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a relief and a horror

Summary:

Aras touched Ryo's arm in exasperation, frustration creeping into his voice. "Yes, I understand perfectly well that it's dangerous for me to spend time worrying about the wrong things. And yet here we are. I have to be certain."

Notes:

Hi LuckyDiceKirby!! This is my first year doing Yuletide, and you have no idea how EXCITED I was when I got your letter. like, ok yeah this is so inspiring, I'm so eager to create something!! And hello to everyone else, too!! Probably all, like, ten of you in the Tuyo fandom... probably some other people too. Tuyo is a book series that's really good... give it a try..........

Fun fact: this draft was initially titled "Tuyo knifeplay". I changed direction and don't think it quiiite merits the Knifeplay tag anymore, but-- well, you'll see ;) Title is now from this tumblr post. srry for not linking to the original, op JUST de-activated like two days ago.

Betaed by the wonderful and much-appreciated PyrrhicProse. Thank you!!

Written for Yuletide 2025.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

"What do you mean, 'should it be necessary'?" Ryo questioned, looking towards Aras with a slight frown. "This is a trial you have already surmounted."

"Yes," Aras agreed placidly as they both walked towards the town. "But it never hurts to be prepared, just in case."

Ryo turned and stepped in Aras's path to bring him to a halt, then grabbed both of Aras's wrists. Looking up to make direct eye contact, Ryo said emphatically, "There will be no 'just in case'. The gods themselves judged you favorably in the land of the shades, and in doing so cured you from the madness which afflicts sorcerers. It will never come upon you again. Your sorcery is now a corrupting influence only in the ordinary way that power corrupts a man, and you have sworn to remain honorable."

Aras's lips twitched up into a smile. "I can feel the strength of your devotion," he said, "and I'm thankful for it. Truly, I am. But we must not allow—"

"If you do not disagree that the gods have cured you of the madness, then there is no need for further consideration," Ryo interrupted. Arguing further would only suggest that Aras lacked conviction in his oaths.

Aras frowned in irritation. "Of course I believe in my dedication to my oath, Ryo. It's just that it's prudent to be cautious, given that all other—"

"And still you doubt," Ryo accused, cutting him off again. They both maintained eye contact. Ryo knew that it was wrong of him to correct Aras in such a firm manner, but it would be even more wrong to allow Aras to doubt his own honor. He would take a blow for the insult if Aras wished. Finally, Aras sighed in frustration.

"You stubborn Ugaro," he complained. "Of course you have to be right! As much as I'd like to think I'm beyond worrying about controlling my sorcery, I still have doubts." Aras made a dismissive gesture to show that he did not intend to strike Ryo despite his clear irritation, and turned and continued walking. Ryo fell into step beside him.

Ryo thought about this matter for a few paces, and then spoke. "An honorable man must identify whether he meets the high standards he sets for himself. But he must be accurate in identifying where he meets or falls short of those standards, so that he can focus his energy upon improving a shortcoming."

Aras touched Ryo’s arm in exasperation, frustration creeping into his voice. "Yes, I understand perfectly well that it's dangerous for me to spend time worrying about the wrong things. And yet here we are. I have to be certain."

"So," Ryo acknowledged. The two of them continued while they considered the matter. Aras glanced over at Ryo. It was possible that he regretted his lapse in temper, but Ryo had been the one to provoke him, so it would be wrong to notice the offense. Some of the tension in Aras's face softened.

Ryo's thoughts drifted to other matters— the crisp air of the borderlands that now felt perfectly pleasant rather than over-warm, the gentle rays of the Sun on his skin. There was a rabbit in one of the bushes that Ryo considered shooting, but it would not be practical to prepare for dinner tonight, so he let it hop away. When the town was twenty bowshots away, no more than twenty and ten, Aras came to a halt.

"Hit me," Aras ordered. “Please.”

Ryo stopped too. "You've already learned to control your sorcery in this manner," he disagreed. "Do not try to tell me that you have forgotten how it feels. I will not believe you." 

