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JJ's life begins and ends in a heartbeat. She'd never meant to let anything get this far, never meant to fall in love.
But as she stares at the little blue plus sign, she knows immediately that everything is forever changed.
Even if in the beginning it hadn't been intentional, JJ still fell in love. Her heart had been stolen completely not only by Henry, but his father as well. Will was a good man, a great man, even—caring father, loving husband— everything JJ's own father was not. Her dad had been allergic to fatherhood, packing up and disappearing in the middle of the night after the death of her sister, leaving JJ and her mother alone to deal with the crushing weight of a grief that shouldn't have been shouldered by a child. Perhaps it was it own grief that made him leave. Perhaps he was just selfish. JJ never knew and never pretended to want to.
Perhaps that's why it was all the more crushing when the news of a routine traffic stop turned horror reaches her, when Will's partner apologizes profusely in the sterile white of a waiting room, when a surgeon, face lined with exhaustion and grief breaks the news to her as gently as possible. Nothing registers except the shattering of her own heart when her knees hit the hard tile of the hospital floor, cold shock escaping from her involuntarily in the shape of sound.
JJ miscarried the day before the funeral. She'd never had a chance to tell Will, now she never would.
Henry is four. Not only has he lost a father he might never remember, but a sibling as well.
21 shots ring out into the cold and cloudless sky, each one a poor attempt to bring feeling back to her chest.
Will's Captain presents Henry with a flag, neatly folded, ripe when ceremony and sorrow. The bravery set into the soft lines is his boyish face tracked with tears is admirable and JJ sobs, mourning a life they'd never know.
JJ's life begins and ends in a heartbeat, but Henry keeps grief from swallowing her whole.
JJ has no idea where she is. All she's certain of is that it's the ass-back of nowhere and that's saying something given where she grew up.
But that's not really important right now. What is important is the fact that it's snowing. Heavily. And JJ can barely see the road. Scratch that. JJ can't see shit. Maybe that's why she's not entirely surprised when she hears something scrape against the bottom of her car, even less surprised when her forward momentum completely halts. She tries to back up, only to hear the tell-tale slide of tires slick against snow. Frustrated, she slams the car back into drive and presses the gas pedal to the floor board with even less success. She checks her cell and is unsurprised to see she has no service. None of this would be a problem she couldn't wait out until the sun rose. But Henry was asleep in the backseat and it was simply too cold, even with the car running off and on.
The lights of a horizon gleam somewhere in the distance, a beacon of warmth and respite. Outside of the car, the wind blows, causing the snow to drift horizontally. Her choice is both easy and difficult, but one she makes regardless. Carefully, she bundles Henry back into his coat, taking care to zip it up and wrapping him in the blanket she keeps in the car. Henry turns his face into her neck and curls his arms around her neck, a sleepy grumble escaping before he settles again, clinging to her in the way only a four year old can. A downhill trek and roughly a mile or mile and a half in the snow, and JJ could call for a tow, maybe get a room for the night.
JJ realizes her mistake as soon as she starts making her way toward the distant town. The wind whips the snow and her hair in her face, her feet sinking to her ankle in the already accumulated powder. Each step, while minutely closer to her destination, was painfully cold, soaking her shoes and the bottom of her jeans, weighing them down as the snow caked to the folds of denim. The solid press of the road against her foot each time it sank through the drift of snow was the only assurance she was headed in the correct direction.
Wind whipping and snow blowing, JJ didn't hear the crunch of approaching tires until light spilled around her, a truck making its way around her only to pull over to the side of the road a few feet ahead. The red lights are a stark contrast to all the white swirling around her, practically harsh with the way they reflect off of the flakes fluttering in JJ's face.
The door creaks open and a woman spills out, rushing back to meet JJ. There's a moment where the woman slips slightly in her rush and JJ has the urge to laugh, realizing that it would be absurd given that she was the one carrying a toddler down the road in the middle of a blizzard. The laugh immediately dies when she actually sees the woman running up to her, tall and gorgeous, dark hair haloed around her with the wind. Her dark eyes were full of concern and the cold tinted kissed her cheeks, painting them a pretty pink.
"Oh my god! Are you OK?" JJ stares stupidly and it's only after the woman reaches out, wrapping a gentle hand around her arm and meeting her gaze. "Hey, you good?"
JJ shakes herself, slightly embarrassed wondering if this stranger thought her brain was frozen. "JJ!" she blurts and genuinely wishes she weren't holding Henry right now so she could bury herself in the snow. Thankfully the woman just smiles at her, albeit a little confused, and fuck is it beautiful.
"I'm sorry? Seriously, are you OK? Was that your car stuck a few miles back?"
"M-miles? How far away is that town? How long have I been walking…?"
The woman tugs gently on JJ's arm and JJ barely realizes she's moving until the woman is opening the passenger door of her truck. "I'm Emily," she offers, reaching for Henry. "I only have a booster, but town is only about 5 miles away. I'm pretty sure the sheriff won't be too uppity."
