Chapter Text
"I'm sorry..."
Tears endlessly rolled down her face. All she wanted was to just be left alone. She just wanted everyone to go away. She just wanted him to get away from her.
"I'm so sorry."
Her words were barely audible, not that there was anyone around to hear them either. Or maybe there was.
She didn't know.
Kel and Hero already left with Basil for the hospital. Or something like that.
Now she was just sitting here. The horrors of her actions were in vain.
"It was an accident-- I didn't mean to.... Oh god.... what's wrong with me?"
How would Aubrey ever be able to fix this?
X X X
"W-well, I don't really know," Basil said.
The sun was lowering from the sky, just at the brink of sunset, as he and Aubrey waited in the middle of Faraway's park.
He rubbed the back of his neck. "They're your friends, y-y'know? I don't want to be intruding--"
"What!?" Aubrey blew raspberries. "Don't be dumb! You're gonna love them! And they're gonna love you!"
He flushed, too many emotions mixing on his face to count. "But no one ever really... likes me... 'cept for you..."
Aubrey frowned. Basil didn't ever go into much detail about why and how nobody else at school liked him or why he had no other friends, but from simply hanging around him, she figured it out. He would get bullied, cause other kids thought he was kind of weird or too cowardly, or others avoided him for those reasons--
All which Aubrey thought was objectively just WRONG, because Basil was the nicest person she'd ever met- how could anybody NOT like him?
She crossed her arms. "If they don't like you, then I'll never be friends with them again!"
"Wha-- y-you don't have to go that far--"
Aubrey pointed to the entrance of the park "Look! They're here!"
A group of four stood at the edges of the sidewalk, a young boy bickering with a taller, older one-- Kel and Hero, and another young boy quietly watching-- Sunny, and an older girl noticing Aubrey and Basil. Mari waved over to them with a smile and Aubrey waved back.
"C'mon-- let's go."
She marched forth but quickly stopped, not hearing Basil follow.
Looking to him, he anxiously stared at the group, fiddling with his fingers.
"Whatchu waiting for?" Aubrey asked, a frown returning on her face.
"I-I don't-- sorry..."
"HEY AUBREY!!!!" Kel yelled from the entrance of the park. "GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!!!"
"IN A MINUTE!!" she yelled back. She turned back to Basil. "Come on! It'll be okay, promise!"
She offered her hand.
"O.....okay." Basil put his hand into hers and she tugged him forth, marching to the group.
"Hey guys!!" Aubrey called out, waving.
A chorus of hellos greeted her back.
"Who's this?" Mari asked, giving Basil a nice, comforting smile. "A new friend?"
"Yes! This is Basil!" Aubrey stepped aside, putting Basil in front of her.
"Oh-- um, hi! I'm... yeah, Basil..."
"Hey Basil!!! Nice to meet ya!"
"Hi, Basil! I'm Hero, and this is my brother Kel. That's Mari and that's Sunny."
"Yes, hello Basil! Sunny, come on, say something."
"....hi..."
"Eheheh..." Basil's smile turned even more flustered under all the attention, but also widened.
Aubrey smiled as well. He was always worrying about nothing! Basil would get along great with the others, she knew.
Now that Basil was part of the group, it felt complete. Well, maybe they'd get more people and there would be seven of them, or even eight! But Aubrey felt content for now.
Five whole friends-- she was pretty happy with that.
X X X
("Welcome to The Bottom.")
The mess of eyes above stared down at her, to which Aubrey stared back.
("You have been stuck here for a really long time...")
They may have been far, far above in the dark murky water, but they felt ever so close with their eyes constantly on her. They never went away, and they probably never would.
Aubrey looked back down, taking one last glance at the photo in her hands. It was a younger Aubrey-- no pink hair, instead just brown with a cute bow in her hair, arm raised in a wave as her other hand held Basil's. The young blonde look anxious and shy, flushing as he looked at the ground.
(4/28) Basil is now a part of this group! We have six whole people-- me, Basil, Mari, Sunny, Kel, and Hero! We're gonna be like a huge family!
She gently hid it in her pocket.
Staring down and reminiscing about things that happened 9 years ago was doing her no real benefit. But then again, to Aubrey, it felt impossible to not think about. At 8 years old, everything changed for her. And then things got better, then they got worse, then they got way worse.
Would things have taken a direction for the better if she had just never met any of them?
Even more so, not introducing Basil to the others?
Her first mistake was meeting Basil, her second was dragging him into the group.
There were a lot of things in her life that snowballed into something terrible, most of which being her own fault.
Aubrey reached into her pocket, about to pull out the other photo but she paused. It was never a good idea to look back at the memory of her and Basil first ever meeting, only bad things would happen-- it was so painful. It was a reminder of what she lost, what she ruined, what started as a special friendship devolving into cruelty, hatred, and a.... murder.
But Aubrey hesitantly held the photo between her fingers, pulling it from her pocket.
(2/13) My first ever friend, Basil.
It was blacked out with marker. She didn't do it herself-- there were no markers in the Bottom-- or at least she thought she didn't. Maybe she did subconsciously or something. Maybe it was what her brain wanted; to forget it.
Oh yes, to forget her past mistakes and erase them from her mind. Ignore all her bad deeds and leave the accountability up to others. That sounded a lot like her.
Within the small gaps between the black marks ruining the photo, Aubrey could see the raindrops, and the background of grey buildings. There was pink, a little blonde yellow, and dark brown.
Aubrey put the photo back into her pocket.
The abyss remained silent.
The muddy ground was hard to get through and the water filling the area heavy. It was a difficult place.
