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Julia Prescott is having a tumultuous week. To begin with, the apartment she had been meant to move into upon arriving in Los Angeles burned down. Like, seriously burned down. It’s an empty lot now. There is no building there. The scraps of it have even been mostly hauled away and disposed of, so not even the debris of it survives.
Secondly — perhaps more importantly — her girlfriend finally left for her three-month-long trip to Europe to find herself. Julia is very fond of her girlfriend, and being away from her sort of sucks massive balls. They’ve been dating for sixteen months, and this is the longest they’ll have been apart since the day they met.
Thirdly, unfortunately, her dear friend Desmond couldn’t take her in, despite being the only guy she knows in Los Angeles (sans her co-writer and producer Carlo, of course). His roommate has a dog, and Julia is so, so deathly allergic to them, despite how much she loves them.
So, you know. Rocky start to a new beginning. But she will not be deterred — this is going to be her fresh start, and it will go well. She is determined for this to be the creative, exciting adventure that she set out for it to be.
Houston, Texas, is but a blip in her rearview mirror now; her new life is ready to start … as soon as she finds a place to live.
That’s where one Buck Buckley (and is that seriously his real name?) comes in.
Desmond had apparently met Buck through some sort of rescue — a midtown structural collapse that he hadn’t been caught up in, but had watched from the sidelines. He had stopped on his way home from work, unable to just walk on by and took the time to buy a couple of litre bottles of water to hand out to the people the firefighters had pulled out of the building. He’d been there for a while, at least until everyone had been pulled out, and gotten to talking with a few of them. A couple of the firefighters had chatted with him before they drove off, and bravely, Desmond had asked Firefighter Buckley for his number. Firefighter Buckley had given it to him, apparently while ducking his head and grinning so wide that Desmond felt a little faint.
They had only ever gone on one date (Desmond wouldn’t say why, exactly, that it hadn’t worked out), but they had stayed friends — casual friends, but friends nonetheless.
And Buck’s just bought a house with a guest room, according to Desmond, only a few blocks away from where her apartment once stood.
“He’s a firefighter, Julia,” Desmond had said for the nth time while trying to pitch the idea to her. “He’d probably take pity on you, given… you know…”
Julia had sighed, forlorn, her body flat against the grass of a local park. “Given that my new apartment went down in a blaze of glory, yeah.”
And pity, Buck had taken.
As it turns out, Buck is very kind. They’re only on the phone for fifty-five seconds before Buck readily agrees to host her — he doesn’t even suggest that he meet her over coffee first, just asks when he should have the room ready by. Like a crazy person.
Suspicious, she had muted the call and asked Desmond what the catch was. Desmond had held his hands up and promised her there was no catch. Buck Buckley’s just that good of a dude.
And, look — Julia doesn’t know anything about this guy other than the fact he is: 1. a firefighter and 2. a hell of a friendly guy.
Anything could go wrong, but Julia can’t really afford to look a gift horse in the mouth, not with her current legal residence in ashes. At least not until she finds a new place to go.
So, relieved but weary, Julia hauls her suitcase, backpack and sorry ass all the way to Firefighter Buckley’s house. She tells herself this is a good thing and pretends her stomach isn’t turning with anxiety.
When the Uber pulls into Buck’s driveway, the driver — Sammy J, the app had said his name was — is kind enough to help haul her massive suitcase to the front door for her, considering it’s most of the size of Julia’s body. She tips him well and shoots off a message to her girlfriend to let her know she’s got at least five major updates, all varying in severity and importance, and to call her as soon as she’s awake.
Then, finally, she knocks. Four times in a fun, snappy little pattern.
Half a minute later, Buck Buckley swings the door open with a smile so wide his blue eyes crinkle at the sides. He is exactly what Julia had expected him to be: tall, bulky, boyish. His flannel shirt strains over his biceps, his curls looking a little sweat-damp — a strand even sticking in a little spiral to his forehead.
Desmond has a type, and Buck Buckley is kind of the epitome of every guy he’s ever been into, that’s for sure.
“Hey,” he says, effortlessly charming. “You must be Julia.”
“Yeah.” A little dazed, she looks up at him, taking in the sheer size of him. She feels… very short, in comparison. She straightens her spine. “Yeah, hi. That’s me.”
She sticks her hand out automatically, and Buck takes it, giving it a gentle shake. He has a firm grip, and calluses she imagines he’s earned through his many years in service.
Eyeing the suitcase, Buck says, “Let me take that for you. And— come in, sorry.” He steps to the side, making space for her to sneak past. “I’ve got the guest room set up. I’ll show you the way.”
Following Buck inside, Julia looks around. It isn’t entirely obvious that Buck only moved in recently, given how homey the place is. There’s a nice rug rolled out on the floor, and a small, hand-painted bowl for keys on the foyer table.
Toeing off her shoes, Julia steals a quick glance at the pictures on the wall. She spots a group photo of five firefighters at what must be a firehouse, and next to it, a picture of a young boy on crutches, grinning wildly where he’s stood between Buck and a man with brown hair. The kid looks a bit like Buck, Julia notes. And a little like the other man — their smiles are the same.
“It’s still a bit messy,” Buck says sheepishly, suitcase in tow. He nods at the stray cardboard box shoved into the hallway corner. “But it’s coming together.”
“It’s looking really good already,” she tells him, and she means it. The house is lovely. Maybe even nicer than her new apartment was before it became charcoal-chic.
Just like that, Buck lights up, shooting her a megawatt grin. He’s the personification of sunshine.
Julia trails after him, stepping through a doorway at the end of the hall right behind him. The guest room is largely blue, and she stops to drink it in. Queen bed, blackout curtains, a blue-green-grey rug — it all brings it together. It feels like a place she could relax.
“So,” Buck says, clapping his hands together before gesturing to the room at large. “This is the guest room. It’s not en-suite, but, uh— the guest bathroom is right down the hall. I never use it, so feel free to make it your own. The cupboard is pretty stocked. Mouthwash, deodorant, those little things you pick your teeth with.”
“Does the room come with a little candle? A mint on the pillow?”
Interestingly, Buck flushes. “Um. Yeah. I mean– not the mint, but the candle. I can get you a mint if you want?”
She tries not to smile. “No, that’s okay.”
Despite all her unsettled nerves, something about Buck makes her feel extremely fond. She can see why Desmond likes and trusts him enough to have suggested she come here in the first place.
“Oh, okay.” Buck stalls, readjusting her suitcase so it leans up against the wall. “I hope it’s all okay? You can make it your own, however you want. Mi casa es su casa, you know?”
Julia nods and folds her arms over her chest. “I think I’ll write motivational messages on the wall. You know, live, laugh, love style stuff. Or, like, don’t forget to breathe.”
He blinks. “Oh. Um.”
“With paint. Neon orange, maybe.”
Buck hesitates, like he genuinely might be about to agree to let her do it. “Well, I mean—“
She drops a hand against the bulk of his bicep, squeezing. “I’m just messing with you.”
“Oh.” Buck ducks his head around an embarrassed smile. “Ha, sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Julia nudges his arm. “You’re, like, the final boss of generous hosts, I’m just being an asshole.”
She had meant for it to come off as observational, but given the sudden look of surprise on Buck’s face, she may have missed her mark. Internally, she cringes, shrivelling up into a small, scrunched ball.
“I mean that in a good way,” she rushes to say. “Like, you’re, you know. Vigilant. Well-prepared. Like a Boy Scout!”
“No, I— thanks,” he says. “You just don’t seem like an asshole.”
Julia purses her lips. “I’ve been known to stick my nose in places it doesn’t belong.”
Buck huffs. “That makes two of us.”
“And I’m always putting my foot in my mouth,” she adds.
“Twinsies,” Buck quietly singsongs.
This time, Julia laughs. “Okay. Great. I see no possible way that us living together could go wrong, and will not be taking preemptive measures.”
“That’s what I like to hear.” Buck drums his knuckles against the doorway. “I’ve got coffee, if you want any? We could sit outside in the yard? Unless you wanna—”
“Yes,” Julia says immediately, grabbing her backpack. “I’ve just got an email to send, and I’ll be right there.”
Buck shoots her a double thumbs-up and turns to leave.
“Wait—“
Buck halts so suddenly that his entire body jolts with the movement, before he rotates back to look at her.
Julia narrows her eyes, suspicious. “Is your name really Buck Buckley?”
Like he’s prone to do, Julia’s realising, Buck laughs heartily, and shakes his head.
Los Angeles, as it turns out, is kind of expensive. Julia wastes half a day sightseeing, spends fifteen dollars on a coffee, and promptly decides she’s done spending money. Carlo meets her at his studio, and together, they slog through six tracks – arguing about everything from synths to the tiny, almost imperceptible sounds Julia had pitched for ambience. (She won, in the end. She knows her shit.)
On her way home in the late afternoon, though, she walks by a very different kind of studio called Fightzone. The name piques her interest, and because she’s never been able to leave anything alone, she enters the establishment. Two hours later, she’s sweaty, content, and 50 dollars poorer.
She re-enters Buck’s house with the key he had presented her with on her first night here, determined to shower and get changed quickly. She hadn’t been prepared to work up a sweat, so she had no spare clothes with her at Fightzone. Hell, she’d been reintroduced to the sport while wearing jeans, which are not exactly conducive to fluid movement.