JJ feels something in her heart melt when Henry makes a muffled happy sound when Emily places him carefully in the booster in the back, buckling him in. There's a random Wall-E toy she passes to him and he offers a sleepy smile.
"Do you have kids of your own?" JJ admires how easily Emily handles Henry, feels like she should maybe be concerned that a complete stranger is loading her and her child up into a truck in the middle of a snowstorm. It's not like anyone would really know if she disappeared out here, if this woman turned out to be a serial killer. But there is something so earnest and kind in Emily's brown eyes, so easy to trust that JJ finds she can't bring herself to be even the slightest bit worried.
"No, not technically. My ex has kids. We're…complicated. But that's at least third date conversation," when Emily smiles, dimples appear that make JJ's knees weak. "Bad joke?"
"No," and JJ feels a smile stretch across her own face. "I'm JJ, by the way. Well, Jennifer, but my friends call me JJ."
"Yes, I know. You kind of yelled it at me in the snow." Now JJ does bury herself, as much as she can in the passenger seat of a truck. A gentle weight presses itself to JJ's knee and a rich laugh fills the air in the cab. JJ's face positively burns and she's grateful she's already hidden her face. The truck rumbles to life and JJ relaxes when she feels the tires grip the road.
A quiet hum floats to JJ in a gentle rhythm, pulling her to the surface of wakefulness. The motion of the truck moving over the snow had lulled her into sleep without her permission but she finds she doesn't mind. What surprises JJ is the fact that she's surrounded by warmth and softness, comfort she wouldn't expect to find having fallen asleep in a truck. The other unexpected thing she finds is that the light has changed, there's a brightness that exists where it hadn't before.
A giggle reaches her ears, followed by the running of feet somewhere outside of a door. An exaggerated roar and heavy footfalls echo not far behind.
JJ's heart lurches in her chest until the last six months come rushing back with painful clarity. Every tiny whisper of I miss daddy, each night she spent crying herself to sleep—hearing Henry's laughter now is a balm. JJ turns her face to the ceiling, whispering a quiet thank you.
Outside of the door, JJ is greeted by Henry, peeking around the arm of a couch while Emily crouched down, peeking around the other. Henry immediately forgets whatever game they were playing when he notices his mom leaning against the doorway.
"Mommy!" Leaping up, Henry runs over and wraps himself around her legs. JJ ruffles his hair before leaning over to press a kiss to his forehead.
"Hi, baby," she coos, watching as Emily straightens up and clears her throat, a flush rushing to up her neck and into her cheeks. JJ quirks an eyebrow at Emily when she faces her and Emily flushes harder. She had to bite her lip to keep from laughing but Emily doesn't seem to mind. She does, however, disappear momentarily before coming bag with a steaming mug, handing it over to JJ.
"I hope you slept well?" JJ hums into the mug, a small nod her only answer. "Henry wanted pancakes and cocoa. I hope that was OK? I did make him eat some eggs and some fruit, too."
JJ's head whips up at that. "You got him to eat fruit?" Emily looks confused, like it wasn't a world ending battle anytime JJ tried to get Henry to eat a banana. JJ takes another sip of whatever magic Emily had created in her mug and has to fight the urge to moan. She points at the mug, to Henry, then gestures between herself and Emily. "Marry me," she deadpans, and Emily snorts. "Third date conversation?" JJ offers cheekily, and Emily barks out a startled laugh.
"Speaking of third date conversations," Emily starts. She looks nervous and JJ sets the mug down, perches on the edge of the sofa and waits patiently. "You, uh, you might be stuck. Here. For a while."
The car. The snowstorm. The holidays. Anyone one of these could be what Emily is referring to, so JJ chooses to wait for her to elaborate.
Emily must see it on JJ's face because she continues without being prompted. "All of it," she says, and JJ marvels at Emily's ability to read her as easily as she does. "Even if the snow weren't an issue, and it is, the to tow company is closed for the holidays. Won't be open again until after the New Year."
JJ sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. This was not exactly what she had been expecting when she set out on this little trip to spend time with her mom for the holidays. She wasn't really sure who the visit was for, honestly: herself so she wouldn't be lonely, her mother because she finally understood what it was like, or Henry so he could have the love he deserved she was finding so difficult to give. Now all of that hope was lost somewhere on the side of the road outside of a town that barely existed.
Emily must sense her frustration, JJ feels the dip in the couch next to her as she sits down, fingers tentatively touching the tips of her own.
"I know it's not ideal," Emily's voice is calm, grounding. "I have the room. You are welcome to stay here." JJ startles. Kindness is not something she's used to, Will aside. Her own hometown was nothing but nosy, malicious in the way that it spread gossip. As soon as she was able, JJ left to live in the city where she made it a point to not get close enough for anyone to have any sort of ammunition to use against her.
"I-I can't do that," why her voice shakes, she's not sure. Emily's hand closes over hers, squeezes.