The Bottom was dark and empty, despite hanging in the middle of it, was a white lightbulb, yet no light emitting from it. Nothing to do, nothing to see. She could only trudge through the ground so many times. The only other thing around were the photos. Ones like the photo of her and Basil first meeting, or her introducing him to the group.
She'd pick them up and think. What could she have done differently? Well, just about everything; the conclusion she always came to. And then she'd wake up-- but even then, in the real world, it wasn't any different.
Zone out, do stuff, and see as everything around just reminded her of the past. Because no matter how hard she tried, it seemed to just always come back.
It was an exhausting cycle.
Aubrey was tired of thinking about it.
Was this even living anymore?
A photo sat at her feet. She crouched down, picking it up between her two fingers.
(4/17) Why does everything keep getting worse? First Mari, then everyone leaves, AND NOW THE PHOTO ALBUM!!!
It was of her and Basil walking down a sidewalk. She side-eyed him, eyebrows curled downwards, worried and nervous, while Basil had his gaze on the ground, tired.
X X X
Thick, dark clouds covered the sky, and the cold stuck to Aubrey's skin as she made her way around the school backyard.
It was lunchtime, and all the seats were occupied.
With how long she'd been walking, her legs felt like they were about to give out. How hard was it to just sit down and start working on the ungodly amount of homework she missed out on? Papers after papers, more and more math and science questions-- Aubrey wished none of it even mattered.
She was getting so sick of these past few days.
Having to go the grocery store because her stupid mother wouldn't do it. Annoying teachers constantly nagging her. Nobody around to help--
What about the bench? The bench her and the others always went to? Surely, no one was sitting there.
As Aubrey walked, she rubbed her drooping eyes and sighed. The lack of sleep was beginning to catch up. She got four hours of rest last night or something. She spent the majority of it staring at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking about memories, about her friends, about bad things that she shouldn't be thinking but she couldn't help it.
Mari was gone and everyone was gone.
Kel was so happy with his new friends. They would all laugh and eat chips and play in the park together. He acted like the group never existed. He acted like she never existed. He acted like a world without Mari was normal, that it was okay that she was gone. How could he be so happy? How could he be so happy only a little while after this... tragedy?
Usually every day after school, Aubrey would go to Hero's house and knock on his door. But it always ended in his mother telling her that he was busy studying. All the time. She wasn't sure if he even cared for her anymore.
It was the same with Sunny, minus the studies part. He stayed in his house, in his room, day and night, never stepping out. You know, Aubrey thought that too and wanted to do it as well, but unfortunately, her STUPID mother had the same idea, leaving the house up to Aubrey.
Unlike with Hero, Aubrey never got a reply from Sunny, she didn't even know if he was listening when she talked to him through the door.
Not that she could even blame him. Mari was his sister-- probably the closest to her out of all of them. Aubrey shouldn't be mad at him for choosing to avoid everyone and everything. But.... wouldn't he come out? She was trying to help him. She needed him.
"Please, Sunny, come out," was something she said nearly every time she talked to him through the door. Of course, no response. Nothing! Nothing, nothing, no one!
Why wouldn't any of them help her? She NEEDED them. Here and now.
Aubrey didn't want to be alone.
Everybody needed time, especially when it came to tragedies like this. But did they need to ignore her? Leave her behind?
Didn't any of them care about her? Did any of them ever care at all?
Not her mom, not her dad, not Sunny, Kel, Hero--
Aubrey paused her walk. She rubbed away the tears that were beginning to overflow. She wasn't going to have a breakdown. Not now, not at school. No. She'd already done enough crying this week-- this month-- these past few months.
She looked around.
She really just walked to no where in her daze. She needed to find a seat. A place to sit to eat her lunch and do her homework.
Look for the bench.
Eventually, Aubrey caught onto the path that her and the group made whenever they went to the spot. The familiar, tall tree caught her eye and she continued towards it, but the sight of a blonde person made her stop.
Basil...
He sat there, a subtle frown across his face while his eyes were trained on the food in front of him. Dark circles hung under his eyes, dark enough to concern her.
After a moment of mindless staring, Aubrey took a step forward but reconsidered. Basil looked worse than any other times she'd seen him. These past few months, any time she'd try talking to him, he would either rush away after exchanging a few awkward sentences, or barely speak at all.
Remembering that, Aubrey's face morphed into a glare. She looked to the ground, redirecting her gaze.
He was like everybody else, wasn't he!? Avoiding her, not talking to her, leaving her. She should be mad at him. And she was....
But.... maybe he wasn't? Basil wasn't a bad person-- she knew it. He was kind, gentle, and caring. And he always was. These times were rough, and she was sure they were for him too. He was hurting, right? Maybe he just didn't know what to say to her. Maybe he did care. All she needed was to just really know that.
Maybe there was a chance.
"H-hey, Basil... um..."
He sharply gasped, head snapping to her. "Huh--? Oh... Aubrey." His voice was quiet, and scratchy-- like he hadn't drank water in a long time.
"Do you think I could sit with you?" she asked. "Until lunchtime is over, I um... don't really have anywhere else to sit."
"....okay..."
Aubrey slowly sat across from him, placing her bag down softly, as if making any sudden or loud movement would scare him. He avoided making eye contact, just continuing to stare at his lunch. He hadn't taken a single bite out of it. She didn't want to eat either. Everything, no matter if it was her favorite food, just seemed unappetizing.
They both didn't say another word, just letting the silence be taken over by other kids' chatter and noise.
Aubrey took a breath in. "So... how've you been...?"
"I-I'm good."
...and he said nothing more.
Maybe doing some kind of activity could spark more conversation, or maybe even distract and cheer him up in some way.