Humming tunelessly, Buck ambles down the connecting hallway, stopping when he spots her. “Hiya.”
“Buck,” Julia greets, still, somehow, panting.
Tilting his head, Buck asks, “Did you run here?”
Julia laughs. “No, I was heading home from the studio and stopped by this Muay Thai place. I haven’t done it in years,” she huffs, pulling her jacket off and hanging it on Buck’s little coat holder. “I totally got my ass kicked.”
Buck seems to light up at that. She’s not quite sure why. “Oh, you like Muay Thai?”
She shrugs. “Sometimes, yeah. I used to babysit a kid who loves it, so I’d take her to practice a lot.”
She pictures little Emily and her game face, fondly remembering the time she’d been fully prepared to humour her, only for Emily to pin her to the ground in thirty seconds flat. She’s never underestimated twelve-year-olds who like to fight again.
“My best friend Eddie loves Muay Thai, he used to spar with—” Buck’s nose crumples for a second. “With this guy. But they’re not friends anymore.”
“Oh,” she says, nodding. “Cool.” She really should take a shower. Maybe a long bath. She reeks.
“He, uh — he’s got a kid, best kid in the world, actually,” Buck adds, picking at his cuticle. “I don’t know if I mentioned that.”
“Does his kid do Muay Thai?”
“No, no, no, I was just thinking, hey, maybe Julia and Eddie would get along, ‘cause you know, he’s from Texas, too! And I was thinking—”
“Buck,” Julia says, narrowing her eyes.
He smiles, innocent and bright. “Yeah?”
She fishes her wallet out of her bag, flipping it open to the little polaroid photo of her in a mildly-sexy Gandalf costume sitting in her girlfriend's lap, kissing her. She’d had to pull her beard down to do it, but it was so worth it.
With her free hand, she points at herself, raising both eyebrows, begging him to understand. “Lesbian.”
Buck halts, nodding solemnly. “Oh.” He presses a hand to his own chest. “Bisexual.”
“Eddie’s bisexual?”
He flounders, “No! I’m bisexual!”
“Oh. Okay.” Julia frowns. Is Eddie gay, then? But then… why would Buck try to set him up with her?
“Eddie’s—he’s straight. So straight. Straightest guy in the world, maybe.”
Very slowly, Julia blinks. “Okay. Me, lesbian. Eddie, super straight. You, bisexual. We’re on the same page.”
“Good,” Buck says, clearing his throat. “Great, even. Okay. I’m gonna—” He throws a thumb over his shoulder, but then pauses, like he suddenly realises he has nowhere to be. “Hang out in the fridge. Okay. Uh. Bye.”
Julia watches him go. Someone should probably do something about… whatever that was. She’s proactive; getting her hands dirty is something she’s used to, whether it’s while wrestling with a DAW, or interfering with sad bisexual men (see: Desmond).
She’ll let the situation simmer for now, she decides. She’s overdue for a shower.
4 days later
Julia’s been in Los Angeles for a week, and the album is almost done. She’s pretty sure Carlo is going to want to re-record the guitar for their third track Songbird, but that can wait. Today, she’s taking it easy. Her itinerary consists of her favourite things: a slow jog, baking a syrup loaf with pistachios, and re-reading Our Wives Under The Sea.
Buck spends his morning running errands, so Julia takes the liberty of blasting Duran Duran while she bakes, singing along while swaying her hips for an invisible audience. The loaf comes out perfectly: not too dense, not too fluffy. Although it’s supposed to rest for a couple of hours, she serves herself up a slice and eats it over the sink.
It’s, like, so good. Buck’s going to be impressed.
By the time early afternoon rolls around, Julia’s lounging in the guest bedroom again, underlining a particularly gruesome line about Leah’s bleeding mouth.
A knock at the door brings Julia out of her book. “Come in,” she replies, automatically, slipping a finger between the pages.
She looks up in time to spot Buck cracking the door open, shoulders tense.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” she echoes. “Everything okay?”
“Um, well,” Buck laughs nervously. “So, my best friend Eddie— his house is apparently… leaking.”
“Leaking? The pipes, you mean?”
“Yeah. I don’t know, something exploded, and now the floors have to come off in the kitchen and bathroom, which sucks. But, uh, he and Chris — that’s his kid — really need a place to stay, and, so…”
“Oh.” Julia shuts her book. She tries to smile, despite the way her stomach plummets. Fuck. This is going to be such a mess. She’s got a set of real estate viewings set up for the weekend, but there’s no way she’ll be able to find a place in time. Still, as steady as possible, she says, “Dude, don’t worry. I’ll get out of your hair.”
Buck’s eyes widen. “No! No, shit. Um. I was just wondering if you’d be okay with them also living here. I’m not—” He raises his hands as if to slow her down, like she’s already begun sprinting out the door, suitcase in hand. “Julia, I’m not kicking you out.”
“Oh,” she says again, settling back against the headboard. Valiantly, she wills her heart into a gentle canter, as opposed to the full-on gallop it had suddenly decided was appropriate. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I can take the couch.”
“I’m taking the couch,” Buck says immediately. He sounds like he’s already had this specific argument once today. She’s instantly suspicious.
Julia narrows her eyes. “You can barely sit on the couch for more than an hour without your knee acting up.”
“And you’re a guest,” Buck stresses, like he’s made a great point.
“So?”
“So, you’re not sleeping on the couch.”
“You wanna make Eddie sleep on the couch?”
Buck scoffs, like the idea is preposterous, as if his plan isn’t crazy. “Obviously not.”
“That’s what I thought.” Julia sits up a little, crossing her legs. “And you’re not gonna make a kid sleep on the couch. So just— share your bedroom with Eddie. The kid gets this room. I take the couch.”
Buck looks pained. “Julia, are you—“
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure.”
A breath whooshes out of Buck. “Okay. Okay, thank you, you’re a lifesaver. I’ve gotta go pick Chris up from school, and Eddie will be here like twenty minutes after we get back, so—see you later?”
“Yeah, see you.” Julia smiles.
Buck throws a smile back over his shoulder. “Bye, bye, bye!”
Julia can safely say that she has never in her life encountered a weirder dynamic than Buck and Eddie’s.
Eddie Diaz – also a firefighter, which makes sense – is a bit of an enigma. He’s polite, gentle, charming, and handsome. He’s also single, which Julia had suspected, given the nature of their previous conversation. Her suspicions are confirmed when Buck asks him about a date he went on last week. A date with a woman, which—okay. Look. Gaydar isn’t an exact science, but Julia’s never been wrong before. And Eddie Diaz?
He’s gay.
Probably.
And Buck is definitely also into men. He went on a date with Desmond, for crying out loud. And he had his whole chest-touching bisexual moment in the hallway.
So why Buck and Eddie aren’t dating is beyond Julia. They like each other so much.
At first, she thinks maybe she’s just projecting. She misses her girlfriend, and she’s always been a sucker for a good love story, so she spots the romance in everything: the small, quiet, subconscious acts and moments that the people doing them or in them don’t even see. There was just no missing the way Eddie’s eyes had softened when his gaze fell on Buck, who was ruffling Chris’s hair affectionately. He’d had to visibly recalibrate before being able to refocus on Julia and shake her hand. His handshake had been only slightly gentler than Buck’s, but no less firm — a medic’s touch, she thinks a little nonsensically. He apologised immediately for taking over the guest room, which she’d waved off, making a soft pah! noise.
Chris, who had greeted Julia kindly upon arrival before (affectionately) mocking Buck about the size of his couch (unclear if he thought it was too big or too small), parks himself on said couch with his Switch. Eddie warns him he’s got thirty minutes left of screentime, and Chris grunts in acknowledgement. He does smile politely at her, though, before he slides his headphones on and locks in.
Buck, Eddie and Julia make their way into the kitchen, and Buck slides a bottle of white wine onto the counter, arching an eyebrow at her.
She nods, plopping herself down on one of the barstools. Eddie does the same, after a moment, watching Buck.
He reaches out, fingers almost finding Buck’s elbow before his hand darts away, finding purchase on the kitchen counter instead.
Julia feels a little like a voyeur for a moment, witnessing this, but in her defence, they’re doing it out in the open — all she’s doing is observing.
Buck pours them each a generous glass of wine, sliding them across the countertop. Eddie seems grateful for the relief—he’s probably had a hell of a day. She sips her own.
“You liking Los Angeles so far?” Eddie asks.
“I think so,” Julia says, taking a sip of wine.
“You’ve been exploring, right? You went to that Muay Thai place and seemed to enjoy that.” Buck rests his elbows on the counter between them.
Eddie raises his eyebrows. “You do Muay Thai?”
Cheeks heating, Julia ducks her head. “Ah, well… not seriously. But I’d love to get into it for real.”
Unexpectedly, Eddie says, “I can teach you, if you want.”
Julia blinks at him. “Really?”
Eddie’s mouth twitches into a half-smile, shoulders shrugging. “Sure. I know a gym with a pretty cheap membership deal.”
“I’d love that,” Julia says, meaning it. Eddie’s half-smile turns into a real one, then, and Julia gets, suddenly, why Buck’s kind of insane about Eddie Diaz. The man is as handsome as he is kind.
