Chapter Text
It’s all Zayn’s fault.
At least, this is what Louis keeps telling himself as he packs suitcase upon suitcase to head to Los Angeles for an undetermined amount of time. He shoves a fourth pair of Vans into his bag, trying and failing to get the suitcase zipper shut as Zayn continues to argue for the millionth time that Louis could have said no, that he didn’t have to agree to this. But Louis shakes his head. He can’t back out, not now. It’s basically a challenge at this point, one he doesn’t intend to back down from.
He still hates Zayn for it, though.
“You can easily get yourself sent home the first night,” Zayn offers. “Just make an ass of yourself. I’m sure that wouldn’t be difficult, you do it all the time.”
Louis curses as the zipper gets caught on something inside the suitcase. “Why would I fly across the country only to make myself look like a dick on national television and then have to fly home immediately after. And thanks for the compliment. You’re a peach.”
“I’m just saying, if it totally sucks, you can make up some sob story about how you can’t be there and it’s too hard and need to come back home. Worst case scenario. People do it all the time.”
“Yeah. People. I’m not people.”
Zayn rolls his eyes. “Oh, right, your highness.”
Louis flips him off. “You got me into this mess. You should be kissing my ass right about now.”
“I was trying to do you a favor!”
“On what planet is signing me up for The Bachelor a fucking favor?!”
Zayn sighs. “I told you I was sorry, like, a thousand times. I just figured you’d have fun with it.”
“Yeah, well. Now I have to, don’t I?”
He pats Louis on the head. “That’s the spirit. Now, hurry up with your bags, princess. You have a pumpkin to catch and your Prince Charming awaits.”
Louis slaps him.
Nine months earlier, Louis had been sitting on his couch, drink in hand, excitedly awaiting the season premiere of The Bachelor to begin. It was a guilty pleasure, one he was embarrassed to dabble in, but after watching it for six consecutive seasons, he’d accepted the fact that his Monday nights would forever consist of yelling at the TV screen for America’s apparent top bachelor to pick the man he deemed most perfect of the bunch.
He settled in amongst the couch cushions, tapping his fingers against the cooled glass of his beer bottle, and mentally rated each man who stepped out of the limo to meet their potential future husband, Benjamin.
“No, fuck this guy, he’s a former model. Former. As in unemployed and getting uglier. Six out of ten. Next. ” He took a sip of his drink and put his other hand on his calico, Finn, and listened to him purr. “Ben, stop. Don’t flirt with Mr. Roids. Seriously? He’s, like, a four.”
This continued for a while, Louis watching intently as each contestant was interviewed and flexed their muscles as they stared off into some distant field or skyline, as if it was a normal day-to-day occurrence for them. He was in the middle of scoffing at some lawyer from Detroit when Zayn called him.
“Zayn, you know this is my Bachelor time. I can’t talk now,” Louis scolded when he picked up the phone.
“I know, Jesus, sorry. I’ll be quick. I had a question about that meeting we have tomorrow.”
“Hurry up, the last limo just pulled up to the mansion.”
“For the love of God, this show is the cheesiest junk in the world, and you’re not even that stupid. How can you fall for it?”
“Who said I fall for it? It’s a crock of shit. I know. But why would I ever pass on the opportunity to judge and mercilessly mock a bunch of semi-attractive men for two hours, oh my God, pause. ”
Zayn sighed. “I really have zero interest in discussing this show with you. I just wanted to know if Lisa was going to be at the meeting.”
“I’m not even going to pretend I just listened to you because Zayn. The most attractive human I’ve ever seen just stepped out of this limo.” Louis actually leaned forward to get closer to the TV screen. “I think I love him. I want to lick his face.”
“You are aware you’re not a Great Dane, right.”
The man’s name and occupation flashed at the bottom of the screen and Louis nearly blacked out. “Shut up, shut the fuck up, he’s a fucking pediatric dentist. I’m going to die. Seriously. You’ll find my body at the bottom of the river. Zayn! He’s a doctor for kids! ”
“Yeah, I know what a pediatric dentist is. Okay, you’re useless, I’m calling Liam instead.”
