Chapter Text
The city skyline offered a kind of serenity for Mori that he couldn't quite place. His home was high above the ruckus of daily life, in a penthouse. His home was sparsely decorated with sleek and modern furniture. He kept his living space spotless, other than the collection of toys and art supplies scattered through the lounge. That wasn't his doing. That honor belonged to the young girl sitting on the couch.
Elise was the girl's name. She sat scribbling in a coloring book with a look of concentration on her pale face. Elise had come into Mori's custody only three months ago, and yet she still hadn't warmed up to him.
When she first arrived in Japan, she hardly spoke at all. She finally began speaking, but she didn't have anything nice to say. That was only made worse by the slight language barrier between them. Elise only knew her native tongue and refused to pick up her ‘Japanese basics’ book. Mori knew how to speak German, but hadn't used it fluently in years.
Ever since his study abroad in Germany two decades ago, Mori had kept in touch with friends. One of them was the man he had roomed with, who also happened to be Elise's biological father. His name was Ludwig. Elise didn't have a mother. Never did. She was the result of a one night stand. She was dropped off at Ludwig's doorstep along with a note.
After a DNA test, Ludwig decided to keep the girl. Unfortunately, her father died relatively recently in a botched home invasion. Elise was at risk, and unfortunately for Mori, Ludwig had Mori legally listed as Elise's Godfather.
Mori had known Elise ever since she was a baby, but seeing her during visits and having custody of her were completely different dynamics. Elise was always rather introverted, but after Ludwig's death, she had starting to act like she hated Mori.
The entire situation was completely unfavorable. Mori never imagined he would be taking care of a child. He had found out long ago he simply wasn't longed for it. Getting custody of Elise through international means was hardly an easy process. If that wasn't enough, the girl's awful attitude made it even more of a chore.
Mori felt a small tug on his coat, pulling him from his thoughts. The small child in a red-frilled dress stared up at him. “I'm hungry, Rintaro.” She said, softly. Mori let out an exasperated sigh and led her back towards the lounge. “Just sit and wait. Dinner should be here soon.” He turned on the TV in hopes of pacifying her.
She kicked her little feet defiantly. “I don't want to watch TV. I can't understand them!” The lack of German TV channels had often left Elise frustrated. “Well, maybe you would understand them if you would learn Japanese-” He was cut off by her petulant whining.
Dinner was delivered shortly. They sat at opposite ends of a long table. They didn't talk. Mori took care in keeping his meal light. He was happy to let in his associate. Hirotsu worked as somewhat of a right hand for Mori over the years. For the last three months, that meant being Elise's caretaker.
He quickly left with a few rushed, “thank yous”, and headed straight for his car in the parking garage. He checked his phone. Once. Twice. This is the address. These night drives through Yokohama always filled him with a kind of giddy anticipation.
He parked alongside the street and went inside the hotel. It was a small, average place. He put in a name that wasn't his with the front desk woman, told the same story as always: “I'm meeting a friend.”
He looked at the message on his phone. Room 215.
He went up, his body a bundle of nerves. He knocked. He could hear movement. The man who opened the door was the same man from the app.
They hardly spoke throughout their interaction. Mori had come prepared, made sure his body was ready. He stifled his moans and whines, taking care to make sure the evening was as impersonal as possible. Needs. That's all this was about. His needs. Needs that he knew once he left this dingy hotel, he had to pretend they didn't exist.
The amount of shame and secrecy surrounding these interactions never failed to upset him. He hated this. Hated how he craved this kind of intimacy.
Him and the other man went through a number of rounds before Mori's body started to shake with exhaustion. Mori hardly ever stayed to sleep during these interactions. He simply excused himself to shower and paid the man his money.
Hours later, he returned home even more exhausted than when he had left. Hirotsu was sitting on the couch with a book, welcoming him home. They spoke briefly about Elise and her night. “I had a hard time getting her to bathe and go to sleep. The same as usual.” Hirotsu explained. Mori thanked him and Hirotsu left shortly after, but not before asking if he could do anything else to help. Mori declined and excused him.
He felt impossibly guilty for nights like this. There was no doubt in his mind that Hirotsu knew what was going on. He foolishly hoped however that the man didn't know the nature, or rather, gender of the prostitutes.