Aubrey unzipped her bag and searched for something-- anything. Fidget spinner, game boy even, but nope, just homework. Just homework.
Despite it being disappointing, Aubrey still grabbed a few select papers and put it on the table. History! Her favorite subject. Sunny and Kel always called it boring and a waste of time, but her and Basil always enjoyed it! This could work out, right?
Taking a look at the papers, they were ones assigned from today.
"Hey uh..... do you maybe want to work together?" Aubrey asked. Basil looked up at her, yet still facing the table. "I think we share the same homework from today..."
"Oh... sure."
Basil turned, looking to his backpack seated next to him. After a moment of staring at it, he reached over, searching through it. He pulled out a few sheets of paper, putting them on the table, in front of hers.
He began writing in silence, and Aubrey looked down at her own papers. She did the same.
How many eras in history are there?
Easy, 3.
The Black Death is a nickname for a disease. What's it's real name?
Bubonic plague.
And all these were very simple, easy questions that she already knew the answer to, and she was sure Basil did too. There wasn't any conversation or thinking to make about this, as they simply wrote answers in silence.
She could pretend to not know a question and ask him about it, but all these questions were so easy and obvious, Basil would know that she was just pretending...
Basil's pencil came to a halt. She wasn't sure if he was stuck on a question, or zoning out. It was probably the latter... since Basil was always good at history.
Aubrey paused writing too, looking up to him.
He stared at the paper, eyes on the question he was writing for, yet looked out of it.
"Uh... Basil?"
He blinked, looking back up at her.
"....you.... stuck on the question?"
"Oh." Basil looked back down. "No-- I got it."
He continued writing.
Aubrey looked back down at her paper, as she fiddled with the pencil between her fingers.
Basil needed someone, and she needed someone too. Even if this was incredibly awkward and even dull, and perhaps it'd be like that for a while, she couldn't just let him go.
And she hoped he wouldn't let her go either.
Aubrey had to make it work, otherwise...
"So...." she started. Basil timidly looked at her from his paper. She rubbed the back of her head as she hesitated the next question, "There's a big test coming up-- I think tomorrow. Would... would you like to study together for it? Later today? You think we could--"
"O-oh!" Basil's eyes widened, completely abandoning their original drooping and tired state. "I-- well-- I don't know-- I have things to do and I-I don't plan on studying today or tomorrow and my grandma, she-- she...."
Aubrey's gripped her pencil
Oh OF COURSE-- what was she thinking? They all just wanted to leave her-- Hero was busy studying, Sunny was cooped up in his room, Kel had new friends, and now Basil.
Was she the only one that cared to reach out to anybody at all?!
Jokes on her, right?
He fell silent, seeing Aubrey's distraught expression.
She pushed down the anger.
She couldn't explode on Basil. That would only make things worse.
"Basil... please? I-I don't even know what to do anymore! Everything's so bad-- Mari is gone, Sunny won't say anything, Hero-- Kel-- please Basil?"
Aubrey forced away the tears forming in silence.
Basil stared at her. He slowly looked back down at his homework. Another moment of silence passed.
"A-alright, we.... can study at my place, if you want...."
There was only a bit of relief that flowed through her body. She couldn't help but still feel stiff.
She felt bad for pressuring him, but the feeling was taken over by frustration. If she hadn't begged him, he would have just pushed her away.
She looked back down at her homework too, a frown stretching on her lips.
"Thanks, Basil...."
X X X
Aubrey and Basil stood at the entrance of the park, finally having made it to their neighborhood from the school.
The walk had been mostly silent, something Aubrey somewhat expected. She tried making conversation a few times-- all attempts failing miserably. Basil would only give one word, curt answers. Would it be the same when they were studying, Aubrey as afraid of it being so.
"Hey, so um... I've been trying to talk to Hero and Sunny," Aubrey said, "but neither of them have responded. M-maybe that you're here.... they'll talk?"
Basil barely glanced at her.
"I-I don't know," she continued, fiddling with the hem of her shirt. "I just... want to talk to them."
"...what about Kel?"
Aubrey frowned, holding back a scowl at the mention of him. "Kel made a bunch of new friends. I don't want to talk with him but..." She sighed. "What do you think? Should we talk to Hero and Sunny?"
"S-sure... okay."
The two went down the street, taking a left and entering the upper block of the neighborhood.
At Hero and Kel's house, Hector resting at the lawn perked up at the sounds of Aubrey and Basil entering. He jumped up, tail wagging with excited barks.
Aubrey briefly pet the dog as she made her way to the door.
She glanced at Basil over her shoulder before ringing the doorbell.
It didn't take long for it to open, revealing Hero and Kel's mother.
"Hello, Aubrey!" she greeted. "Are you here to see Hero?"
Aubrey nodded. "Yeah. I brought Basil with me-- do you think you could tell Hero he's here too?"
"Of course. Just... wait right here."
Hero's mother left the door open slightly, as she went to talk to her son.
A moment of silence passed before Aubrey spoke up.
"You know, I haven't actually talked to Hero," she said. She turned to Basil, who stared at the ground unblinkingly. "His mom always says he's busy studying and won't let me see him cause of it... Sometimes, I just kinda wonder studying's really that important for him..."
Basil hummed absentmindedly.
Aubrey frowned. "I'm starting to think he might just be ignoring me."
She turned away from him and looking back to the door. She readjusted her backpack uncomfortably, clutching onto it's straps.
Hero's mother came back, opening up the door with the somber expression Aubrey was getting used to.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, but he says he's busy."
"Did you tell him that Basil's here?"
"Yes. I did-- I could try talking with him some more, if you'd like?"
"No." Aubrey silently scoffed. "Forget it. C'mon, Basil, let's just go to Sunny's house. Thanks, Ms. Montoya."