“Whatever.” He hung up, not waiting for another word from Zayn, and stared at the screen, unblinking. He swallowed heavily as Harry’s interview played.
“Hello, I’m Harry Styles, I’m 26, and I’m from San Francisco, California. I’m a dentist and I absolutely love what I do. Kids are honestly so funny, and most are so inspiring. I don’t think I would love working as a regular dentist as much as I love working with children.” The camera panned in on a shot of Harry looking at an X-ray at his office, then he high-fived the boy standing next to him and handed him a toothbrush. Louis’ mouth practically watered. “I have one sister and even though my family is small, we’re very close.” Harry and whom Louis presumed to be his sister and parents sat around a dinner table, clinking wine glasses together, and laughed wholeheartedly at a staged joke the audience didn’t get to hear. “I’m a big believer in family time, so it’s important to me to find someone who appreciates that.” Harry then walked down a trail, which led to the Golden Gate Bridge. He stared wistfully into the distance. Louis couldn’t think of one thing to make fun of, for the first time ever. “I want someone who won’t hate my stupid sense of humor too much, likes to experience and try new things, and is always up for an adventure. I don’t like to sit still for too long, and I’m looking for the man who will run with me. I think that man could be Ben.”
Louis stared, unmoving, as Harry and Ben met for the first time outside the mansion’s front entrance, and when Harry smiled, his dimples popped out, and Louis almost screamed. “Ben, you fucking son of a bitch, this one’s a ten. He’s amazing. Don’t fuck this up.” Harry leaned in for a hug, embracing Ben, and then walked inside the house, disappearing from the cameras. The next man, some guy named Leon, climbed out of the limo, bouquet of flowers in hand. “Boo, you’re trying too fucking hard. Bring back the curly one!”
The episode continued and the cocktail party began. Ben went from room to room, introducing himself to each man, asking them all very basic questions about themselves, and Louis wanted to yank his hair out every time he couldn’t see Harry looming in the background. He was the only interesting one, the only one who captivated Louis’ attention, and Ben clearly felt the same way. He gave Harry the first impression rose, securing his safety for the upcoming elimination round, and when Harry broke out into a deep rooted smile while attaching the rose to his lapel, Louis all but slid off the couch, clutching his chest.
Apparently, Louis wasn’t the only one who fell in love with the dentist from San Fran. He quickly became the fan favorite, his name trending on all forms of social media every Monday night, and with each passing week, his popularity only grew. He went on a romantic helicopter ride with Ben on week two, sharing secrets about his past relationships and his ultimate goals for the future, and when Ben kissed him in front of the fire, Louis whined, forcing himself not to clap.
Week three brought a group date, in which Harry rode an electric bull and it made Ben laugh so hard, soda came out of his nose. During week four, they went dog sledding, and week five included a steamy makeout session in the hot tub overlooking some of Montana’s mountains.
By week six, Louis was looking up “Team Harry” t-shirts on his computer at work, and Zayn nearly choked on his coffee when he saw it.
“I don’t even have words for this anymore. You’re, like, extremely creepy.”
“I am not. He just completely deserves to win. Heart of gold, this one. You can tell.”
“Louis. It’s a TV show. I’m sure that almost the entire thing is scripted.”
“Even so, Harry Styles should win. He’s a fucking catch. What kind of idiot would let him go?”
Five weeks later, Ben was that kind of idiot, apparently.
On the season’s finale, Ben chose Tristan, making Harry the runner-up, and Louis swore he could feel his heart actually shattering when Harry broke down in tears.
He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath, his voice unsteady, the palm trees in their tropical location swaying in the background. “I really thought I was enough, you know?” he cried to the camera. “I thought we were it for each other. I guess he was just it for me. I feel so blind.”
Louis punched his pillows. “You are enough! Oh my God! America loves you! I love you!”
