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Yellow. It was a bright colour, crosswalks and sunrises, the first flowers to bloom, beginnings and hope. All it made Megumi think of was darkness. His touch lingered on the soft fabric of the somewhat worn hoodie hanging in his closet, peeking out like a poorly held secret. It wasn’t his to hold onto, and yet, he found himself pulling it off of its hanger like the act was second nature.
The fabric slipped over his arms, hung loosely around his body, and when Megumi stared into the floor length mirror he didn’t feel like himself. Angry scars were etched into his face, rippling over his eye and across his cheek. The hoodie had lost its owner’s scent, becoming an empty keepsake of someone who was still alive. Hollow. It was all hollow. He was alive, that was reason enough to be happy, and yet…
“Fushiguro!” A knock on his door, a feminine voice. It wasn’t the time. Megumi laid curled up in bed, yellow fabric clutched tightly against his chest. Each breath trembled. Each breath, an inhalation of a familiar scent, something he would never experience again in a way that was real. It was what he wore when they met. What he wore before Megumi had come into his life and ruined it.
“I know you’re in there! Come on, sensei wants us.” She sounded frustrated, but Megumi still stayed quiet. Quiet, at least, until after another harsh knock and a frustrated huff, the door handle turned. “Hey, we need to… oh.” Nobara’s words fell short when she stuck her head into the room. What started as an annoyed glare melted into something softer. Was it sympathy? Pity? Megumi hardly cared.
He sat up, the hoodie falling in a heap in his lap. It would be an embarrassing situation to be caught in, normally, but Megumi didn’t have it in him to care. Footsteps approached while his head was down. He didn’t shoo Nobara away, even as she sat down on the bed next to him. She was rarely this quiet, but somehow, it wasn’t awkward. Even with the position Megumi had been in, with the hoodie still clutched in his hands like a lifeline. The previous urgency was gone. Instead, the air was still.
“So, you miss him too?” When the silence was finally broken, Nobara’s voice was soft in a way Megumi had never heard before. He nodded.
It had only been a week. A short seven days since that day at that cursed detention centre. Since Megumi had watched the boy he tried to save bleed out in front of him while he could do nothing but watch. That smile, moments before he fell, was etched into Megumi’s mind like a photograph. “I failed him.” The words sounded hollow. He probably looked hollow too.
A sharp jab jolted his eyes wide open, his shoulder stinging where Nobara had hit him. Her brows were furrowed, her expression akin to a pout. “You were up against Sukuna. Blaming yourself is stupid.” She glared for a moment, but that expression didn’t stick. It deflated with a sigh. “I wasn’t even there.”
Was that guilt in Nobara’s expression? The frown on her lips, the troubled look in her eyes. Nobara had been out of commission by the time Yuji was in trouble, they were attacked by a special grade, she had no reason to… ah. ”Right… neither of us could have done anything.” Megumi stared down at the hoodie in his lap. It had looked good on Yuji, but now, it was merely a crumpled heap. He hoped he would never forget his smile.
The knocking continued. Megumi blinked, once, twice, then pulled the hoodie off of his body with haste and tossed it into the closet unceremoniously. He stepped towards the door and turned the handle— he’d left it unlocked again. As he opened it, he had to thank whatever higher power was out there that Yuji had more respect for his privacy than Nobara. He stood there, oblivious to the article of clothing Megumi had previously wrapped around his body. If he was lucky, it would stay that way. He didn’t need to know.
After everything, Yuji looked different, but his smile was the same. His face was scarred, he was a few fingers short, but somehow, he was still bright like the sun. Megumi would never understand how he did it. It was as if nothing had happened when looking into his honey brown eyes, still holding the same warmth they had on the day they had met outside Yuji’s old school. It wasn’t as if he was unchanged, he just hadn’t lost himself in the process. Megumi was unsure if he could say the same.
“Hey, Megumi! Nobara wants us to come shopping with her. Said she needs someone to carry her bags.” The playful smile on Yuji’s face, the lighthearted roll of his eyes, He could have said anything and Megumi would probably agree.
Already, Megumi was stepping out of his room, the door shutting quietly behind him. “Fine. Let’s go.” The simple, halfhearted answer had Yuji beaming. He was so easily pleased, and for what? It wasn’t even him who wanted to go shopping in the first place. Whatever. As long as he was happy.
They started walking, and Yuji was talking about something, but Megumi wasn’t really listening. The sound of his voice buzzed around in his head and that was enough. A voice that he had the privilege to still hear, despite what he’d believed since that first finger was consumed. He really should have been listening.
