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“Bro, are you seriously wearing a suit??” Is the first thing Ash hears when opening the car door— Zam’s annoying voice attacking his ears. He freezes in place, one leg already in the limo, and debates getting out and smashing the door shut again. He opts against it, if only to prove something— taking a deep breath (that he makes sure Zam could hear) and sitting down.
“Yes.” He replies with frustration in every fiber of his being, not even trying to hide it. “Why the hell aren't you? You do know we’re meant to be formal right now?” From the driver’s seat, Zam waves her hand uncaringly.
“Well clearly you haven’t been paying attention then cause everyone knows actors just do whatever forever and get away with it.” Zam subtly adjusts the car mirror, evidently having paid attention in their little training session about what he can only describe as car manners. He grins at Ash through the new mirror position, and Ash can't stop himself from rising to the bait.
“Dude are you stupid?? Are you genuinely stupid that doesn't count for noobs, only the actually famous people get to do that and keep their aura.” No one has ever fastened their seatbelt with more aggression and simultaneous care before— he wants to show how much he fucking hates Zam, of course, but he bets this car was crazy expensive and he’d like it not to be taken out his paycheck (cause he KNOWS Zam would snitch), “Besides, you’re the fucking driver bro, get yourself a reality check.”
“Ladiedadieda who caressss,” Zam whines, adding a little “-uh” at the end of the sentence, doing anything to keep the sentence going, “if anything, it just makes me look more confident in my position as a driver!” And Ash wants to bury his face in his hands. He does exactly so, slouching in his seat and groaning loudly in complaint.
“Shut up bro, genuinely shut up you know I’m right—”
“No you’re not…” Ash interrupts, head in his hands, sounding almost defeated, tired, like a single mom working three jobs who just got home from work and now has to deal with her children being just really fucking annoying and stupid— he wouldn't blame her if one day she like. put down the most annoying one. He wants to do that to Zam after all.
Zam ignores being interrupted, talking right through him, “—cause think about it, think about it! The best people at the job are always wearing whatever the hell they like cause they know they won't get in trouble for itt. It’s like that at HQ and I’m so willing to bet this is like a universal phenomenon.”
“You're gonna fucking get us fired and ruin the mission.” Ash can hear Zam fumble with the keys, eventually succeeding as the engine starts humming a low tune. The radio starts up too— some pop song Ash has never heard of.
“Us?? We yes we are getting fired? Far as I’m concerned we’re meant to not know each other, dumbass.” She pulls out of the hotel’s little roundabout pick up area, not quite taking the highway, instead driving through some obscure streets only the locals travel through— it’s crucial no one important spots them together right now.
“Oh my god, think a little further than surface level, I swear—” Ash shoots back, almost getting slammed against the car door by Zam taking a particularly sharp turn. “You seriously think that if one of us gets fired they’ll bother keeping the mission going? That they won’t just see failure and compromised situations??”
For a moment, Zam presses his lips into a thin line, considering Ash’s words. She brushes it off quickly, telling him with almost a laugh, “Maybe if you hadn’t worn a purple suit we wouldn’t need to worry about getting fired.”
“Maybe if you hadn’t worn a dinosaur t-shirt we wouldn’t.” He crosses his arms and sinks a little further into his seat. Zam hits a bump on the road and barely notices, Ash in the back seat might as well be tossed against the ceiling. He shoots her a glance, and Zam carefully avoids his eyes with a smile tugging at his lips.
“What-ever man, you’re walking back to the hotel, I hope you know that.” Zam ends the argument right there, restating the facts, something Ash is already not looking forward to.
“Yeah— fuck, whatever.” He curses.
-
“Squiddo..? Oh she’s a delight to work with, truly. I’d… describe them as a sunflower— bright and beautiful, yet delicate. They always grow to the light, you know. I’m really not surprised she made it big in the scene, they have a real talent for these sorts of things, can take almost any role thrown at her but outside the acting they’re a sweetheart— I’d love to work with her on future projects, yeah.”
The words of an old co-star of Squiddo’s ring through Ash’s ears as he walks onto the set for the first time, the hard soles of his fancy shoes striking against the artificial floors, hollow sounding and being oh so loud. Ash finds himself calculating how to place his feet to stop demanding so much attention towards him with every step— it’s of no help no matter what he tries.
