Work Text:
Ena hums as she draws her new illustration, based on Kanade's latest demo. She stops with a grunt to better check the perspective as she leaves her tablet and pen on the table.
She usually chooses easier angles, ones she is more familiar with, to avoid messing up; she recently learned that to improve her art, she must risk failure. Unfortunately, risking failure means she will actually fail numerous times, as much as it hurts.
The artist grits her teeth, knowing she has to start over. She restrains herself from breaking the stylus pen, instead slumping into the lavender cushioned chair that supports her and sighing as she stares at the ceiling, the white looking greyish in the darkness. She thought she might finish faster today, she has other plans more exciting than drawing (which has become rarer these days), but her responsibilities to Niigo come first.
Ena looks down, focusing on the computer that illuminates her desk just enough to see in the corner her various colouring boxes, some of the colors loose, a sketchbook and a closed art book for reference in postures, anatomy and such.
Nightcord is visible in an opaque purple window on the right, contrasting with her background of a sunny photo of the four girls. It's not the photo she looks best in, she's stopped caring about that. She decided it would be her background because of the sweet smiles on everyone's faces, even a small one from Mafuyu. It's a reminder of her favourite people, within reach of her screen.
She resumes her position as an artist, in a better mood now, grabbing her pencil with renewed confidence, and begins a new sketch of a bench. The idea is to show a girl being bathed by the rain at night, from the perspective of a lamppost that illuminates her. Although the lighting and composition gave her a bit of trouble, the real challenge is to make the water look realistic enough, considering that it falls on the girl, soaking her, but also on the bench and the dimly lit ground around her. It doesn't matter, she can do it, she just has to keep going.
She doesn't notice the smile on her face until she loses her concentration due to a notification.
Ena looks at her monitor; it's a message from Amia.
Strange, considering she promised not to interrupt her while she was working that day.
Another message arrives almost instantly from the same contact. Ena sighs in defeat, leaves her tools in front of her and grabs the mouse to see what she wants. It could be something important, perhaps a query about how a specific edit looks, she shouldn't be so sceptical.
The chat opens. It's not important. She knew it.
A video taken from another social media plus a message that claims "It's gonna take five minutes only!" appears. Mizuki is irritating at times, despite what the poorly concealed affection on her face says. She already imagines that it's something stupid, but she plays the video anyway.
Her screen shows two people dressed a little too warmly dancing in the darkness of a field at night, their faces almost invisible due to the lack of lighting. That's not the focus of the video, though. It's a text that says, "Date idea: you hear about one song reminds me of you, one about our relationship, one about an important moment of us, and my explanation of each one." It lasts no more than ten seconds.
"What the fuck?" she whispers, more amused than confused.
Ena leans back in her chair again, her gaze pensive. Mizuki and she don't usually do romantic things they see online, and when they do, it's Mizuki's idea and it usually goes wrong (like that time she got sick from dancing in the rain). Even so, the video isn't entirely unexpected. A few hours ago, Mizuki apologised unnecessarily for not being as open with her feelings for her as Ena is. Of course, she told her that wasn't true and that she was overthinking things, but it seems the fear hasn't left her pretty head.
It's a funny solution, very Mizuki too, to justify her expression of affection by following an online trend and doing it through a screen. Part of her smiles, touched by her tenderness, then raises her eyebrow with a bittersweet expression as she remembers that they had agreed to work without distractions earlier.
With no other choice, Ena leaves her chat and starts a video call, knowing that's what Mizuki expects her to do. Immediately, a contagious smile appears on the monitor, her pink hair in a messy side ponytail due to the hour.
"Hey–!"
"Didn't we say we would focus? What are you doing watching videos?" Ena cuts her enthusiasm with her scolding.
Mizuki makes a fake whimper and crosses her arms in her chair in protest. She is wearing pink strappy pyjamas and headphones with pink cat ears. "Wow, not even a hi. That lack of manners wounds me, you know?"
"Mizuki."