If she were single and a few blips over on the Kinsey scale, and he were less obviously gay, they could make sense together. She can see why Buck had thought they would complement each other.
“Oh, your gym?” Buck says, peering at Eddie with weirdly intense eyes.
“Yeah, bud, my gym. It’s not as fancy as yours, doesn’t have all the bells and whistles, but it’s solid. Great for beginners.”
“My last real sparring partner was thirteen years old, Eddie. I don’t know if I’d call myself a beginner. It was some pretty intense stuff.”
Eddie chuckles. “I’ll try to keep up.”
“I could come,” Buck adds. “Uh — I could sign up for your gym, and like— you could teach me. Also.”
They both turn to Buck, equally as perplexed.
“You wanna learn Muay Thai?” Eddie asks.
Buck hesitates. “Well. Uh. Sure. I mean, you like it, Julia likes it, Tommy—”
Beside her, Eddie tenses. She’s not sure Buck notices, but she sure does.
“—liked it,” Buck finishes. “Maybe it could be fun!”
Flatly, Eddie says, “You hate fighting.”
“It’s not— not real fighting, though, right?”
“It’s pretty real,” Julia tells him. “You get flipped around like a pancake.”
Eddie snorts. “What she said.”
“Maybe I like being tossed around!” Buck says, throwing a hand out.
Very, very interestingly, Eddie’s cheeks go red. “Uh.”
“Uh,” Julia echoes.
“Flipped around,” Buck corrects quickly, eyes wide. “You know what I mean. I—”
Suddenly, making them all jump, the front door swings open. A tall, slightly younger guy—around her age, she’s pretty sure—strolls through from the living room to the kitchen. His eyebrows are suspiciously perfect. “Heard you guys could use a pick-me-up?”
He lifts a paper bag with the words We Scream 4 Ice Cream! printed on it. “I got, like, three different flavours.”
“Ravi!” Buck exclaims, taking the armful of ice cream from him. “You’re the best. Thanks, man.”
“Good to see you, man,” says Eddie, accepting the fistbump Ravi offers him.
“You too.”
“But,” Eddie continues, eyes cutting to Buck. “We need to start talking about safety. You never lock the damn door.”
Distantly, she thinks she hears Buck murmur something to Eddie about it being his favourite flavour—a special request having been made to Ravi for it, but she can only kind of hear it.
“I chime in with the haven’t you people ever heard of,” Julia sings under her breath.
Beautiful, ice-cream-bearing Ravi, sings, “Closing the goddamn door, no.”
Julia is beyond delighted. She nods, sliding down from her stool and facing him. Again, she realises how freaking short she is. Maybe Angelinos are just… taller. “I like you.”
“I like you too, strange woman,” Ravi says. “You must be Julia.”
She raises an eyebrow, and Ravi explains, “Buck sends a lot of personal updates on our work group chat. He wanted to know if we thought he should buy candles for your room.”
Behind him, Buck flushes, ducking low to stuff the ice cream into the freezer.
“He’s the sweetest guy,” Julia says, helplessly endeared as she watches Buck close the freezer and shoot Eddie the universal help-me look. “And I gotta say — the cedar wood scent is what won me over.”
“Shut up,” Buck says, crumpling up a receipt on the counter and pitching it weakly at her. She flicks the receipt playfully, getting it halfway across the counter, before returning her attention to the new addition to their hangout.
“Ravi,” the guy says, offering his hand. “I work with these two.”
“Another firefighter,” Julia acknowledges, shaking his hand. “I feel outnumbered.”
“Yeah, Buck kinda only knows firefighters,” Ravi explains. Buck makes a vaguely offended noise, mumbling something about how he does have other friends.
“Well, now he knows at least one person who doesn’t beat up fires and save cats from trees for a living.”
Ravi snorts. Buck grumbles.
“So, what do you do, Julia?” Eddie asks, taking a sip of his wine.
Clearing her throat, Julia slides back onto the barstool. “I’m a journalist. Or I was; that’s what paid the bills,” she says. “But I’m also a musician. That’s why I’m here.”
Eddie’s eyebrows rise. “No shit? What kind of music do you make?”
“A bit of this and that,” Julia says. “I got really into jazz a few years back, which sort of stalled my other projects. But last year, I fell right back into writing more songs that are, like, indie-rock, indie-pop-esque, and I reached out to this artist — total legend, by the way — who let me play around a little on his most recent album before he released it. Lucky me, the album blew up. I guess I proved myself useful, ‘cause now he and I are putting the finishing touches on an album we wrote together, which— you know. Dream come true.”
She pauses, catching her breath. “Sorry. That was a lot of information.”
“No, no,” Buck says earnestly. “It’s really cool. I wish I could write music.”
Julia smiles. “Thanks, Buck.”
They all end up settled around the dining table, switching between spoonfuls of some of the best ice cream she’s ever had and the driest white wine she’s ever consumed. The discussion flows easily, Buck and Eddie have such natural chemistry to them—it’s honestly kind of infectious. You just feel drawn into them. They ask more about her life, and excitedly, about her girlfriend. She does manage to cut down her usual gay ramblings to a tight five-minute rant about how wonderful, talented and special her girlfriend is.
The conversation drifts from there, and Buck tells a story about a time they faced a … bee-nado? Eddie is rolling his eyes, looking impossibly fond the entire time, and Ravi is focused intently on his glass of wine, looking like he’s heard the story about four times before. Unaffected by everyone else's reactions, she remains entirely enraptured by Buck’s story—because holy heck, that’s a lot of bees.
At one point, Eddie scoops up some of his chocolate ice cream and holds it out for Buck, who doesn’t even hesitate before opening his mouth, letting Eddie feed him. With a spoon. Quite, Julia doesn’t think she’s wrong to say, romantically.
Ravi looks at her disbelievingly, like she’s the camera on The Office, or something. Which— why is she the camera? Why has she been relegated to a non-player amongst the players? And why isn’t Ravi reacting like Buck and Eddie’s behaviour is abnormal? Is he aware of this and doing absolutely nothing about it? Like some sort of fool?
…Is she going to have to take matters into her own very small hands?
The lists the facts read as such:
- Buck is on Chris’s school’s Authorised Pickup List, or Emergency Contact List. He has to be, to be allowed to pick him up from school.
- Buck looks at Eddie like he hung the moon.
- Eddie looks at Buck like he really is sunshine personified.
- Ravi seems to know more about the situation than he’s letting on.
- Desmond did this to her.
That night, wrapped in a duvet on the couch with her big reading glasses slipping down her nose, she thumbs over to Messages.
JULIA: i figured out what the catch is
DESMOND: What is it?
JULIA: buck is a nightmare
DESMOND: WHAT?!?
JULIA: no like
he’s lovely
but he’s in love with his best friend and he’s making it my problem.
DESMOND: Hahahahahahahahaha
Yeah that’s why we didn’t work out
JULIA: bruh.
you did NOT mention that in your pitch
his best friend and his kid just temporarily moved in with him btw. and me. we’re all roommates now
in this lovely two bedroom la home
DESMOND: You’ll be fine. Be a supportive roommate/friend!
JULIA: i will do my best.
🫡
The next morning, Julia wakes in time to watch the sunrise. Her jaw cracks with a truly impressive yawn as she stretches, stumbling off the couch as she grabs her phone off the coffee table. She has to pee. Pronto.
Rubbing her eyes sleepily, she meanders down the hallway, typing a good morning text to send to her girlfriend. She notices her girlfriend hasn’t seen her last message yet. Weird.
She sends the message just in time to see both Buck and Eddie exiting said bathroom with matching towels wrapped around their waists.
Somewhere, God was pointing a finger at her and laughing.
Rearranging her face into something less dumbfounded, she manages a tight, “Hi.”
“Morning!” Buck grins brightly. Oh, Jesus. He really is a morning person. A morning person who showers with his best friend, apparently.
Wait, did they–? Is it possible that–?
“Hey,” Eddie says, shyer. Pink colours his cheeks, his eyeline anywhere but toward her.
Wide-awake now, Julia asks carefully, “You guys shower together regularly?”
Buck furrows his eyebrows, looking down at himself like he too is noticing his state of undress. “Oh — um no. We’re just running late, so we figured this would be more time-efficient. Plus, you know, it’s good for the environment."
For a moment, no one says anything. It’s Julia’s duty, she fears, to give them both a horribly awkward thumbs up.
“Okay,” she says. She’s fumbling this; she knows she is. But she does not know how to tell two men who just showered together platonically that they showered together. Platonically. “Smart. Love the environment. Shift starting soon?”
Eddie nods, adjusting his towel, suddenly looking like he feels a lot more exposed than he did when it’d just been his very platonic best friend observing his damp, mostly-naked body. Which — hello! If they were under the same spray, they were both a hell of a lot more naked than they are now. Together. At the same time.
Suspicious, she thinks, very suspicious.
“It’s a fourty-eight,” Eddie says. “We’ll drop Chris off with Carla on our way.”
Mind spinning about thirty different scenarios in which Buck or Eddie casually asked if maybe they should shower with each other earlier this morning, she says, “Don’t let him forget his Switch.”
“He’s glued to that thing,” Eddie complains.
