Chapter Text
For many, it was just a normal night—perhaps filled with heaps of homework, chilling with friends, or maybe even nothing at all.
For me, it was the night my life changed forever.
I had always felt that from the beginning, that it was ‘life-changing’, but I didn’t know, at the time, that it would affect me in a…much different way than what I was thinking.
Fate was funny, in that way. That night, the night I had been waiting for ever since I had somehow snagged the tickets on my birthday, already felt like a life-changing event by itself.
But sometimes, what you expect to be just a ‘life-changing’ experience in the normal, chichę sense, ends up being the turning point that actually changes the whole course of your life.
…Yeah, maybe that wasn’t the most relatable analogy in the world, but whatever.
That night, I swore I could feel the bass in my veins before I even entered the venue. CORTIS was known for that, after all. Their debut, a mere few months ago, was unlike any other—already hitting top records and getting insane positive acclaim in such a short amount of time. It was impressive—after all, most of them were close to my age.
But I hadn’t started stanning them for just those reasons—rather, it was mainly for their sound and their vibe. Sure, one of the songs from their debut album was of the usual k-pop sounding genre—bubbly and upbeat. But they were unique in the fact that they experimented so much with their other songs, trying out hip-hop, rap, and indie rock genres. And it sounded good. The more rap-leaning song on their album, FaSHioN, was one of my favorite k-pop songs of all time.
Not to say that the more k-pop sounding songs were bad—in fact, GO! had stolen my heart as well, with its insanely catchy chorus and choreo. It was amazing how, for a debut group, all of their songs had been agreed upon by the public to be extremely good.
And they didn’t even seem to let it get to their head—that was the second thing that had drawn me into their group. Not to say other groups were fake, but they just seemed so…real.
Maybe it was just the fact that they were all so close to my age. But wherever I was watching them, whether it was onstage or in one of their goofy vlogs, the vibe they gave off just drew you in so easily—you didn’t feel like an outsider at all. It was like you were a part of their friendship, even if it really was just behind a screen, or the barrier in front of a stage.
‘…Ok, honestly I cant lie to myself anymore. They’re really fucking good-looking too.’
But despite that, at the end of the day, what drew me in was their authenticity, talent, and their unique sound. At the core, that was why I loved them so much.
“ARE YOU READY?!?!?!”
Suddenly, a loud explosion of voices from the stage and cheers from the crowd wrenched me out of my deep thoughts.
‘Ohhhhh crap crap crap it’s starting!!’
The second the lights went out, everyone started screaming—and then that first beat of FaSHioN hit like a thunderclap, paired with the wild stage lights—red, purple, electric blue.
And before I knew it, there was Martin, center stage, already rapping like he was summoning chaos itself. The confidence and swagger of his energy seemed to radiate through the whole crowd.
Turning to someone random beside me, I screamed so I could just hear myself over the noise of the crowd: “Oh my god, he’s so cool!”
“UGHHH, I know!! But like, at the same time I lowkey get gender envy when I look at him. If only baggy clothes could look as good on me as they do on him—“
“Ok why is that actually so real—“
“MOSH PIT HANEUN BEOP BAEWONWA!!!”
Seonghyeon’s voice cut through our conversation with the line before my favorite chant of the whole song. I opened my mouth, ready to yell my heart out.
“BAEWOBWA, BAEWOBWA, NEODO PPALLI BAEWOBWA!!!”
Keonho and Seonghyeon were jumping across the stage, hyping everyone up, while James and Juhoon slid towards the front, effortlessly cool, flashing those little grins that made the whole section cheer.
‘Ohhhhh shit here it comes.’
Martin. Oh my GOD Martin—when he came in for his second rap section, the entire venue felt like it lifted off the ground. Throughout the whole concert, I felt my eyes drifting towards him again and again. He was smooth, confident, loud, and just a little bit teasing. That was probably why he was my bias—if coolness was a person, it would be him.
Speechless, I clutched my newfound friend by the arm as she laughed at my fangirling, and we both completely let loose, screaming every word of every song.
Halfway through the concert, Martin grabbed the mic and screamed. “You guys ready to GO!?”
Instantly, even though there had been no prior notice, we all started chanting “GO! GO! GO!” before they launched into GO!, complete with chaotic light flickers and the most ridiculous freestyle dance break ever.
I lost it, the crowd lost it, even the crew I could barely see backstage lost it. It felt unreal.
And then, like a snake sneaking up on its prey, came the encore. Amid the soft glow of purple lights, the first chords of JoyRide echoed through the stadium. Everyone swayed, singing along. Our voices ran through the whole stadium and rocked my soul, causing a shiver to run up my spine.
“Yeah, yeah yeah, we’re on a joyride…”
It was one of those rare moments where everything just stopped. Somehow, compared to the earlier hype, there were no phones. No chaos. Just a room full of people, feeling the same exact thing.