Her giggle brings Ena back to a loving face. "Fine. Thanks for calling~ I kinda feared you would ignore me." Mizuki confesses, some truth in her playful tone.
"I was going to, yeah, but you wouldn't shut up about it later." Ena makes sure not to look too serious.
Mizuki flashes a half-smile. "Glad that you know who you're dealing with. So, you saw what I sent?"
Ena rolls her eyes, the question is absurd. Why would she call before doing so? "Yeah, I did. Do you have a playlist about it or something like that?"
Mizuki laughs maliciously. "Wouldn't you like that, Enanan?"
"You're not going to make them up as you go, right?" Ena asks, somewhere between concern and amusement.
"That's exactly what I'll do! I got a list of favourite songs, I'll just scroll and select them as I go." Her character is carefree, perfectly hiding her more sentimental intentions.
She sighs. "You're a disaster. But fine, let's do it some day. I'll go back to drawing now."
"Wait!" Mizuki loses the excessive energy in her voice, the childish mask slipping just a little. "I was hoping we could do it now."
Mizuki has been more honest with her over the last year, a direct consequence of everything they've been through together. When she decides to stop acting like a dancing elf for a moment and her eyes communicate such seriousness, she knows she is expressing something she hopes will be taken seriously. Ena cannot refuse her; as stupid as the trend seems to her, it is her girlfriend who is asking.
She feigns annoyance as she agrees. "God, you're insufferable. You better hurry up, understood?"
The unnecessary energy at such hours returns. "Hehe, as you wish, Enanan."
The silence that arises while Mizuki searches for something on her own computer makes Ena nervous. A song that reminds Mizuki of her is the first one, right? Being the first, she'll most likely choose a joke song, maybe one about how she's tsundere (she's not), or something like that. It's also possible that it's one of the songs Ena keeps playing when they share earphones, it makes sense that she would naturally associate her with those.
"Here it is~" That slightly teasing voice suggests she was right. "I'll send it now."
Ena doesn't expect anything special. She definitely doesn't expect to see My Angel by Adrianne Lenker when she returns to Amia's chat. It's not a song with many lyrics, the melody of a rustic guitar is not extravagant, it simply has a cosy and intimate aura that made her love it from the first time Mizuki played it for them both. She also remembers Mizuki looking at her a little more than usual on the few occasions they listened to it, which destroys her facade of "choosing as she goes".
She almost gets angry at herself for blushing so easily, her voice showing the melted joy she feels washing over her. "Why that one?"
Mizuki looks at her lovingly, somewhat shyly. "Well, you've heard this one before. It's about a person that holds you when you're breaking and keeps you on your toes with their love, physical and emotional." Sincerity overflows from her sweet smile. "You've saved me and made me so happy. You are that to me since the day you said you'd wait. An angel."
There is no immediate response. She took her by surprise, the cheeky girl. Ena always knew that Mizuki was grateful for what she had done for her, even though she didn't need to thank her, because it couldn't be any other way. It's still touching to be called an angel by the person she loves. She, who is barely valued by the eyes that first saw her, an angel to the most special girl in her life.
"That's so nice." She can only whisper without looking away, the softness reaches her vocal cords.
Mizuki is embarrassed by her words when she hears her reaction, deals with it by being a little shit. "Wow, that fast and you're melted? You're awfully emotional."
Ena is amused by her attempt to lighten the confession she just made. It doesn't matter, she will keep her words in her heart. "Just continue, idiot."
"Fine, fine. Now one about our relationship!" She orders herself with a raised hand.
Okay, this is the joke one. Ena tries to convince herself of this because it's honestly annoying and humiliating to hear her heart get excited over such small things. They've never dedicated songs to each other before, she didn't think it could make her love music even more.
Mizuki sends another song, this time without announcing it. She even hesitated when choosing it, her pink eyes wavering as she waits for Ena's response.
"Hey, that's not fair!" Ena scolds with a stern look at the screen showing her girlfriend. "I showed you that one!"