Mori cracked open Elise's bedroom door, relieved to find that she was indeed asleep. He went to his own room across the hall and threw himself in bed, not bothering to undress yet.
He stared up into space. His body always seemed to settle after sex. A kind of stillness that kept him going back for more. His mind wandered to his bedside drawer. He opened it and pulled out a cracked photo frame. The black and white picture was of two boys in their early teens.
One was of a meek, shy-looking fellow, with stringy black hair in his face. The other was a slightly taller boy with a gentle smile and light hair. Both teenagers were wearing traditional Japanese clothing.
Mori placed the photo on his chest and took a deep breath. The picture was of Mori and a dear friend. One he grew up with. Fukuzawa Yukichi went all through school with Mori. The Fukuzawa family was a prominent name in Japanese society, particularly in education.
They didn't talk much anymore. In fact, they hadn't been friends since before Mori left for college decades ago.
He knew this yearning was meaningless. Fukuzawa had likely moved on long ago, but Mori couldn't help but cling to their old friendship. It was borderline obsessive the way Mori acted. He kept every article, every excerpt, every headline about Yukichi. Even after all this time, Mori was still just as helpless as before. Just as helpless as his pre-pubescent self.
The Fukuzawa and Mori families were both wealthy and respected names, which is why it made perfect sense for both of the family heirs to be friends. It was also convenient that they lived nearby. Fukichi and Ougai spent many summers at the Fukuzawa residence eating watermelon and playing shiritori.
They used to explore the rice fields across town, trying to catch tadpoles in the canal. It was nice growing up in a village like that. Everything felt interconnect, like overlapping roots.
Mori could still feel the sting of loneliness. He and Fukichi didn't have a friendship-ending argument. They simply drifted apart after high school. They both became busy with daily life and navigating their newfound adulthood.
Mori slid the photo frame back in his drawer and forced himself to get up. He still had to get ready for bed. He had already slept in his clothes this week more than once, and didn't want to make it a habit.
Everything he did these days felt like a chore. Even the simple task of brushing his teeth left him tired. Once he was in his night clothes, he let himself plop back into bed.
His thoughts still lingered on the photo in his drawer. He ended up dreaming of those warm summers alongside his old friend.
Waking up to that god-forsaken alarm never gets easier. Usually, he'd be getting ready for work. However, today was a holiday, which meant Mori had something far worse than work worry about. His family. His parents always insisted he come home for the holidays, and he wasn't going to break the tradition now. Even worse, was that they wanted to meet Elise. Mori couldn't even get the girl to respect him, much less anyone else. He knew this could only end badly.
On top of that, Elise still couldn't speak Japanese. Mori knew his parents would have quarrels with not being able to speak to their new 'grandchild'. In all honesty, his parents were way more enthusiastic about Elise than he was. Once they learned he had just been given custody of a child, they went on and on about how this might make women like him more.
Mori, of course, was not worried wether women liked him or not, but he couldn't very well tell them that.
He knew he needed to get out of bed now and go wake up Elise. Usually the girl was already awake, but is too sluggishly to move.
When he gently knocked on her bedroom door and peered inside, he found that was the case. Elise was on the floor still in her pajamas, with a suitcase with clothes sprawled in front of her. It would appear to anyone else the the girl was packing for a trip, but to Mori, it was obvious she was unpacking.
He resisted the urge to sigh and put on a fake smile. "What's the matter? Didn't like Hirotsu's packing job?" He asked. Elise glanced at him briefly while she went through her clothes. "He packed only nice clothes. There's nothing to play in!" Elise tossed another dress out of the suitcase, "And these aren't even the dresses I like!"
Mori went about the room picking up the discarded clothing. "I know, but the only dresses you like are sun dresses, and it's too cold for that." He explained. "I can wear a sweater and stockings then!" She continued. Mori put the pile on the bed and began to fold them. "How about you pack it your then?" He offered. Elise let out another annoyed huff. "That's obviously what I'm doing, Rintaro." She retorted.
He set the now folded pile next to Elise and left the room. It was likely he was going to have to repack what she had just taken out. He washed his hands from the matter and decided to get ready for the day.
