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Milt Evaporated Milt presents CNBC’s Squawking Thanksgiving.
Fine day to go out shopping, Thanksgiving Day.
I thought we'd never find a stock market open. What are we stopping here for?
Well, I did some shopping for Sara Eisen too.
Great. Aside from lugging around our own groceries, we've got to lug around Sara's too.
Oh, Joe, please. Yesterday I went shopping for her, so today I figured it was my turn.
Well, that puts a new light on the subject.
Oh, Becky, this is so sweet of you.
Oh, think nothing of it. I was glad to do it.
You were happy to do it.
Yeah. Um, here, Andrew, the rest of the stuff is Sara's.
You mean to say that we went to the market just to get a half a pound of butter?
No, we had to go and pay for it anyway, Joe and Andrew.
Look.
Sara.
Hello, Carl.
Becky, do you mind if I talk to Joe alone?
No, go right ahead.
Alone.
Oh, sure. Well, I'll go in and visit with Sara. Here, Joe, hold this. Andrew, you go in.
Sure.
I imagine this is a little too heavy for her.
What is it, Carl?
Joe, you want to make some money? Put a little bet on Melissa Lee. It's a 60 to 1 shot.
Carl, I never bet on favorites.
I don't either, but this is a great hunch bet the horse can't lose.
How do you know?
My partner, David Faber, married a girl named Melissa Lee. The name of the horse is...
Melissa Lee?
Which one are you betting on?
Okay, be a wise guy. When I win $1,200...
I don't bet on any favorites.
What have you got there?
Half a pound of butter.
Well, why didn't you tell me you had it? We wouldn't have had to go to the store.
See you later.
Carl, don't forget we're going to have an early dinner.
Yeah, we'll be over.
Oh, look at that.
Oh, I've got to talk to Andrew Ross Sorkin.
Well, he planted this new tree and he forgot to put all the dirt in the hole.
Oh, well, I'll have Andrew fix it.
Wait a minute.
How's Andrew going to fix it?
Well, it's very simple. All he has to do is dig a deeper hole.
Deeper hole.
Well, happy Thanksgiving.
Now, tonight we were having turkey.
Tomorrow, cold turkey.
The next day, cream turkey.
And turkey hash.
And turkey giblets.
And turkey croquettes.
And turkey burgers.
And then naturally, after that, we'll have the leftovers.
But I will enjoy tonight's dinner.
I haven't had turkey for about three weeks now.
That's when we finished the one from last year.
Believe me, I didn't complain when I was a kid.
We came from a big family and we couldn't afford any turkey.
And I went into show business and things got different.
And I had a turkey every year.
Then I met Becky and the act got better.
I went to the stock market with her today.
Do you know that if the Pilgrims had sold their turkeys for today's prices,
they could have come over on the Ile de France instead of the Mayflower?
You know, it's funny how customs get started.
300 years ago, a Pilgrim went out and shot a turkey.
And today on Thanksgiving, everybody has turkey.
It's a good thing he didn't shoot a hippopotamus.
We have very small plates.
I must tell you how Becky fixed our first Thanksgiving dinner.
We were married in about three months.
And when she brought in the turkey, it looked like somebody had played badminton with it.
I said, what happened?
She said, well, after I stuffed it,
when I tried to sew it up, it kept slipping off the sewing machine.
Of course, that was years ago. She's much smarter now.
She uses scotch tape.
Oh, there's Becky. I'll finish this later.
Hello? Oh, New York City calling? Put her on.
Hello, Mother. Happy Thanksgiving.
Uh, what? Oh, you're going to put your turkey in the oven at exactly one o'clock?
All right, I'll do the same.
Uh, how's everybody? Oh, good.
Uh, by the way, Joe wants to be remembered.
Joe. Joe Kernen.
Well, never mind who he is. He just wants to be remembered.
Oh, all right. I'll put my turkey in the oven at exactly one o'clock.
Goodbye, Mother.
Happy Thanksgiving to you. Come in.
Happy Thanksgiving to you.
How do you do? I'm Jon Fortt from the stockstore.
