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Soft AU

Summary:

After their war arrives on our world, a temporary and very strained truce is reached. And in a desperate bid to keep the aliens busy and happy, some bureaucrat decided that since they transform into vehicles, maybe they’d like to be washed. Unfortunately for the caretakers assigned to tend to the bots, bringing them their energon and washing them are things normally done by a Conjunx. Surely that won’t cause any misunderstandings.

Chapter Text

Soft started as a joke fic because I didn’t want to work on any of my existing storylines and I was thinking about Cybertronians having cuteness aggression towards humans. But the basic idea was that both factions crashed here, came online and started up their millennia long war on earth, leveling a city. With massive injuries on both sides, a sort of pseudo truce came about while they regrouped with both sides fully expecting the other side to break it first and everyone just biding their time to heal.

Human governments assigned ‘caretakers’ to Cybertronians on both sides, making these folks sign liability waivers in exchange for a huge sign on bonus and the understanding that they’re probably not going to have long life expectancies if things go sideways. They’re pretty much told to take care of their assigned bot and keep them happy no matter what. And to listen for any plans of starting the fighting back up, acting as untrained spies of a sort. They bring them energon, wash them, take an interest in them and basically distract them and keep the factions separate until the world governments can figure out what to do about the giant invaders (or until they think they can safely nuke the gathered aliens with no survivors to retaliate).

Unfortunately for the humans, what they’re doing for their Government Assigned Cybertronian™️ is all considered behavior a conjunx or a potential interested partner might do to court a mate. Leading to the Cybertronian’s mostly deciding the humans are trying to arrange conjunx matches witha lot of misunderstanding. Meanwhile, the humans are just trying to do their job and not die.

Seriously, it was a joke fic that kind of got away from me like Nitro Zeus’s 🤣 don’t think about lore here too much, because my reasoning was ‘eff it. That could be funny, so why not?’ I’m mostly just here amusing myself writing silly things- this is my ‘I don’t have to have an outline for this, because it’s not real, serious writing’ space