“He reads too,” Julia defends. Chris has been obsessed with Percy Jackson recently. She knows this for a fact, because they had a heated conversation about the validity of the nickname Seaweed Brain over breakfast, the other day.
“You’ve got the house to yourself, anyway,” Buck adds, wiggling his eyebrows.
“Honestly, once I get to the studio, I’ll probably end up sleeping there,” Julia admits, firmly telling herself to stop imagining what Buck and Eddie must have said to justify standing nakedly under a hot spray together. It’s egregious. “I get kind of… intense. I’ll come back to check on the house, though,” she adds quickly. “And probably FaceTime my girlfriend.”
Eddie smiles, taking a halting step toward Buck’s bedroom. “Sounds good.”
“Sounds good. We, uh— we’ve gotta get a move on,” Buck says, pursing his lips apologetically.
“Yeah, ‘course. No worries.” She steps back, making room for them both to skip by. She watches as they leave behind a small trail of droplets in their wake, kind of like a line of breadcrumbs. Breadcrumbs that lead to gay nonsense. She shakes her head at the thought. She almost forgets to pee—suddenly too busy imagining the very tall firefighters inside of a tiny candy-covered cookie house. God, how would they even make it past the doorway without the gingerbread crumpling? They’re so tall.
When Buck’s bedroom door clicks shut, Julia releases a truly impressive sigh. Then remembers why she was heading there in the first place and ducks into the bathroom. After a truly impressive brisk pee, she washes her hands, humming Don’t Dream It’s Over underneath her breath.
She heads back to the couch and flops atop it, settling against her duvet as she retrieves her phone from her pocket.
JULIA: my best may not be enough.
DESMOND: LOL
What happened?
Did you walk in on them?
JULIA: walked in them showering together, yes
platonically. btw
to save time and the environment
double win
DESMOND: Oh wow.
Just wow
Can’t help you there, darling. Sorry.
JULIA: 😀
3 days later
She finally has a break from recording and going on tours of apartments on the same day that Buck and Eddie seem to have the day off. The morning rushes by fast—her three roommates evacuating in a rush because Christopher is heading to a sweet sixteenth birthday party, but they say they’ll be back in an hour or so.
During that time, she changes, showers, and makes quick work of washing the dishes. By the time they return, she’s halfway through her favourite playlist and all the way through the dishes. Buck makes a vaguely pained noise at the sight and says that she didn’t have to do all of it. She just shrugs, saying she had the time.
Buck promptly shoos both her and Eddie out of the kitchen — advising that, as payment for her help, they’ll all be having a late brunch, prepared by Chef Buckley himself.
“What he meant to say was thank you,” Eddie says as they walk together toward the couch.
“It’s really no trouble,” she assures him, perching herself on the edge of a cushion. “Plus, you know, I eat off the dishes, too. And I’m living here rent-free.”
“Yeah, Buck’s just—” Eddie pauses, eyes brightening and smile softening. “He’s just like that. Would give you the shirt off his own back if you complained about being cold.”
She’d definitely gotten that vibe from him. “Yeah. And I’d probably drown in it. He’s so buff.”
Eddie presses his tongue into the side of his cheek, laughing a little nervously. “Yeah, he’s uh—he’s big.”
They settle into easy conversation. She asks about where in Texas he’s from—and he looks surprised, blinking a couple times before answering. She wonders if he knows just how much Buck talks about him. She tells tales of her childhood in Houston, and in exchange, hears all about El Paso. It’s nice. She likes him, for sure.
Time flies by, and suddenly, surprising them both, Buck appears in the doorway, denim apron slung over his neck and tied tight around his waist. “Brunch is served!”
They both shuffle back, making space for Buck to sit between them.
“Et voila,” Buck says, presenting her with a plate full of scrambled eggs, bacon and two little pieces of parsley on top. “For the madam.”
“Thank you, kind sir,” Julia says, grinning. She’s about to dig in when her phone buzzes. Distractedly, she grabs it.
And then she freezes, heart dropping so quickly she feels dizzy. She suddenly isn’t hungry at all. Heart pounding, she abandons the eggs on the coffee table, gripping onto her phone with shaky hands.
“Oh, fuck,” she exhales, all breath escaping her at once.
In her peripheral vision, she spots Buck handing Eddie his own plate, before shrugging his apron off and settling between them on the middle cushion, the third final plate sitting on his lap. Their entire interaction goes barely noticed, her focus tunnel-visioned on her phone.
SOPHIA: Hey, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking since I got to France. About me. About us. I’ve been working with so many incredibly intelligent, inspiring artists, people who make me feel like I don’t know anything at all, but could, one day. I feel like I’ve been starting to get to know myself for the first time in my entire life. But I have so much more to learn. And I think I need to do that by myself.
JULIA: what are you saying?
SOPHIA: I think we should break up.
“What’s going on?” Eddie asks, eyebrows furrowing in that way they do when he’s concerned.
“Sophia just broke up with me,” Julia says numbly.
Eddie blanches, and Buck leans over to whisper, “Not your sister. They just have the same name.”
“Oh, okay,” Eddie murmurs.
“The girlfriend who went to Europe, right?” Buck clarifies, voice gentle.
Julia nods vacantly, staring at her phone. “To find herself, yeah.”
SOPHIA: I think it was inevitable, Jules.
JULIA: ok.
thanks for letting me know.
SOPHIA: Come on, don’t be mad.
JULIA: ????
SOPHIA: We were never going to work out. You’re there, and I’m here. I’m sure there are beautiful women in California you’ve been fawning all over.
Buck, over her shoulder, makes a soft oof sound. “Jesus Christ. That’s — bad.”
“Do you want me to reply?” Eddie asks, leaning over Buck’s lap to get a better look at the phone.
Julia shakes her head, steeling herself as she types a response.
JULIA: ok, so it’s not you, it’s someone else. some girl.
SOPHIA: Jules, sweetheart, don’t
JULIA: ok. cool.
SOPHIA: I didn’t mean to fuck her.
Behind her, Eddie sucks in a sharp breath. Julia barely even notices that he’s mostly in Buck’s lap so that he can be included, eyesight tunnel-visioning as her fingers fly over the screen.
JULIA: oh fuck you. eat a bag of dicks. i’m telling your mom.
And with that, she screenshots the conversation and blocks her contact.
Silence.
Then, voice pitchy, she manages, “She cheated on me?”
Slowly, Buck and Eddie manoeuvre back into their respective seats, sympathy rolling off of them in waves.
“Julia…” Buck says, gentle.
“Fuuuuuuck my life. Oh my God.” Julia sags, then sags some more. Her forearms find the coffee table first, and her head lands next (with only a mildly concerning thump), forehead pressed against the sleeves of her hoodie. She decides to lie very still. Maybe forever. Into the table, she mumbles, “My apartment burns down, and my girlfriend breaks up with me for some French lady. Welcome to Los Angeles.”
Spiritually, she’s doing the most miserable jazz hands this world has ever seen. She thinks the energy comes across.
“You know–” Buck starts, clearing his throat. “When I first got settled here, my girlfriend at the time did the same thing.”
Julia lifts her head off the table, shooting him a flat look. “What, fled to Europe to ‘find herself’, cheated on you, and broke up with you?”
“Yes,” Buck says, nodding. “Minus the breaking up part.”
Julia opens her mouth, then closes it again.
“We rescued her fiancé during a train collision when she came back,” Eddie provides. She thinks maybe these might be the two weirdest guys in the entire world.
Julia blinks. “What?”
Buck waves her off. “It was a whole thing.”
“Almost got himself killed doing it. She never even had the decency to break up with him,” Eddie says, attention turning to Buck now. “You found out she was back in America and engaged to someone else—and then you, you know, proceeded to volunteer to climb onto a death-trap of a train to get her new man back safe and sound.”
“It was the right thing to do!” Buck insists.
“It was the stupid thing to do,” Eddie mutters.
“Kinda stupid,” Julia agrees.
Buck shoots her a betrayed look. “Okay, you wouldn’t get it.”
“No, I think I kind of get it.” She shakes her phone at him.
“Julia gets it,” Eddie says, sounding far too pleased. Then, like he’d momentarily forgotten how they got here, Eddie’s face rearranges into something sympathetic. “Sorry about the break-up.”
“Thanks,” Julia mumbles. “I’m going to write so many bad break-up songs. Carlo is going to be thrilled.”
Eddie whispers, clearly not to her, “Carlo?”
“The producer.”
“Oh, okay.”
“Hey, Julia,” Buck says, a little louder. She looks up at him, valiantly pretending her eyes aren’t watering fiercely and that her bottom lip isn’t trembling. “Wanna hang out with us today?”
“Yeah,” Julia says quietly, voice wet and miserable. “Yes, please.”
As it turns out, Buck and Eddie have a whole system for grocery shopping. Eddie writes the grocery list (Buck’s handwriting is illegible, according to Eddie), Buck takes a photo of said list (because Eddie insists on writing it on paper, like an old man) and covers the fresh produce section. They reconvene in the frozen aisle and pick out milk, butter, and ice cream together. Then they make their way to the check-out. Julia trails after Buck, sort of mesmerised the entire time.
