them sheltered from all main outdoors projects. Eventually, the goal is to keep making cabins for future pregnancies. But as no one is bearing pups (even if Minho’s convince that Yongbok is), they have time on their hands.

 Hunts are a warmer season matter. If Seungmin and Chan still catch the odd prey, most of the meat has been gathered and salted by the end of autumn. Fruits have been dried, cabbages, squashes and onions stored properly. Deling with stocks doesn’t require a full-on meeting.

As for fight between members, Minho wouldn’t be able to recall the last one. Years together have mellowed them. Annoying quirks are forgiven and petty arguments forgotten within a day or two. Seungmin used to be the cause of a lot of those meetings. Socializing in your twenties is not an easy fit.

“I have gathered a meeting to discuss omega Minho’s claims about our pack dynamics,” Chan starts. “I, as pack leader, ask you to join me in this meeting. Every opinion must be voiced, and every voice be listened to.”

Chan’s a little rusty. The tradition asks for those parts to be said the other way around.

“Today I ask for your understanding for my first mate suffered a lot.”

There’s a significant deference in the way he says, “my first mate”. He holds Minho’s gaze too, intense and defying him to contradict him. Minho won’t. Pack meeting etiquette is also a city tradition. Only the pack alpha can allow them to speak.

“Omega Minho has mentioned concerns about the way relationships are handled in the pack. I won’t be sugarcoating things. He feels unloved. He also raises the fact that our tradition about pack children is not followed through.”

Jisung gasps, snaps his head towards Minho who just wants to bury himself underground. Fucking pack traditions and transparency. Hearing his words in someone’s mouth is like a punch to the stomach.

“Omega Minho, would you like me to explain further, or do you want your words unaltered?”

Minho used to love Chan’s proactivity. There’s no beating around the bush, just facts and problem-solving set in motion. It’s a knife tracing bloody mazes on his skin today. The contrast with the man who tackled him mere hours ago is striking.

“I…wouldn’t know where to start,” he exhales in a contrite laugh. “I’m sorry for once,” he says even though he knows what Chan’s going to say.

“You don’t have to be. Feelings are feelings.”

Minho ignores all eyes on him. He just reminds himself of the meeting rules. No lies, no hides out. Instead, he focuses on their youngest member, suckling his thumb, completely unaware of the tension around her.

“I feel left out.” He swallows the lump in his throat. Silence greets his words. Nobody is breathing. “It’s mostly my fault.” This second statement does stir the tiniest amount of movement. Minho sticks his eyes to the baby’s hands. He owes her transparency. She can’t be brought up in a pack that keeps members because they lie. “I don’t feel like you treat me like the other members of the pack. I have no physical or sexual connection with almost all of you. I am not invited for games, for unprompted hunts.” He whispers the next part. “For ruts or heats.”

There’s merit to expose feelings with detachment like Chan does. It doesn’t feel like Minho’s emotions coming up, just a straight retelling of thoughts and perceptions. He still hasn’t given up his turn to speak just yet. He’s convincing himself to say it all at once, get it over with.

“The babies are supposed to be all of ours, yet if I had to ask any of you whose kid they are, you’d answer their parents. If I asked you where they slept the night before, you’d say the kids’ parent. Parents have the last words on authority, bath hours and sleep schedules. My birth pack was this way. But we keep telling the kids to call everyone Appa. But because I am not their biological father, I have to sleep in my cabin alone. Without them, and without you.”

Three things happen at once: Minho’s voice cracks on his last word. His gesture meant to say he’s finished has the effect of a bowstring snapping. And all hell breaks loose.

“What the fuck?” It is the first thing he hears. It’s Seungmin and it’s so full of hurt Minho immediately starts to sob.

Through tears, “Minho what?”

“But … we love you,” softly.

“Are you crazy?” Angry.

Vindicative. “That’s not true!”

“We used to invite you, and you said no?” Disbelief.

“Does he really think that?”

It’s succession of reassurance and accusations. They speak between themselves and address him at once. Jisung has glued to him even closer and is repeating “you’re fine Minho, you’re safe,” through his own tears. But Minho’s ears are ringing. It had come out all wrong, all clinical and empty and… Minho doesn’t know what he is feeling anymore. It just hurts, hurts, hurts. He doesn’t know what death will feel like but he’s sure it has to resemble that exact moment.

“Stop!” Chan cries from the side but his voice is too weak to surpass the litany of words coming out of them.