“So? What do you think?” Nobara struck a few poses, the white dress flowing around her thighs and hugging her waist. The fluorescent lights hummed above them and outdated pop music played a little too loudly over the bustle of the store.
Megumi glanced up from his phone, looked for half a second, and shrugged. The dress was airy and soft, a stark contrast to the black eyepatch obscuring her face. If it was complimentary or too jarring, Megumi didn’t have enough of an opinion to say. “Looks fine.” When Nobara placed her hands on her hips and raised an eyebrow, he simply turned his attention away from her again.
“Ugh, you’re useless. Where did Yuji go?” Nobara turned her attention away, instead looking around, peering past the entrance to the changing rooms in hopes of catching a glimpse of pink hair.
“He got restless,” Megumi said; a feeling he could relate to, but if someone didn’t stay and wait for Nobara there would be hell to pay. “He said he was going to look at the men’s section.”
Nobara groaned and rubbed her temples. “What was the point in even bringing you guys…”
“You said it was to carry your bags.” Megumi nodded towards the couple of bags that were already sitting on the floor beside him. This was the… third? Fourth? Store they’d been to already.
Nobara only rolled her eye. “Whatever, just find him. I think I’m done here.” She turned, the dress catching in the air as she moved. It billowed, not too much, just flowing around her body in a way that caught the eye. It was nice. Maybe Megumi could’ve said more. Instead, he shoved his phone in his pocket and bent down to pick up the shopping bags. There were only one or two items in each; despite wanting to expand her wardrobe, Nobara was picky. She didn’t spend frivolously.
Megumi stepped out of the changing rooms’ area and back into the store. Racks of clothing obscured his vision, shoppers milling about and holding different sizes against their bodies. He slipped through the rows of clothing and people with no sense of the space around them until the large sign reading Men’s was right above his head. Once he was there, it didn’t take long to catch sight of a pink head of hair. Yuji stood out. It was both a blessing and a curse. He was shifting through a rack of hoodies, the look on his face way too contemplative for what he was doing. It was cute. Megumi could admit that, if only to himself.
“Yuji.” Megumi greeted with a small nod as he approached, stopping beside him. Yuji paused and looked up, and in an instant his expression shifted into a gentle smile. Megumi swore the light in his eyes grew brighter.
“Oh, Megumi! Is Nobara done?” He let go of the hoodie he had pulled out, letting it fall back into place among the others.
“Yeah. Maybe we’ll finally be free.” The slightest smile tugged at Megumi’s lips. Yuji laughed.
Yuji delivered a soft punch to his shoulder, something that barely made contact. “Come on, if you really hated it you wouldn’t be here.”
Megumi merely shrugged, his gaze shifting towards the hoodies Yuji had been looking at. They looked pretty basic, a line of colours ranging from red to yellow. “Whatever. Were you gonna get something too?”
“Maybe.” He grabbed a hoodie again. A yellow one. It was similar to the one Megumi had stashed in his closet, but notably not as nice. Even without touching it, Megumi could tell this one wasn’t as soft. “I haven’t been able to find my yellow hoodie for months, no idea what I did with it… I’m thinking I should just replace it at this point.”
The hoodie. He’d noticed. Megumi wanted to slap himself for that thought. Of course Yuji noticed, it was a piece of clothing he wore often before Megumi snuck into his room and snatched it. It was only a matter of time before the question came up. Before Megumi felt like a spotlight was being shone down on him, exposing him. For taking. For grieving. For yearning.
“Don't bother.” Megumi said, already turning away, but not before catching sight of the small frown Yuji’s lips turned into. “The colour's garish.”
Yuji was quiet for a moment. A beat passed. Then, a chuckle. “Says the guy who only wears black.” Still, he let go of the hoodie. “C'mon, Nobara’s gonna give us an earful if we take much longer.”
When the two got back to the changing rooms Nobara was just stepping out, bundles of clothes in her arms. A couple dresses, some skirts and a lacey shirt that she didn’t even step out in because it was too see-through. “There you are.” She looked to Yuji, raising an eyebrow. “You can’t just run off when a girl needs opinions. Megumi is useless.”
“Right, sorry.” Yuji rubbed the back of his neck, his lips pulling at the scar leading into them with his goofy little smile. Megumi forced himself to look away. “Maybe if you didn’t take so lo–” He cut himself off. The glare Nobara gave him was warning enough.
“So? What’s the verdict?” Megumi asked. Maybe in an attempt to save Yuji’s life… or to just get out of there faster.
Nobara looked back down at the clothes in her arms and shrugged. “I don’t think I’ll take any of them.”