She turned away, going back onto the street with Basil.
Frankly, she hoped Hero heard her words and the anger in her voice, so he could realize how much of an asshole he was being. Maybe next time Aubrey would just go to his room and give him an earful, no matter what his mom said about his "busy studying."
Aubrey and Basil walked down the sidewalk, the silence stretching on, even when they stopped in front of Sunny's door.
It took a few moments for the door to open after ringing the bell. Sunny and Mari's mom and her usual kind face greeted them.
"Hello, Aubrey-- and oh, Basil?" She smiled. "Hello, you two."
"Hi, Ms. Suzuki..." Basil muttered.
"Here to see Sunny?"
"Yeah.... is now a good time?" Aubrey asked.
"Of course!" Ms. Suzuki stepped to the side, inviting them in. "Would you like to stay for dinner? I'm making it right now."
"Uh-- n-no-- me and Aubrey have to get going later..." Basil spoke.
Why was he speaking now all of the sudden?
Aubrey brushed off the bitter thought. "Yeah, we've got plans for this evening, sorry, Ms. Suzuki... Maybe next time?"
"That's quite alright," Sunny's mother said. "Go on, talk to Sunny now."
Aubrey and Basil entered the house and Ms. Suzuki went back to the kitchen.
The house smelled of food, but not really the comforting, warm scent, like when the group all went to this house for Thanksgiving. But it was.... empty. The atmosphere of the house felt cold.
Even then, the smell of food was enough to make Aubrey's stomach rumble a little. Honestly, she wished she could stick around for dinner...
As Aubrey and Basil went to the door, leading to the stairs, she took a glance around the living room.
Everything was still the same-- same couch, same creaky floorboards, same stain on the carpet. But it felt sad and empty looking at it, knowing that it was never going to be the same again.
Her gaze swiftly avoided the backyard entrance as she turned back to the doorway with Basil.
They went up the stairs, walking to the upper floor and to Sunny's bedroom door. Basil stared at it anxiously. Aubrey gave him a look, silently questioning if he wanted to go first. But he didn't move from his spot, instead just continued fisting his the straps of his backpack.
Aubrey went ahead, going to the door.
She knocked on it.
"Hey, Sunny! It's me, Aubrey again! Basil's here with me today. You, um.... doing okay in there?"
It was a stupid question to ask, but Aubrey couldn't help it. She hadn't actually seen Sunny since Mari's funeral. According to his mother, he always stayed in his room, hardly ever coming out. She was just so worried....
Silence continued.
Aubrey swallowed down a sigh. "It doesn't look like he's gonna say anything." She turned to Basil. "Maybe.... you could try?"
Basil nodded stiffly.
"Okay, I'll leave you be. I'm gonna.... go talk to Sunny's mom."
Aubrey went downstairs, going to the kitchen. Ms. Suzuki was sat in a chair, staring at the table, holding her face in one palm.
Maybe now wasn't a good time to talk, Aubrey thought, noticing the woman's exhausted expression. But Ms. Suzuki looked to her, straightening up before Aubrey could slip away.
"No luck?"
Aubrey scratched her cheek. "No.... he hasn't said a thing."
Sunny's mother sighed, looking back down at the table.
"Does he at least come out to eat?" Aubrey asked.
"Yes. It's not often, but he does. I find him usually just sleeping in his room."
"Oh."
Aubrey's gaze turned to the oven, not knowing what else to look at. It was lit up inside, some kind of frozen meal on the racks.
Sunny did like sleeping a lot and took naps whenever he could. Sometimes he'd be napping three times a day. But now.... did it mean Sunny slept... all day? Stay inside your house, avoiding reality by retreating to sleep? Must be nice to live in your own little bubble, she thought.
Well... Sunny cared, didn't he? Maybe not about her, but about Mari, right?
Kel got new friends and Hero just focusing on his school work of all things, but Sunny.... Sunny seemed to be grieving.
It was a bit messed up to say that she was glad he was grieving, because it meant he cared for Mari, unlike the others. But.... she was angry too.
How could Sunny just ignore his own sister's death and his own friends by going to sleep instead?
She didn't want to be mad at him. But at the same time she was.
God, everything was so complicated.
Aubrey tore her gaze off the oven. Looking around, she asked, "Where's Mr. Suzuki?"
"Oh. Don't worry about him, dear." Ms. Suzuki turned to her. Did Sunny's dad leave too? Just like her own..? "Say, Aubrey.... I'm going to give away Mari's clothes-- would you... would you like to have them?"
What? Aubrey's eyebrows furrowed. "M...Mari's clothes? Why give them away-- they're hers."
There was a flash of what seemed like anger pass Ms. Suzuki's face that made Aubrey's heart skip a bit. Aubrey backed down, looking to the ground as she shifted on her feet.
"It's... personal-- I can't keep them-- just... Will you take them?"
Aubrey pursed her lips. "...s-sure."
"Okay, I'll give them to you soon. You live down the street, right?"
"Uh, two blocks down the street."
"Alright. I'll give them to you... in about a week, okay?"
Aubrey nodded.
The oven beeped, signaling the cooking time was finished. Aubrey took it as her que to leave.
Basil was taking a while. She should go check on him.
Aubrey walked out the kitchen, slipping into the next doorway.
Quietly going up the stairs, she could hear Basil taking deep breaths, as if trying to calm down. She frowned, and it deepened when a sniffle followed.
"Basil?" Aubrey called out, getting to the upper floor.
"H-huh?" Basil looked at her, quickly wiping at his red eyes.
"You.... okay?"