Mizuki jumps a little at her shout. She laughs at her exaggeration. "So what?"
The artist doesn't have anything to say. Her anger comes from embarrassment after all. "I mean I would say it suits me too."
There is a light that never goes out by The Smiths. Yeah, it suits her very well, even if the melody is kind and the violins imitate a windy day with a warm sun that she'd probably hate.
Mizuki rests her chin on her hand, smiling proudly at her choice. "Yeah, that's why I chose it. It's about us."
Ena isn't convinced. She looks at her own hands in her lap; she doesn't like talking about this subject. "But how does it fit for you? Your house is... different. You feel at home there, right? So that feeling of wanting someone to get you out and take you anywhere but there..."
Mizuki understands her scepticism. She really does have a home, she smiles as she remembers it. Without her parents and sister, she would be a completely different person. She has run so much in her life because she had a place to run to. She was able to be herself because she had people who loved her for who she really is, however few there were at the time. Her family's unconditional support and understanding have sustained her in her worst moments.
But she cannot live in isolation, as her past attempts at being a hermit have shown.
The pink haired one forces a laugh that takes the weight off her next words. "I guess it's a bit different in my case. My home is great, but the world around me is different. It has never felt like mine to live in, you know?" The optimistic tone is difficult to maintain when admitting such a thing.
Ena looks up at her. She knows it hurts to say it; she can see a tinge of sadness on her face. "Mizuki..."
She lets the unserious mask fall; with Ena, she doesn't need it. "Of course I can't escape the world or something, I live in it, but it used to feel like I'm not welcome by anyone who knows about me, like I didn't have a place in the world."
Ena wants to say something, anything, but she prefers to wait for Mizuki to express everything she wants to say first. Listening to the extent of her fears and painful feelings, even if it is through a device, brings them closer together. They can never be close enough.
Mizuki clears her throat, trying to regain some enthusiasm. "I don't feel that way anymore. Thanks to my friends, to the rest of Niigo, to you. You eradicated that isolating feeling by pulling me out of it. And even if it feels bad when I have to deal with all those people again, I can remember you, I can rely on your presence in my life. The same way you can remember me when it feels like you don't have a place." The last part is barely audible. "We belong with each other."
Their eyes meet; they have a silent exchange of memories about one being the other's home that leaves Ena unable to doubt Mizuki's choice any longer. The sweet expression on her face is enough to make her sick. She wants to hold her close, caress and kiss her cheeks until they are as pink as her eyelashes, admire the silly smile she makes when she is pampered.
She wants so much to be by her side right now.
However, Ena understands how difficult it is for Mizuki to admit how much her heart and life have been affected over the years. To say out loud how she is her support in the face of constant criticism from the world, to affirm that their lives make sense when they are together, is more than the timid "I love you" that Mizuki usually utters. It is a direct look at the complexity and depth of their love, it is ignoring her primary instinct to keep her distance from everything and everyone.
This is an important step in their relationship. Ena will appreciate it.
"Ena? Are you listening?" Mizuki secretly worries that she has gone too far with her words, the fear detectable on her face.
The artist awakens from her trance. "Ah, yeah. Sorry, I was remembering. I'm very grateful for your presence, Mizuki."
Ena is startled by Mizuki choking on nothing and coughing violently. For her part, the pink haired one tries to muffle the sound with one hand while patting her chest with the other.
"Amia?! You alright?!"
The editor recovers from the setback enough to respond. Ena is sure she is fine because of her jester demeanour. "We stopped using our online names a while ago, didn't we?"
She sighs in relief, then grunts. "Be careful, moron. Dying on a call would be so embarrassing for you."
Mizuki strikes a tragic pose, her hand over her heart. "I almost die and all you think about is your image at my funeral."
"Shut up."
A giggle, followed by a final cough. "Okay, okay. Last one!"
The chirpy humming doesn't match the file that Ena sees attached to the chat shortly afterwards.