He put something on that he knew his family's would approve of, and went to work on breakfast. He quickly cooked up some rice and eggs and dished them out on the table.
Elise came out of the hallway lugging her suitcase behind her. Mori quickly went to assist her, but was quickly shot down.
Elise plopped down at the table and began eating. As per usual, she never looked at him, or thanked, or even spoke to him. If Mori had to put a name on it, he'd say Elise acted more like a moody roomate than a little girl.
After loading their things into his car, and locking up his penthouse, they started driving. Elise was in the back seat behind him since mori wouldn't let her sit in the front without a booster seat. Elise was busy studying her Japanese. Mori had to bribe her with sweets, but at least she was doing it.
Mori was confident she could hold a simple conversation in the language, but knowing Elise, she'll pretend not to understand so she doesn't have to talk to people.
The ride our to Tsuwano, Shimane was always pleasant. The Japanese countryside was always something to behold, and despite his upbringing, Mori found the views to be pleasantly nostalgic.
Elise had long since dozed off, her head tilted back in a lazy manner. She looked peaceful that way. Much more tolerable than the nagging brat she usually was. Mori didn't resent her. Far from it. He actually felt quite bad for her.
She was home when her father was killed. It was a burglary-turned-South. The poor girl hid under her bed as her father went to deal with the confrontation, only for the criminal to stab him in the throat.
No child should have to suffer through something like that. And no child should have to come to a whole new country, (with a very different culture), while they're still grieving.
It was easier to let her get away with her behavior when he thought about it like that.
Driving through Shimane Prefecture felt like walking into his past. Mori felt this way every year, regardless how much time has past. The Mori Family home was up a hilly forest road. There were only large family estates on the area.
The Mori Estate was a daunting two-story building with a courtyard and engawa. He liked living in the city, but the traditional Japanese style of his childhood home always brought him comfort.
Mori opened the car door for Elise and helped her down, despite her stubbornness. Her eyes went wide like plates when she saw the house. Elisehad seen any real architecture up close before. "It's nice, isn't it?" Mori said, ushering her towards the door.
He pressed a fake smile on his face as his mother opened the door. Her eyes lit up when she saw the child beside him. To Mori's suprise, Elise pulled at his sleeve and hid behind him. "Sorry, mother. She usually isn't this shy." He explained. His mother looked displeased. "Come on, get in. We'll let the warm air out." She stepped back and held the door open for them.
Elise's cerulean eyes darted around the every wall as Mori greeted his relatives. He gently pushed her in front of him to introduce her. It was oddly refreshing to see her headstrong attitude replaced with something softer.
Mori's old bedroom was as sparse as his current home. He wasn't a particularly passionate child. He spent more time worrying than engaging in hobbies.
He showed Elise to that blueish-grey room and left to let her settle in. He went to the guest room to unpack his own things.
He could feel a cold chill on the back of his neck. Mori could recognize his father's eyes anywhere. "I'm glad you made it." Shiziyasu Mori was a tall man with a guant face and spectacles.
"I see you're getting settled in well." His voice was deep and chilling. Mori only diverted his gaze and nodded, not unlike a scolded child.
Throughout the night, he made casual banter with his relatives, Elise shyly clinging to his side. As he expected l, that question came up again. He always knew it was coming, but it still made him sweat.
His mother cleared her throat to get everyone's attention, as if the matter concerned everyone. "So, Ougai dear, have you found a girlfriend yet? Perhaps been on any date?" She had a look in her eyes as she spoke.
All in all, the dinner was terrible. Elise had an outburst, and told Mori's mother to shut up. Thankfully, it was in German, but the woman seemed to understand Elise's tone. The constant back and forth, the antagonizing, and the questions made exhausted him.
The only moment of semi-peace was putting Elise to bed.
He walked now on the path outside his home. He could see his breath in the air, and felt the bite at his nose. It was only after a couple of minutes of alone time, that something, or rather, someone, caught his eye.
There about fifty meters in front of him, he saw a figure. It was a tall man in traditional Japanese clothing. He had grey hair, despite his young face. Mori recognized the man on the spot. It made his heart speed up, and palms sweat. There in front of him was his old friend, Yukichi Fukuzawa