He dried his eyes one last time, nodding. "Y-yeah, everything's okay." He sniffed. "N...nevermind, l-let's just go to my house."
Well, Aubrey didn't want to pressure him. But she could piece together why he was crying herself-- his best friend was ignoring him in a time of need. That would hurt anybody.
Basil walked past her, going down the stairs.
Aubrey glared at Sunny's door, cursing him for making his own best friend cry.
How could he just.... ignore everything? She couldn't bare the thought of ignoring her own friends as they cried for help.
She looked to the ground, feeling a ping of guilt. Getting mad at him for being depressed over Mari's death was really terrible on her end, but for god's sake, Basil was CRYING.
Aubrey followed Basil through the living room and back to the front door.
He was already outside, looking down at the concrete path.
"Bye, Ms. Suzuki!" Aubrey called into the house over her shoulder. "We'll see you later!"
"See you, kids!" the woman called back from the kitchen. "Stay safe!"
Aubrey closed the door, turning to Basil again. His eyes were still red, a frown stuck on his flushed face.
"Hey..." she spoke. He didn't respond, but she knew he heard. Aubrey inhaled, about to say more, but cut herself off, "Let's go."
Basil began walking down the sidewalks, and Aubrey followed.
Somehow it all got more uncomfortable, as they went down the streets, heading to his house.
The thick clouds still covered the sky, but she could tell it was evening. Usually, she was on a pretty strict schedule and always had to get back home before 5 o'clock, but her mother stopped caring after her dad left. Could Aubrey stay over at Basil's house for tonight? His grandma was nice and her cooking was always amazing, but Aubrey wasn't sure if Basil would be comfortable with that.
She looked at Basil's back as he walked down the street, hunched, eyes on the ground.
Aubrey quietly took a deep breath.
They arrived at his house.
As Basil went to get the key from his pocket, Aubrey took a look around. "Your plants are looking healthy."
It was kind of a dumb comment-- but she was.... a bit surprised that the plants were still alive. With everything going on, she thought he would stop taking care of them.
He looked over to his plants and winced. "Oh.... yeah."
Why did he look sad?
Basil unlocked and opened the door.
Much like Sunny's house, it was devoid of the warmth and comfort it had before.
"Hey, grandma," Basil greeted, spotting his grandmother at the couch.
"Hi, sweetie." His grandmother leaned forward a little, looking towards Aubrey. "Aubrey, is that you?"
"Yeah." Aubrey waved. "Hi, granny!"
"We'll be in my room..." Basil said, walking to the hall.
Aubrey followed, but slowed down to take a look at the plants on the shelf.
It was the 6 flowers Basil assigned to all of them-- gladiolus was hers, tulips were Sunny's, roses were Hero's, cacti were Kel's, sunflowers were Basil's, and lily of the valley was Mari's.
....but they were all wilting and rotting. They were drying up and turning pale, all color fading, and the stems being the same.
"Those are Basil's favorite flowers," his grandma said, looking over her shoulder. "It's sad seeing them die out, no matter how much I try taking care of them."
Aubrey slowly nodded. "Yeah...."
So Basil's granny was the one taking care of the flowers, not him? Gardening was Basil's number one hobby. The thought that he couldn't find the energy in himself to keep them alive hurt.
She kept her eyes on the flowers before turning away, following Basil into the hall. Aubrey felt almost mocked that they would die out, even with care-- like the universe was dangling everybody's breaking friendship and taunting her about it.
Upon entering, she noticed Basil was just standing in his doorway, staring off into his room. His shoulders rose and fell, as if breathing heavily.
Aubrey walked up to him, extremely concerned. "Hey.... Basil--?" she called out, about to put a hand on his shoulder.
But just as her fingers merely touched his vest, Basil jerked away. "I-I-- um-- I have to go to the bathroom! You-- you can start studying without me!"
Nearly sprinting, he went to the bathroom, leaving her behind.
Aubrey stared down the hall as the bathroom door slammed shut.
...
She turned to his room.
Anger was boiling in her chest, but she didn't know if she had the energy to let it all out.
Why would she think this was a good idea?
She had been trying to be patient, but what was the point of reaching out if Basil wasn't going to at least try?
Maybe she'd been right.
Aubrey walked into the room, pulling her backpack off and letting it slip out of her hand with a thud.
She let herself fall backwards into the chair by Basil's desk.
The room was as messy as ever. A shirt lay on the floor, pencil shavings all over his desk, bookshelf disorganized....
Aubrey's eyes stayed on the bookshelf.
The book she stared at didn't look like anything fancy, just a simple dark green hard back, but she recognized it. Aubrey stood up and walked over, grabbing it from the bookshelf. She turned it over, holding it with both her hands.
Basil's Memories.
The photo album.
Basil's most prized possession, but it wasn't just him that cherished it so much, they all did-- including her.
It was full of all the good times they had throughout last year.
Their first Christmas all together, journeying to Hobby's in the rain, the best summer of her entire life, building the treehouse-- everything was in here. Every good time, every good memory, every laugh and smile-- all captured naturally in polaroids, to forever be cherished, inside this single scrapbook.
Looking through it would remind Aubrey of it all. To remind her that it was all... real. That it all happened. That they all were friends. They were happy.
But she hesitated. It would also remind her of what she lost, that it may never come back again. That these times would only forever stay as photos to look at.
Aubrey breathed in slowly.
Her fingers traced the golden title embedded into the cover.
Seeing Mari would hurt again, seeing the happy past would hurt again, as she would still remain in this dark, sad present. But at least.... it would be proof, right? Proof of their friendship.
And that could cheer her up.
Aubrey opened up the album to the first page. Her stomach dropped.