"Yes, I've thoroughly learned what my sorcery feels like, and to avoid using it unconsciously.” Aras spoke almost before Ryo had finished. “But in the country of the son of the Sun, I became accustomed to reflexively controlling enemies that approached. While being cured of the madness may mean I no longer feel a compulsion to take others under my control, it means little if I don't re-train my reflexes."

Ryo found this issue unlikely, but he did not argue that point. Instead, he insisted, "Your new oaths allow for self defense." He very much would prefer that Aras defend himself with sorcery rather than be killed out of hesitance.

"I know," Aras said. He took a long breath. When he spoke again, his voice had a hint of uncertainty. "But I need to know that I can respond only to appropriate threats. Using sorcery unnecessarily will worsen conflict and turn potential allies into enemies. It's like that first time you suspected me of being a sorcerer and thought to kill me. Setting aside the matter of whether it would have been right for me to defend myself through sorcerous means, you must acknowledge it would have made the situation worse."

As Aras spoke, his voice gained confidence, until no trace of uncertainty remained.  "I should use sorcery only in truly life-threatening situations," he finished. "I've done it for most of my years. I can't let myself become accustomed to taking advantage of this power, no matter how tempting."

He had barely finished the last word before Ryo punched him.  

Aras took the hit calmly, his face turning with the impact.  "Again," he demanded.

"Fight back," Ryo returned. 

Aras nodded. As Ryo swung at his ribcage, Aras twisted away from the blow and tried to catch his arm.

Skilled as Aras was in swordmanship, they both knew he could not hope to match Ryo in hand-to-hand combat. Ryo was also becoming angry at Aras for his uncertainty. The only way to behave honorably was to firmly decide to do so; there was no room for doubt. Ryo punched up towards Aras's jaw only for Aras to slip to the side and throw a hook towards Ryo's temple. Ryo blocked the punch, exchanging a few more hits between them, and then Ryo caught Aras off-balance and sent him to the ground with a good shove.

Aras fell, catching himself on his knees and forearms. He tried to get up, but Ryo was ready to act and pulled his ankle out from underneath him, forcing Aras to his belly. At the same time, he grabbed one of Aras's wrists, twisting it behind Aras's back. That plus the full force of Ryo's weight ensured that Aras would not be getting up.

Ryo was angry, now, and afraid. The gods themselves had judged Aras favorably. If even that was not enough to convince Aras to simply decide to be honorable, what would be? Perhaps this, even beyond the gods' opinion, was the true consequence of breaking oaths. Despite all of the trials, Aras still could not trust his own self-control.

Ryo hit Aras in the side of his head. Aras continued to struggle under Ryo, but his efforts seemed half-hearted.

For that matter, how could Ryo believe in Aras's character either? Any man will break an oath if pressed hard enough, but when a man loses his honor, it is impossible to trust him even in favorable circumstances. This was why oathbreakers, among both the Ugaro and the Lau, were always put to death.

It was clear that Aras would swear whichever oaths he needed, and still choose to bend or break them whenever the circumstances permitted. Perhaps it was too dangerous to allow him to live. With this thought in mind, Ryo pulled out his knife.

Aras immediately tried to twist his head in an attempt to look at Ryo, though the position did not allow him to see. It didn't matter that Aras had tensed up for action though; Aras couldn't move to prevent Ryo from pressing the tip of the knife against his back.

Feeling the sharp point, Aras stopped struggling, every muscle tense with unnatural stillness. He had even stopped breathing.

For a moment, Ryo held his breath, too. Then, as he exhaled and returned his knife to its sheath, he let the anger he had drawn around himself slip away. Ryo let go of the shoulder-lock he had on Aras, and slid his weight off to the side.

Aras let his breath out too, and his body rose and fell with quick, shallow exhalations. A small amount of blood began to wet Aras's lightweight shirt where the knife had cut through. He remained on the ground and did not turn towards Ryo.

Ryo began to massage Aras's shoulder. He had been rough with the shoulder lock, so it was likely that the joint was still sore. That was more of a concern than the small knife wound, or any of the hits that they had exchanged. Aras’s shirt would also need to be mended, but the dark color should prevent it from staining.

