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As could be expected, Christmas at the Watchtower was batshit insane considering the amount of superpowered people and borderline assassins that lived in it. Especially considering the personalities of those within.
“Who the fuck is watching Twilight on Christmas Eve,” Bruce snapped as he stepped inside, scowling at the television screen as he did so.
Guy turned from where he was sitting on the couch beside a lazily stretched out Kendra and gave a shit-eating grin in Bruce’s general direction. “But it’s your best work, Bruce! Why wouldn’t we appreciate the beginnings of your whole emo shtick, especially at Christmas?”
Guy waved his hand at the screen, where a man who looked very similar to Bruce was climbing a tree with a dark-haired woman on his back.
“I look nothing like that man,” Bruce deadpanned. “And these movies encourage stalker behaviour, they’re not good role models for the kid.”
He nodded at Barry, who was sitting on Kendra’s other side with her head in his lap. Barry was wearing a shirt that had a T-Rex’s head coming out of a wreath and “Merry Rexmas” written underneath it above red shorts. Barry scowled at Bruce, but it was about as threatening as an angry red panda.
“Fuck you too,” Barry grumbled under his breath, crossing his arms over his chest and vaguely pouting. “I’m not a kid! I’m twenty-seven! Jesus.”
“Oh? So stalking’s bad? Then why do you do it, Mr ‘Moral High Ground’?” Guy smirked, causing Kendra to nearly choke as she laughed. “Or were they against your vows to be the creepiest asshole this side of the Sinestro Corps?”
Bruce’s eyebrow twitched. “I wish talking were against your vows, Gardner.”
“Yeah? Then shut me up.” Guy had the fucking audacity to wink at Bruce. “Or are you just talk?”
A smile spread across Bruce’s face, as dangerous and as sharp as a dagger. It screamed danger.
“Oh,” he all but purred, not once looking away from Guy’s stupid pretty face. “I can think of some good ways to keep that mouth busy. Get off your ass and on your knees and I’ll show you sometime.”
“Jesus Christ,” Michael muttered as he walked in, only in plaid red-and-black pajama pants, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands. “The fuck is this? A Christmas porno gone wrong?”
He turned around and immediately pulled a bottle of bourbon off the wall- yes, they had alcohol shelves on one of the walls in the communal living space, alcohol was a great team bonder and a great way to relax after battle- and dumped roughly a third of the bottle into his cup before he put the bottle back.
“I hate you all,” Michael declared to the room at large.
“Love you too, Mike!” Kendra called from the couch. “Hey, you wanna watch Twilight with us?”
“I’d prefer that disaster to whatever the fuck’s going on with these two.” Michael nodded at Guy and Bruce, who were staring at each other intently, before crossing the room and settling down on Barry’s left. “So, what movie are we on?”
Clark walked in, Oliver right behind him, both of them looking slightly banged up. “Hey, sorry we’re late, we…the heck is going on here?”
“I’m teaching Gardner here that there’s consequences to his actions,” Bruce answered, watching Guy swallow, the only sign that the other man was even remotely flustered by the words passing between them.
“And I’m telling the flying creep here that if he wants to follow my ass around he should just ask me out!” Guy snapped.
Clark blinked, looking visibly confused. Oliver patted him on the shoulder affectionately.
“Just homoerotic friendly sparring to ease tension,” Oliver explained. “Don’t mind it.”
“If you don’t flirt with your friends, are you really friends?” Kendra asked.
Michael stared at her as if she were insane. “I don’t flirt with my friends.”
“Neither do I,” Barry muttered.
Oliver narrowed his eyes at Barry. “But you call Captain Cold a friend and you’re always flirting with him like you did in our universe…”
Kendra’s shriek of laughter came out more like the screeching cries of a hawk. Barry’s face turned redder than a sunburnt tomato.
“Damn, he got your ass!” She wheezed. ”Lying motherfucker!”
“He’s a friend slash nemesis!” Barry protested. “I do not flirt with him! I never did, not even on Earth-1!”
“I’m going to visit Hal,” Michael muttered, standing up and walking out of the room. “I do not give a fuck if he is in deep space right now, I’m stealing Musk’s rockets and punting myself into space. You all better be behaved tomorrow or I’m throwing you all in a pocket wormhole!”
“You call him Len, he calls you Scarlet, he knows your secret identity, he always makes terrible puns at you-”
“- he does that to everyone-”
“- you are quite possibly the most oblivious bisexual I have ever met! Is it going to take him fucking proposing to you for you to get it through your thick head that he’s interested in you?” Oliver scowled.
Barry narrowed his eyes. “Oh, says the guy who has the love life of a moldy lemon these days.”
“I’m only going to not shoot you for that because Kendra does not like the taste of human blood dripping into her mouth, nor does she like the experience of her headrest being murdered in front of her,” Oliver said calmly.
“I do not,” Kendra agreed.