The system they have is very interesting. As far as Julia’s concerned, its existence implies they go grocery shopping together often enough to require a system. This inspires a feeling in her that is not misery. She finds herself intrigued.
After their task is complete, they head toward the freezer aisle. Standing there, basket in hand, is Eddie. He’s leaning against one of the fridge doors, scrolling through his phone. Almost as if he senses them turning into the aisle, his head snaps up. His eyes, upon setting themselves on Buck, soften, his lips pulling up into a grin.
God. He looks like one of those guys spotting their wives in a crowd in those TikTok videos.
Somehow, they make it through the rest of the adventure to Whole Foods without any more lingering gay glances.
“So,” Buck pants, hauling the last bag into the trunk of his car. “I’m thinking we drop the bags off at home and head to O’Leary’s?”
“O’Leary’s?” She inquires, already sitting in the back seat and peeking her head out.
“Local spot,” Eddie tells her, spinning the trolley around and getting ready to push it back to the little trolley bay a few spaces down. “It’s pretty low-key. Lots of first responders like it.”
“We get a discount,” Buck says proudly. Then, closing the trunk, he leans around the car to peer at her with bright eyes. “You in?”
Julia tries to picture herself in a booth beside Buck and Eddie, trading stories and sipping an ice-cold beer. She nearly shivers with anticipation.
“I’m in.”
Once they’ve stowed all the groceries away, the three of them decide to give themselves twenty minutes to get ready before heading out. Julia slips into a pair of comfortable jeans, cowboy boots, a black shirt and her second-hand leather jacket. She pulls her hair into an updo and fixes her eyeshadow.
Looking at herself in the mirror, she thinks she looks pretty good. Especially for someone who’s just been unceremoniously dumped over text.
They congregate in the living room again, and Julia thrills when she spots Eddie’s cowboy boots. Gay recognises gay, she thinks giddily, before dismissing the thought. Buck is wearing a flannel shirt again, this one looking a little crisper. His jeans don’t hug his thighs nearly as much as Eddie’s do, but he looks good. He looks excited.
Together, they climb into the car, and Julia battles with Eddie for Bluetooth privileges. In the end, she wins (deservedly, confined as she is to the backseat, and also, she did just get dumped), and queues up a frankly absurd amount of Feist songs.
They’ve only been driving for a minute when her phone buzzes.
RAVI: hey, ravi here :)
how are you settling in?
JULIA: bad
RAVI: uh-oh.
dumb and dumber driving you crazy?
JULIA: no, i’m just cursed
i think i pissed off an old evil wizard in a past life
RAVI: happens to the best of us
JULIA: they’re taking me out for drinks
do you wanna come?
RAVI: no one should have to third wheel buckneddie
i’ll be there
JULIA: LMAO
thanks dude
meet you at o’leary’s :) 🍺
The bar has kind of a dive-y vibe, filled with a crowd, but somehow isn’t bustling. Everyone here is so buff, she notes. The bartender is an older butch woman whose hair has all gone silver, wearing a very tight, plain black shirt that makes her arms look freaking massive. She lets her fingers brush Julia’s when she hands over her drink, and Julia very barely doesn’t faint. They linger for only a few minutes by the bar before spotting a booth not too far from the door. They slide on in, with Buck and Eddie on one side and her on the other, and chat happily between themselves.
The second Ravi shows up, though, Buck and Eddie disappear into their own little world. She is once again made aware of how dire The Situation is.
She waits until Eddie gets up to hit the men’s room and Buck leaves to grab himself and Eddie another beer each before turning in her seat, fixing Ravi with a look.
“Buck and Eddie,” she says.
Ravi sighs. “Buck and Eddie.”
“They’re like — definitely… you know. Right?”
“They are.”
Tentatively, she asks, “So… has anyone tried to do anything about it?”
Taking a long sip of his cocktail, Ravi presses his thumb to the corner of his eyebrow. “I think I was about to snap, a couple of months ago. But then Bobby — our captain — ‘died’.” The little quotation marks he makes with his fingers are very confusing and frankly, deeply concerning, but she allows it. “And Eddie had moved to Texas, so Buck was — weird. But then Eddie said he was moving back, and the government let Bobby go, so. Y’know. We had more pressing matters.”
She truly, honestly, does not have time to unpack that.
“No,” she decides, shaking her head. “No, I think they are the pressing matter.”
Ravi gives her a flat look. “Their weird situation trumps ‘dead’ captains and 800 miles of distance.”
800 miles of distance being the thing that makes Buck so weird that Ravi almost snapped kind of seems like part of their weird mating ritual, if she’s honest, but she just nods, short and curt. “Yeah. Absolutely, it does.”
“Okay.” Ravi nods, thoughtful. “Okay, so you’re insane.”
She huffs petulantly, dropping back in her seat against the plush leather seat. “I’m a romantic.”
“A romantic who is not going to meddle.”
“Meddle with who?” Buck asks, appearing out of nowhere with two beers and bright, curious eyes. Wow, he really is like her—she can sense his nosy radar beeping.
She opens her mouth, but Ravi shoots her a withering glare. Exhaling through her nose, she says, “The lesbians.”
Buck’s eyebrows shoot up. “O-oh. Yeah. Okay. What, uh. What lesbians?”
“All of them.”
Buck blinks. “Okay. Yeah. I’m sure they’ve got it handled.”
Julia wraps her hands around her beer. Darkly, she says, “We do.”
Ravi swallows nervously.
Because she has the self-restraint of a goddamn nun, she does not meddle that night. But she thinks Ravi knows, just as she knows, that it’s only a matter of time.
1 week later
Carlo’s studio is lovely, and ice-freaking-cold. He keeps the A/C on blast, and the sound-isolated booth is Julia’s only reprieve. Unluckily, almost everything’s been recorded, and the ad-libs she’s been working on today take an average of five seconds to record.
So, mostly, she’s confined to the cold control room.
When Carlo’s steps out of the studio to grab them both a cup of coffee, Julia scrolls to Messages.
JULIA: i love having freezing hands because what if i randomly got really warm
RAVI: no one is ever going to beat you at the positive mindset competition
except maybe buck
JULIA: i’m not woefully in love with my best friend who i raise a child with so actually i’m winning regardless
wait
i take that back
he’s positive DESPITE being woefully in love with his best friend who he raises a child with
RAVI: yeah he’s got you there, pal
JULIA: fuck my stupid gay life !!!!!!
The next day, Julia catches them doing yoga out on the porch. This would not be out of the ordinary, except for the fact that Eddie seems to have created a new kind of yoga that requires him to lie on top of Buck in two-minute increments. Julia watches from the window, feeling unusually sombre.
She retreats to the kitchen eventually, phone in hand.
JULIA: why won’t they just admit it
am i losing my mind here
like genuinely
RAVI: they’re hardened soldiers
this is kind of the chillest they’ve ever been about each other
JULIA: what.
RAVI: yeah
diaz got shot in front of buck once and it was a whole thing. i wasn’t with the 118 at the time but i heard through the grapevine that eddie told buck about the will at the hospital afterwards
JULIA: the will?
RAVI: oh. right. so
buck’s in eddie’s will. he dies = buck gets full custody of chris
JULIA: oh jesus heavenly christ
that can’t be true
RAVI: it is
swear on my life. hen told me
JULIA: when did he do this
RAVI: like a year after they met
JULIA: and it’s been how long now?
RAVI: almost a decade
hellooo
julia
where did you go
JULIA: tried to drown myself in the sink
didn’t work :/
RAVI: they tend to make me more homicidal than suicidal
JULIA: i am going to parent-trap them
RAVI: no
JULIA: i’m going to lock them out of the house
RAVI: no
JULIA: i’m going to lock them in the bathroom
RAVI: that one might actually work
JULIA: they already sleep in the same bed every night. i honestly freaking doubt it
RAVI: worth a shot anyway?
Of course, Julia does not actually lock them in the bathroom. That would be unethical (and, Buck might’ve told a story about someone’s bachelor party where Eddie had kicked down a door, and she wouldn’t put it past him to do it again if it meant escaping having to actually look at this thing in the eye).
She does, however, stage an intervention. A very gentle intervention. In fact, some may not even call it an intervention. If anything, she merely dips her toes into the large, unexplored ocean that is BuckandEddie. Just to see if a ripple might lure something to the surface.
In her head, she still calls it Interrogation i: The Will.
Somehow, semi-organically, she manages to get them to talk about the will thing over afternoon pie (Eddie has a crazy sweet tooth that is never satiated, she’s come to realise). The second it’s brought up Buck gets… shifty. Nervous. Eddie, on the other hand, seems to be completely at ease.
Interesting.
“Oh,” Julia says, taking a very casual bite of pie. The buttery crust crumples on her tongue like magic. Buck really is a spectacular baker. If he ever quits firefighting, Buck’s Bakery kind of has a ring to it. “It makes sense. I’d do the same thing, I think.”
Buck smiles. “It’s a smart thing to do.”
Julia’s eye twitches. “For sure. I’d want my hypothetical partner to have my hypothetical kid, if something were to ever happen to me. That way I’d know they’re in safe hands. I don’t think there’s anyone else I would trust that much.”
“Exactly,” Eddie agrees, pointing at her with his glass of wine.