(12/25 - CHRISTMAS): My first photo! It's my best friend, Sunny, trying out his new violin. He's starting to take lessons again so he can play at recitals with his sister, Mari. So exciting!
She stared at the polaroids, blinking in confusion.
(2/18 - MY BIRTHDAY): It's my 12th birthday today! I thought my friends forgot, but they all surprised me with a strawberry cake. I feel so lucky... This year is looking to be a good year!
Why were the photos scribbled out? It looked like it was done with marker. The notes were still there.
Aubrey flipped the page.
The photos were also scribbled out.
Her heart begun going faster.
(3/9): Hero and Mari washing the dishes from breakfast. We're staying over with Mari and Sunny this weekend. It's getting warmer lately so we're about to go to the park. Kel says there's a secret lake area behind some bushes, so we're all going to check it out!
(3/10): Kel was still feeling a little sour about losing to Hero in arm-wrestling last night, so Hero decided to lean in for a smooch! Kel looks so annoyed. Ah... Brotherly love...
Aubrey flipped to the next page. Also scribbled out.
(4/21): Mari is teaching everyone how to make flower crowns--
Even Mari's face was covered in marker.
It was all scribbled out.
She flipped through the pages.
More and more photos that were scribbled out-- WHO DID THIS!? Who would draw over Mari's face and all the memories they made together with her? Was this some kind of joke? Some kind of cruel cruel joke done by the universe!?
Her heartbeat throbbed in her throat and her head pulsed in a headache.
This was awful.
This was-- this was just horrible.
Who in the world would do such a thing!? The memories, the photos, Mari-- they were all gone! IT WAS ALL GONE!! EVERYTHING!!!
The floorboards creaked, following up footsteps that Aubrey didn't hear. She whirled around, meeting the eyes of Basil.
He still looked out of it, staring at the floor, but when he looked up at her, he froze.
It was him.
Who else would have the photo album? Kel already forgot all of them-- Hero wouldn't pay attention to them-- Sunny was stuck inside his house-- who else could it be?
"You--" Aubrey's anger finally burst. "What the heck is this, Basil!?"
She showed him the ruined photo album.
Before he could answer, she kept going, "Did you do this!? What's wrong with you-- are you crazy?!"
Basil stared frozen, eyes big and horrified.
Why would he do such a thing?! Wasn't this his most prized possession!? The thing he cherished the most!? Why would he destroy it?!!
It didn't matter.
It didn't matter why he did it.
The photos were ruined.
"Do you have any idea what you've done!?" Aubrey's eyes switched back and forth between the scribbled out photos and Basil. Both sights hurt. "I-I thought you were fine-- that we were going to be fine-- but this--!? Why, Basil!?"
"Au-Aubrey, I--"
Her tears were beginning to overflow, voice becoming shaky. "It's all gone, Basil! It's all gone! Why would you do this--?"
Aubrey fell silent, but her expression was still filled with rage and misery.
Wow.
She was right.
Basil really was like everyone else.
Sunny refused to come out, and instead ignored his sisters death by just sleeping all day. Kel made new friends and forgot the rest of them. Hero didn't say a word to any of them, and instead just did schoolwork, focusing on his future career rather than Mari or any of them-- he didn't care for Aubrey anymore. He didn't care for Kel anymore. He didn't care for Sunny anymore. He didn't care-- NONE OF THEM CARED.
None of them cared for Mari either, did they?
And Basil.
Who she thought was the fine one, who she thought was the one she could go to-- he turned out to be the worst of all of them.
What a freak-- what a god damn monster to attempt to destroy their memories like this. Maybe he was always just this bad of a person. How horrible did someone have to be to try and erase the only thing left of Mari?
How could he look at the photos, and think to grab a marker and scribble out everything, including Mari's face?
But marker was cleanable-- right? If she scrubbed hard enough, it should come off! She could save it! She had to protect the album from Basil-- he would just ruin it all over again!
Aubrey slammed the book shut.
"Aubrey--"
"GET AWAY FROM ME!!!"
Basil let out a cry as Aubrey ran through the door, shoving him out of the way.
She ignored the alarmed exclamations from Basil's grandma. She ignored the desperate calls from Basil. Aubrey burst out of the house and kicked the door shut behind her. She ran away from the block, holding the album close to her chest.
Aubrey got inside her house.
Noticing her mom at the couch, she choked down any sob that was building up. She dragged a sleeve across her eyes, trying to get rid of the tears that spilled, but it was no use. They came back anyway.
She went to the bathroom, shutting the door, hunching over the sink.
Stupid Basil, stupid Sunny, stupid Kel, stupid Hero, stupid mom, stupid dad, stupid-- stupid EVERYONE.
Aubrey opened up the photo album with sniffles.
She had to get a towel and start cleaning it-- but there were so many of them ruined. It would take forever-- it felt near damn impossible.
Aubrey breathed in and out.
She almost collapsed on the spot, suddenly too exhausted now.
Still though, Aubrey took a towel off the hanging rack, and dampened it with water from the sink. She slipped a photo out of it's plastic case on the page, putting it on the counter.
Aubrey rubbed at it with the towel hard. Even if it was sharpie, which was permanent, she could still get it off with enough scrubbing.
She just had to keep trying.
After a few seconds, Aubrey lifted the towel off. It barely did anything but there was a black stain on the towel, and the scribble marks had faded a bit.
Aubrey hung her head. "Thank god."
This would take forever, but at least she knew it could be saved.
She looked at the photo.
It was the first ever photo Basil took-- it was of Sunny and his new violin during Christmas. They worked a lot that year to get that violin for him, so he could play along with Mari in her recital.
Unfortunately, it never got to happen, did it?
