Work Text:
I slammed my hands onto the dark oak table, the force rattling the wood and sending Reks’ water glass skidding over the edge to shatter against the cold stone floor.
“Now what the hell was that for?!” Minute yelled, jumping back from the splash.
I leaned forward, my voice dropping into a sharp, low command. “I have an idea, and you're going to go along with it.”
“Well, what is it then?” Minute asked, his irritation giving way to wary curiosity.
Three pairs of eyes locked onto me, heavy with expectation.
“We’re going to host a dinner party for the entire server,” I said, a slow, sharp grin spreading across my face. “Strict dress code: no weapons allowed, and no armor."
SB leaned back, a cynical glint in his eyes. “And we pretend we’re unarmed too, then slaughter everyone once the food is served?”
“Nope!” I answered smugly.
Minute ran a hand through his messy black hair, sighing, while SB turned away to rummage through his ender chest.
“So, what? A hidden TNT trap under the floorboards?” SB called out over his shoulder. “Or a trapdoor straight into the void?”
“Nope! None of those either!” I respond,
“Then what are we going to do?” Minute challenged, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Have a normal dinner party with one of the most powerful teams, inviting the whole server, and nothing happens?”
“Nope!” My voice cracked with excitement, shifting into a higher register than its usual rough, deep tone. “What we’re going to do is have a normal dinner party!”
“Excuse me?” SB looked up from his rummaging, a block of obsidian held in one hand.
“Except the food is poisoned,” I finished, a broad, wicked smile painted across my face.
“Oh!” Reks started, looking slightly less horrified than the others. “I mean, it could work?”
“It might not,” Minute reported, ever the pragmatist. “Especially with people like Hannah who have twenty hearts.”
“Yeah, Minute has a point,” SB conceded, setting the obsidian down. “But we could always keep an ender chest or a shulker hidden under a nearby block, grab our gear, and finish off whoever survives manually.”
“See, Minute? You’re such a pragmatist. Listen to SB—he actually gets it,” I said, my voice dropping back into its usual rough, low-register growl.
“Well, say we actually execute this,” Minute countered, his brow furrowed. “If even one person gets away, we have a survivor. After that, nobody on this server will ever trust us again. We’ll be pariahs, Clown."
“Yes, but here’s the thing, Minute,” I began, my hand drifting slowly toward my face. “Nobody is getting away.”
I unclipped the latches of my mask with a metallic click and set it gently on the oak table. My messy white hair fell over my forehead, partially obscuring my face, but my deep, wine-red eyes remained locked on Minute. They narrowed, sharp and predatory.
“And if they do,” I added, my voice reaching a deadly, quiet calm, “I will personally hunt them down and crush their head inward.”
The silence that followed was heavy. Reks stared at the shards of broken glass on the floor as if they held the secrets of the universe, while SB suddenly found himself very busy, intensely searching his ender chest for something he had already found.
"Well, sounds great then," Minute muttered, his gaze dropping to the scarred wood of the table.
❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜
I sat at the head of an impossibly long table, a grand expanse designed to seat forty people. I let out a heavy sigh as Rek dropped a stack of fifty invitations in front of me.
“You, SB, and Minute all have to sign,” Reks said, clicking a red pen and setting it atop the papers. “I figured writing, ‘We will not kill, physically harm, or trap any guests’ would be more convincing than just saying, ‘Please show up to a party hosted by the most dangerous players on the server.’”
“Fine,” I muttered, reaching for the pen. “Alright.”
I pick up the pen and slide a paper invitation towards me. The invitations read as follows:
We, Team Apocalypse, would like to formally invite you to a server-wide dinner party! Please join us at ClownPierce’s castle for a steak dinner, where we will create a bonding moment with all server members who attend. Those who stay through the party might be given a gift.
See you soon!
- Team Apocolyspe
I signed at the bottom of the paper and started a new pile. I start pulling another paper toward me and continue signing at the bottom. I do this for about 29 more papers until I’m interrupted by Minute slamming the door open hard.
“Well, hello to you, too, MinuteTech. Maybe next time, let's not slam the door that our two dear teammates had graciously made with their two working hands."
“Don’t be all sweet and kind now, Clown, I can see right through you.” Minute says, making his way closer towards me. “I was coming to tell you that this still might not work.”
