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It’s difficult for Ena to pinpoint the exact moment when she first realized that she’d fallen in love with Mizuki Akiyama.
Perhaps it was the first time everyone in Niigo had entered the Empty SEKAI—the very first time she'd seen Mizuki in person—where, at first sight, she'd found herself taken aback by just how cute Mizuki was.
Perhaps it was during the train ride back from the mystery tour Mizuki had arranged, when Ena had first noticed the deep, contemplative sadness lurking behind her usually-bright eyes, and became determined to find out the reason behind it.
Perhaps it was on the rooftop of Kamiyama, staring Mizuki straight into those same beautiful, sad eyes and vowing that she’d wait for her to open up for as long as it took.
Perhaps there was no one, singular moment. Perhaps it doesn't even matter if there was or not. It seems irrelevant in the face of the here and now–
Mizuki is gone. Unfindable and unreachable by her own volition, leaving a phantom pain in Ena's heart that only aches more and more the longer she goes with Mizuki's status and whereabouts remaining unknown.
If there was one singular moment in the past when Ena first fell in love, she couldn't say for sure what it was.
But she can say that, with Mizuki's absence, the true nature of Ena's feelings towards her have become clear beyond any and all reasonable doubt.
And it’s the fact that Ena loves Mizuki with everything she has that galvanizes her resolve to find her.
(No matter what.)
(No matter how long it takes.)
(No matter how much you may want to wash your hands of me, I'm not going to let you.)
(Wait for me, Mizuki.)
* * *
She finds her.
She has to fight and claw to bring her back, but she does.
When she first catches sight of Mizuki outside of the clothing store, the wave of relief that washes over her is so palpable that she has to fight to stop herself from bursting into tears right then and there. But she knows it’s far too soon to relax.
Ena calls her name, runs over, and reaches out to her—but Mizuki, eyes wide like a deer in headlights, quite literally pushes her away, before bolting in the other direction.
Ena’s heart shatters. Sure enough, Mizuki doesn't intend to make this easy for her.
But Ena would chase after Mizuki to the ends of the earth and back again. Running around Shibuya for a bit is nothing.
So Ena runs.
* * *
Ena would be lying if she said that she hadn't been surprised to find out that Mizuki was transgender. But she quickly determines that it truly doesn’t change how she feels about her, even a little bit. She fell for Mizuki, and Mizuki is still Mizuki. As long as that’s the case, then nothing else matters.
The girl in question is undoubtedly doing better now, but for the first few days after Ena finds her, she’s still obviously in a somewhat fragile state of mind.
Coming out to Mafuyu and Kanade had gone well—not that Ena had thought that it wouldn’t. Even so, Mizuki had been shaking like a leaf as she prepared to speak to them in the Empty SEKAI. Ena had responded by holding her hand tightly as she spoke to them, a silent offering of comfort and reassurance.
Mizuki had squeezed back. It made Ena’s heart skip a beat.
Ena doesn’t want to assume things about Mizuki (because, as she’s come to realize, there’s a lot about her that she still doesn’t understand) but she’d like to think that this feels like a weight off of her shoulders, to some extent. Even if it doesn’t right now, she hopes it will someday.
Still, though—for the time being, a not-insubstantial bit of residual awkwardness lingers. Things are going to have to be different now—not necessarily worse, but undeniably different—and any change to a status quo brings with it the challenges of determining how to navigate it.
For the entire time Ena had known Mizuki up to this point, she’d very deliberately kept a wall up, holding the other girls of Niigo perpetually at arm’s length. But now, that wall had been broken down, and the four of them were left to figure out how to navigate the rubble left in its wake.
Fortunately, it really isn't that difficult. The group already had such a strong rapport with one another that they’re able to settle back into their old habits and routines fairly quickly. Mizuki's trepidation in the immediate aftermath of her return gradually dissipates, and it's not long before she's smiling and laughing like she always has.
That being said, Ena has noticed a shift in the way Mizuki talks to her, specifically—their relationship has always been marked by a fair amount of good-natured teasing on Mizuki's end, which is now very conspicuously diminished. In its place, she speaks to her with a newfound warmth in her voice that Ena really hopes she isn’t just imagining.
Things are different on Ena’s end, too—for one, she’s a lot clingier than she was before. She’s been practically glued to Mizuki’s side since she came back.