Maegamist by Maretu.
A darker song than the others, definitely.
Mizuki watches her fingers drumming on the wood, lit only by the glow of her monitor. She's not sure she wants to know Ena's reaction. She knows she ruined the wholesome moment, she should leave the withered and rotten parts of herself for the cold corner of her room or the pale reflection in the bathroom, Ena has had enough of that.
She would slap me twice if she heard me.
At the same time, they have rarely spoken about the time they spent apart. More than a month that she remembers foggy because all her days were a copy of the same old agony, added to a longing that she resented every second. Yes, Ena has repeated how much she missed her, and she has confirmed that it was mutual. Nothing beyond that, nothing more raw.
Mizuki is too afraid to talk, Ena realises. It's fine, she can start. "Is this about right after the festival?"
"Yeah."
"Any lyrics in particular? It's a long one."
A casual question, but straight to the point. Ena is helping her out the door that she herself opened. She's so kind she could cry and laugh.
Mizuki goes over the song in her head, rolling the ring on her right index finger. Although there are many lyrics that remind her of the moment she ran away from Ena, one part in particular captures the despair that filled her soul on that rooftop.
With me surprised by your mercilessness
On that one occasion,
And thus unlacing our hands gripping
Each other,
Let’s forget all about the this and that
We swore together
Mizuki appears relaxed, focused on the left side of her room, as if she were not talking about the worst day of her life. "Well, the bridge feels like it was written for me to be honest. I was resigned to forgetting all the kindness and care you always showed me. I couldn't, obviously, but it seemed less hurtful than just not believing in it. Just breaking ties all together."
Her eyes fill with memories that bring her gloom, but she continues talking. She doesn't dare look at Ena.
"That promise you made of waiting for me forever... knowing someone cared so much made me feel so happy. Like I wasn't an outcast demanding a place, like I really belonged. It was hard to run away because your kindness made me feel whole, I wanted to rip it off as soon as it seemed crooked. I know it wasn't, everything feels dangerous after walking on eggshells every day, I guess."
Ena presses her lips together. Mizuki's display of pure terror that day, her desperate goodbye, her total silence afterwards. Part of her is upset that she doubted her love, another part just wants to make sure she never does again by smearing lipstick marks all over her face.
This is no time to be so sappy.
Mizuki stops her train of thought for her when she finally looks up at Ena with a neutral expression. "The chorus talking about wanting to look away too, of course. Seeing everything fall apart was awful, I hated being forced to live through a tragedy I couldn't change, I hated being perceived." Her lazy smile calms her. "I'm glad it's over."
She mimics her face without meaning to. "I am too. Let's make sure it doesn't happen again."
"Deal."
They're done, as the lack of words to fill the call indicates. Mizuki doesn't focus on anything in particular. She scans the pink, almost transparent shine on her nails, lets her hands make a repetitive rhythm on the table, nervously bites the inside of her cheek.
After being so stupidly romantic and recalling the worst moment of her life aloud as if it were a stage performance, a rusty shame haunts her. She knows it's not right, that talking about her feelings is a good thing; she also knows that it will take more time to forget the aversion she has learned against herself, especially those vulnerable parts that make her human in the eyes of a world that sees her as a phenomenon.
Ena finds it difficult to read her enigmatic gaze. One thing is clear: Mizuki does not want to show what is going through her mind. If she knows her well (and she does), Mizuki is questioning the pages of her heart that she has revealed, wondering if she went too far in opening up without a reason to justify it, as if she needed to.
Her girlfriend won't doubt herself with her right there to prevent it; Ena will take care of that.
"Well, I'm glad you're done." The artist breaks the silence, grabbing her smartphone because searching for music on her monitor would force her to make the video call window smaller. Mizuki is too graceful a sight.
Mizuki's gratitude is delivered with her suddenly cheerful self. "Okay, thanks for joining me on this ride, Enanan! You really are a great girlfriend!"
She looks at her for a second. "For doing this?"