“How so?” I coaxed,
"I was thinking about your ‘amazing’ plan while talking with SB and Rek while they gathered the poison bottles. They're a good 10,000 blocks away. How the hell are we supposed to get all the poison bottles from their farm to here? Someone might see and then expose your shenanigans to the entire server, and we will still be pariahs.”
I’m silent for a second, for the first time in a week, I was blanking.
“It’ll be fine, SB and Rek will figure it out. Now, do you want to help me sign these papers?” I say to him,
Minute lets out a sigh and pulls out a chain next to me and starts writing,
“Good, now let's hope that we have all our stuff ready by tomorrow.”
❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜
As I help place the last steak dinner at the very long oak table, I let out a sigh and adjust my necklace, a gift from Branzy.
“Well, I think this is it. We just need the poison.” Rek says as he puts down his shulker and reaches inside to grab a handful of bottles.
“Alright, sounds good,” SB says, reaching for a bottle.
Rek hands one over to SB and places the rest down on the table for me and Minute to grab. I reach for the bottle and swirl it around in the vile, the dark, mossy-green liquid forming a small whirlpool in the glass.
“Okay, good, now we just have to put this on all the dinner, get ready, and wait for everyone to arrive.” I order, “Now, let the games begin.”
I pop the lid off and start pouring the mossy green liquid into the first plate that comes into view. The green liquid is seeping into the creases and corners of the steak and vegetables. The 4 of us make our way to the grand oak table until we reach our set of plates.
“Well, Clown, if you somehow pull this off, I owe you a few god apples.”
“Sounds good. Sounds very good, MinuteTech,” I mumbled,
“Well, should we get ready now?” Rek asks from across the hall,
“Yeah, we should.” Minute says,
“Cool, see y’all when we're ready for our guests?” SB asks, opening the door, with one foot already out the door.
“Yes, I will see you all when our beloved guest arrives.” I smile,
And with that, the rest of my team has gone to get ready.
❛ ━━･❪ ❁ ❫ ･━━ ❜
About 25 minutes later, our team gathers in the great hall that Rek and SB had constructed days earlier.
“Are we ready, gentlemen?” Minutes ask, slightly adjusting his tie. His tie was a deep, blood-red color that provided a nice contrast with his completely black suit.
“Yup! I’m all good.” Rek responded; he seemed slightly nervous. Maybe it was the fact that quite a few people were about to die, or the fact that he was in formal wear. He was wearing a basic suit and tie, but his hair was still as messy as ever, the brown strands of his hair falling messily over his forehead.
“All good over here,” SB says last; he's in a white suit with a black tie. He was running his hand through his hair one last time as there was a knock on the door.
The door opened, and there stood Team Bing!, Jumperwho, dead center, was wearing a pale pink, silky dress. It was shorter than a traditional dress, yes, it was, much more compatible for combat. Go her. Prince Zam stood to her left, slightly behind her. He was wearing a basic suit, and he wasn’t very focused as he adjusted his crown atop his yellow-haired head. Pentar and YungxyWill stood to her right, both in matching suits, and they both still had their hats on. No judgment, not yet at least.
“Jumper!!” Rek exclaims as he runs to her,
“Hi, Rek!! Hey Minute!!” She looks between Rek, hugging her, and Minute behind Rek, “SB, Clown.” She gives us both a slight nod,
It’s calm for about half a second with Pentar and Will talking, and Jumper having a conversation with Rek. Then, as the door slowly shuts behind Bing! The door slams open again, and Woogie slams into Pentar and Will, and they both end up on the floor.
“OW OH MY GOD- WOOGIE WHAT THE HELLY?” Will hissed, his hat falling from off his head and onto the floor.
“Well, good to see you too, Woogie now- GET OFF ME BRU,” Pentar says
“Okay, okay, I will..” Woogie says as he gets up and smoothes out his hair,
“Well, Woogie, thank you for that amazing entrance for our team-” Hannah says, walking up behind the three boys on the floor, Jojo following behind.
“Hi guys!!” Rek says, turning away from Jumper and towards Divine intervention,
“Hey, Rek!” Jojo says, stepping to the side of Hannah.
Everyone has now become more comfortable, talking and joking as usual.
As more teams start to shuffle in, like The Daycare, The Kingdom, VLC media players, Team ragebait, and Socks INC. Everyone was having a great time.