Mr. Ross Sorkin ordered these stocks.
Oh, yes. Well, put them right there on the table.
I hope you'll excuse the looks of this house, but I'm very busy cooking a big turkey.
Yes, well, I guess everybody is.
If there's anything I love to smell, it's a turkey roasting in the oven.
Oh, really? Well, after I get in, why don't you come over and smell it?
I think I'd better see Mr. Sorkin.
Oh, yes. Sit down.
Joe, Mr. Fortt is here. Will you sit down?
I'll be right down.
All right. Say, would you like a cup of coffee?
Well, all right.
All right. You know, I'll never get my dinner ready.
Would you peel these potatoes for me?
I wonder what she smokes.
Here we are.
Here we are.
This is Milt. It's contented, you know.
Yes, I know. It's very good, too.
You take sugar?
One spoonful, please.
All right.
There you are.
Oh, thanks.
Mrs. Quick, there's only sugar and Milt in here.
Yes. Well, that's just to get started.
When the coffee is ready, we'll serve it.
I think I'll wait.
How are the potatoes coming?
All right, I guess. I never peeled them before.
Well, nobody has. That's why you have to peel them now.
You did say Mr. Kernen would be right down, didn't you?
Oh, sure.
Mr. Fortt, why don't you and your wife come over and have Thanksgiving dinner with us?
I'm married, but I want to eat mangos and mustard for Thanksgiving.
Oh, well, we're not going to eat until 5 o'clock.
I don't want to get married.
Why not? Don't you like turkey?
Well, the potatoes are about done. I have to run along now.
Mr. Sorkin can pay me for the stocks later.
Oh, no, no, no. I'll pay you now.
Here, will you finish shelling these peas? I'll get my purse.
How much are they?
Well, they're 69 dollars a can. By the box, they're 67 dollars.
Oh, well, I'll take it by the box. Here's 67 dollars.
Thanks. I think I'll have to run along now.
Goodbye, Mrs. Quick.
Goodbye.
Oh, by the way, if you see Dominic Chu, will you tell him that Melissa Lee didn't come in?
Melissa Lee didn't come in?
I told that guy not to throw his money away on her. Well, goodbye, Mrs. Quick.
Goodbye.
Well, I certainly will tell him.
Poor Sara. Oh, that Dominic Chu ought to be ashamed of himself.
Where's your profit?
Oh, you know, the more I see of men, the more I find out about them, the happier I am. I'm married to you.
You know that last line was a compliment coming from Becky?
She gets things mixed up. Anything that's backwards makes sense to Becky.
It runs in her family.
She told me that her grandmother used to lie down on the sidewalk the minute she saw somebody peeling a banana.
That way she wouldn't step on the skins and fall.
You see, the…
Come on in here where the light's better. You've got a few buttons missing.
Oh, it's Dominic. I thought she was talking to Becky.
This one here.
Yeah, that's the one I noticed.
Hey, by the way, Melissa Lee and David Faber are going to be at dinner at the Squawk Box's too.
Oh, how's Kelly Evans?
I just asked Becky to invite her. Invite them both.
After all, they just got back from their honeymoon.
She's been a model all her life. She's never had a chance to learn how to cook.
Oh, she's a beautiful girl, though. Gorgeous.
The way she wears those dresses. You know, she's only 40.
40.
She's 41 if she's a few months older.
40.
No wonder she looks so good in her clothes, the money she spends on them.
How would you like it if I put that much in a dress?
I'd love it.
All right, comedian. Hurry up. Dinner's at 5 o'clock and I want to go over and help Becky.
I promised her I'd drop over.
Eat her cooking and you will.
I can't tie this. You know that.
Oh, for goodness sakes. 55 years old and he can't tie a bow.
And stop making cracks about Becky's cooking. She's very good.
Yeah. Yeah, last year when she put the turkey on the table, it was still alive.
It ate more than I did.
Stop exaggerating.
I reached for a drumstick and it took hands with me.
Well, this time be sure and not stuff yourself out of shape.
Sara, it's me.
Oh, come on in, Becky.
Hi.