The pink-haired girl nods several times. "Yep, I'm sure you wanted to say no so badly." Ena doesn't answer, she takes it as a sign to say goodbye. "Okay, I'll leave you alone so you can–!"
She can't finish her sentence when she gets a raised eyebrow from Ena. "Where are you going?"
Mizuki blinks at her in disbelief. "Huh?"
"What was the first one? Song that reminds me of you?"
One hand waves in front of her, trying to stop her. "Wait, Ena, you don't have to do it. It was my idea and that's what the video says anyway."
She makes a sour face. "So what? I'm doing it too."
Her fear of bothering her grows. "You don't have to. I'm sure you have things to do."
Ena makes sure their eyes meet now, so she gets the message. "Hey, I said I would do it, didn't I? I always have time for you."
Although she continues scrolling through the songs on her phone, she knows Mizuki looks like a red rose that has just bloomed: both clueless and bright. She's right, the editor is bouncing her leg between coyness and excitement like the teenager she still is.
"Okay, that's the first one."
Ena watches her girlfriend check the chat and see which one it is, falling into a silly laugh at her exaggerated indignation.
"Birdbrain by Jamie Paige? So you think I'm dumb?" Mizuki points to herself.
She replies mischievously. "Yeah, a little."
"Ena!"
Her enjoyment increases, but she makes sure to send the actual song because she's not a bitch. "Look again."
Mizuki obeys. Her features soften and become gentler. The change is ridiculously cheesy.
"Why Matter to you? You barely listen to Sasha Sloan."
She snorts at the obvious. "Come on, you know the lyrics. You know why."
"Yeah, but I want to hear you say it~"
Mizuki rests her cheek on her right palm in a pretentious way that makes Ena want to give her a little tap on the head. Anyway, she doesn't intend to avoid explaining her choices, that's the most significant part of it.
Ena clears her throat. "I hate being invisible, that's very much known, and I've been invisible to a lot of people in my life." She swallows the bitter taste of remembering. "It used to feel like nobody saw me at all, like my pain, my thoughts, and my life were pointless since that's how it was for everybody else."
Mizuki's eyes reflect hearing the pain in her words, but it's not pity. The genuine interest in what she's trying to communicate, in seeing who she really is, alleviates Ena's discomfort with showing any vulnerability.
"Niigo proved me wrong several times by treasuring my art, it made me continue when it hurt the most. You specifically kept being concerned about me every time I hit a wall, you kept trying to make me smile by being silly or just checking on me subtly. I knew that you didn't find me weak, I knew by your actions that it was pure care."
Mizuki smiles, the happiest she has looked all day. The lack of value that Ena always saw in herself was difficult, almost impossible to combat because of her stubbornness. That didn't stop her from trying to reverse it in her own way, listening without questioning her problems, taking each piece of art as if it were a piece of her soul, ensuring her well-being by reading every interaction for signs that she was unwell.
She owes it to Ena to get closer to Niigo; Mizuki decided to get to know them better because the idea of Ena might wanting to disappear again and she not being able to save her terrified her. Although she was a little rough at first, Mizuki could see that Ena had a heart protected by rudeness, and she wanted to see it. She will never regret it.
Of course, Ena has built the person she is now, brick by brick. If their past friendship and current relationship played even the smallest part in making her the incredible artist she is now, who no longer holds her paintbrush of tomorrow with regret, Mizuki is more than pleased.
Ena feels shy for the first time since she began her explanation, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before continuing. "I know this happened a while ago, but the way you saved me on our picnic trip with Airi and Shizuku, when I was the one trying to help you then, made me realise just how much you care about other people, about me."
Now it's Mizuki's turn to feel coy. "Wow, you still remember that?"
Ena frowns at her doubt. "Of course I do. All our dates and hangouts, they were so refreshing because I was next to someone who truly cares, a real friend."
Mizuki gasps with fake pain. "They're not anymore?"
Ena rolls her eyes. "That's not what I mean."