Why would Mari do it, why would Mari leave?
Why would the universe think it was a good idea to separate all of them? Life always had hardships, Aubrey's dad once told her. But really? That was it? That was the excuse? Because life could never be easy, Mari was taken away from them? That was so unfair! It was so unfair that Mari could die and everyone could move on like nothing ever happened!
Great, all these thoughts were making her eyes sting. The want to cry made her breaths heavy again, but she couldn't break down. Not again. She had to be strong... didn't she?
Suddenly, Aubrey realized something very obvious.
She was alone.
Her mother had always been a deadbeat and wouldn't be getting better anytime soon.
Her father left just a month ago.
Sunny locked himself inside his room, ignoring everything.
Hero was busy studying and only studying.
Kel already made new friends and forgot everyone.
Basil tried ruining the memories they all made, revealing himself to be just as bad as everyone else.
And Mari was dead.
She had no one to confide in, no one to go to, no one that would comfort her.
She had no one.
For the longest time, she always thought that her friends would all leave her eventually. That they would abandon and forget her. Her parents did. They hardly ever loved her. So if her parents, the ones that are supposed to be the people that love you the most in the whole wide world, left her, why wouldn't anybody else?
Ending up alone was her worst nightmare and it was finally happening.
X X X
Being a 12 year old with fucked up mental health would lead to a lot of fucked up decisions. And boy, did she fuck up a lot.
Even if Aubrey now knew that yeah, everyone else HAD just been grieving, the feeling of abandonment still lingered. It was unfair to feel it, she knew. Just like Kel said at the church, they'd all been kids. They didn't know how to handle things.
Aubrey felt.... a bit pathetic for still feeling hurt over this.
She had already learned. She already knew that nobody actually meant to abandon her, that they were all just stuck in their own grief of Mari.
But Aubrey still felt irritated every time she remembered when Kel and Sunny tried coming back into her life, despite never talking to her and ignoring her completely for a whole 4 years, acting as if they still knew her and knew better than her.
Well, they did anyway.
Plus, everything Aubrey did was way worse. She didn't really have the right to be mad.
If she hadn't stolen the album, and instead just kept trying to be there for Basil, both their lives would have taken a turn for the better. Or not. Basil would still be a walking train wreck, and would have just kept trying to avoid her, or never trying to progress their friendship. But at the very least, if Aubrey didn't take the photo album from him, or better yet, even look at the photos, Basil's life would have been less of a hell.
She really just had to make everything worse for everyone, huh?
Aubrey stared down at the photo.
The Bottom was murkier than ever.
Aubrey closed her eyes.
God, she wished she didn't steal the album.
She wished she heard Basil out. What was he going to say?
An apology? Why he did it? Even after all these years, she still wanted to know what was the reason. Maybe if she heard him out, she would have been less angry at him. Less aggressive towards him. Less... tormenting him. For 4 years.
Maybe then, he'd still be alive.
No... definitely.
He'd definitely still be alive.
She'd leave him alone, or be there for him, whichever-- she wouldn't have bullied him, or stole from him. And she definitely would have not pushed him into the lake.
Aubrey looked up at the eyes watching her.
Still there. Always there.
....were they closer than they had been before?
Aubrey looked back down at the photo. She shook her head.
She put it into her pocket.
Through half lidded eyes, Aubrey stared off into the endlessly stretching Bottom.
Aubrey began walking.
4 whole years of friendship wasted and gone down the drain. One death was all it took for her life to get ruined. For everybody's lives to get ruined-- well, that wasn't exactly true. Hero and Kel's lives were...
Actually, she didn't know.
How insane was that?
She assumed everyone abandoned her, she assumed everyone abandoned Mari, she assumed they all didn't care about her or Mari or their friendship-- yet she didn't even know a single damn thing about their lives.
She certainly had no idea how terrible it really had been for Sunny and Basil.
God, why would she think they didn't care?
Hero's girlfriend died, of COURSE he'd care.
Kel may have not been close to Mari, but his friend group of 4 whole years was split apart and destroyed.
Basil and Sunny.... those two were a completely different, much worse story.
Aubrey stopped walking.
Idiot.
God damn scumbag.
How could she do that? To her friends, to herself?
No wonder her parents left her.
Aubrey covered her face with both her hands. She wanted to scream.
But she didn't deserve to! She did this herself.
The others didn't abandon her-- she abandoned THEM. Not reaching out to Kel, not trying harder for Sunny and Hero, not hearing Basil out-- ALL OF IT. Her fault. HER fault. Not theirs, HERS.
Tormented Basil for 4 years, ruined Basil's life, stole Basil's most prized item, killed Basil--
She was so sick of thinking about all this.
Every single god damn day, she would have these thoughts-- of regret, shame, misery, self-hatred.
What would Mari think? What would Basil think?
Faraway thought of her as a killer. People at school avoided her and some of them would taunt her about what she did. Call her despicable and a murderer. It was all true, still hurt though. And every time, all she could think about was oh is this what Basil felt?
Everyone in Faraway hated her. And the ones that didn't? The Hooligans? Hero? The pastor? Well they didn't deserve to be around her. Maybe she should just die! Go out like Mari! Except Mari hadn't even committed suicide oh my fucking god here we go again.
Aubrey let her hands slide off her face.
She wasn't sure how much longer she could handle this anymore.
Her eyes slid back open. And she froze.
The sight in front of her made her body go cold, goosebumps crawling up.
There was a body, wearing a white dress, feet covered in a pair of long socks. It's hair draped over it's face, yet there was a small gap in it. And through that gap, an eye stared at her. The body swayed in the wind.
It was dead yet it still kept staring at her.
"Aubrey..."