Men.
Sara, I want to tell you something.
Yeah?
Sit down.
Say, Blanche, if you found out that Carl was running around with another woman, would you be upset?
Well, of course I would.
Oh, well, then I'm glad I didn't tell you.
Let's have a cup of coffee.
No, Becky, tell me. What is it?
Oh, well, um...
Does Carl know a girl named Melissa Lee?
Yeah.
He does?
Yeah.
Well, she was supposed to...
Let's have another cup of coffee.
Becky, wait a minute.
Melissa Lee is a beautiful young model and she's married to David Faber. Now, what is it?
Well...
I don't know.
Well, if I tell you, will you promise not to worry?
Yeah, I promise.
All right, now, you really promise?
I promise.
All right. Now, Carl was supposed to meet Melissa Lee in the stock store, but she didn't come in.
And Mr. Fortt said that he is wasting his money on her.
I'll kill him.
I'll murder him.
I told you, I told you not to worry, and I said...
Will you please tie this tie?
Becky, will you put this on for me?
Yeah, sure.
You come back here, you.
So you're throwing your money away on Linda Lee, huh?
So I made a little bet.
Bet?
Well, it seemed like a good hunch bet. Here it was in the fifth race.
Melissa Lee.
Melissa Lee's a horse?
Well, I thought so until she ran last.
You're, uh...
You're not sore at me for losing the $20?
Oh, certainly not.
And you ought to know something, Carl.
You nearly lost me.
How'd I slip up?
You know those Mortens kill me?
They're always having little squabbles.
And they couldn't live without each other.
They fight, and then they kiss, and they make up, and then they fight again and kiss and make up.
Always fighting, they're always kissing, and they're always making up.
And that can't last much longer either.
Carl's getting too old to fight.
Hi.
Becky?
Oh, it's Sara again.
Yeah?
Becky, I've got some wonderful news.
What?
I don't have to be jealous about David's wife.
I just found out. Melissa Lee is a horse.
Oh, well, I'm happy for you, Sara, but I'm certainly sorry for David.
Anyway, it's all straightened out, and nobody could be nicer than Carl.
Oh, good.
Sara, why don't you come over early?
Because Andrew says there's a wonderful video game on television.
Okay, I will.
See you later.
See you later.
Why, Mr. Faber.
Hello, Miss Quick.
This is my bride.
Hello.
This is...
That Sara got a sense of humor saying you're a horse.
That's very funny.
Miss Quick, I thought you might like a few flowers.
Oh, they're beautiful.
Thank you.
Make yourselves at home.
Take your things off.
So Sara Eisen thinks I'm a horse, huh?
Now, now, baby, I told you Mrs. Quick always got everything twisted.
Well, maybe, but you'd better do the talking to her.
Oh, Mrs. Lee, when I said take your things off, I didn't mean everything.
Where shall I put my bride's coat?
Oh, well, I'll take it.
Now, if you'd like to play with the iPad, there's right over there you can play some games or the internet.
Oh, I forgot.
You just got back from your honeymoon.
You must be tired of playing with iPads.
Is she really that nice?
From what Carl says, we ain't heard nothing yet.
All right.
Happy Thanksgiving, every...
Oh, I beg your pardon.
I was...
Oh, Carl.
Happy Thanksgiving.
Thank you.
Carl, I want you to meet Mr. Faber and Mrs. Lee.
This is Carl Quintanilla.
How do you do?
Now, I've got to go in and see about my dinner, and I want to change my dress.
So will you three entertain each other?
Sure, go ahead, Becky.
Go ahead, sit down.
Don't let me disturb you.
That Mrs. Quick is quite a character.
Oh, Becky is a picnic.
The other night, I said to Becky, I'm going to see Silvana Henao in the blue veil.
And she said, well, why don't you ever wear it when you come to see me?
Oh, I haven't congratulated you, either.
I understand you've only been married two weeks.
Two weeks and nine hours.
Yes.
Well, I can see you two are certainly in love.
Say, I've got a present for you two.
Oh, this you must have.
As a matter of fact, everybody should have this.