It was an interview from two, maybe three years ago, before Squiddo really made it ‘big in the scene’, and Ash had watched this particular interview perhaps three times, all in preparation for the mission.
This particular guy, who never truly made it as far as an actor compared to his co-star, was probably the first to make this comparison on camera. Sunflower. Over and over, project after project, Squiddo gets called a sunflower. Hopping onto a trend, Ash supposes. A brand, even— maybe Squiddo’s team advised co-stars to call her that.
He awkwardly moves past people wheeling carts beside him, holding various technical equipment he is NOT capable of identifying. With his suit— he stands out like a sore thumb, which of course he’ll never admit out loud in case Zam bugged him somehow. Ash keeps walking and pretends his face isn’t going red with the amount of people turning their heads at him and his shoes that might as well be designed to be as loud as possible.
If it’s a reputation thing, it seems to be working at the very least, Squiddo’s public reception is overwhelmingly positive— she’s a fan darling, teen star grown up without the burden of responsibility, a shining beacon in the cruel world of acting. Besides a few concerns regarding their manager, Squiddo remains impressively discourse free. He hopes it stays this way. He hopes this mission comes out a dudd.
After way too long spent searching for where he’s expected to be, Ash finds himself in basically the employee break room of a hardware store— which is to say, several cheap tables scattered around with only one or two people sitting at each, all of them in silence or quiet chatter. In the corner, there’s a minifridge that Ash can only assume is there as a test for the actors— which one of them dares to open it and disturb whatever weird vibe is happening here. Ash simply picks a table and reads over the script, checking his lines one more time, though mostly paying attention to who enters and exits the makeshift room— occasionally people get called to what he presumes is the makeup/costume area. They get called in seemingly at random.
Someone enters the room, and before Ash can try to find out who, they’re almost swarmed by others, shaking hands and exchanging polite, cheerful smiles. It’s Squiddo, Ash notices, having also gotten up in an attempt to get a glance at whatever was happening from another direction. And he’d be lying if he didn't notice the room seeming a little brighter than earlier— he’s being objective here, it’s true!! Maybe the sun started shining a little more, sunflower soaking it up.
Between one blink and the next, the group surrounding Squiddo disperses, returning to their spots and their scripts or busywork— and Ash finds himself still in the same spot, locking eyes with her. He shakes away his thoughts and moves forward. Complete the script, exchange politenesses, shake hands, maybe crack a joke if appropriate. He’s worked cases like this before, undercover, he knows how to interact with people, how to make up lies on the spot and pick his words to be whatever the other wants to hear.
He shakes her hand, “Squiddo, right? Nice to meet you”
Squiddo returns his smile with grace, “Hi! You’re Ash right? We have a lot of scenes together, I’m really excited!” And oh man Ash isn’t sure what to do with his hands, in an awkward instinct he tried to put them in the pockets of his jacket— only to find his suit-jacket in fact is not designed for that. Squiddo snickers at his unease that’s only a little played up for chungus purposes. It endears him to people, hopefully. The only struggle is balancing it with professionalism, especially in a field that he's entirely unfamiliar with. “Dude, bold choice to wear a suit on the first day of shooting— you’re aware that in probably thirty or so minutes they’re gonna call you from costumes and make-up?”
She follows it up with a few more muffled giggles, and Ash can’t help it that the sigh he breathes out is open mouthed and amused. “Yeahhhh— I didn’t think of it too much honestly,” He briefly wonders if it’s clear that he has no fucking idea what he’s doing. To save himself, he adds, “but I HAD to make a good first impression, you know how it be, showbiz and stuff.”
“Ohh of courseee.” Squiddo nods sagely, albeit grinning. “Say that again after six hours of filming when you just want to go home but have to manage to make a suit look a little presentable. And you and I both know six hours are rookie hours.”
Ash in fact does NOT know that, from experience at least, but he’ll gladly let her assume he does. “That— okay that does not sound pleasant, yeah, oh god you’re right.”
“Oh no wayyy, wait— did you not wear suits for other shoots??” Squiddo questions in between quiet laughter. They’re both the loudest in the room by FAR and internally, Ash freezes. He, in fact, did NOT think of that. It’s a good thing he has a few years of training to keep him from showing it in any of his movements, the way he’s caught like a deer in the headlights.
