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The sheets pricked into Kris’ skin, burning like a cramp that wouldn’t go away no matter how you stretched your muscle. No matter how they tossed around it felt too heavy on their shell, too branding on their skin. They squinted their eyes open and immediately retreated into their bangs from the sunlight vaporizing the air. Their brain was already flaring with activity and they felt themselves groan.
It was one of those days.
It was always difficult to roll out of bed but it was usually because their comfortable sleep cocoon was too much. Other days they felt too jittery, enough to run a marathon and then their energy would immediately fizzle out once on their feet in a rather unamusing cycle. But the worst days Kris didn’t just not want to leave bed, they physically couldn’t. The distance between their room and the door out would elongate as fiercely as their senses would melt.
A vibration stirred on the drawer next to them. Any kind of movement hurt right now but they had been telling their friends that they would be more responsive, and their motivation to hold their word barely outweighed the noise filling their brain. The glow of the scree burned their sight, and they fumbled to dim the brightness to a bearable level. They had hundreds of unread notifications from spam numbers to mobile game alerts but their attention turned to a text from an hour ago.
A cheery good morning message from Noelle slightly dented their psyche, before immediately being pulled into guilt. What reason are you so sad for? She’s gonna think you’re ignoring her. She doesn’t deserve you-
Kris put a crumbling but manageable wall in their thoughts. They had talked about this, and Noelle wasn’t helped by their self-loathing. They typed out a one word response of “bad.” Even though it was an incredibly poor direct response, they hoped Noelle would understand. The wall in their head had been made for long enough to not ghost her, and their self-loathing immediately capsized their sinking mind-space. It sure was a lot harder to be positive when every grain of it was being squeezed out of their skin.
The fact that Kris had woken up on their own indicated that Mom had been held up by some sort of errand. Grocery shopping or a teacher’s conference, likely. Part of them was thankful for it, she had a tough time navigating the tide of darkness that overtook them and it occasionally caused their rare clashes. They still missed her though, she was more likely to fuss over them and slip a plate of pie on the floor, they minded being fussed over a lot less when they couldn’t move without it.
They tried to practice some of the exercises they’d researched at Noelle’s persistence. To their happy place, cozy memories with friends playing pranks and laughter. Playing with Asriel late into the night. Unfortunately all this really ended up accomplishing was making Kris think about how awesome all the people that weren’t with them right now were, and how much they missed them. If they didn’t feel so weak they would have found it amusing.
They heard the front door open, not with the steady and leisure care of Toriel but with a rustle of impatience that signaled that the assailant had struggled with the worn keyhole. A flare of hope roared in Kris’ heart, that they quickly internally squashed. They weren’t thinking straight, her paragraph had been pretty lengthy, and it was highly likely that Noelle had had chores or errands to run. She couldn’t just show up out of the blue for them.
And yet the footsteps approaching their room were much too light to belong to Mom, too quiet to be Susie. Their door opened and Noelle stood in the frame, still in her pajamas and poofy slippers. Her hair was neatly brushed on one side and openly rebelling on the other. a rare instance of gold draping over her left eye. Her mouth quirked upward just slightly at them but her eyes shone with a clear determination and enough cotton to soften a plane crash.
She slipped out of her shoes and went over to their computer, tabbing out of some webcomic she had told them to read. They heard white noise of a rainforest subtly blowing from the monitor’s speaker. She pulled the shades in their room shade, and put her phone on their dresser.
Noelle slid into their sheets and if they had the energy they would have sang her name in praise, but in their current condition the best they could offer was a slow nuzzle as she cradled them. Her fur was the only surface that didn’t prick against their skin, coating it in a cushioning warmth. The voices in their head numbed from every stroke of her fingers across their scalp, her knees holding them to her chest. They tried to string together something, an apology more likely than not, but Noelle rested a finger on their lips.
“It’s okay. Rest.”
She understood. Of course she did, she knew them better than anybody. They didn’t deserve her.
“Yes you do Kris. Now relax.”
She really knew them.
Noelle silenced the static in their brain, clearing the fog out. Her pulse was so steady, her heartbeat affirming that it was okay. They still couldn’t move much without their nerves flaring up, but they were nestled in a position of relief. Their eyes wouldn’t sleep, filled with a tiredness that demanded attention of activity, but they didn’t need to drift off just yet.
They were supposed to be in their happy place, and that place would be there for them for anything.