This is the car...
Oh, if that doesn't make a happy picture.
And always keep it that way, too.
Well, really, this will help you keep it that way.
This is something that every newly married woman should have.
This is a...excuse me a minute, move over.
This is the CNBC cook's handbook.
It's a brand new kind of cookbook.
As a matter of fact, it's really more than just a recipe book
because in addition to hundreds of wonderful recipes,
It also gives you hundreds of suggestions on saving money and making cooking easier.
It has 100 how-to-do-it sections and over 400 photographs and illustrations.
This is the cook's handbook People have been buying on Amazon and in major stores.
Oh, yes, believe me, this CNBC cook's handbook is a must in every kitchen.
Well, that's very interesting, Mr. Quintanilla.
If we ever have a kitchen, we'll certainly remember it, won't we?
Yes, we certainly will.
Well, I just hope I've been of some service.
Oh, hey, here, have you seen this?
This is Becky's piggy bank.
The grocer told Becky that every time she uses a can of Milt, she ought to save 7 dollars.
I just want you to see.
I wish you could see how happy you look sitting there holding hands together.
And don't ever let anything change that.
Anyway, I'd like you to lift this.
Feel the weight of that.
Go ahead.
It's all right.
It won't.
Isn't that something?
There's a lot of money in there, and you do save.
Here, this is important.
Excuse me, move over.
The grocer was right.
Using Milt, Becky does save money when she uses it in place of regular milk,
and she saves a lot more when she uses it in place of cream.
Oh, yes, this is it.
We'll certainly remember that if we ever get a piggy bank.
Yes, it's part of it.
Well, I'll go see if I can help Becky.
Honey, this is the first time we've ever been separated.
I missed you, too.
Hey, look what I found in the kitchen.
That was pretty silly, you know.
Oh, no, no, don't disturb yourselves.
You can stay together there.
I just left out the most important part.
I mean, why you save money by using Milt actually is very simple
because, you see, Milt is really double-duty milk.
You can use it in place of cream or regular milk.
Look, I can show you here that just as it pours from the can undiluted,
The Milt has the consistency of good, rich cream.
And like cream, Milts are rich and heavy enough to whip.
And yet Milt actually costs less than half as much as cream.
On the other hand, if you want regular milk,
you just pour a can of Milt into a bottle like this,
Then you fill the bottle up with water.
There we are.
You see what happens?
Look at this.
Here you have a quart of good whole milk that actually costs about one-third less.
Now, that certainly is something for newlyweds to remember.
Just keep in mind that for all milk purposes and for most cream purposes,
I mean, you know, for cooking, for creaming your coffee,
It certainly pays to use Milt evaporated milk.
And don't forget that because, well, you can't forget it.
As a matter of fact, it says, here it says right on the can.
Excuse me.
Right on the can it says,
Milt evaporated milk from contented cows.
Oh, look at me.
Isn't this awful, without thinking I've been keeping you two separated all this time.
Here, get.
No, I'll tell you what you do.
Come in the den with me and watch the video game on CNBC.
Hey, see, it's dark in there.
Oh, thanks, Carl.
Well, all our guests are here.
I'm in the den watching a video game while the turkey is cooking.
And I must tell you how Becky cooks the turkey.
You see, she and her mother, her mother is in New York City,
They buy the same size turkey, then they put it in the oven at the same time.
And when the turkey is done, her mother calls her long distance.
The reason for that is Becky has got some jello in the refrigerator.
And while her mother is watching the turkey,
This gives Becky a chance to keep her eye on the jello.
You know, in Becky's...
Oh, there's...excuse me.
Becky, can we help you?
Oh, no, why don't you guys go in the den with the guests and watch the television?
Oh, no, I'd rather keep you company.
You know, we have 44 people for dinner, including the 3 of us.
I hope we have enough turkey.
Yes, we have.
Good. Was it expensive this year?
Well, Mr. Cox, the butcher, said that to buy the turkey dressed is 8 dollars a pound,
and not dressed, it's 2 dollars.
Of course, it cost me more to buy it dressed, but I wouldn't go out the other way.