“No…….” He says guiltily, covering up the inconsistencies. Squiddo laughs more at his tone, covering her mouth with their hands to keep from distracting the others— more than they already are. “I had to— I had to make a good first impression!! It’s— a very different genre from my usual stuff, I don’t know anyone.” Once again, being a little loser is the fastest way to get people to like you.
“Aww, I’m sure it’ll be fine! Great, even. I saw the other stuff you were in, and yeah it’s maybe a little uh— more action movie hero, but we’re gonna need plentyyy of that later on.” She’s a little quieter now, moving to a more reassuring tone after all the joking. Ash notes that their conversations with others barely lasted a few seconds— maybe it’s cause he’s new, maybe she’s just that nice. Sunflower. “At least when we’re running from the fuckin’ zombies, you’ll be in your element!”
Hm. Yeah. He was hoping to avoid all that honestly. “I like running from zombies though, it’s not even that bad.” Ash lies, lyingly. “I’m moreso worried about the more uh— emotional scenes. It’s a big leap.”
“You got this, I believe in you!” Sunflower sunflower sunflower. “I know we both have a few scenes already today, so… well what I used to do was just imagine what I would do in that situation, it helps as a sort of guideline! More irrational characters are more tricky but you’ll figure it out I’m sure.”
Ash huffs, smiling. “Thanks… Maybe I should have thought a little more about these— these really annoying shoes I’m wearing.” Squiddo tilts her head sideways in response, a little baffled. He elaborates, “They’re so loud every step is like banging a metal tube against bars— I didn’t think the floor would be so hollow!”
Squiddo covers her mouth again while snickering— he REALLY hopes this mission comes out a dudd. He smiles along with practiced ease— although it’s not at all difficult right now, laughing when Squiddo elbows him and tells him “shut up!” in between giggles. It’s not long after that Ash is, in fact, called away to costumes and make-up. Politely, he waves Squiddo goodbye from their conversation.
“See you later, we have SO many zombies to kill. Best be ready mr cillinder blocks for shoes!” And Ash has to stop himself from laughing again while being dragged off by someone too stressed to be dealing with their bullshit, crossing off things on their clipboard as they walk.
-
As he honestly should’ve expected, the people at costumes snort at him when he pulls up wearing his suit, and if this whole workfield wasn’t set up to keep actors’ feelings from getting hurt, they’d have whispered about it amongst each other. Ash would’ve preferred if they did, pity points and all that. They wrangle him into a costume that honestly just… look like depressing torn up regular normalcoded clothes— which they then combine with thousands of layers of fake grime and dirt caked on his face. He feels a little gross, but there’s a guy next to him being transformed into one of the zombies, and if Ash had to sit through all of that he’d probably quit the mission on the spot.
After asking, he oh so kindly gets pointed to where he’s expected to be, some car park, right outside the makeshift plastic building. And he’s early so he just kind of plays in his head what he’s meant to do, every miniscule action. This is where his character meets Squiddo’s. Where he has to tumble over a ledge, rolling into the parking lot, acting scared and wary.
….How the FUCK is he gonna pull that off. It’s gonna be really fucking awkward when HQ hacked a bunch of movies onto his resume and gave him this role, and he can’t figure out how to do the most basic scene. What did Squiddo say? Pretend that you’re actually in that situation? He’s never been in a zombie apocalypse before!! What the hell is he meant to do??
It’s. It’s fucking… whatever. When he gets to the hotel he’s gonna start screaming (no he won’t. can’t risk getting any complaints) and won’t stop for a good while. It’s fine, it’s chill. It’s so chill in fact. The agency picked him to do this instead of anyone else …if only for his lying habits. Acting is kinda like lying, he supposes. Just pretending he’s the one living in the lie, if Squiddo’s advice is something to go by.
Speaking of Squiddo, from his spot on the grass, he can see her filming a scene. Running from a zombie or two, ‘fighting for her life’ while evidently out of supplies to fight with. They’ll be fine, of course, and not before long he’ll be expected to come stumbling through after Squiddo turns a rushed corner.
He sneaks up behind the camera crew, quietly waving hi to a few and staying far out of view and earshot. He can see Squiddo though, the way she yelps when a ‘zombie’ grabs their leg, ‘kicking’ at it with pure fear in her eyes. It’s a lot more obvious that it’s all fake when he’s actually here, where it’s just so clear how much of it is the zombie actors pretending to be hurt. Just looking at Squiddo though, he could be convinced it’s real— watching people make the zombie noises while crawling over the floor is really fucking weird to watch though.