The day of the recital.
Aubrey went to the hair salon with her dad in the morning. She got a nice haircut and she so badly wanted to ask the hair stylist to dye her hair pink.
When she looked in the mirror, she felt so pretty! She couldn't wait to have Mari tell her that her hair was beautiful and that the dress she picked out, pastel pink with white stripes, looked good on her. And then Aubrey would tell her the same and that she was super excited to listen to her and Sunny's piano and violin duet.
"Aubrey..."
Aubrey's dad drove her back to the neighborhood, and as they walked to Sunny and Mari's house, Hero and Kel came out the door of their home, greeting her. Kel made a comment, saying that he thought she was gonna get pink hair, and her dad spoke for her, saying that she wasn't going to dye her hair. (But I will one day! Aubrey kept to herself in her mind.)
Kel said, "Good. Pink hair on you would look ridiculous anyway!"
And him and Aubrey blew raspberries at each other before Hero stopped their banter and the two other kids giggled.
"You've changed."
As they made their way to the house, Aubrey's good mood for some reason lessened.
Today was an exciting day, yet her heart thudded nervously.
It seemed Hero and Kel had the same feeling, as Hero fidgeted and Kel being less energetic than usual.
Their parents stayed behind outside, as the three kids got inside the house, and looked around. It felt cold and dreary.
"You've become a lot different since I died.... a lot worse."
Kel asked, "Where the heck are Sunny and Mari? I thought they'd be right outside waiting!"
Aubrey added, "Basil too! He said he was gonna visit to wish them luck..."
But Hero stood by the couch, frozen, looking outside, through the glass door leading to the backyard. He didn't say anything. Aubrey and Kel asked him what was wrong and why he looked so scared. Kel decided to follow his line of sight and let out a confused, soft, "huh?" as his gaze landed whatever was outside.
What are they looking at? Aubrey wondered, heart picking up the speed. Did they see something bad?
They saw something terrible.
"How could you do it?" Something asked. "You ruined their lives... Hero, Kel, Basil, Sunny. They're all hurting because of you."
Hero went outside first, hesitant, slow, looking haunted.
He muttered, "No... wait..." He opened up the door, and stood there for a few seconds before gasping, horrified.
Aubrey's hands started to shake. What was outside, she did not know. She didn't really know what she was looking at. It was a body. It looked a lot like Mari-- no, it was Mari. Was it? No... it couldn't have been. Why was she hanging from the tree? Aubrey had seen it in one movie before-- one that she'd been mindlessly sitting with her mom on the couch watching. And then there was a person hanging from not a tree, but a ceiling fan instead.
Aubrey didn't know what it meant, other than that they were dead. But it must have been pretty bad as her dad walked in and immediately took her away from the couch, then got into an argument with her mom about letting Aubrey see such things.
"You used to be so sweet... so kind. Why did you have to change?
So, if the person on the TV was dead, hanging, did that mean Mari was dead? No matter how much Aubrey tried waking her, she wouldn't get back up.
Did someone kill Mari? Who killed Mari? Why was she hanging from the tree?
"Do you think this is what I would have wanted?"
A week after, Aubrey learned that Mari had committed suicide. She heard about the word before, but never bothered to actually look for what it meant. Her dad informed her about it, explaining that suicide was when someone would take their own life, and sometimes people would do it by hanging themselves. That was what Mari did.
So Mari killed herself? But why?
Aubrey was confused. Why would Mari take her own life? Was she scared? Was it because of the recital? And when Aubrey asked her dad why Mari did it, he said, "I don't know. Sorry, Aubrey."
It was too much hurt, confusion, and grief for a 12 year old to handle.
"I'm disappointed, Aubrey. I'm so disappointed in you."
And now, staring at what was in front of her, Aubrey felt like she was 12 again.
"You've just become a bully.... didn't you hate bullies?"
A new, quiet voice said something that Aubrey couldn't catch. But it sounded familiar, even if she hardly heard it.
"Why weren't you there for my brother?" Something asked. "Why aren't you there for my little brother? Why aren't you there for anyone? I thought you were brave, Aubrey... I thought you'd take on anything... Now you're too scared to even face any of them."
Aubrey hadn't heard what Mari sounded like in a long time-- she was afraid that she would forget it. Or that it would turn into something it was not. But here it was, echoing through the abyss of the Bottom, hate and malice laced in every word.
"Hey........ it's alright..." that other voice spoke softly in her ear.
Was it?
Mari hated her. Aubrey always thought that Mari would hate her, after what she'd become, after what she'd done. That wasn't alright.
"It's okay, Aubrey," the voice said. "Mari could never hate you... Mari could never hate anyone. Just take a deep breath. Breathe...."
It was comforting, it was familiar, yet it also made her heart swell with anxiety and sadness. Aubrey couldn't figure it out, but she listened to it.
She closed her eyes.
Slowly, she took a deep breath in, and let it out, her chest feeling like a weight was being lifted on it. It still hurt, of course, her heart continued to throb, but she felt a little calmer-- a little lighter.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Aubrey opened her eyes.
X X X
The hospital was bright and clear, many people walking around, and she could clearly see Hero's spiky hair as he was talking to a nurse, and Kel, his bright orange attire sticking out the crowd like a sore thumb, standing next to his older brother.
Sunny sat down next to her, she had vaguely noticed a few minutes ago.
Despite the room being lit up, despite all the sounds of people walking, talking, and beeping of machines or... whatever it was, she couldn't focus on anything.
It all blurred together.
She could hear Hero and the nurse's conversation. They were talking about Basil, right?
And then, the nurse said, "He passed away."
Aubrey blankly stared ahead, words heard but not fully registering.