“Oh? Nothing good enough?” Yuji raised an eyebrow.
“Not even that last dress?” Megumi added.
Nobara pulled the white dress from the pile, shifting it to rest in one arm. She looked it over and let out a small hum. It wasn’t that complicated, really, but she seemed to be giving it a lot of thought. “The one you said was just fine?”
Megumi breathed out a sigh. “It looks good on you. Fits well. It’s pretty.” The smile that spread across Nobara’s face was enough to tell him he finally said the right thing.
“Was that so hard?” She teased, before dumping the rest of the clothes she held onto the dressing rooms’ counter. She held onto the dress. “I’ll get it.”
The three sat down in a secluded corner booth of the coffee shop. The place was rustic, the ceiling having exposed wooden beams and the walls painted a rich forest green. It was quiet, despite the bustling of the city right outside, the only ambient noise being some classical music playing quietly through the cafe. Megumi sat down across from Yuji, shopping bags set down beside him. One more had been added to the pile. Next to Yuji, Nobara plopped down and took a sip of her iced coffee with too many pumps and additions for Megumi to keep track of. They were out, she had argued, so she was going to treat herself. Yuji followed her lead by getting something sweet; hot chocolate with a swirl of whipped cream on top. It all sounded too sickly to Megumi. All he needed was a plain black coffee.
“I don’t know how you drink that stuff.” Nobara made a face when Megumi took a sip from his mug.
“He’s probably trying to seem tough.” Yuji teased. He took a sip of his hot chocolate, ending up with a bit of whipped cream on his nose. Cute.
Megumi rolled his eyes. “God forbid I like the taste of coffee.” His gaze lingered on Yuji as he used a finger to wipe off his nose then stuck it in his mouth to lick it off. His tongue darted out, just for a moment, to catch the remnants of melting cream. Megumi’s breath caught in his throat; then a sharp pain shot through his leg when something jabbed into his shin. In an instant, he locked eyes with Nobara, his own narrowing into a glare. All she offered back was a raised eyebrow. A knowing look. Of course she knew.
Yuji blinked a few times, his brows furrowed as he looked back and forth between Megumi and Nobara like the tension was a visible force. “Um… am I missing something?”
“No.” Megumi said in an instant. His gaze shifted down towards his coffee, deep blue eyes becoming lost in a pool of black. The shimmering vision of his own wavering reflection was easier to process than the man across from him. Yuji had never been easy to take in. He shone too bright.
Megumi clutched the hoodie in his hands. The yellow had faded just a bit from wear, but it was still soft. It wasn’t his, and it was missed. Giving it back would be the right thing to do, and yet Megumi just stood there in front of his closet. Standing still in his room, as he had been doing for too long since the trio returned to the dorms. It was late now, he had already changed into his night clothes, a pair of pyjama pants and a black t-shirt. He took a breath. It would only be more embarrassing the longer he waited. The hoodie… he didn’t need it. Not now, not when he had the real thing right in the room next to his. Yuji was there. He was there, so why did Megumi feel so…
He shook his head and cursed under his breath, then before giving himself a chance to change his mind, he walked out the door. It only took a few quick steps to reach Yuji’s door, and Megumi was knocking before his feet even stopped moving. He gripped the hoodie in one hand, wrinkling the fabric. A beat passed. He thought about running, but the door handle turned. This was it, he was there now, standing in the dormitory hallway with Yuji in his cute, faded graphic tee with a puzzled look on his face standing right in front of him.
“Megumi?” Yuji spoke after a moment. A moment where Megumi had been standing there silently, the evidence of his thievery held plainly out in the open. Yuji was looking at it, but he didn’t say anything. “What’s up?”
“This is yours.” Megumi held the hoodie out, the half crumpled ball that it was from his fidgeting, and Yuji took it, tentative, slow. It was then that Megumi turned away. He did what he came to do, the shorter it had to be, the better. But things could never be that easy with him. A warm hand wrapped around his wrist, a gentle but firm hold that sent tingles all the way up Megumi’s spine.
“Hey.” Yuji’s thumb grazed against the sensitive inner skin of Megumi’s wrist in a way that made his pulse quicken. “Thanks for finding it… do you wanna come in?”
Finding it. What a joke, Yuji wasn’t that stupid. He knew it was stolen, what other possibility was there after all that time? But the offer to come in… it sounded more like a request. It was difficult to deny a request from Yuji. Slowly, Megumi glanced over his shoulder, meeting those deep brown eyes swimming with emotions he couldn’t quite discern. “Alright.” He breathed, and his wrist was released. He tried to ignore the disappointment he felt.