Squiddo gets up and starts sprinting, half sobs in between choked ragged breaths, and they sound absolutely terrified. The car park isn’t that large, and before long Squiddo turns a corner to the runway leading to the floor below them— and Ash is rushed over to outside the car park for his entrance.
When he gets the sign from inside the building, Ash does the same as Squiddo mere moments ago— he breaks out in a sprint, looking over his shoulder a few times despite being well aware he’s not actually in the shot yet, it’s just to get a little into character, to experience the fear he’s meant to be feeling. He stands in the bushes though, waiting for the signal ( roughly 30 seconds after a zombie actor is thrown off the other side of the building).
Someone from staff shines a mirror in his eyes, and if that wasn’t clear enough there’s also a few gunfire sound effects played that Ash pretends to be startled by.
He doesn't walk into the scene as much as he barges into it— his character is meant to know a bit of parkour, but gets sloppy when scared, which of course would be all the time in a zombie apocalypse. He jumps over a wall and immediately fails the actual execution (purposefully), scraping his knee against the stone badly. Somewhere in production he hears someone mumble “oh shit…”
Hissing through the pain, his character notices Squiddo standing across the car park, and they lock eyes. Immediately, he pretends that he’s not even remotely injured, but he’s on the floor from the roll like a scared animal. At least Ash knows what it’s like to be scared, and not wanting others to notice. At least that part is easy enough to convey.
Squiddo’s eyes flicker from his face to his torn up knee and Ash knows they debated during scriptwriting if he should try to stand up right now, to try and hide his pain a bit more— that conversation settled when someone pointed out that Ash’s character is mostly just pretending to be tough, but that he'd have the smarts to realise he wouldn't be able to get himself up without winching. Ash pretends to suppress one right now, just for the fun of it.
“W— Who are you?” Squiddo asks, gaze determined, and Ash thinks of how they met just earlier today.
“Are you safe?” He ignores her question to ask, more of a demand than an actual question. “Are you bitten?” It’s six months into the zombie apocalypse and he’s wary and lonely.
Squiddo, as if sensing his despair, takes a step in his direction. Honestly he'd rather have backed up if he were in their position, but maybe he’s just not the trusting kind. “I’m not. Had a close call just now though.”
“Yeah… Me too.” He sighs, very much trying to avoid any movements that'd betray he’s a little hurt. “What a world huh… What’s your name?” Is it obvious enough his character is very much looking for any kind of human connection?
For a moment, Squiddo pauses, considering their options. “...People call me Copper.” And by her grown out dyed hair (which is. a wig— Squiddo has more pinkish hair that isn’t 10 centimetres grown out) he'd almost have believed it.
“Right.” He tries his hardest to sound bitter, imagining how he’d feel if someone lied to him— well, if someone he’s close to did, it’d just be another day if not. Ash doesn't exactly have too many people he’s close to like that, but that’s a good thing. Something in his expression turns more mocking, in a condescending way instead of lightly poking fun. “Suree. Well, if we’re gonna be lying about our names you can call me, fuckin’, uhm— hole in one Harold. That’s right. Golf.”
Ash has no fucking clue who in their right mind decided to call his character “hole in one Harold” cause that is a STRONG contender for worst name in the history of ever.
Squiddo squints at him, and then promptly decides that if he (his character, that is) wants to be stupid then so fucking be it. “...Well that’s dumb but okay.” And Ash is REALLY glad the camera was angled at Squiddo for that, so that only she could see the way a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth.
It’s on purpose— obviously. He’s not here to try and make a good movie, he’s here to investigate. He’s snuck into a set and got handed the lead role so he could map Squiddo’s daily routine, find out if she’s involved in this organised crime organisation they’ve been tracking for ages. There were debates at HQ whether Squiddo might be getting blackmailed or not— but Ash really hopes they’re simply not involved at all. He thinks she’s lovely, really nice, but he hasn’t been training for years to not be objective here.