“STOP.”

Seungmin is a tamed alpha. He’s not supposed to use his alpha voice. Yet he receives an immediate and complete shocked silence once he snaps.

“How can you even say that like you don’t care?” He snarls. “Did you even listen to yourself?”

It’s mean and so glaringly meant to hurt Minho.

“I…” Minho’s world has been completely ripped in half. How dare Seungmin thinks he’s not affected? “I’m so so sorry…”

His face is deep red, wet with tears. He’s incapable of holding himself up. Jisung is wrapped possessively around him. Minho doesn’t deserve it. He’s slipping to the deep end.

“Seungmin…” Chan tries.

“NO! This pack works very well. He’s the one who’s been distancing himself from everyone. I know what dysfunctional packs are. So, what if you sleep alone at night? Big fucking deal.”

“SEUNGMIN!” Yongbok yells, horrified. “What the hell? Is that really what you’re going to say?”

It’s a wonder the baby didn’t cry beforehand. She explodes along with Yongbok, terrified of a tone of voice she never heard before.

“Fuck this, this is ridiculous, he-” Seungmin snaps back, arms crossed.

“Okay. No.”

Chan’s words are spoken like a true pack leader, his alpha voice cut right through Seungmin’s rant and reaching all the way to Minho’s heart, pulling him back up to the surface.

“We are not doing that. Minho has been killing himself for years. I don’t think he’s been a good advocate for himself so let me rephrase what’s happening. A pack member has been feeling so left out he completely broke down. I had to drown him out in pheromones after he completely stopped responding to me.”

Minho doesn’t remember that happening at all. Once he had stopped talking, Chan had tackled him. Had he really completely blacked out?

“You did Minho. I’ve never seen that before.” He answers, as if reading his mind. It’s the only part of his speech where his voice is not crafted to be heard. It’s an intimate whisper just for Minho.

“The pack I created is not a pack that ignore its members’ struggles. As for the children, we cannot deny that there is truth to what he says. So, we are all going to sit back down. Now.”

There’s no point in resisting. Seungmin’s eyes show his displeasure, but he lowers himself to the ground until his back loudly bumps against the wall and his legs are stretched in front of him.

“I, as pack leader, ask you to join me in this meeting. Every opinion must be voiced, and every voice be listened to.” He dares every member to question him, one after the other, finishing with Seungmin. “Seungmin has expressed his feelings on the matter and will be allowed to state them further once he calms down. Does anyone want to speak now?”

The baby is still crying in Chan’s arms, albeit much more quietly. Even at her young age she must have sensed Chan’s alpha voice asking them to calm down and answered in her unconscious unpresented way. The first person to dare speak after Chan’s reminder of the meeting rules waits for the baby to finally swallow her last tears. It’s Changbin.

“Can I ask a question to Minho?” He says.

Chan nods. Changbin still waits for Minho to look at him. “Do you want to leave pack?”

Minho didn’t know what he was expecting, but that wasn’t it. He feels all his blood leave his body. “No,” he answers immediately. “Of course I don’t want that.”

Changbin looks lost in thoughts. “Ok.” He swipes his hand lightly in front of him and they know he’s done for now.

“I love you so much Minho,” Jisung murmurs against Minho’s furs. “I didn’t realize, I could swear on the babies that I didn’t know. I would have hugged you longer, I would have spent every single night with you. I noticed you were pulling away recently, but I thought... I don’t know… Minho I love you so much. I’ll invite you to more of my heats. I’ll play with you. I just thought…”

Tears stop him from going any further. Jisung’s like that, heart on his sleeve.

“You thought he didn’t want to,” finishes Hyunjin for him, calmer. But his nails are pressed tightly on the inside of his palms and he speaks through gritted teeth, “It’s just… When I became pack you were my number one support. I even thought you were a Luna at first. But then you rejected all my advances. Believe me I tried.”

Minho doesn’t remember Hyunjin even trying. He remembers a scared beta falling for Chan, not even knowing if their pack allowed his sub gender. He remembers holding Hyunjin and promising their only rule was unconditional love.

But sexual attraction to him? No. Hyunjin sleeps with everyone but Minho. Scents everyone but Minho. Has done since the beginning.

He’s always reeking of another member scent. He practically humps them in public and Minho has to snap back to reality and retract his own curious hands. Reaching and never touching.