Mizuki (understandably) doesn’t yet feel quite ready to go back to school, so Ena skips her night classes to stay with her. Ena’s being somewhat silly, she can admit—though she may tell herself that she’s doing this for Mizuki's sake, that’s only a half-truth. The full truth is that being separated from Mizuki for several days had shaken up Ena quite a bit. She’s just selfishly indulging her need to be by her side. But if it helps Mizuki, then does it really matter what her motives are?
Ena knows it’s probably blatantly obvious to anyone looking that she’s completely infatuated with Mizuki. MEIKO and KAITO definitely know. She suspects Miku and Luka probably do too. Ena also wouldn’t be surprised if Mafuyu knows, solely because that girl is as dense as a neutron star right up until the exact instant you need her not to be.
Even though Ena would ordinarily be mortified at having her crush be this blatantly obvious, being there for Mizuki takes priority. Crush or no crush, that girl needs to know how much Ena cares about her, and to that end, she’ll gladly endure a bit of embarrassment.
Ena does still want to tread carefully, however; even though Mizuki’s mental state improves as the days continue to pass, she’s still in a delicate state of mind, and springing a love confession, even an implicit one, with things the way they are now would be a monumentally bad idea.
Ena…doesn't know if Mizuki feels the same. She can at the very least say that she’s certain the Niigo girls mean the world to her—but is Ena in particular, special? She doesn’t have a clue.
But she’s decided not to worry about that right now. For the time being, Ena’s primary concern is ensuring that Mizuki is as comfortable and happy as possible. She wants to reinforce a state of normalcy for her—yes, things are different now, but they're also still the same in all the ways that matter.
And so, Ena does her best to hammer this into her head. Niigo resumes meeting at 25:00 each night. One day, they all head out to their usual diner, for no particular occasion. Another day, Ena takes Mizuki out clothes shopping and insists on paying for all of her selections (not that she's exactly in a position to be tossing money around, but seeing Mizuki’s face light up with a smile makes it more than worth it.)
The place where they've been hanging out the most, though, is definitely the Empty SEKAI. It makes sense—it's a known quantity, a safe space where peace and quiet is assured; quite literally their own little world. In a time of upheaval, a place like that is crucial, or so Ena thinks.
Ena has taken to bringing her sketchbook and sitting shoulder to shoulder with Mizuki by the shores of the SEKAI's lake, its eerily silent waters oddly calming, somehow. The two don’t talk a whole lot, but they don’t really need to. It’s more than enough for them to simply share the other's company, letting the silence between them feel comfortable and natural.
Well. Most of the time.
One day, this silence takes on a more palpable feeling than usual, adding a noticeable sense of weight to the atmosphere. Most people probably wouldn't even pick up on it, but Ena isn't most people. Ena has always been very attuned to the other girl’s emotions; this has only become more true in the aftermath of everything that happened. And right now she's picking up a capital-V vibe from Mizuki. She’s resolved to be finished letting her suffer in silence, so it’s time to investigate.
“Hey. What's up?” Ena cuts through the silence with a blunt question.
The old Mizuki would undoubtedly have tried to dodge it, playing it off and acting like everything’s fine. But over the past few days, she's learned that Ena’s become far too tenacious for that to work anymore.
“Ah, you know….” Mizuki shrugs. “Nothing big, I'm just. Not exactly feeling 100 percent, today.”
“Is that all?”
“Mmmm,” she hums in reply, leaning back with a wistful smile on her face and staring up at the boundless steel-colored sky of the SEKAI.
“It's… kinda hard to get used to though, y'know?" she says softly after a long moment. “All of this. The fact that I'm even here right now. I spent so much time thinking that one day, I’d lose all of you. And now that I know that’s not the case anymore, I'm kinda like….well, what now?”
dreading this, and now that it’s over, I'm kinda like….what now?”
“I see,” Ena says sympathetically.
“And, like. I thought that once this was off my chest, it'd make me feel better. And maybe it does? I’m not really sure. I'm still not really sure how I feel.”
She sighs, hugging her knees and leaning in to bury her head between them. “I guess I kinda just…wish things could go back to how they were, before. I wish that…you could just see me as a normal girl again without any asterisks attached. And I know that that wouldn't’ve been sustainable. I know that it’s not good to hide myself from you all. But still. I wish that I didn't HAVE to feel like I need to hide myself. I wish that….I wish that I could just be normal.”
