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Rodney found John standing on a beach on the mainland, gazing out into the sunset.
It had taken some effort, persuading Elizabeth to let Rodney take a jumper and go after him. She’d kept insisting that John would be fine, that he just needed a bit of time away from it all—but then she hadn’t seen that haunted look in his eyes, the one he’d taken great care to hide.
Rodney walked up to him and stood at his side in silence, watching the small waves lap at his bare feet. The sense of serenity felt strange—for once, there was no emergency that demanded their attention, no crisis that needed averting or problem that had to be solved. It was just the two of them under the wide open sky.
“You okay?” he finally asked.
John shrugged. “Sure. I like it here. It’s quiet.”
“You want me to go?” Maybe Elizabeth was right—maybe John wanted to be left alone.
John shook his head and shot him a small smile. “Nah, it’s fine. I just need a bit of a break.” He nodded at the City on the horizon. “From her, I mean.”
“Her? Her who? Oh.” Finally, McKay understood. “Atlantis,” he said.
“She is a cruel mistress. Sometimes, that is,” John added quickly, as if he’d given too much away.
McKay followed his gaze. “I often wonder what it’s like. Your…” he waved his hand, “…connection or whatever. I have to work really hard to get all the systems to function like I want them to. And you, you just…you have an understanding,” he finished lamely, not quite sure how to put his thoughts into words.
John chuckled. “Yeah, it is pretty cool. But at times…”
“…it’s all a bit much,” McKay finished for him. “I can imagine.”
“Yeah. The massive damage Atlantis suffered during the siege—that’s been challenging.”
“Oh God. You feel that?”
John shrugged. “Sort of. At first, I couldn’t figure out what it was. It was like…like a sinking feeling that kept pulling me under. I thought I was just pushing myself too hard.”
“Yeah. We all were.” Rodney still hadn’t gotten the massive dose of stims out of his own system.
“But this…this was different. My heart felt…heavy somehow. Then I finally realized what it was. Or rather who.”
“Is she…like a person to you?”
John frowned. “Not quite like a person, no. More like…a presence, maybe? I could sense she was wounded. I could feel her pain.” John ran his hand over his face. “It was quite a lot, on top of everything. I just needed to get away. Create some distance; clear my head.”
For a moment, Rodney didn’t speak, but then he reached out carefully and put his right hand on John’s back. “You know,” he said, rubbing small circles with his thumb, “if you ever need a distraction, I’m always happy to oblige.”
John sighed and leaned into the touch. “I know, I know. But I wanted some quiet. And you, my friend,” he shot Rodney a wicked grin, and the mood instantly changed, “are anything but.” As if to prove his point, John pulled Rodney down onto the damp sand and used his mouth and talented fingers to draw every possible sound from Rodney’s lips.
Afterwards, as they lay panting underneath the darkening sky, Rodney vowed to pay closer attention. He would offer distractions anytime he’d see that haunted look in John’s eyes.
He might even manage to stay quiet, if he really, really tried.