When did it get so loud? Why is it so loud? Why can’t I move? There weren’t this many people before, right?
Noelle had been wanting to go to this party for a while. She wasn’t normally one for “functions” as Kris called them but she had really wanted to go with them, it felt so good to be able to hold their hand and make them laugh in public. She knew Catti had her back too, and would make sure nothing too drastic occurred if she was there.
Today had not been a particularly kind day to her though, school had dragged today, and she was usually very tolerant of Alphy’s lectures. She thought she had been in danger of missing a deadline and the anxiety of how it would tank her grade hadn’t faded in time before they had gotten ready.
And now they were here and the music on the speakers was straining her ears, but she didn’t want to cover them and look like a loser. There were too many people around them to comfortably move, seriously how many people went to their school? What would Mom think if you were here? What if she already knows and is waiting at home with that look in her eyes.
She felt her heart slamming out of her chest, trying to tear its way out. A splash of frigidity hit her hand, the water in her cup splashing out from her trembling. She could see Susie enthusiastically laughing with a group surrounding her, why couldn’t Noelle get it together like her? Monster Kid glanced over and turned away after meeting her eyes for a moment. It had only been for a moment, but that’s probably what he was laughing to Snowy about right now. She probably looked like a complete fool, Hometown’s Saint at a party, she didn’t belong here. They were all laughing at her, she was losing it and they were gonna all know she was a freak and-
Her vision blurred brown and red before Kris materialized in front of her, concerned scarlet pulling her focus to them. They watched their pupil shift, scanning her drink, the drying moisture on her knuckles. Recognition snapped to their gaze instantly, before she could even attempt to greet them.
In an instant their hand was clasped around her own, and she felt herself being pulled across the room. She vaguely heard a few complaints of Kris bumping into people, navigating the maze of bodies. Susie looked over at the noise and grinned at seeing Kris, attempting to wave them over before she noticed Noelle in tow, and her expression morphed into understanding.
“HEY LOSERS, I KNOW NOT ONE OF YOU CAN BEAT ME IN TABLE TENNIS!” She jeered at the crowd, and playfully opposing retorts gathered, causing the shape of the crowd to adjust towards the dinosaur. Kris mentally made a note to thank her later. Noelle barely noticed.
They stepped into a new room and Kris shut the door behind them, The light flickered on and Noelle’s eyes adjusted to the room. The bathroom muffled the projection of the speakers, and the chatter faded. She looked at herself in the mirror, tears threatening to spill from her eyes, shaking in place.
Kris wrapped around her waist, and planted their sock on top of her boot. The pressure they applied wasn’t tight but firm, hand sliding to the small of her neck. “Breathe,” They shifted their head so their voice was just below her ears. They felt her shivers and leaned closer. “Breathe Elly.”
Noelle felt their skin on her own, toes curling on top of her foot, keeping her from flying away. Their breath was precise, drawn out and precise, and she attempted to mimic it. Her first inhale was almost immediately hiccuped out but Kris stood firm. Her second was better, and they gave a gentle squeeze.
“Look at me,” She stared at the two of them in the reflection, they looked so beautiful, tenderly looking at her with the patience of a saint. “I’m here. Always will be, Elly.” She gripped their hands, their touch breaking through the mold of her anxiety. They were here. Kris would always be here. Her breath steadied, enough for her to look over at them and give a tired smile.
“Party or something else?” They asked quietly, resting their head on her shoulder. Noelle leaned her head into them. “Little bit of both.” She replied.
“Wanna leave?” They pivoted to be in front of her, taking hold of her hands, hypnotizing her with their eyes. Noelle darted her eyes to the side, knowing the effect their irises had on her. “W-Wouldn’t that be rude? I’m the one who wanted to go-”
“Catti won’t care. She gets it. I’m bored anyway,” They leaned in closer. They were so perfect, she just wanted to take them home and admire them all to herself. Kris’ lips perked up at seeing her internal surrender. “I’ll text her, okay?”
They were out of the house pretty soon after that, and like Kris said Catti had no objections. It was silly to think one of her best friends would have issues with it, but that’s just what Noelle’s brain did to her sometimes.
The air felt nice on her skin, cooling down the storm in her brain. Her eardrums felt relieved from the pressure of the noise in the house. Her hand fit nice and perfectly into Kris’ own. They looked over and gave a gentle smile. Noelle pecked them on the cheek, giggling at their blush.
“I love you, Krismas. Thank you."