Mizuki buries her head deeper in her lap, turning her head away from Ena.
“Mizuki…” Ena says, putting down her sketchbook off to the side to give Mizuki her undivided attention. “You know this doesn't change how we see you, right? We all still—”
“It DOES change it, though,” Mizuki insists. “It has to. Even if you don't think it's a bad thing, it still changes the way you look at me. And I hate that. I hate it.”
Mizuki lets out a frustrated sigh.
Ena pauses. She…isn't wrong. That's what makes this difficult. Ena can't exactly refute what she's saying, so…she won't try to.
“I don't think that us viewing you differently is necessarily a bad thing,” Ena says after a moment, gently placing a hand on Mizuki's back. “I understand why you feel like it might be, but …”
Ena quickly racks her brain on how to phrase this next part without making her crush even more obvious than it already is.
“We all care about you because you're who you are, Mizuki. Not in spite of it,” she settles on. “Every part of you is important to us. And getting to know you better is something we all feel so grateful for. I know that…the circumstances in which all this happened weren't ideal. But even still. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Nothing at all. I mean that.”
“Mmm,” Mizuki languidly hums in acknowledgement, head still nestled in her legs. Ena can tell from her tone that she isn't entirely convinced.
Honestly, this girl. Stubborn to a fault.
“I can’t say I understand exactly what you’re going through, Mizuki, but…I also know what it’s like to hate yourself. But even though I might hate myself sometimes, I know that you could never hate me, could you?”
This finally prompts Mizuki to lift her head, looking over and meeting Ena's eyes with a very slight smirk. “Awfully full of ourselves, aren’t we?”
“Shut up. You know I’m right.” Ena says with a playful shove.
Mizuki laughs weakly, the smile on her face turning more genuine. “Yeah….you are.”
If Ena didn't know any better, she'd think Mizuki was blushing, but she's not sure if that's just wishful thinking on her part. Regardless, she feels a swarm of butterflies flutter in her stomach at the thought.
“No matter how much you might want us to, Mizuki, we're never going to abandon you,” Ena continues. “So, you're just going to have to deal with that. Like it or not, You're stuck with us. And if you ever try to run away from us again, we're just going to chase after you and bring you back. As many times as it takes.”
Mizuki laughs weakly. "You're better than I deserve, Ena."
Ena reaches over and gently brushes a lock of Mizuki's hair out of her face. "Mmm, no. There's nothing you don't deserve."
She freezes, realizing her mistake a second too late; she'd done that completely without thinking. Mizuki is staring at her with wide eyes. Ena’s hand jolts back like she's been electrocuted.
“S-sorry!! Th-that was…s-sorry.” Ena can feel her cheeks filling with heat.
“N-no, no, I….It made me happy,” Mizuki looks away, a gentle, warm smile on her face—the most genuine smile she’s seen from her all day. And this time, Ena knows she isn't imagining the way her cheeks take on a gentle pink tint that echoes the shade of her hair. Ena’s heart swells.
Mizuki hesitates for a brief moment, before gingerly leaning over and resting her head on Ena's shoulder. Her breath catches in her throat.
“Um…is this…okay?” Mizuki asks tentatively—Ena can only barely hear her over her own heartbeat insistently pounding in her ears like a taiko drum.
“Y-yeah,” she breathes in response once she remembers how to speak. “More than okay.”
A moment passes—and then Ena leans her head down to rest on top of Mizuki's in return. Her hair is soft. And she smells nice. And these are the most complex thoughts her brain is capable of formulating right now.
“Is… this okay?” Ena echoes Mizuki’s question.
“…Yeah.” Though she may not be able to see Mizuki’s face, Ena can nonetheless hear the smile in her voice.
In this moment, Ena dares to venture a hope that maybe, just maybe, Mizuki feels the same way about Ena that she does about her.
No matter the case—Ena knows that she'll tell Mizuki how she feels about her eventually. Sooner rather than later, hopefully. But for now, getting to continue to be by her side like this is more than enough.
Ena leans closer into her, choosing to, even if only momentarily, discard her worries and savor the moment she finds herself in.
And so the two remain for some time, enjoying one another's company in a comfortable, peaceful silence.
(I’m so glad you’re here, Mizuki.)
(I love you so much.)