Very, very politely, Julia stares into her lemonade and does not scream at the top of her lungs.
Weakly, she says, “This is very good pie.”
Buck grins. “Hey, you helped make the filling. Teamwork!”
She raises a fork, staring into the crinkly little lines of the crust. “Teamwork.”
1 1/2 weeks later
Julia cannot for the life of her fall asleep. The album is done, which means Carlo and Julia are on to mixing before sending it off to get mastered. It’s a tedious, but rewarding process. It also leaves her so wired she can’t close her eyes without seeing the volume knobs on Logic.
Eventually, she decides she needs to eat. And maybe drink a glass of milk. The best way to soothe a troubled mind is with dairy products. Plain and simple.
Or maybe not. The apple she scarfed down like some sort of creature didn’t really do anything for her, and neither did the milk.
Next attempt: she’s going to watch baking videos on YouTube.
Leaving the kitchen, she turns toward the living room, only to bump into a solid shadow.
And then the shadow moves.
Instinctively, her arms fly out in some bizarre imitation of a Muay Thai move. The shadow quickly steps back and into the muted living room light, revealing one Eddie Diaz, looking very, very surprised.
“Motherfucker,” Julia hisses.
Eddie blinks at her, before a startled laugh escapes him. He claps a hand over his mouth. “Sorry. Sorry, shit.”
“Stop laughing at me,” Julia whispers, pressing a hand over her thundering heart.
Eddie purses his lips together. Even in the dark, though, Julia can tell his shoulders are still shaking.
“It was self-defence,” she insists.
“The, uh,” Eddie says, moving his arms horrifically, clearly copying her earlier moves.
Julia groans quietly. “Stop that. Oh my God.”
“Sorry,” Eddie whispers again, voice full of mirth as he drops his arms. He clears his throat. “I’ll let you get back to sleep.”
“My YouTube doomscrolling, you mean.”
“Oh.” Eddie hesitates. “Can’t sleep?”
“Not really,” she admits. “My head’s too busy. Like a bee-nado.”
Eddie cracks a small smile. “Welcome to the club.” Folding his arms over his chest, he asks, careful, “You, uh—you want some company?”
Honestly, Julia would love nothing more. Just existing in the same space as another person usually helps a lot more than freaking YouTube.
“Join me in my lovely bedroom, Mr. Diaz.” She slips past him, listening to him follow her into the living room quietly. She strips her duvet off one side of the couch, piling it on top of herself as she sits so he has space to join her.
He steps over the pile of throw pillows stacked beside the couch. “I like what you’ve done with the place.”
“Yeah, I’ve really made it my own,” she says magnanimously.
“Sorry, by the way,” Eddie says suddenly, sitting down on the right side of the couch. “That we kicked you out of the guest room.”
Julia waves him off, the dark nearly swallowing her hand. “It’s okay. I’m hoping to hear back soon about this place I applied for. The rental market here is insane, man.”
Eddie hums sympathetically. “Yeah, it’s — not the best.”
He’s a renter, too, she remembers Buck mentioning. But unfortunately, his landlord is really dragging his feet with the repairs, seeking out dozens of quotes trying to find the cheapest one, even though it leaves both Chris and Eddie stranded at Buck’s house. Though, quietly, she thinks perhaps Eddie doesn’t mind so much.
“It’ll be fine,” she says, tucking her legs beneath her, hugging the duvet to her. “I’m lucky I met Buck. Or, well, I’m lucky my friend met Buck. He’s kind of saved me.
“Yeah,” Eddie exhales, looking off somewhere into the distance. “He’s good at that.”
She pauses. Maybe this is the perfect time for intervention ii: Eddie Edition.
“So,” she says, dragging the vowel out. “You and Buck. You’ve been friends for a while, right?”
He hums. “Yeah, eight or so years. Closer to nine now, I think.”
“You guys are really close.” Close is kind of an understatement, she thinks, but she’s gotta pull her punches and save her intensity for the final nudges. If she comes in too fast and hard, he might shut down. She has a whole plan. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a best friend like that.”
Softly, Eddie smiles. “Me neither, before Buck.”
“Oh, well, actually—” she says, keeping her voice light, “I had this girl I was friends with in high school. She was my best friend, but I was also kind of closeted and in love with her. So, it was, like, weirdly homoerotic and kind of messy. It was basically a situationship.”
She sees Eddie tense up beside her the second she says the words closeted and in love. There we go. She’s making headway.
Barely audible, he says, “Oh.”
“Yeah.” She gentles her voice, continuing, “Looking back, I kind of wish I’d just said something. Even if it changed things between us. The whole living-in-the-unknown made me miserable, man.”
Millicent—Milly had certainly loved her back; she knows that now, over a decade later, but back then, the idea of another girl loving her had felt like an impossibility. She’d been so scared to ruin everything.
She’ll never know now just what might have changed if she’d taken a chance. Maybe nothing, maybe everything. There’s no point in dwelling.
But Eddie and Buck — they have time. And if a nudge is what they need, then by God is Julia going to nudge.
“Yeah, I get that.” A beat of silence follows. She waits, and waits, and waits, listening to the click of Eddie’s throat when he swallows. Then, finally, he speaks up again. “Why didn’t you tell her?”
“I was scared.” She remembers being sixteen and terrified, almost telling her so, so many times, but chickening out every single time. By the time graduation came, Milly had found someone else and was moving to New York for college. She knows what happens when you wait too long.
Shaking her head, makes a small noise. “She was … I don’t know. Perfect. I thought we’d be friends forever. If I said something, I was so sure she’d hate me. Or the whole world would explode.”
“Yeah,” Eddie breathes out, the line of his jaw tense. “It feels like that sometimes. Like— you say it out loud, and everything might just slip between your fingers. Maybe he’d hate you.”
Julia’s heart jumps.
Maybe he’d hate you.
Gotcha, she thinks, fond and excited. Also, mildly heartbroken. If this weren’t an intervention, she’d pull him into a hug. For now, she stays her path. She’ll save the hug for later.
Eddie Diaz, you have the squeeze of a freakin’ lifetime coming your way, she thinks, beaming the thought directly at him.
“It wouldn’t have, though,” she tells him, looking maybe a little too pointedly at the side of his face. “She was kind. So kind. And she was my friend. Even if somehow she didn’t feel the same way, it would’ve been okay. And I think I would’ve been a lot happier.”
He swallows thickly. Doesn’t say anything.
“And, hey, I got some great songs out of it,” she says, easing off the pressure. “Teenage gay angst makes for good music, I’ll tell you that.”
“Yeah?” His shoulders relax a little at the change of tune. He looks at her with sleepy eyes, mouth tugging into a soft smile. “Can you show me what you’ve been workin’ on? Or is it all top secret?”
“Well, technically I shouldn’t—” She grins, conspiratorially. “But I want to. Just don’t tell Carlo.”
He lifts a hand, zipping his mouth shut.
She shuffles forward, pulling her laptop off the coffee table and sliding her soundproof headphones onto his head. “Prepare for your life to change, Eddie.”
2 days later
Because Buck has no chill and is secretly a Border Collie, he ropes Julia into going for a morning jog all the way to the apartment she had toured last week, but has still not heard back from yet. It’s a fifteen mile run. Julia almost dies. Buck, the bastard, laughs at her.
“Maddie’s hosting a barbeque tonight,” Buck pants, letting her back into the house first.
“Fuck off,” she heaves, beelining for the kitchen on shaky legs. The sink is calling her name. She needs to get her mouth directly under it. Stat.
“Hey!” Buck follows her. “Maddie’s great.”
“I’m– sure– I’m sure she is,” Julia manages, sticking her head under the sink at the same time as she turns the knob. She gets blasted with the spray of water, but manages to swallow about five massive gulps before she straightens again, turning the tap off.
“Why is Julia waterboarding herself?” Chris asks, standing in the doorway.
“Because Buck tried to kill her,” Julia tells him, bracing herself against the counter. Jesus, she can’t catch her breath.
“Are you trying to kill our esteemed roommate?” Eddie asks, ambling into the kitchen. He looks soft and sleepy, dressed in sweats and a sweatshirt Julia’s pretty sure is Buck’s, on account of its size.
“No.” Buck pouts. “I was just telling her about the barbecue.”
“Have fun,” Julia says, making for the fridge.
“You’re invited,” Buck says, face stressed now. “That’s what I was getting to.”
Julia pauses, before swiping a yoghurt out of the fridge. She flickers her eyes between Buck, Eddie, and Chris.
“Will there be beer?”
“Yes,” Eddie confirms.
“Then I’m in.”
Buck frowns. “Why am I no longer your favourite?”
Julia shrugs. “Eddie doesn’t make me run fifteen miles before eight in the morning.”
Eddie’s eyebrows fly up. “You made her run fifteen miles?”
“Exercise is healthy!”
Eddie tuts. “You monster.”
“Yeah, Buck,” Chris chimes in. “You’re a monster.”
“Why is it anti-Buck day?” Buck groans.
“You should’ve checked the calendar. It’s on there,” Eddie says.
“Wait, is it actually—” Buck turns, lifting a flyer off the calendar on his fridge.
“Buck, I was kidding.”
The flyer flops back down. “I knew that."