Clark sat down where Michael had been sitting. “Human blood does taste weird. It tastes like copper instead of uranium.”
Kendra, Oliver, and Barry looked at the Kryptonian blankly, momentarily distracted from whatever they had been doing.
Guy leaned in towards Bruce. “We’ve been upstaged.”
Bruce nodded. “It’s a tragedy.”
“Wanna make out and give them all heart attacks?” Guy asked, conveniently not seeing Clark’s face go pale upon overhearing those words.
“Absolutetly.”
Bruce grabbed Guy by the shoulders and pulled him off of the couch towards him, until Guy was literally in his arms.
“I still think your haircut is fucking stupid,” Bruce told him. “And you really need to shut up.”
“Make me,” Guy challenged, and then they were kissing.
It was rough. Guy’s lips were chapped and scratched against Bruce’s softer lips, and Bruce made a mental note to give the other man a lecture on self-care later. He wouldn’t be a good friend if he let Guy walk around with despicably chapped lips, after all; the man needed to fucking take care of himself. Idiot.
Bruce backed Guy up against the couch, practically bending the one-inch taller man over the top of it. Guy bit down on Bruce’s lower lip and the slightly shorter man groaned as he kissed the other man harshly. They only broke apart when they heard someone else come in.
“Is this a bad time?” Rex asked anxiously, Joey strapped to his chest.
“No,” Guy and Bruce told him in sync.
Barry waved at Joey and the baby cooed, his eyes flickering with replicas of Barry’s own lightning. Joey made grabby hands and there was a flash of light before Barry was sitting down on the couch, Joey on his lap. Bruce backed away from Guy and Guy straightened himself as much as he could with kiss-swollen lips and a flush that extended from his ears down to his hips and his green shorts (his color theme extended to his pajamas, it seemed).
“Nightcap?” Guy offered, as if Rex hadn’t just walked in on him and Bruce making out.
“Fuck yeah,” Bruce replied.
“Yes, please,” Rex yawned, looking tired- three year olds, no matter the species, were exhausting.
Behind them, Joey let out a happy giggle as Kendra, now sitting up, spread her wings and wrapped the toddler in it as if it were blankets. Kendra fucking chirped and Joey beamed at her as if she were his favorite person in the entire universe (that changed every five minutes, but it was usually Barry). Barry and Oliver peeped their heads over Kendra’s shoulders and Joey giggled happily, clapping his hands underneath Kendra’s wings. Oliver pretended to be an old toughie, but he was a giant sap. Clark scooped Joey into his arms and hovered in the air, causing Joey to squeal with delight and demand that he give “wheelies”- flips.
Bruce would rather die than to admit it, but as he looked around, he knew this was his favorite place on Earth. Even the Manor felt…lonely and cold, the opposite of this place, even though the Watchtower literally held meetings to resolve world-threatening or city-threatening threats. This was his family:
Barry Allen, the fastest man alive, from another Earth but stranded here after some sort of Crisis. Sweet, smart, and kind with an utterly insane metabolism. A crime scene investigator these days, but also the Flash, the youngest member of the Justice League.
Oliver Queen, the man with the sharpest aim, the Green Arrow, formerly dead and also from another Earth (the same one as Barry’s) but now revived. Covered in scars and missing his wife and children on the other Earth, but with a heart of gold and a hard-earned smile that could melt titanium.
Kendra Saunders, the woman with wings, the Hawkgirl willing to kill to protect whomever she deemed worthy of her affection.
Rex Mason, alien and father with the ability to mimic and shift. Tired father, but tireless defender of a planet that wasn’t his own, and hella good at both of those jobs.
Guy fucking Gardner, Green Lantern and protector of the Milky Way and an overdramatic asshole with a bowlcut that somehow looked good on him, yet also a surprisingly good friend and hero.
Clark Kent, tireless journalist by day and Superman whenever he was needed, the moral backbone and heart of the team, the one to make sure they didn’t cross the lines they had each set for themselves and practically the team dad with the way he kept them out of trouble (and did not appreciate the beautiful, inventive bonding tool that was their swearing).
Hal Jordan, who wasn’t here but was still the Green Lantern and former airman with a salty-ass attitude (was that a prerequisite to become a Green Lantern?), a great love of planes, and a greater will to do good than anyone else Bruce had ever met.
Michael Holt, smartest man on the team, the goddamn Mister Terrific, who sometimes forgot boundaries but was also willing to do just about anything for his friends.
Then there was Bruce. Orphan, billionaire, and the Batman. He was the vengeance prowling the streets to ensure that the tragedy that had happened to him happened to less and less people- hopefully none, but that was an impossible demand of the world and especially Gotham.
They were the goddamn Justice League. But they were also, more importantly, a family of misfits who wanted to do good in the world. As long as they had each other, Bruce reflected as he watched Guy saunter off to grab some beer, they could damn well do almost anything.