Chapter Text
Cap
Dec 23, 2018
Cap: Here.
Cap: (613) 241-XXXX
Cap: Is girlfriends number.
Hammersmith: Holy shit!!!
Hammersmith: U finally lock it down with Jane?
Hammersmith: Lex is gonna be pumped!
Cap: Yes, it is good
Cap: My Jane is very shy. Make her welcome.
Hammersmith: Anything you say, Cap🫡
Boston WAGs
Dec 27, 2018
Jane has been added to the groupchat
Alexis: Hey, Jane! Welcome to the club
Jenna: Someone else get a girl?
Piper: Did Cliff finally settle down? I worry about him.
Maddie: LOL.
Chloe: Hi Jane!
Jenna: Hey Janneee
Alexis: You guys are gonna scare her away.
Alexis: She’s Rozanov’s girlfriend.
Maddie: WHAT
Chole: As in Ilya Rozanov?
Maddie: HI JANE!!
Chloe: The Russian Rozanov?
Piper: Our Captain’s girl! Does that make her our new leader?
Alexis: Please, I’ve run out of charcoal 3x this year hosting the cookouts and it’s only May.
Alexis: Rozy said Jane is shy and to make her feel welcome <3
Rachel: Of course you’re welcome here, Jane!
Ilya
Dec 28, 2018
Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: I’m going to kill you.
Jane 💦🔥💕🥰: What the actual fuck is wrong with you.
Ilya: My Jane is so lonely while i skate around country so now you have friends
Ilya: I know you are too boring to make friends by yourself
Ilya: So, I do it for you
Boston WAGs
Dec 28, 2018
Jane: Wow, hello.
Jane: I definitely feel more than welcome.
Jane: Thanm you.
Jane: I mean thank you.
Jane: Sorry, I’m at the airport.
Maddie: You’re so sweet 🥰
Maddie: What the hell are you doing with Rozanov.
Piper: Maddie!
Maddie: What!
Jane: Haha.
Jane: That is funny.
Jane: Ilya is an asshole.
Alexis: But…
Rachel: You call him Ilya 😍😍
Jane: But…I’m not entirely sure what his problem is actually.
Jenna: 😂😂😂
Jane: He is sweet to though.
Jane: My parents love him.
Piper: HE MET YOUR PARENTS??
Chloe: And you haven’t met the team yet?
Alexis: Excellent priorities, Chloe.
Jane: My dad kinda walked in on us, so we had to rush it a bit.
Jenna: You guys can’t lock a door?
Alexis: Sounds like Rozy.
Jane: We were outside.
Jane: Dressed!
Jane: Well, kind of.
Jane: Nothing weird, I swear!
Jenna: I don’t know why I’m surprised, that is exactly how Rozanov would meet the in-laws
Alexis: And they still love him. Definitely Rozy.
January 3rd, 2019
Piper: Do you think the team would be fined if I kneecap Hollander in the parking lot before the game?
Alexis: Not if you don’t get caught.
Maddie: Were on boston turf, we know where all the cameras are
Jane: These messages might be incriminating.
Piper: Good thinking, Jane
Piper: I see you must be where Rozy is getting his impulse control from.
Jenna: He only got sent to the penalty box twice playing new york last night!
Jane: I gave him a little treat last time he made it through a Montreal game without any bloodshed.
Jane: :)
Jane: Wiat
Jane: ;)
Jane: Winkemoji😉
Maddie: Omg
Maddie: So, can we start asking about Rozy in bed because I’ve been dying since you were added
Alexis: Love the spirit but if why not let Rozy let his aggression out on them, Hollander is the only thing thats stopping us from being the greatest team in the league
Jenna: We ARE the greatest in the league
Jane: Well, if you look at the statistics, not quite
Jane: But, Ilya is the best captain
Jane: Heartemoji❤️
Maddie: Aww
Maddie: So, he’s a freak in the sheets, right?
Piper: Girl 😂
Alexis: You were just plotting an assault and battery, Pipe 😂😂
Jane: He likes to take all his energy out on me when he plays against Montreal.
Jane: I don’t think I’ve ever ended a Montreal v Boston game night able to walk straight.
Jenna: Wow…
Piper: Say more
Alexis: Considering how he throws Hollander around on the ice, I’m worried about you girl 😂
Jane: Oh, he does love to throw me around.
Jane: Haha.
Jane: He cuddles too loveemoji🥰
Jane: He won’t let me get up some mornings
Jane: I love it.
Alexis: Rough and tender…
Alexis: You think he could give Cliff some tips?
Maddie: Maybe he can teach the entire locker room some stuff
Piper: I wouldn’t mind 😂
Jane: I tied him up once.
Maddie: JANE
Piper: JANE
Jenna: JANE
Jane: This is fun. I don’t really talk about sex with anyone but Ilya.