A ‘zombie’ sneaks up on Squiddo from behind, an angle from where Ash couldn’t have seen it either. She yelps, falling to the floor wrestling to keep the zombie away from their face— and for a moment Ash’s heart pounds in his ears and he almost throws the wrong knife at the poor scare actor. He ‘kills’ the zombie, and together with ‘Copper’ he takes off running, towards somewhere safer.
Later, he’d get compliments on his excellent knife throw, and he’d have to sheepishly make up a lie about his father having taken him to knife throwing ranges as a kid, but that it was just a really lucky toss. He’d also get fussed over his scraped knee— turns out that was actually meant to be added in with special effects, but he misunderstood and without question just tore open his knee even more than the CGI people had imagined.
They had just let the cameras keep rolling cause he didn’t seem that bothered. Which, isn’t necessarily an incorrect statement, it barely stung, but it would hurt for someone without his training, so he allows them to bandage up his knee very carefully, and listens to the costume design people argue amongst each other about adjusting his pants to cover up his very obviously clean and professionally applied bandages in a way that would make sense in universe— apparently suggesting they replace his bandages with dirty torn up rags during shooting was a no go. In fact, they seemed to have interpreted it as a joke. He’s not complaining.
Slowly but surely, the day starts wrapping up, and people start leaving. Most of the staff drive home, most of the actors get picked up— in cars of very varying value. Ash, honestly, is just waiting for the last of them to leave— he’ll be walking back after all, and he’d prefer if it didn’t get turned into a walk of shame. Eventually it’s just him and Squiddo, idly chatting while she waits for their ride. Ash thinks it’s almost outrageous that a driver would let someone of Squiddo’s status wait this long. Maybe Zam really did get fired on the spot over the dinosaur shirt.
When he cautiously brings it up to Squiddo, that she’s been waiting here quite a while, they wave it off, something about the driver being new to the job, they’ll be here any second now, maybe they got lost (Yeah Zam, did you get lost? If she fucks up this mission Ash is genuinely gonna have another brawl with him). Squiddo then, much to Ash’s dismay, tries to ask him when his ride is getting here— and he realises in horror that she might have been waiting for him, that they didn’t want him to sit here alone. Fuck. That would explain why Zam hasn’t like… sent a signal his way about any complications.
“I, uh— my driver couldn’t make it to this shoot, so I got a cab here, and was planning on walking back.” He half-lies. Specifically mentioning a cab cause he’s pretty sure they don’t just drive around here at this hour. “Idk if that’s embarrassing. You don’t have to wait for me, if you’re wondering, cause— I was trying to do the exact same, I can leave at any time actually.”
And maybe it wasn’t the best idea, to tell an S+ star celebrity (is that? a thing?) that he’s too broke to have a reliable driver— or any at all. But Squiddo doesn’t seem bothered about that. Her brows furrow, yes, but in something closer to concern. “You’re gonna walk home?” Oh wow she makes it sound like the worst thing in the world maybe he was wrong about the not-judging thing.
Ash shifts in his seat uncomfortably, and shoots to his own defense, “Yeah?? It’s not a bad thing, to walk somewhere. It’s a nice view here plus the hotel is only a few minutes by car, so it can’t be that far by foot.”
Squiddo’s eyes remain on him, and he feels almost the same way he does when almost caught by a target— usually those are wildly different kinds of people though, those who mean no good. Squiddo is, at most, a judgemental out of touch celebrity, who maybe looks down on those not as rich (he briefly wonders if that’s why she’s been talking to him so much today, was it to make themself look good?) he can deal with that, the mission won’t get compromised. Regardless he’ll find out if she’s in any way involved with people who better fit the description of his usual targets.
After a moment of thinking, Squiddo seems to find the right words. In that same worried tone, she asks, “You’re gonna walk home with your knee torn open..? Ash, that's gonna hurt so bad.” Oh. …Well he hadn’t thought of that honestly, how normal, untrained people would, y’know, probably struggle with walking for half an hour while freshly injured. Not a flex btw.
His eyes dart away and Squiddo notices almost immediately. She gets up, and then metaphorically extends a hand to Ash. “Well, why don’t you ride with me? The car should be outside any moment now!” It’s an obvious lie, one Squiddo knows Ash would catch— Zam has been waiting outside for a while now, probably. “It’s Golden Apple Hotel, right?”