"Yeah, yeah, I got it." Mizuki thinks before speaking, but not for long. Ena deserves to hear it. "It's the same for me. After telling you—no, even before that, I felt safe. Insecurities and everything, you managed to give me comfort without a clue about the actual issue."
The sudden compliment warms her cheeks; she wasn't prepared to be the target of nice words again. She shakes her head, as if that could shake off the blush.
"Hey, it's my turn. Shut the fuck up." Ena demands and returns to her phone.
Mizuki raises her hands in surrender. "Wow, fine. So aggressive."
Her silence lasts exactly three seconds.
"I'm surprised you didn't pick a song about how pretty I am. That's so hard to ignore."
Ena shoots her a cold stare equivalent to a katana, enough to make Mizuki abandon the "accidentally cute" pose she adopts with a half-smile, leaning back in her chair. Ena isn't sure whether to agree with her; she really is beautiful. Her pink eyelashes almost lead to her downfall.
"Ugh, all the songs about overconfident pretty girls are yours, for sure," she eventually says.
"Eh? Who had a selfie account for years?"
She can't deny that one. That's even more irritating. "Shut up!"
Despite Amia's interruptions, Ena manages to find the next song.
"There you go."
Mizuki hesitates on how to react to the title, Where is my love by SYML, since my love is a nickname Ena uses on the sleepiest mornings or moments before falling asleep, never fully awake. It's incredibly corny, so she doesn't question that, she's just surprised.
"Is this the one about a moment of us?"
Ena nods at her. "Yeah, it's the wrong order. I found this one first so bear with me."
There is a slight hesitation in Ena about what to say. She doesn't want to add to the guilt of what happened, nor does she want to portray herself as the protagonist of the story, but she stops herself from going overboard because she knows Mizuki wouldn't like it. Her honesty, although it has gotten her into trouble before, is an essential part of who she is, and Mizuki loves her for it as much as she loves the rest of her.
Her eyes, as kind as her words, never leave Mizuki; she wants her to be sure of her feelings through her gaze. "I know you felt very lonely all that time you were isolated, I know the memory of me was painful. It was painful for me as well."
Mizuki nods, remembering how surprised she was at how much Ena cried, as if she didn't deserve her tears.
"I think the part that hurt the most was the idea of never seeing you again, or you disappearing. It was unbearable. And when we finally talked, the way you didn't understand how that was my biggest fear made my blood boil." A hint of frustration slips through her lips. "We had the same fear: losing each other, losing what we have. I searched for you because that was all I cared about."
She knew that, Ena's words on that day were clear. There's no reason for the drops in her eyes that she refuses to let fall. The editor shines like a morning sun at the gaze of her lover.
"So we were the same?"
Although it is a rhetorical question, Ena responds. "Yes. We are."
Mizuki scratches the cat ears on her headphones as if they were her own. It does not go unnoticed by Ena, a gesture that is both silly and sweet at the same time. "You're making me shy with so much devotion."
She pretends to be irritated by her behaviour, partly irritated by the way she exudes charm. "Stop trying to make yourself look cuter."
"I'm not!" Her fringe moves due to the exclamation.
The artist knows it wasn't on purpose, but just to be annoying, she snorts sceptically. "Whatever you say."
Like her girlfriend a few minutes ago, Ena doesn't warn her before sending the song that represents their relationship, nor does she watch her reaction, until several moments pass and the silence makes her palms sweat. A sound is heard on the other end of the call; it's Mizuki trying to stifle a laugh.
This bitch.
"This one?" she murmurs as best she can.
"Don't you dare–"
The explosion of laughter prevents her from finishing. The poorly contained amusement on her face is contagious to Ena, who appreciates the sound, loud as it may be. Then she remembers that she is laughing at her.
"Amia!"
Her hair is a little more dishevelled after laughing. "You gave me a five-minute rant about that guy being too poetic!"
Ena crosses her arms, tighter than normal due to embarrassment. "I still think it's dramatic!"