Jane: Then we just end up having sex.
Alexis: Aw, Jane, you need a girlfriend in your life
Jane: I’ve been told that before.
Piper: Well, you got us now!
Piper: Does he cry
Piper: Victor cries during sex.
Jane: Ilya does before
Jane: And after.
Lily 💞💞💞
January 4th, 2019
Lily 💞💞💞: Why are you telling wives and girlfriends that I cry
Lily 💞💞💞: Liar you are lying. you cry.
Shane: It’s girl talk.
Shane: You wouldn’t get it.
Boston Raiders
January 21st, 2019
Cap: If I could bench girlfriends i would
Cap: But cannot
Cap: So you will all be skating laps from now until playoffs
Hammersmith: What the fuck, Captain
Marleau: I’m single!
Marleau: Leave me out of this!
Cap: Marleau will sit on bench with me while team does suicides. yes?
Marleau: Yes 🙌
Carmichael: Can we say no?
Simmons: What are we being punished for?
Cap: Your girlfriends are making my girlfriend keep secrets
Cap: Laughs at phone and will not show me what’s funny
Cap: I should laugh with her
Cap: We are eating dinner, she is on phone texting
Cap: She should be texting me
Carmichael: Why would she text you if you’re with her??
Cap: She tells them about annoying work friends before she tells me
Cap: I will beat up coworker for her, what will WAGs do. Nothing.
Hammersmith: They’re making her feel welcome!!
Cap: And now I am unwelcome?
Simmons: Theyre girls
Cap: Jane is not girl
Simmons: Ladies
Cap: No, definitely not lady
St Simon: the WAGs have their own thing
St Simon: We can’t encroach on that
St Simon: It’s sacred
Boston WAGs
April 2nd, 2019
Piper: Kent?
Alexis: PASS
Jenna: BOOO 👎👎
Maddie: Yuck 🤢
Piper: LOL y’all are brutal
Jane: What are we talking about?
Alexis: We’re doing smash or pass with some hockey players.
Jane: Like…
Jane: In what sense.
Jane: Smash like checking them?
Jenna: Jane I love you
Chloe: I wouldn’t mind getting the chance to check Kent on the ice
Alexis: Haha, smash like fuck.
Alexis: And pass like ew no.
Maddie: We’ve never played with Jane before!!
Rachel: Oooh, that makes this way more interesting
Jane: Oh.
Jane: Smash Ilya
Jane: Pass… everyone else?
Jenna: BOOO
Jenna: BORING 🥱
Alexis: Janeee, of course you’d smash your boyfriend. The point is.. hypothetically who else would you give a chance.
Jane: I don’t know
Piper: We give you choices!
Piper: We can do rapid fire!!
Chloe: Hunter
Jane: He’s like one thousand years old
Jane: Pass
Chloe: Damn
Alexis: LMAO
Alexis: Please don’t hold back
Rachel: Donovan
Jane: Pass.
Jenna: he’s cute
Jenna: Crosby?
Jane: Pass.
Alexis: I got it.
Alexis: Hollander
Alexis: No way you can pass on that ass
Piper: Yeah, even I can’t pass up on Hollander. Montreal Jersey comes OFF though.
Jane: Pass.
Rachel: YOU ARE LYINGGG
Piper: Girl this is a safe space, we won’t tell Ilya
Piper: No way you wouldn’t hit that
Chloe: We ALL would take turns
Jane: Oh, wow.
Jane: He’s just not my type.
Maddie: Jane.. name the hottest person in the world that you can think of.
Jane: Ilya.
Maddie: We won’t tell the team, you can be honest
Jane: Ilya is the sexiest man I have ever seen
Chloe: Seriously?
Chloe: Like don’t get me wrong he is hot as FUCK don’t get me wrong
Chloe: But you’ve been together for so long, doesn’t he ever start to feel a little.. plain
Jane: Ilya is the hottest man alive!
Jane: He could never get boring.
Jane: He’s also so sweet to me.
Jane: I literally can’t imagine touching someone else.
Jenna: Smash or pass just took an unexpectedly sweet turn
Jenna: I’m definitely hearing wedding bells.. right
Jane: Oh, I don’t know.
Jane: Well, maybe.
Jane: We’ve talked about forever, but more .. abstract. Nothing as concrete as marriage.
Alexis: The boys have been complaining about Ilya never going out anymore. You’ve domesticated the wildest boy in the MLH. I think you can float the idea of the concrete.
Jane: Maybe..
Boston Raiders
April 4th, 2019
Cap: I am buying wives and girlfriends all tennis bracelets.
Cap: 24k Gold.
Cap: Tell me wrist size.
Hammersmith: So, when you’re mad at the WAGs, we get punished, but when you’re happy with them, THEY get rewarded.
Cap: Yes.
Cap: Alexis prefers silver, no?