"Let me rephrase. You're going to stay here because you really don't have another option unless you intend to walk to wherever it is you're going. I don't recommend it. We're about 50 miles away from civilization in any direction."
"Fuck."
The door to the bar opens with a flurry of snow and hurried movements. It's quickly shut with a quiet thud and a windswept woman bustles in, hands tucking stray hair away from her face. She's warmly dressed in a comfortable sweater, aviator sunglasses covering her eyes and heavy boots clunking across the floor with each step.
JJ looks up from her cellphone as the woman comes to a stop in front of her, clipping her sunglasses to her sweater and shaking the excess snow from her sleeve. Emily groans, throwing a look her way.
"Tara, you're making hazard."
"You are a hazard," the woman, Tara, fires back without even glancing in Emily's direction. Emily plunks a mug of hot cocoa down in front of Henry, who is happily watching some cartoon or other on the TV above the bar, before she comes over to stand beside JJ.
Reaching out a hand, Tara offers JJ a dazzling smile. "I'm Tara, if you couldn't tell."
"JJ," she offers, pumping Tara's hand once or twice and noticing the way her eyes crinkle at the corners. Tara shoots a glance over JJ's shoulder at Emily, mirth dancing in the honeyed tones of her eyes.
"Voici donc l'inconnu qui semble avoir captivé notre chère Emily."
JJ has to fight to keep her face impassive, tilts her head sideways just slightly. Behind her, she can hear a strangled sound from Emily before she replies in French.
"Nous n'en parlons pas pour l'instant." Emily's tone is sharp and JJ turns just in time to catch a hint of pink before Emily ducks her head.
Tara just laughs, undeterred. "Elle est très belle."
JJ raises an eyebrow at Tara before leaning in to whisper conspiratorially. "Elle peut aussi vous entendre."
Tara barks out a startled laugh and Emily stalks away, an even brighter shade of red and muttering more in French before she pulls a bottle from behind the bar, drinking straight from it before slamming the door to her office.
The bar is decked out, ready for the festivities to begin. Everyone from town is packed in, all 47 of them. Derek and Spencer sway together in the corner, Penelope is busy pretending not to spike the punch, and Henry is performing a spectacular solo on the drums up on the stage.
Tara and Rebecca twirl one another on the dance floor, giggles tucked between them like secrets. Emily moves behind the bar, elegant and stunning in the low light, smile beautiful and dimples on display. JJ feels her breath catch when that smile is aimed her way, Emily drying her hands on a towel before it finds a home on her shoulder and she's moving toward JJ, a glass of wine in each hand. When JJ takes the offered glass from Emily, a small brush of fingers sends a shock through her. Emily clinks their glasses together and takes a sip, turning to survey the crowd in her bar.
"Good turn out," JJ offers and mentally facepalms for how awkward she can be. Emily is kind enough not to comment, just nods while she continues to scan over the room.
Tara has her ear bent to Rebecca, listening to something she's saying before Rebecca turns and points to JJ and Emily tucked into the corner. Tara positively lights up, her cackle ringing out across the bar before she claps and calls to Emily.
Emily scowls. "Quoi?" JJ throws a curious glance at Emily before also turning her attention to Tara.
Tara points toward the ceiling, grin devious. "Lève les yeux, espèce de crétin fini!"
Immediately, JJ and Emily look up to find a sprig of mistletoe dangling from the ceiling that JJ knows for a fact was not there earlier. Looking back, it was utterly suspicious how Tara had insisted that the table in the corner was specifically for JJ so she could keep from being overwhelmed by the town, having both a view of everyone that might come her way and an escape route.
Slowly, JJ lowers her gaze and see Emily is already watching her—studying her, really—and her gaze flicks to her lips. There's a twitch at the corner of Emily's mouth, her dimples making an appearance.
"Veux-tu m'embrasser?" There's no teasing, no expectation in the question, only quiet curiosity.
JJ finds its the easiest question to answer, one she doesn't have to think twice about before she's curling her hand around the back of Emily's neck and pulling her in. She hesitates for a moment before their lips touch, a breath apart. Emily's lashes rest against her cheek when her eyes flutter shut, closing the last bit of distance between them, hands finding purchase against JJ's hips.
A collective cheer rings through the bar and Henry hits they cymbal on the drum set with unapologetic vigor before jumping from the stage and running across the bar to wrap himself around their knees. JJ reaches down on instinct, surprised when her hand meets Emily's already resting against Henry's shoulders.
Henry, none the wiser, turns his head up, his chubby face lit with a smile JJ hasn't been able to coax from him or seen since before Will had passed. "Does this mean I can call you 'momily'?"
JJ kisses Emily again while an exaggerated gagging noise comes from somewhere in the bar. They could figure out the logistics of this later. For now, JJ just wants more of this: heart warm and full, a beautiful woman to call her own, and her son happy.
JJ's life begins and ends in a heartbeat, her pulse coming to life once again.