“I thought it was because I was a beta. I know you come from a traditional pack where betas stay together.  Not gonna lie though Minho, it fucking hurt. So, I’m having a hard time coming with the fact that you do want me as well.”

Minho’s spiraling. He hurt Hyunjin? Overconfident cocky Hyunjin? The man he had lusted over so much he once had to stick snow on his neck to ease the blush.

Jeongin raises his hand. Chan gestures at him. Minho wants to say something, explain himself, but it’s all going so fast.

“I thought you were a Luna too.”

Minho’s head spins. Luna. They thought he was the leader and yet Minho felt so small, insignificant.

“I don’t think you realize how much we love you, though. You’re like… everyone’s center.” He passes a hand through his hair then throws his head back. He marks a beat. “You have this aura?” He seems unsure, shakes his head then continues, “you are a bit intimidating. You teach the kids, you do readings, food, you have a hand in everything. You follow what and who goes in and out.”

He looks right at Minho. He must not like how unconvinced his mate looks. “We would completely collapse without you. I’m not saying that we don’t want you. It’s just that... you don’t seem to care for stupid things like fighting or cuddles and…”

Minho cares, he cares so much it hurts every single time he’s not included. But he had to develop strategies. Pack before his jealousy. So, he rolled his eyes and he snorted and … He realizes how he might come across.

“I don’t think you’re intimidating,” Changbin scoffs in contradiction, chin high and defiant. “You’re like a big softie inside all that pretense. But Minho. You said no. I was number three in this pack. You said no, and no, and no. And at some point, I just stopped trying?”

Changbin’s the only one who tried beside Jisung. But solely the first two, three months after his courtship officially succeeded.

Minho did say no. There were real reasons: hunger, fatigue, stress, Chan sleeping five feet away. There were the other reasons, untold: an ignorance about omega relationships, the stress of not being enough, of stealing attention from the pack alpha. The last one, he’s over with but it took years.

Yongbok licks his lips, then passes a hand through his white locks. Courtesy of his albino wolf.

“I didn’t even know that hum… heats… were on the table,” Yongbok hesitates on the word like it carries fire. He shots a look at the baby. He must feel shy around her ears. “I’m a bit surprised Jisung seems to have spent some with you? I feel like an assh - idiot to be honest. It just was an established fact when I came in. Hyunjin’s a heathen and Minho doesn’t do the whole physical thing? I never even asked you.” He stops himself, eyes wide. His voice drops an octave when he repeats, “I can’t believe I never asked you.”

 Silence welcomes his words.

Meetings have never been this formal. Usually, they all chime him, bounce off one another. Now it’s just facts lay bare. Small detached monologues. And it feels so wrong. The whole equilibrium of their pack snapped in an instant.

Shame burns the hardest in front of silence. He should be speaking next, shouldn’t he? React to their false assumptions, confront them, agree, disagree, anything.

Or Seungmin should. Minho’s stomach knots. Seungmin will yell. He doesn’t look any calmer. He’s cracking his hand. He must be feeling all eyes on him, waiting for a renewed input. But he challenges their expectations, tilts his head back, presses his lips tight.

Minho has lost him forever, hasn’t he? And even if the rest of them haven’t talked about banishment, he’s sure Seungmin has it on the tip of his tongue.

“Right,” Chan eventually says. “Anyone else?” It’s tentative, careful.

But no one says anything. Jisung’s still crying silently and Minho has wrapped an arm around him. Stares avoid each other. Some look to the ground, others admire the ceiling like Seungmin is. The fire barely keeps them warm.

It’s too long. Minho has to speak now. Explain.

Then out of nowhere, the baby gurgles a happy sound and hides her little face between her hands and Jeongin speaks.

“Give her to me,” he demands.

Chan startles but indulges him and the little girl is handed off quickly.

Jeongin doesn’t keep her though, he presents her to Minho. The latter’s brain lags for a second before he scrambles up, liberating his clutch on Jisung and grabbing her. Jisung almost falls forward but manages to pull himself to a sitting position. His crying has halted, surprise overtaking his features.

“What?” Minho struggles to let out.

Jisung hands a finger to the baby. She wraps her own hand around it, letting out another breathy sound, almost a giggle.

“She’s yours as much as she’s mine, Minho.” Jeongin says eventually.

Minho bounces the kid on his laps. “I love her so much,” he admits. “I love them all. I do. I love you all.”

“Do you?” Seungmin spits.