Aras pulled a knee to the side and brought his elbow forward, so that he was resting more comfortably on the ground. Still, it was Ryo who spoke first.

"You didn't use your sorcery."

"Yes," Aras agreed. "I wasn't expecting you to bring out your knife," he added, though it wasn't really a response.

"I thought it might surprise and scare you," Ryo admitted. "Even though you know better, I thought in the moment you might believe the threat. Did you?" Ryo did not say that he had chosen lies that he thought Aras might not question, the way one does when facing a sorcerer. There would be no way to say this without hurting Aras's pride.

"I believed it," Aras said absently. "When you get angry... It's hard not to react." He gathered himself, and spoke with his typical resolve. "I thank you, Ryo. That was exactly the reminder I needed to trust that I will not act rashly on reflex."

"I will not do it again," Ryo vowed.

Aras pushed himself up to a cross-legged position facing Ryo, his many summers showing in his stiffness as he did. The position touched Aras's leg against Ryo's thigh, and Ryo put a hand on Aras's knee so as to show that the contact was not unwelcome. "What?" Aras asked, his brow furrowed. "Why not?"

Ryo huffed with displeasure. Obviously, he disliked hurting Aras.

"Ryo, I asked you to hit me," Aras insisted gently, the way one might reassure a child. "You did nothing wrong."

Once again, Ryo did not dignify that with a verbal response. His annoyance would not prevent Aras from seeing into his mind. It should be plainly obvious that the cruel part had not been the physical blows, but rather the anger and aggression that he had called forth to scare Aras with.

Aras's lips pinched together, in a way that told Ryo that he could not deny it and did not like that.

Both of them sat in silence for a minute. Aras closed his eyes and turned his chin up towards the Sun, flipping his palms up too in his usual manner. The light shone on his elegant face and open hands.

There was something that Ryo still wanted to address, but he wasn't sure how to say it. He did not wish to correct Aras in a way that would be inappropriate.

"What? Out with it," Aras demanded, not opening his eyes.

"I had said, Your new oaths allow for self defense," Ryo said. "And you confirmed that you understood this, and that you aimed to only use sorcery in life-threatening situations. Yet you did not use it to defend yourself."

Aras sighed, and opened his eyes. "Nothing gets past you," he said. He took in a breath, and spoke his next words before releasing it. "I will defend myself from others. I have no wish to defend myself from you."

"So," Ryo acknowledged. He thought for a second, and then added, "It is not a trivial matter to hold another's life in one's hands, even beyond what the situation makes necessary. You are a scepter-holder, a warleader, and a sorcerer, so you hold the lives of others in each of these ways. You know this to be true."

"It is not trivial", Aras agreed. He set his jaw, unwilling to say more.

Ryo did not rush to say anything further. While Aras had plainly not wanted to acknowledge his lack of desire to defend himself against Ryo, he spoke with the conviction of a man who meant what he was saying. Ryo could not pretend to not notice his words.

"Thank you," Aras said softly. Ryo accepted this, but thought that perhaps he would prefer not to be interrupted while he considered this matter.   

In a way, Aras putting his life in Ryo's hands as he had today was different from doing so as a contingency against the sorcerous madness. When the madness comes upon a sorcerer, his actions no longer reflect his own honor, and killing him is a mercy. And the madness would never again come upon Aras, not how it once had.

But in another way, this was not so different. Of course Ryo would always hold the responsibility of killing Aras should it ever be necessary, and of course he would never make the decision lightly.

Reaching a conclusion, Ryo stood up. He offered Aras a hand off the ground, then brushed off the dust from sitting. Then, Ryo looked Aras in the eyes and spoke.

"I will never again trick you into believing that I wish to kill you. I will not think that unless I mean it. And even then, I will not show it to you with anger. I will ask the Moon for peace until I am calm and am certain of my decision."

Aras blinked. "You really don't have to swear that," he said mildly. "Should you wish to test me in the future, of course that would be fine."