They’re the last people to arrive at the barbecue. There are a lot of people here. A little nervous, Julia makes her rounds with Chris in tow, who introduces her to everyone. There’s Bobby (she’s pretty sure he’s the not-dead Captain), who Chris introduces as Buck’s dad, and Bobby’s wife Athena, who is so beautiful that Julia barely manages to speak more than five words to her directly.
Then there’s Chimney (weird, energetic, and saddled with the cutest, roundest baby ever), and Maddie. Jee-Yun is a little ball of energy, who barrels straight into Buck when she spots him. It’s adorable.
Hen and Karen (lesbians!) are sitting in camp chairs and mention they have two kids who have run off somewhere. Her guide, Christopher, promptly abandons her to go find them. She’s on her own.
Ravi presses a cold beer into her hand without saying a word to her when he walks by, like some sort of spy handing off top-secret information. It’s incredibly stupid, and very funny.
And then, lo and behold, an angel descends from the heavens.
The heavens being the sliding back door, and the angel being–
“May!” Buck exclaims, appearing out of freaking nowhere. “Come say hi to Julia.”
May, fixing her yellow dress and cropped jeans jacket, looks up, eyes locking on Julia. She waves, walking over to Julia in slow-motion.
Maybe the slow-motion only happened in Julia’s head.
She feels vaguely faint.
“Julia, hi,” May grins, pulling her into a hug (oh my God!). “It’s so nice to meet you.”
Startled, Julia returns the hug. “Likewise.”
When they pull away, May ducks her head. “Sorry, it sort of feels like I know you already. Buck’s been—“
“Sending everyone very regular updates, I know,” Julia says quickly, grinning despite the way her chest has gone all funny. “I kind of feel like he’s adopted me.”
May cackles. “That’s exactly what he’s done. Oh my God.”
“I am his little buckling. It’s a fate I’ve accepted.” She makes a mental note of the buckling joke. She’ll have to tell Buck about it later. He’d really like it.
May nods seriously. “I get it. I kind of adopted Eddie when we worked together.”
Julia blinks. “You’re also a firefighter?”
She thinks about May in turnouts, waving the thought away when she gets dizzy.
“No, no, no,” May rushes to say. “I was a dispatcher.”
“Ooh.” Julia nods slowly, giving May a theatrical up-and-down. “So, you’re a badass.”
“Yeah, absolutely,” May says, without hesitation. God. She’s so damn cool. It’s effortless. Julia is thoroughly charmed. “I’m in journalism now. Well. Working on it. I graduated from Caltech. I’m doing an internship right now.”
“No way! I, uh—I was a journalist. For a while.” She hasn’t been for a few months, now, but she’s got years of contacts and tons of experience under her belt. “Maybe I could—”
“Give me your number?” May asks, eyes glittering. Jesus Christ, are there stars trapped in those things?
“Oh! Oh. Yeah. Yes. Sure. My number.”
Julia makes no move, because she’s rebooting, give her a moment.
When Julia literally doesn’t say anything for several seconds, May takes pity and clarifies, “Your phone number.”
“No, no. I know. I—” She fumbles for her phone, pulling it out and thumbing open the new contact page. “You just— add yourself and I’ll text you.”
“Okay,” May smiles, tapping her number in. “I could show you around LA a little. If Buck and Eddie haven’t taken all the good spots already—”
“We could do coffee,” she blurts, like an idiot. “You could show me your favourite place?”
A small, pleased smile appears on May’s face. “Coffee it is.”
Julia kind of feels like she might float away into space.
“I’m gonna grab a drink,” May says, nodding toward the cooler that the kids are parked beside. “You wanna come with?”
As subtly as she can, Julia chugs her entire beer. Swallows thickly. Nods. “Yep.”
Eventually, Julia and May settle down in camper chairs with Hen, Karen, Harry (who is May’s firefighter brother), Denny, and Chris. As it turns out, Karen is a goddamn rocket scientist, and Julia has no shortage of questions for her. How often does one simply run into a rocket scientist? She’s gotta ask while she still has the chance.
She falters mid-question, though, when her eyes catch on Buck and Eddie setting the table—Buck puts down the fork, followed by Eddie, who puts down the knife. Over and over. Then, they set out the cups and napkins. One at a time, successfully making a one-person job a two-person job.
And then, Eddie’s hand drifts to Buck’s lower back. Buck ducks his head, looking up at him through his eyelashes. Eddie blushes furiously in reaction to whatever Buck said.
“Your dads are weird, Chris,” Julia says.
“I know,” Chris says, taking a sip of his Coke. “Especially Buck.”
Julia tilts her head, watching Eddie press his thumb to the side of Buck’s neck, presumably under the guise of there being something there he needed to wipe away. “I think Eddie might be secretly weirder. Don’t you?”
Chris squints at his dad, before nodding. “Yeah.”
Julia turns her attention back to Karen and Hen, only to find them holding hands and also staring at Buck and Eddie.
At once, Julia’s eyes flicker back to the Yearning Show.
Buck and Eddie have drifted closer to them, done now with setting the table. They’re arguing about something, and as they approach, Julia tunes into what they’re saying.
“You think I’d propose with a jelly bean?” Eddie’s asking, affronted.
“It’s romantic,” Buck insists. “I love jelly beans, Eddie.”
“Okay, but we’re talking about proposing in an air balloon here, Buck. That's a lot of effort. Why would I book an air balloon but forgo the ring?”
“A couple we rescued on a call a few days ago,” Hen stage-whispers to Julia.
“Oh, come on,” Julia breathes.
Eddie’s hand finds Buck’s arm, settling low on his bicep and just… stays there. She thinks she even sees him squeeze it.
It seems that Buck, argumentative chatterbox extraordinaire, has forgotten how to speak.
“We in agreement, Buckley?” Eddie says, much quieter. “If I proposed it wouldn’t be with a jelly bean?”
“Yeah,” Buck breathes. “Yeah, okay, Eddie.”
Eddie’s hand slips up higher, settling right over the plush bulk of Buck’s bicep, right over where his shirt sleeve ends. He squeezes. Again.
“If you ever friend-proposed to me, it’d be—different, yeah,” Buck adds. Like a fool.
Enough is e-freaking-nough.
“Am I crazy?” Julia exclaims.
Buck, Eddie, Hen, Karen, May and Harry all jump. Chris remains unmoved.
“Am I the only one seeing — this?”
Guiltily, everyone looks away, conveniently not meeting her eyes. It’s suddenly very quiet. She’s aware she’s making a hell of a first impression on a lot of people today, including May. But this has to be done.
Through a crazy straw, Chris slurps his Coke.
“Anyone?”
“Seeing what?” Eddie asks, looking confused.
“Bro,” Julia whines, stomping a foot against the grass. “I— oh my God.”
“Buck and Eddie induced breakdown impending,” Ravi murmurs under his breath.
“What, that I’m gay?” Eddie asks, frowning.
“You’re what?” Buck yells, eyes bugging out. A house away, a flock of birds take off.
“No. No, no, no,” Julia says, breathing hard. ”You know that’s not what I mean. But also, that’s amazing Eddie, I’m proud of you, you’re great, congratulations.”
“Thanks,” Eddie says, smiling at her.
“Proud of you, Dad,” Chris adds, before very loudly slurping again.
“Eddie, you’re—” Buck looks like he’s forgotten how to breathe and might pass out at any second.
“Gay,” Eddie confirms.
“Like,” Buck wets his lips. “Like, super gay? Like– I mean, you’re sure? Wait, that sounds– I didn’t mean that you wouldn’t be–”
“Buck,” Eddie says, softer. “I’m sure.”
“Oh.” Buck’s face gets stuck between shocked, ecstatic, and scared shitless. “That’s– that’s amazing, Eddie. Thanks for telling me. Us, I mean.”
Eddie releases a shaky breath. “Glad I finally ripped the band-aid off.” He claps his hands together. “Anyway. Food?”
Oh my God. Julia’s going to have an aneurysm.
“No, no, no. No food. You have to tell him now. You’re in love with him,” Julia breathes. “You’re in love, and you’re not getting any younger, so get it together. Tell him. Please. For the love of God!”
“Holy shit,” Chimney squeaks.
“Um.” Buck’s voice breaks. “Um, wh-what do you— Julia, I don’t, uh, I don’t know what—just because Eddie’s gay, doesn’t mean I’m … I’m—“
“Buck,” Eddie says, voice gentle. “It’s not you.”
“She was talking to me,” Buck says.
“No.” Eddie ducks his head. “She was talking to me.”
Chimney’s head swivels to Julia. “Who were you talking to?”
“I–”
“Buck. Right?” Hen asks.
“They’re basically one person,” Ravi says, reasonably. “So maybe the him in question is two hims.”
“It was me,” Eddie says over the cacophony. “It was me. I’m… Jesus, you know I’m the coward out of the two of us.”
“You’re not a coward,” Buck says immediately, the words flying out of him so fast Julia’s surprised they don’t break the speed of light and kill them all.
Softly, Julia starts humming The Speed Of The Sound Of Loneliness.
“You know that’s not true,” Eddie says.
“Eddie,” Buck says, eyes pleading. “You’re not.”
Julia taps a vague beat on the arm of her camp chair. “You’re out there runnin’ just to be on the run,” she whispers, just under her breath.