The two walked into the room, and Yuji shut the door behind him. It was quiet when they entered, quiet when they sat down on the bed, the space between them too much yet not at all enough. The hoodie was set down at Yuji’s side, and Megumi’s gaze lingered on it.
“So…” Yuji started, kicking his foot against the floor. He also wasn’t looking at Megumi; this was awkward for him too, wasn’t it? “When did you take it?”
The question wasn’t accusatory. It was soft, curious. A question so genuine that Megumi felt like he could actually speak. “After the detention centre.” The words came out quieter than Megumi intended. “When you died.”
The silence spanned for a moment until Yuji took a breath that sounded like it got caught in his throat. “It was then, huh…” He pulled his legs up onto the bed and crossed them. The slightest smile tugged at his lips. “I’m still sorry about hiding after that… but it’s sweet you wanted to keep something of mine. I mean, we didn’t know each other that long at that point…”
“It was my fault you were in that situation, of course I cared.” Megumi spoke before his brain had a moment to process the words, but they were already spilling out. The floodgates were opened, and the surprised look on Yuji’s face wasn’t enough to stop him anymore. “You died and you wouldn’t have if I never let you join me on that mission at your school. You wouldn’t still have a damn timer on your head ticking down even after you came back.”
That warmth came again through a hand on his shoulder, a touch that pulled the tension from his body he didn’t know he was holding. “And we wouldn’t have defeated Sukuna. I wouldn’t have found a purpose to live for. I wouldn’t have known you.” Megumi risked a glance up to meet those honey brown eyes, warm, safe. Yuji’s gentle smile was a comfort in the void he felt trapped in. “I’d say that’s worth it.”
Finally, it felt okay to look. Like he was allowed to. Megumi held Yuji’s gaze, focusing on his eyes, not on the scars that he’d gained since becoming a sorcerer. “Sometimes it still feels like my time with you is limited. We’re sorcerers, at any moment we could–”
“Hey.” The grip on Megumi’s shoulder tightened, just a bit. Just enough to keep him grounded. “I’m not on a timer anymore. I know what we do is dangerous, but we don’t have to focus on that part, right? The biggest threat is gone.”
“Don’t be stupid.” Megumi groaned, but he couldn’t help the smile that forced its way onto his lips when Yuji laughed. It was such a pleasant sound. “We’re not free, and we won’t be until we die.”
“Wow, way to be positive about it.” Yuji teased, then his hand slowly slid down Megumi’s arm, falling into the space between them. It rested next to Megumi’s hand, their fingers brushing against each other. Megumi was the first to intertwine them. “You know…” His voice lowered. “I was really scared I’d lose you too. I still think about it.”
“Well…” Megumi paused. He wasn’t good at this stuff. He was a realist, he couldn’t lie. They led dangerous lives, lives that could end with a single wrong move. One missed glance over the shoulder. One misstep. He wouldn’t underplay it, but he could offer reassurance in honesty. “I don’t plan on dying soon… and I’ll always have your back.”
“And I’ll have yours.” Yuji squeezed his hand, and Megumi felt like, right now, everything was right. Maybe he didn’t need to worry about the future. Not when he had Yuji here with him in the present.
They fell into a comfortable silence, and for the first time in a while, Megumi’s mind wasn’t racing. It was too busy focusing on the feeling of Yuji’s skin against his own. It was deceptively simple, holding Yuji’s hand. His skin was rough and calloused, a few thin scars making shapes across his knuckles. Lines that Megumi’s thumb followed, pathing him out like a map he needed to memorize. He would remember, he decided, whenever they were apart. He would remember what Yuji’s hand felt like. What it felt like to sit beside him. It was safe. It was home.
A heap of fabric settled in Megumi’s lap when Yuji dropped the hoodie. His confusion didn’t have time to be voiced by the time Yuji spoke. “Keep it.” He said. The look in his eyes was fond. So fond, Megumi felt something flip in his chest. Something tugged at him to move closer. He resisted.
Deep blue eyes flicked down to meet yellow. That hoodie that had been hanging in his closet for months as a reminder of what he almost lost. The hoodie he still took out and stared at as his mind slipped back into considering a world without Yuji. The time he thought he was dead. The time he wondered when that timer over his head would stop ticking down. “Why?”
“You wanted something of mine, so you can have it. And I think it’d look good on you.” Yuji started off sounding sincere, but that quickly turned into a goofy grin.
Megumi let out a halfhearted chuckle. “Idiot.” The smile on his lips was small, but real. He was starting to like the colour yellow.