Work Text:
Village multipurpose hall.
Plastic chairs everywhere, crepe paper garlands, the smell of paint and industrial biscuits.
Aziraphale and Crowley were in the front row (Aziraphale booked the seats back in October, Crowley grumbled but he's here right on time).
The theme of the year: "The Nativity Scene".
And this time, the main roles are played by… by Adam and Warlock.
A red cloth curtain that creaked open.
Scene 1 – The Annunciation
Warlock ran in, disguised as the angel Gabriel.
Wings made of slightly twisted golden cardboard, halo made of wire that leaned forward dangerously. He brandished a plastic trumpet and shouted into the crowd:
"DON'T BE AFRAID!" (Half the audience jumped, Crowley included.)
The boy continued, very serious:
"Marie, you're going to have a baby! His name is Jesus and he loves dinosaurs!"
Aziraphale stifled a laugh into his sleeve. Crowley whispered, "He added the dinosaur part all by himself, I bet."
Scene 2 – Mary & Joseph
Adam played Joseph.
He was wearing an oversized brown tunic and a cotton beard that reached down to his navel. Next to him, a little girl played Marie, very shyly.
Adam spoke in a solemn tone:
"Don't panic, we'll find an inn. I have my wooden sword just in case."
He brandished a ruler painted gold. The audience bursted into laughter.
Crowley, with tears in his eyes: "He's my son."
Scene 3 – The Shepherds
Warlock reappeared, still dressed as an angel, followed by three shepherds who looked like they're coming out of a rave (flashing headlamps).
"Follow the star! It's an LED, it's more eco-friendly!" said the Warlock.
Crowley choked on his own laughter.
Scene 4 – The Three Wise Men
Three little ones in cardboard crowns.
The first one offered gold (a painted cereal box).
The second one offered incense (an Axe deodorant).
The third one, which was played by Adam (he had a double role, because he wanted to "do everything") offered myrrh while shouting:
"And I'm bringing... MIRROR! So that baby Jesus will always be the most beautiful!"
He received a standing ovation.
Aziraphale cried with laughter, Crowley applauded like a madman.
Final Scene – The Nativity
All the children gathered around a plastic baby doll in a cardboard feeder.
Adam (Joseph) and Warlock (Gabriel) stood side by side, very proud.
Warlock raised his trumpet and blew into it: it sounded like a giant fart.
The audience roared with laughter, even the headmistress.
The light went out. The curtain fell down (or rather, half of it, as it get stuck).
The crowd offered standing ovations to all actors.
In the lobby, after the show
Adam and Warlock ran towards their fathers, still in costumes.
Adam, dressed with a beard:
"Did you see? I didn't forget a single line!"
Warlock, still wearing his crooked halo:
"And I scared everyone with my trumpet!"
Aziraphale knelt, took them in his arms, his eyes shining with pride.
"You were magnificent, my loves. The best Joseph and Gabriel in history."
Crowley, his voice a little hoarse:
"Yeah. I almost cried when you talked about dinosaurs, kid."
Adam puffed out his chest.
Warlock: "Shall we do it again next year?"
Crowley ruffled their hair, looking over their heads at Aziraphale.
"Of course. As much as you want."
They took an impromptu family photo in front of the nativity scene:
Aziraphale and Crowley in the middle, Adam with his cotton beard, Warlock with his tilted halo and his fart-trumpet. All four of them laughed, their cheeks red, their eyes shining.
On the way back, in the Bentley, the children recounted the show at the same time, overexcited.
Crowley was driving, one hand on Aziraphale's thigh. Aziraphale glanced at his three loves, his heart so full it could explode.
Crowley, very quietly, just for Aziraphale:
"We have the best shepherds... and the best angel... in the world."
Aziraphale squeezed his hand.
"And the best grumpy Joseph too."
And they arrived home, the snow began to fall again, and their hearts were bigger than the entire nativity scene.