He nods, following Squiddo outside, to the limo, where Zam sits slumped in the driver's seat with her head on the wheel. They watch him notice Squiddo coming and immediately perk up, shooting up straight with an oh so barely contained grin. And he takes great satisfaction in the way Zam’s expression falters when he walks into view, the way her eyes keep flicking between him and Squiddo, mouth agape as Squiddo explains that—
“This is Ash, he’ll be riding with us tonight, there’s plenty of space in the back so it’s kinda like we’re carpooling!” Ash snickers to himself, both at Squiddo considering the private limo with personal driver to be carpooling, and mostly the way Zam keeps glaring.
“Yeah— yeah of course, that’s chill!” Zam answers, but his voice has that cheerfulness in it that’s actually just carefully hidden aggression. Or badly hidden if asking Ash.
“Yo— I’m Ash, nice to meet you.” And he can’t stop the shiteating grin that spreads across his face. Bad plan maybe, because he can tell the second Squiddo noticed something is up.
“Do you two know each other?” Fuck.
“Yeah we grew up together,” ZAM “—played football and went to elementary school together, only grades one through four though.” Ash is going to fucking kill him. What part of ‘we’re not meant to know each other’ does she not understand oh my god oh my god! Ash’s jaw clenches without him meaning to, and of COURSE Zam told Squiddo stuff that could possibly compromise their missions, for the sole purpose of making Ash have to lie about it later.
“Oh that’s so cool!” Squiddo cheers, and Ash mumbles agreements. “Wait then why didn't you drive Ash back in the first place?” She questions with— almost a judgemental tone, one that makes Ash wonder how he misinterpreted Squiddo’s worry from earlier as the same.
“Does he need a driver then?” Zam snaps back, determined to piss Ash off as much as possible. “I haven’t talked to him since basically kindergarten”
Squiddo mutters back that it was fourth grade, actually (and for a bit Ash lets himself be delighted with how fast Zam’s lie is falling apart). “Well yeah— look at him! He’s injured :(((“ She basically shoves him towards Zam, holding onto his arm as they nudge at him to show Zam the bandages. With some complaints, Ash rolls up the leg of his pants, and oh woah would you look at that he hadn't expected the blood to be visible through the bandages.
Zam’s face pales a little at the sight of it (she’s good at that, the nuances of emotional response), shooting up a look at Ash quietly asking if he’s alright, and he subtly affirms it’s all chill.
“See? He can’t walk home like that!” He could. He really could and he knows Zam is well aware of this too. Squiddo’s insistence is really sweet though— and it’s dark out by now but his mind flashes back to the sunflower comparison anyways. “And his driver bailed on him, leaving him would be awful.”
Zam agrees quickly enough after that— not like she had much of a say in the matter, it was more a situation of manners, maybe Squiddo testing her new driver. The rest of the ride is spent by Squiddo and Zam chatting about dinosaurs, prompted by Zam’s spinosaurus shirt that Squiddo apparently REALLY liked (and once they’re done with this mission, Zam is never shutting up about that).
A large portion of the ride was also made up of Ash and Zam making up lie after lie about their childhoods that the other would then immediately try to refute or complicate further. It quickly became almost a competition to try and embarrass the other. Ash says he had a dog growing up that Zam was absolutely terrified of, Zam claims the dog’s name was “Fluffy” and that Ash had insisted on the name— and now Ash has to explain that he was three years old when his family got that dog and he didn't know very many words at the time. He’s never had a dog.
Over and over they’re just making up a story, of childhood pets and siblings and lost favourite toys, of games of hide and seek played at dawn to try and skip school and parents calling their names while they snickered from a treetop until someone ratted them out. All of this is just little thing piled upon little thing that he’ll then have to remember for future conversations with Squiddo— but it’s nice to laugh with them, Zam too, even if he'd hate to admit it.
Honestly this mission is going very weirdly— he did not expect Squiddo to simply… want to joke around and talk. That's crazy, no? For not the first time he wonders if this is simply how Squiddo is like with all new people they work with, if this is why she’s called a delight, a sunflower.
As he exits the limo, bidding Zam and later Squiddo adieu, he realises he doesn't agree she’s a sunflower. Retreating to his hotel room, Ash doesn't even bother turning on the lights, instead he just crawls in bed staring at the ceiling.
Squiddo isn't a sunflower, he thinks to himself again, entirely unprompted.
To say she’s the sun would be more accurate.