“Seungmin…” Yongbok warns again.

But Seungmin doesn’t listen.

“You love us soo much you couldn’t tell us shit and risked the whole pack breaking up? I don’t know if you’re aware, omega Minho, but I have nothing but this. Nothing but us.”

Seungmin is back on his feet. Sarcasm bleeds through his words, cutting.

“You love us sooo much, but you can’t touch us? You love the kids sooo much, but they don’t sleep in your cabin and suddenly they’re other people’s kids? Are you this self-centered, omega?”

Minho shouldn’t get angry, his place in the pack depends on it, but Seungmin’s assumption gives him goosebumps. He loves when Chan calls him omega. It feels grounding and caring. In Seungmin’s mouth, it’s poison.

“You have no idea how long I’ve kept this in, alpha,” he snaps back.

“Why though? Are you enjoying your little attention seeking moment?”

“Seungmin!” Multiple voices call him out at once, but Minho’s too heated up to decipher who.

“You don’t have the monopoly on hurt Kim Seungmin. I have been living with this weight since the day I started courting Changbin. I know I’ve fucked up on multiple levels and I’m aware I can get banished over this. Do you think I’m taking this lightly?”

“You think we would banish you?” Seungmin laughs, as if it’s the funniest thing he’s ever heard all week.

But Minho isn’t laughing.

“What do I have for myself, Seungmin? I am barren. Chan has been trying for 9 years. My previous family rejected me. I have no ancestors and no descendance. I teach kids that truly just need to know how to cut wood and prepare meals. I could leave tomorrow and none of you would care.

“I know it’s my fucking fault because I’m scared and awkward and I’m not asking for affection, but don’t you dare think I am doing this for shits and giggles.”

Changbin rushes to Seungmin and crushes him between his arms. Seungmin struggles, tries to break the embrace by wriggling his arms between their bodies but Changbin holds him tight against his chest.

Jisung has come back to hug Minho, and he squishes the baby between them. Hyunjin has taken his other side, in a rare hold of protectiveness.

 “Let me be extremely clear,” Chan immediately says the second Minho stops talking, stopping anyone from joining their shouting match. “Our pack is not breaking up, and no one is getting banished. That has never ever been what this meeting was about. What the hell.”

“Seungmin,” Changbin says firmly. “Stop.”

Seungmin immediately drops his posturing in Changbin’s arm. As if he just needed close guidance. A puppy that never knew how to be something other than the stray he once was.

Changbin only holds hims stronger.

“We love you, we love Minho. You heard Chan, we are not breaking up. You’re not losing your family. You’re not losing Minho.” Changbin’s words hang up in the middle of their circle. Everyone’s holding their breath.

“I didn’t know,” Seungmin eventually blurts out. “I didn’t realize he…”

Minho braces for impact.

“I’m so sorry,” Seungmin confesses. His voice breaks on every syllable. His pain splashes Minho like blood from a chewed-out prey. Burning hot in the winter.

Hate and love are two sides of the same coin. It’s one of those sayings that Minho knew before he was old enough to read it in a book. Seungmin’s wrath feels like devastating love.

“Me too,” Minho admits, refusing to hide his emotions further. “You’re right. I know how I sound like. I never realized I was hurting so many of you with the choices I made. I’m so sorry. I truly had no idea. I don’t want to be the reason our pack collapse. I’ll do anything.”

“You’re not the only one to blame,” Yongbok says. “You put boundaries years ago and we all ran with it. Never questioned it again.”

“You-“ Minho tries.

“I-“ Jeongin says at the same time. Minho tells him to go on. “I don’t know if this is the right moment but… what you said about the kids… I don’t think you’re imagining things.”

Jisung nods against Minho’s chest. “I never seen things from your angle but…”

“Yeah…” Yongbok agrees.

“Changbin?” Chan asks. It’s clear why he does so. He’s the last kid’s parent in the room.

Changbin has his back towards them, and it takes him a while to detach for Seungmin. He doesn’t step far, though, and the whole room witnesses Seungmin’s bloodshot eyes. Minho recoils. He can’t believe he’s been the cause of so much pain.

“Unconditional love. You said that to me, omega Minho. We failed that, didn’t we?” He shakes his head, wraps his arm around Seungmin’s. “Whether you birthed kids or not, we decided they are packs. I think we’ve been lying to ourselves.”