"I will not," Ryo insisted. "I have no need to test you. I had no need, even today, to test you. I did this only because I could tell you wished it to be so. I hope this has put your doubts to rest, but I will not indulge this desire again either way. Should you wish for reassurance regarding any uncertainty about your use of sorcery, you will come to me and we will consider the matter together."

Aras's lips twitched up in a way that did not hide either the sheepish acceptance or the fondness. "You stubborn Ugaro," he said. "If you insist, I will do as you instruct."

"I do insist," Ryo said grandiosely. "Good."

With his heart light, Ryo nodded his head sharply to show the matter was settled. He reached out with a hand on Aras's arm to bring him along as Ryo turned to walk back towards the town. Smiling, Aras followed.

Notes:

\o/

I have manyyyyy thoughts about tuyo. for anyone else who has thoughts about Tuyo, pleeeeeease come find me on my Tumblr blog at @arvion-creates. I haven't posted about Tuyo on there but that's because I feel like nobody who follows me would know what I'm talking about 😭 Everyone Please Read Tuyo It's Like Literally Good. I'm probably going to be pretty hyped about tuyo until like at least mid 2026 so please DM me if you want..... by doing so you can unlock like the three other fic ideas I almost wrote... nvm this makes me sound like a sketchy 'sign up for my email list' ad

Here are some character thoughts below the cut:

Click here to read my character thoughts...
  • I find it noteworthy that Aras, in Taskmaket, goes to trouble to ensure that Ryo could kill him easily if he wants. While this is practical, I think this is also a bid for reassurance. Aras's biggest fear is being unable to trust his own judgement. If he reminds Ryo that Ryo can easily kill him, and Ryo does not, then Ryo has decided that it is appropriate to let Aras live.
  • Aras does not like making requests that he thinks may be denied. He likes framing his orders as requests, but the show of generosity/courtesy is pleasant only because it's exclusively a courtesy-- he expects to get his way when he voices what he wants to be done. So rather than deal with the uncertainty of asking for something and not getting it, Aras would rather find a way to meet his emotional needs without having to ask. I don't think he realizes he's doing this.
  • I don't think Aras's fear of himself/loss of control would disappear immediately after the situation improved. In fact, with the memory of succumbing to the madness still recent in his mind, I imagine for a while it would be just as bad if not worse. But now Aras isn't just *being practical* since the situation has changed.
  • I also think that the expectation of Ryo killing Aras IS a form of intimacy between the two of them!!! I think this is not a thought that either of them are particularly keen to acknowledge. but that doesn't make it not so...

& also, I'm so sad there wasn't any like ACTUAL knifeplay in this fic, since it's such an inspiring image to me /sob/ it was simply a total derailment from the focus. ah well. here:

Click here for some knifeplay thoughts
  • ok so Aras didn't actually *admit* in my piece that the whole point was that he wanted the reassurance of knowing that Ryo could kill him if he had to. but we can read between the lines and recognize that was a major factor, right? Ryo even acknowledges it.
  • And Ryo objects to feeling angry and trying to make Aras believe the threat (I like to headcanon that Aras never reallyyyy gets completely comfortable with Ryo's anger, after the events in book 1 when Ryo brought Aras into the winter country under Lorellan's compulsions) (upon reread I noticed that Ryo makes *two* rape threats to Aras and i'm very much Turning this over in my head!!) but anyway Ryo doesn't object to the physical motions of threatening Aras with his knife, if Aras wants him to.
  • So. How about Aras takes off his shirt so they don't damage it further & then Ryo can sit on Aras's belly and put his knife exactly where he'd need to & then Aras can just have a nice look. Aras knows that Ryo could plunge the knife in before he could react and capture his mind with sorcery. If Ryo wanted him dead, he'd be dead. He wouldn't be able to stop him even if he wanted. I think that would be more than enough to content Aras

Please feel free to talk in the comments about any other related ideas and thoughts you may have about Ryo and Aras. While I know some authors don't like that, I am not one of those authors 😂 and especially in this small of a fandom....