“Day to niiight, riiide, we’re on a joyride…”
When they bowed at the end, it was silent.
Juhoon looked out at the crowd and spoke softly. “We’re still learning, but thanks for growing with us.”
Someone clapped. Then another cheered. It went on until the whole arena had burst into cheers and applause.
‘…Damn.’
As the confetti rained down, Keonho made a mock-disgusted face as Martin threw an arm around him, Seonghyeon waved happily until the lights went out, James blew kisses to the fans in the back, and Juhoon just slowly walked away with that adorable smile of his.
They were gone, as quickly as they had come, but I left the venue with my voice gone, my heart full, and my camera roll destroyed. I left realizing that CORTIS wasn’t just a group. They were a whole experience. I couldn’t wait to do it all over again.
And in that moment, I promised to myself, that I would do it all over again, no matter what it took.
Yes, fate was a funny thing indeed.
—
So after the concert (aka the best night of my life), I was just kinda chatting outside the venue with Grace, my newfound friend—still recovering, spiritually unwell, emotionally deceased, still murmuring “that’s what we’re all looking for…” in my head.
And that’s when a staff member literally walked out and said, “Does one of you want to go and meet the members? We’re picking randomly from the crowd for a fan signing.”
…You know I said yes before he even finished his sentence.
But then, I realized.
“Wait…just one?”
I looked at Grace, but before I could even get another word out, she laughed and pushed me towards the staff member.
“Come on, dude. How could I even steal this moment from you? You’ve been stanning them so much longer than I have. You deserve it.”
Unable to get any words out, I almost started crying on the spot. Instead, I settled for wrapping her in a hug. After a moment, I pulled away.
“Wish me luck!”
“Of course. Take pictures, if you can!”
Cut to me, standing backstage, knees shaking, surrounded by lights and cables and maybe 50 other excited fans, and…faint laughter echoing down the hallway.
Suddenly, the door opened and in walked CORTIS. Like. Real. Human. Them.
Keonho’s hair was a total mess from headbanging, Juhoon still had confetti stuck to his jacket, Seonghyeon was holding a water bottle like it was his emotional support item, and James looked way too composed for someone who just performed for two hours straight. Martin came in last—hoodie on (how did they even change that fast?) and a lazy smirk that I think could actually end me on the spot.
I told myself I wouldn’t be nervous.
That was the lie I clung to while standing in line, fingers curled around the edge of my bag like it was the only thing tethering me to reality. The venue smelled faintly like sweat, coffee, cleaning spray, and whatever generic cologne someone had clearly over-applied that morning.
This was just a fan signing. People did this all the time. I was being dramatic.
Still, my heart beat faster with every step forward. I couldn’t help it, of course.
When it was finally my turn, the world seemed to narrow to the long table in front of me and the five people sitting behind it. They were laughing about something—an inside joke, probably—and for a second, I just watched them. It was strange, how normal they looked up close. Real. Like people you could accidentally bump into at a café and not realize they were them until it was too late.
James looked up at me first and just grinned.
“You were front row, right? I saw you go crazy during FaSHioN.”
‘oh shit hes talking to me’
“I–hey! Uh—maybe—yeah—it’s a good song.”
Immediately, I cringed and ran a hand through my hair.
“Uh, alright fuck, I messed that up.”
He burst into laughter, and I couldn’t help grinning with him as he shook his head.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. I can tell what you were trying to say.”
A laugh slipped out of my mouth before I knew it—somehow the ice was already broken.
“Yeah, that was a good first impression, wasn’t it?”
The interaction flowed more naturally than I expected. Names, quick questions, laughter. Juhoon complimented my bag. Seonghyeon asked if I’d traveled far. I answered honestly and found myself relaxing, shoulders dropping as the tension drained out of me in real time.
They were so nice. Genuinely so.
Then…there was Martin.
He was louder than the rest, by a noticeable margin. His laugh cut through the overlapping voices like it was determined to be heard, and when he spoke, it was with the confidence of someone who had never once worried about taking up too much space.
At first, I ignored him. Or tried to.
“So, what did you think of the show?” Seonghyeon said.
Somehow, I remembered how to speak.
“It was honestly perfect. I had such an amazing time. You guys felt so real up there, that’s what I like about you guys. Nothing really feels…scripted? I guess?”
And then Juhoon just smiled and said,
“That’s what we always want people to feel. Like…I dunno, like we’re just friends hanging out.”
They all nodded seriously, and for a second it really did feel like that—just friends talking after a long day.
After a second, Keonho spoke. “Well, I’m glad you had a good time! It’s honestly unreal that you guys—fans, I mean—like our stuff so much.”