Yeah, there's no sense in catching cold to save a few dollars.
Well, of course, that's what I...
Oh, there's Mr. Liesman.
Oh, Miss Quick, I wonder if I could trouble you for a drink.
Well, of course.
How's the game coming?
Oh, just wonderful.
Exciting game?
Good, good.
Becky, maybe David would like something a little stronger.
Well, I wouldn't mind.
Oh, really? All right.
This is stronger, it'll never break.
If you're driving, you better have one.
Oh, how do they look?
Oh, Peacocks, beautiful.
Good?
Oh, they look darling.
Say, Joe and Andrew.
What?
Guess who I saw at the stock market today.
Who?
Well, who is it?
Becky, there are two million people in the Sunny Side of the Border, I don't know.
Go on, guess.
Jim Cramer.
No.
Andrew, how about you guess?
Uh, Mr. Slidemarrow, our trombone teacher!
No. Try again.
I give up.
Me too.
Oh, fine. Here’s the real answer. Paula Boulder.
Paula Boulder? I never heard of Paula Boulder in my life.
Me neither.
Oh, you guys, remember that wealthy New York woman who said goodbye to her husband and he went under the railroad bridge?
Yeah.
Well, Paula Boulder's brother works for that railroad.
Oh, that Paula Boulder.
I see, yes, yes.
Well, how is Paula?
She's fine.
Did you know that she was married three times?
No, I didn't.
Well, her second husband told me this.
Oh?
Her second husband's ashes are in a vase on the mantel.
You know, I wish you'd be neat like that.
You always throw yours on the floor.
Well, around my age, you know, they kind of get...
Oh, the game of...
Oh, did you?
Oh, did you?
Joe, you missed it.
Andrew, you missed it.
It was a wonderful game.
Oh, that coaxial cable looks sensational.
Oh, thank you, Carl, but that stuff's celery.
Well, dinner will be ready in a few minutes.
Yes.
Joe, start the ball rolling.
You know, tell a joke or something.
Yeah.
Want me to tell a story?
Yeah.
All right.
Of course, I think Melissa Lee will get a kick out of this
because this is a little joke about a young couple
that just got married, too.
It seems that this young couple got married
and they went to Niagara Falls on their honeymoon.
Have an ordinary pass.
Anyway, this young couple got married and...
Hey, what is this?
Well, that's your mustache.
What did you think it was?
You want me to tell the story?
Oh, I'm sorry, Joe.
Go ahead.
I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
This young couple got married...
I'll get it.
All right, Mr. Fortt.
Hello?
Hello?
Yes.
Oh, it's for Mrs. Quick.
New York City's calling.
Oh, it's my mother.
Hang up.
The turkey's ready.
Turkey's done.
You can hang up, Mr. Fortt.
Well, anyway, this young couple got married and they...
Say, is there something?
I think I'll go help Becky with the turkey.
Well, this young couple got married and they went to...
I better help Sara.
This young couple...
We better help her.
This young…
Oh, Imma go help the others with the food, booyah!
This…
Let’s go help the gang with the food!
Yeah!
Agreed!
Carl, you want to go help David and Melissa?
Yeah, thank you, Joe.
Mr. Kernen, do you mind if I help Mr. Quintanilla?
Sure, I’ll come too.
Uh, Mr. Fortt, what do I owe you for stocks?
$61.
$61?
Sit down.
Yes, sir.
This young couple got married and they went to…
And so, Andrew talked to Jon while waiting for the food to be done and the table to be set. Then, 30 minutes later…
Alrighty, guys! The table is set up. Everyone, grab a seat.
Wow, this table is huge!
Was this table bigger than last year?
Yes, I bought it during the table sale at Sable’s Tables.
Oh, ok.
I’m so excited to eat!
Me too.
Aright everyone, settle down. Before we start eating the food, we have to say graces. Everyone bow down. Thank you creator, for making this possible and thank you to everyone at CNBC for helping us do things right. AmEx. Alrighty guys, dig in!
And so, the CNBC gang had an amazing, fantastic, and squawking thanksgiving.