“Someone check on Julia,” Ravi says.
“I’m fine,” she says, “I’m providing the soundtrack. Shh. They’re getting there.”
“Buck, I should’ve said something—” Eddie says, nose scrunching. “I know I should’ve said something before now. Before Texas. Jesus—maybe even years ago, but I just … I could never find the right time. Or I wasn’t brave enough to even look for a right time.”
Buck blinks, hands trembling by his sides.
“And you’re so bright, Buck,” Eddie says, voice catching. “You’re the most deserving person I know, of–of happiness, and trust, and an easy life. And I’m not easy, Buck. I’m not an easy person.”
“You’re the easiest person in the world to love,” Buck whispers.
“Wait, they’re doing this here?” Chimney hisses.
“Shh!” Maddie says, smacking his arm. Unfortunately, at the same time, Hen reaches over and does the same thing.
Chimney yelps, but Buck and Eddie seem undeterred. Or, well, Eddie does. Buck is still kind of just gaping, eyes wet.
“Yeah,” Eddie says, grinning and shaking his head. “You would say that.”
“Eddie,” Buck says, and—it kind of looks like he glances down at Eddie’s mouth. Holy freaking shit. It’s finally happening. All of Julia’s hard work is paying off in real time. “I think—” He swallows, throat bobbing. “I think maybe now could be a pretty good time.”
“Yeah,” Eddie exhales, stepping in closer. Buck almost takes a step back in surprise, but he stands his ground, fingers twitching by his side. Eddie’s hand settles at his jaw, a thumb smoothing over his cheek.
“Well, I got a heart that burns with a fever,” Julia breathes, eyes wide as saucers. “And I got a worried and a jealous mind.”
“Eddie,” Buck exhales, like it’s the only word he knows.
“Maybe we could — go inside?” Eddie’s eyes flick toward the back door. “I don’t really want the circus to see me kiss you for the first time.”
“The circus?” Chimney howls. Another smack from Maddie. Another yelp from Chimney. Briefly, she wonders, why the hell his name is Chimney — but there’s no time for that. Her plan has worked out. Gay love prevails, like it always should.
“It’s okay,” Julia says quietly. “They’re our monkeys.”
She can feel Ravi staring, bewildered, at the side of her face. She does not care.
“Oo–oo, aa–aa,” Chris murmurs beside her.
Her job here is, at long last, done.
The evening, despite the afternoon’s festivities, is just like any other. Julia knows her time is almost up, knows that Eddie and Chris belong here in a way that she doesn’t.
It’s okay, though. She’ll be sad to go, but she knows Buck’s her pal. Maybe even one of her best friends, which — she doesn’t even know how that happened, but she’s glad it did.
They put on a movie when they get home, and Chris volunteers to make the popcorn. Once they’re settled on the couch, Eddie with his legs in Buck’s lap, Julia knows her job here is done. Perhaps she was sent here as some sort of… guardian angel. Perhaps she herself is a yearner, and she alone had the power to coax a truly epic love confession out of the both of them.
Who knows.
Once the movie is over, Chris excuses himself and goes to bed.
The three adults remain sprawled in the living room, shooting the shit. It’s sort of unbelievable just how fond she’s grown of the two of them. And Chris, of course. She hadn’t even known it at the time, when she first moved in with Buck, but she’d walked right into a family unit. And they had welcomed her with open arms.
She gets up to grab a glass of water, rolling her eyes at Buck and Eddie while they argue about the best flavour of popcorn. Apparently, Eddie likes his popcorn very sweet, or sour. For some reason. Buck likes it most when it’s cold and stale. Because something is wrong with him fundamentally.
When she returns from the kitchen, glass in hand, her eyes are at once filled with something that she simply should not be witnessing. She feels like a kid walking in on her parents making out.
Eddie has a leg thrown over Buck’s thighs and has settled in his lap with their mouths slotted together. Buck’s got one hand riding high up Eddie’s left thigh while the other is already slid up the back of Eddie’s sleep shirt, multiple inches of tanned back revealed for the world (Julia) to see. If she waits another thirty seconds, his shirt might get pulled off completely. She has to act. They can’t defile her bed right before she sleeps on it.
She clears her throat. Neither of them notice her.
“I hate to break this up,” Julia says, very loudly, “But my bed is the couch.”
The two jolt apart, looking guilty.
“Right,” Eddie says, dazed in a way Julia’s never seen him before. “We — bed.”
“Bed.”
Later, just to be safe, she puts on her headphones.
She wakes up the next morning half-way convinced that the barbeque hadn’t happened. But she’s received a text from May (!!!), so she dispels herself of the notion at once.
Headphones still on, she throws on a Prince record and takes her time in the bathroom, dancing along to Raspberry Beret as she brushes her teeth. On her way out, she glances at Chris’ room, which is still firmly shut.
As she steps out of the hall and through the archway, she’s met with an eyeful of Buck perched up on the counter, fingers tugging at Eddie’s hair as they kiss. Eddie stands pretty contentedly between Buck’s parted thighs, squeezing at the plush muscle of them, fingers even sliding a few inches up his shorts. Even from a distance, she can hear the slick movements of their mouths and soft little almost-moans escaping both of them.
Okay. This is becoming a pattern. Her plan has worked a little too well.
Nostrils flaring, Julia backpedals and stalks back into the living room. There, she flings herself onto the couch and opens her phone.
JULIA: buck’s decided to climb eddie like a tree in the kitchen that we share.
thank god he chose to do that
was having an ok day but now??? it’s amazing
RAVI: you must reap what you sow…
JULIA: no no i’m so happy for them and so so good with it
i love that they’re in each other
in the kitchen
that we share
RAVI: oh jeez
go ahead boss, kill them with hammers
JULIA: no this is great
good for them and good for me
RAVI: my little lesbian…
JULIA: my ambiguous king…
RAVI: do you want me to pick you up
JULIA: please.
"Thank you,” Julia says emphatically, buckling in.
“No worries,” Ravi says, shooting her a quick smile before pulling out of the driveway. “You got everything you need?”
Patting her backpack, Julia says, “Yeah.”
They drive in silence for all of thirty seconds before Ravi starts laughing.
“You know,” Ravi starts, shoulders shaking. “I can’t believe you actually pulled it off.”
“What?”
“Buck and Eddie. Like, you did it. They’re kissing and shit.”
Julia sighs darkly. “And shit.”
“You did this to yourself.”
“You’re gonna have to work with them, man,” Julia shoots back.
She watches the realisation dawn on him, his eyes widening comically. Then, dramatic and probably well-earned, he groans. “Oh, God. You’re right.”
She’s still laughing at him when they pull into a driveway attached to a freaking penthouse. She gapes at it, and Ravi, a little proudly, says, “Home sweet home.”
Following Ravi into the house, she whistles. “Dude. Nice place.”
It’s modern—far more modern than Buck’s place had been. It’s fairly minimalistic when it comes to decoration, but it doesn’t feel empty. The whole room is open-plan, the entry leading into a brightly-lit living room and a very chic-looking kitchen.
By the door, above the hallway table, three framed photographs.— One shows Ravi surrounded by his co-workers and their extended families. The next captures Ravi looking much younger than he is now, standing shoulder-to-shoulder with a group of very happy-looking nurses. The last one is of Ravi in a suit, badges pinned neatly to his chest—it looks to have only been taken a couple of years ago. He stands between an older man and woman who look very similar to him, with Bobby loitering in the background, looking unbelievably proud. It looks like some kind of graduation ceremony.
She smiles at the set of them, stepping past and venturing deeper inside.
“Thanks.” Ravi hangs his keys up on the wall. “I’m sort of a landlord? When I’m not firefighting, I mean.”
Julia narrows her eyes. “So you’re sort of the enemy.”
Ravi rolls his eyes. “Well, the enemy is offering you a lease. If you can stomach living with a roommate after — everything.”
“Wait. What?” Julia blinks at him, wide-eyed. “Seriously?”
Ravi shrugs, looking sheepish. “Sure. I mean, I’ve never been good at living alone, and I have the space, so.”
“Dude.” Julia launches herself at him, hugging him. “I’d love to live with you.”
“Awesome-sauce.”
“Awesome-sauce?”
“A Buck-ism,” Ravi admits, looking vaguely pained. “I’ve been compromised.”
She snorts, opening her mouth to respond when her phone buzzes.
BUCK: Where are you :(
JULIA: away…
BUCK: Are you coming back? :(
Rolling her eyes, Julia types her response quickly.
JULIA: you and eddie deserve some alone time, buckaroo. i am safe and sound in ravi’s freaking penthouse.
i will be back. and i will give you forewarning!
BUCK: Were we being too coupley?
JULIA: no
BUCK: Liar
JULIA: weirdo
movie night this friday? <3
BUCK: Yes please :)
<3
JULIA: yippie!
love you!
BUCK: Love you too!!! :D
Pocketing her phone, she arches an eyebrow at Ravi. “Tell me, Ravi. Does May Grant enjoy long walks on the beach?”
Cracking up, Ravi nudges her down the hallway. “I’ll tell you everything I know. Let me show you the jacuzzi first, though.”
Softly, under her breath, Julia says, “I love my freaking life.”