Chapter Text
The page turns. What was written has been changed... and the story shall be wrote anew. And hopefully what forms... will be a kinder world.
...
"I'M BACK!!" Jade cheered, kicking open the front door. This was her designated door-kicking day, when she had free rein to be as impactful as she pleased. Within reason; the door was reinforced and modified so kicking it open didn't actually damage it or the wall at all. Without breaking her stride, she marched over to wear Dave and Karkat were crashed out on the couch; specifically, where Karkat was getting his feet massaged after a brutal day at the office. She gave the Troll a playful nip and the one and only Dave a feather-soft kiss. "The lab was killer today! Seriously, Jane and Feferi can be SUCH slave-drivers, like you would not even believe. If I have to hear one more 'um, can we get the Grift conversion per expenditure up?' despite saying for the FIFTH FUCKING TIME THAT IT IS AS HIGH AS IT WILL GO, I was gonna scream, I swear!!"
"That fucking sucks. Good on them for thinking of the little guy, I guess, but no reason to treat you like a workhorse." Dave commented idly, allowing a soft smile to form as Jade slumped into the chair next to his, fingers deftly working the tangled knots of muscle in Karkat's lower-half with the ease of long practice.
Karkat snorted, flipping a pillow over his head. "Please, please, PLEASE do not bring those two up, you would not believe the number of complaints I get because of them. If it isn't because of their stupid appearifiers making theft the fucking easiest thing ever, it's outraged parents complaining about their Lusii not being able to wander freely due to those stupid 'Anti-Lusus barriers.' Seriously, I cannot fucking BELIEVE Feferi pushed those!!"
Jade sighed, kicking off her shoes to let her toes get some fresh air. "Hey, it's not like they mean any harm. Heck, each time you bring one of the complaints to them, the labs get another round of last minute adjustments we need to make, so fucking THANK YOU for the extra twelve hours of overtime, asshole!!"
"Fuck you." Karkat fired back, even as he and Jade smirked at each other. Dave, not for the first time, wondered how the fuck this had become has life... before crumpling that thought up and relaxing into the poly-pile. Yeah, he still wasn't sure if he was physically attracted to Jade... but he could safely say that he loved both his partners, so who fucking cared?
Oh shit, he just remembered something. "Okay, speaking of the dumbass rich girl duo, you hear about the election?"
Karkat blinked, slowly raising an eyebrow. "...I work on the fucking Hemonic Council as a conflict resolver. Of fucking COURSE I've heard about the election, and it has got to be the dumbest idea those two have come up with to date."
Jade perked up, Canine tail flashing a mile a minute. "Ooh, ooh, I don't know what it is! Seriously, you would not BELIEVE all the gossip I miss down in that stuffy box!"
"Well calm yourself, my fine, furred friend, and let your big boy tell you what's what." Dave smirked, tapping Jade on the nose in that way she liked but pretended she didn't. Sure enough, she flushed, covering her nose as she reclined back in her seat and out of Dave's personal zone. At Karkat's exaggerated eye roll, he flexed his shoulders. "Okay, so, I'm only getting this stuff from folks reposting and reblogging my shit online, you know how it goes. But basically, Jane got it in her head that the best way to bring the four nations closer together was to hold Elections for a President of Earth with an equilateral council composed of each of the four Nations."
Jade blinked, looking at Karkat's expression of long-suffering patience in confusion. "That... doesn't sound TOO bad...?"
"Okay, maybe leave the thoughts about what is and isn't politically viable to the folks who actually have to deal with that bullshit for a living, alright?" Karkat snapped, rolling his eyes at Jade's retort growl. "The big fucking problem is that each fucking Kingdom operates on an entirely separate and in many cases mutually incompatible series of laws, social norms, and societal conventions. There is no precedent for a unification of governance on this scale, and it would intrinsically place all four Kingdoms subordinate to whomever holds the office.
"The reason this is such a fucking problem," He continued, agitation visible, "Is the fact that, in addition to, and I cannot repeat this enough, NONE OF OUR LAWS BEING FUCKING SET UP THAT WAY, while each Nation has a some form of democratic or republic organizational structure? They all have radically different degrees of centralization. None of them are equipped to handle that kind of focusing of power into a solitary individual who technically does not answer to any higher or directly equal authority. We have no clue what kind of power a figure like that would have, how they would impact the local political landscape, or the kind of far-reaching impacts that it would have on fucking ALL OF US. Top, to bottom.
"The bottom fucking line is that this is such a fucking shit-poor, overly optimistic and entirely unnecessary display of social reform that ultimately doesn't actually accomplish anything other than pissing off each nation's unfortunate collective of jingoistic shitheads into reaching for their Strife Specibii and going off." Karkat finished, twisting his hair in frustration at the painful reminder of the numerous worst-case scenarios he'd envisioned the fucking INSTANT he'd learned about this moronic plan and the well-meaning rich morons pushing it.
"So... it's a bad idea?" Jade hedged, having tuned out Karkat early on due to his long-winded ranting being annoying as hell. Before Karkat could explode on her, Dave calmly covered his mouth, leaning in.
"Yes, yes it is. Or at least it's a bad idea right now, jumping straight into that fucking end-zone without a shit-ton of set-up and preparation done, you know?" Dave replied smoothly, bumping fists with Jade as he gave his summarization of Karkat's latest rant. "Plus... Jane's running herself. And we're pretty sure she forgot that basically no one has the balls to run against her. Or at least, SINCERELY run against her."
Jade slumped, an annoyed grimace forming as the thought completed itself inside her head. "...Okay, yeah, that'd be a huge disaster. So... what's the plan."
"I'm trying to convince this idiot to man up and run against her already. She, herself, has literally asked him, repeatedly, if he's running. She is flatout volunteering an entire support staff to help him if he does." Dave elaborated, a shit-eating grin crossing his face as Karkat grew visibly more and more pissed off at Jane's unwittingly backhanded insulting of his campaigning skills, despite him having FAR more hands on experience than she herself doesn't.
"Hmm... as his Kismesis, I'm obligated to oppose him in all things... but frankly, I think Jane would die of a heart-attack or have a psychotic break if she entered office, so I guess I'm throwing Karkat into the meat grinder instead!" Jade cheerfully concluded, floating over to stare down at Karkat's bright-red face with a shit-eating grin.
He looked on the verge of exploding... and then sighed, collapsing fully against the couch. "...There's no fucking way I'm getting out of this, is there?"
""Nope!!"" Both of the two most important people in his life, followed shortly by Nepeta, replied in perfect sync. Before he could snap at them further, though... his phone began to ring.
This was unusual; basically NO ONE called Karkat after business hours. If anyone wanted to reach him, they usually called Dave or Jade and told them to pass a message or just get him directly. Calling Karkat himself...? It was... weird. Shrugging, he pulled out his huskcell. "Hello, this is Vantas, state your business- wait, shit, Roxy, calm down!! ...WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN HE'S GONE!?"