As expected.
I’m talking with Ashswagg and Squiddo when I hear Deraptchu.
“Hey, Clown, when do we get to eat dinner?” He asked,
This damn big back, but he is right, I did invite them all here to eat. I stand up,
“Okay, everybody! Anyone want food?”
Everyone's head turned to me, and people booked it for the seats. I guess we’re all big backs.
As everyone sat down, they picked up their forks and began eating their steaks and greens. Rek was chowing down on his steak. I guess that's what you get for having a sleeper build. Everyone seemed to be having a great time, eating and laughing with their server mates. This is going amazingly, we just have to wait for everyone to drop dead on the floor from the poison, it was just a matter of time.
As I looked to the other end of the table where MinuteTech sat, we made eye contact. The chaos I’ve been waiting for must be right around the corner. As I look around the table, filled with my server mates having an amazing time, something catches my eye.
JumperWho.
I knew if someone was going to find out, I knew it was going to be her.
We briefly make eye contact before she stands up, slamming her hands on the table. The room goes silent.
“Jumper?” Hannah asks as she places her fork down.
“This food is-” she lets out a cough, “Poisoned, the food is poisoned.”
There it is, the line I’ve been waiting for this entire night. And with that, she fell onto the floor. But just before she hit the floor, Pentar caught her.
“Jumper? Jumper, what’s going on?” Pentar demanded,
“Pentar, the food, the food is poisoned.” Jumper chokes out as her hearts slowly deteriorates from 10 to 3 in just mere seconds.
At this point, everyone else is already up, has stopped eating their steak, and has regrouped into their teams. Spokes on the floor, clutching his shirt on the verge of death. I’m already standing, waiting for more of the poison to start working. And like that, my wish was my command; more people are on the floor, Pili, Pangi, Deraptchu, Woogie, and Viatalisy.
“Clown?! What the hell?!” PrinceZam yelled, throwing his knife across the long table. The knife skidded across the table and towards me.
Spoke is dead, Pili is dead, Woogie is dead, and half of the server is dead. Their hearts are on the cold stone floor. I reach down from my seat and open the trap door to my left, opening my ender chest and grabbing my netherite sword.
“Well, it was good having you here, everybody,” I say, spinning my sword in my hand, walking towards Zam, Will, and Pentar, dragging a half-heart Jumper towards the door. They're slow because of Jumper being passed out in Pentar’s arms. They can’t go very fast, so I catch up quite easily. Reaching out my sword to slash Jumper across her collarbone, but Will jumps in front of her, taking the slash across his back, I let out a sigh as his blood soaks through his shirt.
“Pathetic…” I say, stabbing my sword through his shoulder blade. And he disappears into dust, his inventory dropping onto the floor. Making my way further towards the remaining team Bing! I make it and slash Jumper across her collarbone, and she disappears.
Alright, just PrinceZam and Will are left, both poisoned and left on low hearts, but just before I make it towards them, Will drops to the floor, clutching his shirt, coughing violently, and with that, he disappears and leaves his heart on the floor.
“Perfect, now, Zam, your turn,” I say as I turn to Zam, and with that, he falls to the floor, his crown tumbling off his head as it drops to the floor. A grin starts to creep at the corners of my mouth, and with that, the entirety of team Bing! Is gone.
I turn around to see the rest of my team placing loot dropped by other people into chests.
“This worked quite well, hasn’t it, Clown?” Minute says as he looks up from a chest,
“It has Minute, it worked quite well,” I respond as I reach for the clasp holding the mask to my face.
“Well, now what?” Rek asks,
“Well, Rekrap, why don’t we blow it up?” I say smugly as I place my mask down onto the table, my white hair falling messily over my forehead.
SB lights up and immediately grabs TNT from his inventory,
“Well, I guess we are blowing this up.” Minute says as he makes a flint and steel,
SB gives all of a half a stack of TNT, and the four of us run around placing TNT all over the castle. Once we’re done, we step outside. The castle made of dark oak, stone, and other blocks. I look back at my team; SB hands me a flint and steel. I click it on, and a fire ignites from the small item in my hand.
I launch it into the castle, and the fire catches the TNT and ignites it.
The TNT explodes.
Seconds later, all that is left is debris.
And with that, my dinner party was over.