"So you admit you're dramatic~?"
"No. Ugh, listen in silence."
Mizuki salutes like she's in the army. "Yes, ma'am."
She sighs, dispelling any indecision. "So yeah, Hozier is a bit dramatic and I, Carrion is such a cheesy song. I guess the reason I didn't want to admit I like it is because it describes how I feel about you so well. It was scary to admit it."
That kills the mocking look on Mizuki's face. She showed Ena that song ages ago, has she always felt this way about it?
"But a lot has happened since then, now I wanna say it." Ena smiles broadly, almost blindingly. "You, the rest of Niigo, held me when I couldn't stand. Even if I hated myself or hated everyone, you were an exception. Having you appreciating my effort everyday, even as a single like in a stupid selfie, felt like being important, at least for you. It lifted me up."
The fabric of her pyjama shorts crumples under her hand. Mizuki feels her heart skip a beat.
Ena lowers herself to a more settled level. "Then I realised that you were suffering too, and I couldn't stand it. The same girl who helped me so much, who was part of my safe place in the world, was hurting and I couldn't do anything."
The same determination to help her shines on her face. Her feelings really haven't changed.
"I will never blame you for not telling me, I decided to wait for you. Even if I'm not the kindest person ever, I wanted to hold your weight too, and I still do. I ran kilometres almost evaporating my legs because I couldn't be without you. That's when I realised how far I would go for your sake."
For Mizuki, it's surreal. Everyone is silent, shadows surround her, her pyjamas are rumpled and her braid is undone. Even so, Ena exudes an aura of passion and loyalty that no one else has ever shown her. Without the need for special occasions or a catastrophic event, she is able to express her feelings for her in this way. The tears she tried to hold back rebel.
Ena adopts that affectionate voice that few people are lucky enough to hear from her. She rests her hands together on her desk. "All that mattered in that moment for me was you, and you still hold that important place in my heart. If something like that ever happens again, or if it's me the one who falls, either way I want to be with you. We share our pains and walk together, that's how it is to me."
There it is, that promise of not leaving her alone again. What could she say to show how much she appreciates her declaration of unconditional companionship? Not that she can say anything, Mizuki feels her cheeks wet with the overwhelming emotion spilling over her. How did it get like this, when she was the one with the dumb idea? How much love can someone deserve?
Ena is a little concerned. "Mizuki?"
She covers her face with her hands, although it doesn't change anything. "I'm fine, give me a minute."
When she no longer feels an avalanche of emotions overflowing from a dam she has been trying to contain all night, Mizuki looks back at the screen.
It's empty. The lilac chair is abandoned.
She blinks, rubs her eyes, and tries again. Same thing. She knows what that means.
The door lock opens, a shadowy figure resembling a ghost appears, but she is not afraid. She smiles at the artist walking towards her, also removing her headphones.
"You look like a scarecrow." The mocking effect is lost in her tearful voice.
The light from her monitor illuminates Ena as she approaches. Mizuki can already make out the warmth in her gaze and her hands ready to hold her, because she knows that's what she'll do. Her face is between the palms that were drawing minutes ago.
"You're such a cry baby."
Her loving tone ironically makes Mizuki unable to avoid more tears, Ena dries them for her without mentioning it. She herself is tearing up a little.
"It's your fault for saying things like that." She smiles at her girlfriend's warm brown eyes.
"Yeah, yeah. Blame me."
Ena leans in to give her a little kiss, similar to the greetings they have after being apart for hours, only it lasts a little longer, as if she doesn't want it to be so short and at the same time hates the idea of not seeing her face all the time. She can't help but admire her and touch her as if she were an intricate sculpture, and Mizuki can only let herself melt into her touch. Every part of her is so soft.
"You didn't have to come here," she murmurs.
Affection mixes with reproach. "Like I would leave you crying alone being a door away."
Mizuki closes her eyes, allowing the calmness she feels to flood her, until there is no trace of doubt left as to whether she deserves it.