“Of course we like your stuff!” I quickly assured him with a smile. “You guys are honestly already so insanely talented, even being almost the same age as me.”
At that, Keonho did a double-take. “Wait, wait. How old are you?”
“I’m 16. You are too, right?“
He nodded in suprise, about to open his mouth and respond before Martin butted in.
“Woah, I thought for sure you were older. Wait, like, not in a rude way or anything.” He paused for a moment, then added, very seriously. “You know, you’re just my type. We should, like, get married sometime.”
‘WHAT THE FUCK’
‘No no no lock in lock in, you have to play it cool’
I raised an eyebrow and grinned, mock-whispering towards the others. “Is he always this fan-service-y?”
Juhoon let out a small laugh that nearly blew my chill cover. “This isn’t even the wildest he’s ever done. You should see him during our actual fan-meets.”
“Hmm, sounds entertaining. I’ll have to go to one sometime.”
“You totally should.” He smiled so sincerely that my soul left my body for the umpteenth time.
‘Oh my god this isnt real’
“So—“ I rushed to change the subject in order to keep from embarrassing myself. “Um, hang on, I’ve been wondering something.”
“Yeah, what’s up?” Martin nodded, his earlier words completely forgotten.
“How long have you guys, like, been training towards debuting? I mean—I know it was probably different for everyone…”
“Yeah, so like, it’s been a different journey for all of us. For me, I think I was training for the longest—6 years?”
My eyes widened. “Woah, for real? That’s insane.”
“Yeah,” James grinned as Martin nodded unabashedly. “For me, it was like, 4 or 5?”
“I trained for 3, and he trained for…I think 4?” Keonho added, motioning towards Seonghyeon.
There was a silence.
“Oh, right, me,” Juhoon let out after a moment, sheepishly smiling as the rest of us chuckled. “I joined the last. I, uh, I think…maybe 1 year ago?”
“But,” Martin added, “We got along so well cause he was, like, so weird too—“
“Pfft—“
The conversation continued, and it was literally like I wasn’t even a fan, like I was just one of their best friends.
“So anyway—where are you from?” James added. I was mid-answer when Martin cut in.
“Ohhh, that explains it,” he said, nodding like he’d solved a mystery no one had asked him to investigate.
I blinked and furrowed my brow “Explains…what?”
He grinned, leaning back in his chair. “The vibe.”
I stared at him for a second too long.
“What vibe?”
“The sarcastic one,” he said easily. “You’ve got that whole ‘I’m cool and unimpressed’ thing going on.”
‘…What’s that supposed to mean?’
I let out a short laugh before I could stop myself. “Or maybe I’m just…standing here?”
A couple of the others snorted. Keonho muttered, “Damn,” under his breath.
Martin raised an eyebrow, clearly not used to being challenged by fans. “Wow. Okay.”
I tilted my head, smile polite but sharp. “Is that a problem?”
For a split second—just one—I saw something flicker across his face. Surprise, maybe. Interest. Then it was gone, replaced by a grin that felt almost competitive.
“Nah,” he said. “Just didn’t expect it.”
“Life’s full of disappointments,” I replied sweetly.
That earned a laugh from the table, louder than before. Martin shook his head.
“Okay, I see how it is.”
“Do you?” I asked.
He looked at me for a moment longer than necessary. His eyes were dark, expressive, framed by lashes that were annoyingly luscious and unfair for someone who talked as much as he did. I hated that I noticed. I hated that my brain catalogued it automatically, traitorously.
“Yeah,” he said slowly. “You think you’re better than me.”
I frowned. “…I literally just met you.”
“Exactly,” he said, pointing at me like I just insulted his entire family and then some.
Before I could respond, James jumped in, grinning. “Alright, alright, let’s not scare her off.”
“Me?” Martin protested. “She started it.”
I opened my mouth. Then closed it and smiled. “I’ll let you have that,” I said, because in my head, I was inwardly screaming at myself—
‘Jeez, what is wrong with you? You meet your bias for the first time, and the very first thing you do is argue with him. Really spectacular job, dude.’
‘…Well, it’s not my fault he turned out to be so loud.’
‘You knew that already! Isn’t that why you’re a fan in the first place?!’
‘Shut up!’
When the interaction ended with their manager exasperatedly walking over and telling them they couldn’t spend that long talking to one person, I walked away with the poster they had signed pressed to my chest, heart still racing—but not for the reasons I’d expected.
I replayed the moment in my head as I stepped outside, the cool air hitting my face like a reset button. The others had been warm. Funny. Easy to like.
Martin, on the other hand, was nothing like I had imagined.
Obnoxious.
Too loud.
Way too confident.
And frustratingly good-looking.
‘Uh…woah. No.’
I shoved the thought away immediately. That was dangerous territory. And besides, I didn’t like him.
Not at all.