“The Final Rose” interview aired directly after, in which host Chris Harrison talked to the contestants, saving Harry for last. “It’s been about eight weeks since that emotional day in Thailand.”
Harry nodded. “Eight weeks.”
“How has it been, getting over Ben?”
“Honestly, watching the show back helped immensely. I thought the entire time that what I had with Ben was so strong and so special, and it definitely was, to some extent. I loved him. But. Being able to see how much closer to Tristan he was, I understand that we wouldn’t have been the right match. Ben made the best decision for everyone. There are no hard feelings and I wish him the best with Tristan.”
The audience applauded and Chris smiled. “I’m sure he’d love to hear that. Should we bring Ben out?”
The crowd went wild again as Ben stepped out onto the studio’s floor, and he immediately went in for a hug. “Harry, you are so wonderful, such an incredible person. I just had a gut feeling we weren’t meant to be.”
Harry forced a smile. “I understand.”
“Whoever you end up with is going to be the luckiest. I really and truly believe that.”
“Thank you, Ben. That means a lot.”
Everyone in the studio clapped and whistled; Louis rolled his eyes. “At least be sincere, you blind prick. Tristan sucks. I can’t believe you let this guy walk away.”
The camera panned to Chris’ face. “Harry, I agree with Ben. Someone out there would kill to be with you.”
“Oh, God, I hope not.”
The audience laughed again and Chris smiled once more. “Hopefully, the men we pick out for you next season won’t actually commit crime to be with you.”
A girl who was blatantly planted in the audience stood up and cheered, “Does that mean Harry is the new bachelor?”
Chris gestured at Harry. “Care to share the news?”
Harry smirked and shrugged. “I’m the new bachelor, and I’m very, very excited.”
The audience went ballistic , and Louis immediately called Zayn before he started to tear up. “ Zayn. ”
“What do you want. It’s almost midnight.”
“Harry is the new bachelor.”
“Oh? Really?”
“Wait, why do you sound actually interested?”
“What, you jealous I’m gonna steal your man?”
“Shut up. Just. Be happy for me, for us, for the world , that we get to watch the love of my life half naked on TV for the next 15 weeks.”
“Love of your life? Christ, you’re crazy.”
He may be crazy, but he isn’t as crazy as Zayn Malik, who tricked him into flying to LA for what he said was work related, when it was really, in fact, an audition to become a contestant on the bachelor. He made it through all three rounds, and when he found out he was chosen, he drove straight to Zayn’s house and punched him in the stomach. Hard.
“ That is for lying to me and forcing me to waste three vacation days to audition and for probably causing me to lose my job because how can I go away for four months to frolic on national television?!”
Zayn held onto his stomach. “You suck.”
Louis threw his head back and laughed. “That’s fucking rich.”
“Okay, look, we’ll talk to Lisa tomorrow and if she says she’ll replace you, you can back out of the show. But if she gives you the thumbs up, you should do it. It’s Harry. ”
“Zayn. He’s a fucking television personality. He’s hot and sweet and works with kids. That’s all I know about him. I’m not uprooting my life to go meet some actor and pretend to fall in love. No one actually forms a real relationship. This entire thing is a sham. I am so fucking pissed that you kidnapped me and brought me there.”
“You didn’t have to audition! And why are you so sour about this show now?! You live for it!”
“Can you hear yourself?! I couldn’t just run out of the room once I realized where I was. I’m 28. I’m an adult. I had to act like one.” He clenched his fists. “And I love watching it, not being on it. For fuck’s sake.”
Zayn frowned. “I’m sorry. I am, alright? Let’s talk to Lisa tomorrow and we’ll see what she has to say.”
Somehow, Lisa was even stupider than the creator of the show itself, because she clapped her hands together and told Louis he had to go. “Your job will be safe. You’re too valuable to lose. We’ll all be cheering for you!”
And after another two more brutal fist fights with Zayn, that’s how Louis Tomlinson ended up on a plane to Los Angeles with his bags packed to meet Harry Styles, the bachelor.