Work Text:
Dear Mom & Dad.
How's it going? I'm sorry that I haven't talked to you two in a long while. I know I know, that's not a good thing. I should probably go ahead and do it more. It's just that I have been so busy. I've been so damn busy as of late. It's getting really annoying to me. I have so many things to do. I just got done reading my fifth book this month. I stayed up all night reading it. The novel was just some thriller mystery. Nothing much to write home about.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. Mainly the stuff you kept talking to me about the store I work at. The good ol candy club. I'm aware that you guys are really concerned and sometimes even upset. I get it, I understand it. I really do, and I appreciate the sudden concern and worry. It's not the best job, I'd argue it isn't short of one of the worst jobs on the planet. It would take something greatly messed up to even rival it. I for one had hated this job ever since I really joined.
But part of me likes it. Hell, part of me loves it. I mean sure, I can say that I want to quit. That I should go around and say “Fuck it! I'm done! I'm leaving! Everyone else can go and fuck off for all I care!” Or something else with as much cussing and profanity in it to make it considered a very hurtful message. But I don't, I never have, nor will I ever will. You can go and assume I'm weird about that. But I don't think that's a real logical thing to say to be honest. You know as much as I do that well. I belong here. I deserve to be here. And to make matters more important.
I don't think I should ever consider quitting. At least for now. I know you're probably wondering why I decided to stay. Decided to not go somewhere else and move on. Decided to do anything else but the rather obvious “logical” decisions or whatever. Well I'll tell you.
I think we all know why I wanted to join originally. I just moved into this town, I managed to scrape enough money to buy the world's worst studio apartment known to man. It wasn't even that good and the bathroom smelled terrible and couldn't have been cleaned. Y'know, all that fun stuff.
So I decided to get a job. Managed to get employed the day I went in and had my first day. Which was honestly the worst. Because well, that was the first time I managed to encounter those two strange kids who thought it was Halloween all the time. And they destroyed stuff and I had to reclean it and blah blah we get it already.
Honestly I was terrified and rather traumatized by it given what they would do later. Like bringing an evil (I think it's evil but who the hell knows?!) Lovecraftian monster with them that infected my dreams, brought me “sugar” and almost got me in trouble with the cops, got me attacked by a doll and that big red devil guy etc. But the thing is, they're kids. They don't know what they're doing, they don't want to harass people. They just want to have fun and celebrate their favorite holiday despite the fact they do it every day of the year.
And even if I don't like them that much. I still don't mind them being around and everything. I just wished they were more careful and less hyper. But like I said, they are kids. Kids act like that. I don't know what else to say. And sure there's the crazy stuff with the paranormal tomfoolery. And how the Candy Club always becomes nothing but a huge mess. Especially recently with the fact I think some demon got me and possessed me. That's what I'm assuming but I don't really know by this point.
I just wished their parents looked after them more often. Which is probably why I don't quit. Sure I may not like them and view them as annoying as Hell sometimes. But there are the only ones I have left besides you guys of course. Now that I think about it, I don't really hang out with people anymore. Not after Dexter died.
I still miss Dexter… it's been a couple of years and I still can't stop thinking about him. I loved him for God's sake. He loved me and I loved him. I can't help but want to see him more. Sure you didn't like him because you thought he was a weird guy but I still cared about him. He viewed me for me. He managed to make me get up from bed. He was the reason why I wanted to move out of my shitty apartment and move into a slightly less shitty house. He was the reason why I didn't lose my mind already.
And now he is gone. He is no longer there, no longer cuddling with me late at night. No longer showing up to the store and checking on me. No longer telling me fun facts about his job. He's just gone.
I still have a picture we both took in my wallet. I still look at it when I'm not doing anything. Or when I'm sad. Even after death, he is still there. Just in a way that I wished didn't happen.
I don't think I've talked to anyone after he died. Sure there's Radford and Rick. But ever since they started dating I couldn't really connect to them as much as I used to. Radford is always talking about something stupid or something I don't care about. And we all know about how Rick can be well… Rick.
The Candy Club just improves my social skills. It's nice talking to people sometimes. Sometimes the customers feel like more of friends than my actual friends. It's strange, I don't know why I just have that feeling. Makes me forget about Dexter too. At least for a little bit.
And in hindsight… I think there's no one that can replace me. At least for now. Think about it for a second. Do you think the average person can even handle all the weird shit I have? Do you think that they can deal with monsters, dolls, demons, and two probably autistic kids with too much energy? I don't think so. And I don't want anyone else to deal with that.
They don't deserve that. They really don't. This job can eat you up and then spit you out. Just like that. Just like you're nothing but some small insane person. I don't think they can do what I do. I don't think anyone can withstand what I have. They can claim they do that. But let's be honest, they can't. They never have and never will. Saw Radford tried volunteering for it the day I got possessed and he didn't take it well.
Whether I like it or not. I feel like I'm the guardian of this damn place. I know that I, out of all people, will always last. I'm the last line of defense just in case any paranormal monster or event happens. I am the only one who can protect this place. I'm one of the only constants in here that can survive for long.
And even if I have my struggles or downsides. I know that I can't ask anyone for support. I can't depend on others. Despite my sad past, I'm the only one left. I hope you understand why I don't quit now. I'm sorry if this is a mess. I think I just got done having a mental breakdown again. I still think about Dexter every now and again.
I love you guys. Please stay safe for me will ya? I'll try and continue to do so on my part. I promise.
Thank you for sticking with me after all these years.
From Kevin.