Chapter Text
[Fifty Shades Of Gay]
absoluteunit: LOML JUST ASKED ME FOR DATING ADVICE??!?!#%&&^&#
absoluteunit: CODE RED CODE BLOOD CODE SHARK CODE IM GONNA KMS
absoluteunit: GUYS
absoluteunit: H
absoluteunit: E
absoluteunit: L
absoluteunit: P
absoluteunit: KILLING MYSELF
snek: jfc just do it im trying to read
absoluteunit: READ?? CHU WANNING JUST ASKED ME HOW TO IMPRESS HIS CRUSH AND YOU WANT TO R E A D
labubu: domt you have a class im in a class and youre distracting me im gonna tell your mom youre not letting me study
absoluteunit: MENGMOENG NOW IS NIT THE TIME
hoexue: LMFAO PROFESSOR JUST SCREEN SHARED AND SHE HAS A FOLDER TITLED BLACKMAIL MATERIAL KDJDJSKSJSNDJSJMSJS
labubu: CRYING I SAW IT TOO
iceblock: dating advice?
absoluteunit: THANK YOU NON SLUT HANXUE YOURE THE ONLY ONE THAT GAF
absoluteunit: SO IM IN THE CAFE RIGHT
labubu: gasp
labubu: did you skip your class
absoluteunit: CLASS WAS CANCELLED DIPSHIT
absoluteunit: ANYWAY
absoluteunit: I WAS IN THE CAFE AND YK DOING MY THING
hoexue: aka doing nothing
absoluteunit: FRICK U
absoluteunit: AND WANNING CAME IN
absoluteunit: SO I WAS LIEK
labubu: hI wAnNiNg wAnNa siT wItH mE
absoluteunit: HI WANNING WANNA SIT WITH ME <3
absoluteunit: HOLY SUGARPLUM FAIRIES HOWD YOU KNOW DAT
hoexue: bruh
absoluteunit: ANYWYA HE WAS LIKE UH SURE
absoluteunit: so awkward so cutieful i love him oh god i wish he punches me in the face
labubu: #%(%*^*^^*
absoluteunit: BLAHBLAHBKAH
absoluteunit: SO HE SITS WITH ME RIGHT
absoluteunit: HE OPENS HIS LAPTOP AND IDK STARTS TYPING SHTUFF
absoluteunit: SO IM LIKE
absoluteunit: heh watcha doin
hoexue: yo game
hoexue: is so
hoexue: s h i t
absoluteunit: SHUT
absoluteunit: HE SAID HE WAS WRITING SOME ESSAY
iceblock: pretty sure You are also supposed to be writing an essay
absoluteunit: eh deadlines like friday
labubu: thats tomorrow–
absoluteunit: GUYS GUYS WERE GETTING SIDETRACKED FICUS PLES
absoluteunit: THEN WE JUS SAT IN SILENCE FOR A WHILE AND HE WORKED
labubu: keyword you Didnt work
absoluteunit: I DID TOO
absoluteunit: i was staring at his beautiful face ><
labubu: #sigh
absoluteunit: ANYWAY THEN HE ASKS ME
snek: you do realize you took 74937392827382928171 hours to get to the point when you couldve JUST STARTED WITH THIS
absoluteunit: BlAHBLAHBLAH
absoluteunit: HE LOOKS AT ME
absoluteunit: he has such beautiful eyes btw so sharp so beautiful hes so pretty i want to cry
absoluteunit: HE SAYS
absoluteunit: what do you think is a good place to go on a first date
hoexue: so whatd u say
labubu: hah bet he panicked and left
absoluteunit: I SAID
absoluteunit: …
absoluteunit: okay yea no i panicked and left
absoluteunit: oh right mengmeng if he ever asks you lost your keys in the gutter and needed me to come rescue you
labubu: #(#&@(*#(#*#(#
hoexue: 😭😭😭😭😭
absoluteunit: anyway yes dats it im #heartbroken
absoluteunit: 💔🥀
absoluteunit: who wants to get blackout drunk w this venerable one im payinh
hoexue: i WOULD say yes but youre such an overdramatic and emotional drunk bro
absoluteunit: AM NOT
iceblock: that video i have of you proposing marriage to a tree while crying says otherwise
absoluteunit: ET TU NONSLUT HANXUE??
absoluteunit: AND DELETE??
