Work Text:
Dearest you,
How are you?
You are far away, I know.
I hope this finds you well.
Is it cold? Will you please tell me if you have been eating?
I cannot help but to worry after you. Nor can I help but remember.
I understand that you do not remember it all.
I have just spent so long like this now that I can do nothing else.
It was all chaos back then, when we were young.
You were so brazen, undaunted.
Brave beyond measure.
Utterly foolish.
I must apologise again for all the ways I failed you.
Just know that I never stopped missing you, after the first time you left.
It is cold here.
The snow has yet to fall but there is something deeply chilled in the air.
I promise I am taking care to keep warm.
You hated the winters here back then, but last time I saw you in the snow you seemed so at peace.
Grown.
Yes, you have changed indeed.
I too.
Promise me that you will wrap up warm wherever you are.
I should tell you that I woke up like that again this morning.
Reaching out for you.
I keep saying your name in my sleep, I know because I can feel the weight it leaves behind.
Sometimes I say it out loud to myself even though you are not here.
Nothing ever feels so gratifying as your name on my lips.
I used to say it so often after the first time you left.
Maybe, I think, because I kept expecting you to answer.
And then when you came back again, finally, I said it as often as I could. Just to see you look up at me.
That smile, the tiny huff of a laugh that always came with it, like I had surprised the smile out of you.
Like you could never quite get used to me saying it.
Absurd.
I will never stop saying your name.
It comforts me far too much.
I suppose I have never told you that before.
These walls miss you.
Your laughter echoes all around this place.
Please come collect it.
If only so I can ask you, humbly, to please say my name back to me again.
As much as I have missed saying yours, I keep remembering the way my own sounds in your voice.
I like it so much more that way.
I have been keeping up my work.
I know that you have never had interest in that sort of thing, and truth be told neither have I.
But I have seen what this world does to people and I will not let it happen again.
I can protect you now, at least.
I am sorry to be so maudlin.
Maybe it is the way I woke up this morning.
Has the road been kind to you?
I remember before we parted, how it felt to walk it alongside you.
Never had I been more tired and you were so awake all the time.
It was dangerous.
But being by your side was the safest I have ever felt.
Peaceful.
At home.
I hope you know that.
Come back soon.
I know it has not been as long this time but I am too familiar with missing you.
Some mornings I wake afraid.
When I open my eyes, I find myself back in your first awful absence.
It is not your fault.
I know you have told me many times that the fault does not lie with me either.
But even so.
The sunlight here is dimmer without you to bask in it.
I look forward to saying your name to you again soon.
And I look forward to watching you look up at me again too.
I cannot wait to feel that warm solid presence again.
I cannot wait to be comfortable in speech again.
I cannot wait to hear you laugh again.
I cannot wait to be teased by you again.
I hope this finds you well.
I hope you come home to me soon.
In the meantime I will be here.
Keeping your name warm.
Eternally,
Yours.