“I don’t know how we’re going to resolve everything, Minho. But I hope you realize that we love you as much as you love us.” Chan says. “For the kids, though, I think there are a lot of ways we can improve. Lots of things we can do. We’ll take time to think on it.”

Minho nods emptily.

“Let’s take a break,” he adds. “I’m going to look for the kids and we’re doing a puppy pile,” he says.

Changbin’s snorts. “What? Now?”

The same reaction is pulled out a few other members but Chan looks dead serious. “We need community. If we wait, we’ll make things awkward.”

“It will be awkward,” Changbin points out.

“It will be better than nothing.”

Minho shakes his head, “the babies will love it,” he says quietly. The little girl on his lap positively beams at that. She looks intrigued at the sudden spike of adoration on Minho’s face.

“Well, sure,” Yongbok shrugs. “I’m down.”

Without further ado, he pulls out his top and pants and turns into his wolf form. The baby laughs in surprise and Minho melts. Yongbok’s too good.

“You could have waited for us to look for the kids,” Chan smiles but he looks endeared as well.

Yongbok sits, wraps his tail around himself. He gazes at Chan, unimpressed. His red eyes tell him “What are you waiting for then.”

Chan rolls his eyes but seems to get it and he leaves the room at once. Jeongin follows suit.

“Are you okay?” Jisung asks Minho, low enough to not be heard.

Minho watches Seungmin transform just second to Felix. He tries not to focus on the brief exposition of skin. He’s seen him transform so many times. This one feels brand new. «I’m don’t know.”

The floor creaks when Changbin and Hyunjin join in. Changbin large brown forms settle on Seungmin’s paw and Seungmin tries to bite him. They playfight a little until Hyunjin has to peak his snout between them.

“We love you, Minho. Seungmin loves you too. We’re going to be better for you.”

Heat pools on Minho’s cheek. This is the most humiliated he’s ever been. And now Jisung’s undressing and that coy little shit is doing it way too slowly. He’s staying decent, there’s a kid here, but his smirk’s telling.

His wolf form is the prettiest of them all. He’s well aware of it. Three colored fur, white paws, white chest. He lightly taps the baby’s stomach with his nose and curls on himself, creating a little nook for Minho to nestle her in.

He executes himself and he’s the last person in the room to turn. He still can’t help but turn away from their stare to undress. He closes his eyes, gives the rain to his wolf. It’s a pressure that grows from inside and in an instant, he’s shifting.

He plops down. Awkward.

“PUPPY PILE” yells out a hyper Mia, running in along with a fresh swirl of freezing wind.

“Mia, shoes!” Jeongin calls out.

Alongside her are the rest of the pack. Beomju, barely awake, is unlacing his shoes with either great care or confused sleepiness. Hyeji just steps on them until they slide off and runs to Minho first.

He’s not sure if the little kids recognize their wolf form yet. She stuffs her head into his fur, and it reminds him of when she hides in between his legs.

Maybe she does know.

Chan picks up Jeongin’s daughter and puts her in the living room cradle. One day she’ll be old enough for puppy pile, but they can’t risk that yet.

None of the kids have learned how to shift. Micha’s the closest but pups usually can access their inner wolf around 9 to 10 years old. So, for now, they do puppy piles in their human form.

Jeongin turns next, leaving his clothes neatly folded on the couch. He sits next to Minho and rubs his muzzle on his scent gland, affectionate. His musky scent washes over Minho immediately. It helps.

“Minho, center.” Chan commands. He’s clever enough to have used his alpha voice. Minho would never have taken center.

He’s also smart enough to immediately shift, leaving Minho with little power imbalance. Minho’s wolf would destroy human Chan in a fight. Alpha leader Chan in his wolf form though… No.

Minho stays unmoving, fighting the order pettily.

“Appa Chan said center,” Micha whines.

He’s always had a soft spot for his babies. He stands up on all four and walks down until he’s taken place on the idle of the carpet. Hyeji trots along, fingers clasped around his pitch-black fur.

He lays down.

They pounce on him.

Truly, the only reason he’s allowed to breathe is because one of his sides is protected by little Hyeji.

There are limbs and paws everywhere. He can feel Changbin entire body on his rear end, while Hyunjin is thoroughly rubbing his face all over him.

It smells like sweat. And vanilla. And coriander and fresh laundry and home.

Minho cries. A lot. He howls too. Because he can. And the other join in.

And it feels like home too.

Feels like tentative hope.