"You alright?"
She leans on her left hand. "Yes. I'm alright."
The peace in her voice reassures Ena. Seeing Mizuki in pain is always the quickest way to make her worry.
Mizuki opens her eyes, taking a second to adjust to the dim light. She gives the artist a small smile. "Sorry for ignoring what we said about not disturbing or seeing each other until we were done with our Niigo responsibilities."
Ena puts on a fake exasperated expression. "Yeah, you're terrible. Also saying those things to me being so close was so tempting. It was like torture."
She pouts to show her innocence. "I didn't say anything too crazy. You were worse."
Ena raises an eyebrow. "For saying I wanna be with you forever no matter what happens?"
The blush returns to her face, her stomach mimicking a forest fire. "Don't say it again..."
The artist cannot resist the tenderness her hands hold, leaving another kiss on her girlfriend's sweet pink lips and enjoying the red colour accentuating her. She is forced to interrupt her contemplation moments later by an unexpected yawn that she does not suppress at all.
Mizuki lets out a giggle. "Am I boring to kiss?"
Ena pinches her cheeks, just a little. "No, it's just 3:00 a.m., dumbass."
"Ouch, my beautiful skin~" Mizuki makes a pained face.
Her eyelids feel heavier than usual, taking their toll on Ena for trying to stay awake for more than twenty hours. Her attention automatically turns to the bed in the room, a white king size one, with a blanket that Mizuki chose in pale pink and a lace border barely visible in the dark. She is so tired that the appeal of the mattress is comparable to that of her girlfriend right now.
One last kiss on her forehead bids Mizuki farewell before she lets go and moves to where her exhaustion calls her. "We should go to sleep." The blanket is pushed to the edge of the bed. Ena sits on the right side of it.
The pink haired one turns her chair around, confused. "Wait, what about Niigo?"
Ena lies down and sighs happily. The view of the white ceiling greets her again. "Too late, I wanna cuddle now. Hurry up."
Mizuki laughs at the sight of her girlfriend sprawled like a starfish on the mattress. "I'll be right there."
After saving her previous work and turning off the computer, Mizuki gets up to stretch, then removes the hair tie that was barely holding her side ponytail in place. The room, now lit only by the moon, reminds her of the natural tiredness of being awake at such an hour. She should take about five minutes to brush her hair, but she prefers to go straight to where Ena is.
As soon as Mizuki climbs into bed, Ena lies down on her right side, looking at her sleepily with one eye half closed. "Can I be the big spoon today?"
She didn't expect the question; Ena usually asks which she prefers today rather than requesting one of the two options. If she's been so direct, she must really want to hug her.
She fixes Ena's hair a little bit as she replies. "If you want to so badly."
"I do. Lay down." Ena pats the space in front of her.
Mizuki, amused by her attitude, lies down in the same position. Soon she feels the artist's arms around her, hugging her tummy, her own arms going over hers. The breath on her neck calms her; it's something she's grown accustomed to.
She teases Ena for a bit. "You'll never get married being so demanding, you know?"
Ena grumbles. "And you'll never be able to say your vows if you're crying with mine."
Her heart leaps at the idea of saying her vows, of Ena saying hers. No matter what Ena says, Mizuki knows she will cry. It's incredible that she mentioned such a scenario without even thinking about it, half asleep. It brings a pure smile to her face, free of any awkwardness since she's not being observed.
"Wow, that's how you treat your future wife?"
"We just moved in together, shut up." Ena murmurs more and more quietly. "And no, I'll be an amazing wife."
Mizuki matches her voice's volume. "You can't be better than what you are now."
Ena takes a while to answer, almost seeming to have fallen asleep until she finally does. "I'll be the best I can be for you."
That's how it's always been, Ena has always tried to be there for her no matter what, in the best way she can. She didn't need to say it, yet Mizuki feels a warm feeling blooming in her chest.
"I'll be the best I can be for you too."