iceblock: no. anyway shouldn't you be writing that essay? deadline is tomorrow morning
absoluteunit: cough how many words is the essay supposed to be
iceblock: 5k
absoluteunit: hah ive written mlp fanfic of 25k in one sitting 5k is #nothing to this venerable one
hoexue: CWAZY LOREDROP SON
labubu: points and laughs
absoluteunit: MY LITTLE PONY IS PEAK FRUITCAKE YOU
snek: aw disgustingly infantile grown ass man cant even s w e a r
absoluteunit: FRUITCAKE YOU TOO
absoluteunit: MA DARED ME NOT TO CUSS FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK
absoluteunit: tis the first day👼
absoluteunit: F I V E T H O U S A N D W O R D S
labubu: 5k iS nOtHiNg tO tHiS vEnErAblE oNe
absoluteunit: MENGSMEN
absoluteunit: I CAMT
hoexue: mengsmen
absoluteunit: SO MUCH
absoluteunit: DTUIBG
absoluteunit: DRYING
absoluteunit: DA FUQ
absoluteunit: DYING
absoluteunit: RIP ME
snek: into pieces? gladly.
absoluteunit: I CANT EVEN SAY ANYTHING TO THAT THATS HOW TIRED I AM FRICKNTHIS ESSAY FRICJ EVERTYHING
labubu: ITS 11PM STOP BEING SO LOUD I CAN LITERALLY HEAR YOU WHINING FROM MY ROOM
hoexue: souls of the doomed ahh core
absoluteunit: SOBS
absoluteunit: AM I DOOMED
snek: not yet my voodoo doll is still a work in progress
absoluteunit: SHITMEI.
absoluteunit: SOBS
iceblock: you could've written at least a hundred words in the time you spent complaining. how far along are you
absoluteunit: IM NIT PREGNANT
iceblock: ..yes? what does that have to do with anything?
absoluteunit: YOU ASKED
absoluteunit: OH YOU MEANT-
hoexue: 😭😭😭😭😭
absoluteunit: SOBS I JUS TYPED OUT THE 167TH WORD
hoexue: SIX SEVENNNNN
absoluteunit: SAVE ME FRIM THIS MADNESS
snek: pretty sure the madness needs to be saved from you but ok
absoluteunit:FRIRETRUCK YOU
hoexue: 🚒
iceblock: we have a class at 8 you should start working on it
absoluteunit: ISNT HAVING A BREAKDIWH IN FRONT OF IT ENOIGHT
hoexue: ‘fraid not son
hoexue: jiayou 👍 🤙 📌 👌
labubu: questionable emoji choices but sure
labubu: get to it you dog
absoluteunit: gonna puncture my j-
absoluteunit: jug-
absoluteunit: jurgulaar? jugrular?
absoluteunit: BLOOD PIPE IDK
absoluteunit: with dat pin
snek: im waiting
absoluteunit: FRIIICKKKKLKK
absoluteunit: YOUUUUUUU
absoluteunit: GUESS WHOS DONE WITH DA ESSAY 🔥 🔥
snek: its 4am.
absoluteunit: good? morning??
absoluteunit: why?? r u up so early???
snek: none of your business🖕
absoluteunit: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕 × INFINITY HAH TAKE THAT
iceblock: you're done?
absoluteunit: YUPPERS
iceblock: did you submit it?
absoluteunit: OH SHUCKS I FORGOE
snek: can you get any stupider
absoluteunit: OKII DONE ><
absoluteunit: AND YEA OFC I CAN
absoluteunit: also wair hanxue why are you awake now
hoexue: call wiry parejtsx timesxone diffderecn
iceblock: go back to sleep hanxue put your phone away
hoexue: okaxcy ge
iceblock: you too mo ran
absoluteunit: mm night
absoluteunit: GOODDD MORNING MONSTERFUCKERS
labubu: #(#&@(*#(#*#(#
hoexue: lmao
absoluteunit: WHY ARE YOU KAUGHING ZT ME SO EARLY IN THE MORNING
absoluteunit: augh my head
hoexue: bruh how much caffeine are you on lmao
absoluteunit: on my 4th cup👍 mixed coffee and monster at one point👍 dont try at home👍
hoexue: …
hoexue: anyway pretty sure fucker is a swear word
labubu: points and laughs
absoluteunit: HUH
absoluteunit: NYOOOOOOO
hoexue: tsk tsk whatd you bet anyway
absoluteunit: if i lose
absoluteunit: i have to
absoluteunit: eat
absoluteunit: ice cream with
labubu: anybody else got a really bad feeling about this
absoluteunit: chilli oil
hoexue: 🪦🕊
labubu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
absoluteunit: okay in all honesty it wasnt THAT bad
iceblock: ...uh huh
absoluteunit: IM SERIOUS
absoluteunit: mengmengs tried it too you should ask him
hoexue: KSJSKSKSKSJ NOT THE FAKE RASPBERRY DRIZZLE DID YOU ACTUALLY
labubu: GO FUCK YOURSELF
absoluteunit: <3