Work Text:
The air smells like smoke.
I’m scared. I don’t know where it’s coming from. It isn’t like the bottled smoke we get from Damien; that’s metallic, with a hint of plastic if it’s rained a lot. All I smell is danger and char. One time I dropped meat on the stovetop, and it’s mostly like that, but sweeter, and so faint. Almost like it isn’t real at all.
When the others weren’t looking, I smelled everything in the office— the vents, the forms, the inside of my desk drawers, the little space between the door and the carpet. Nothing really smelled like smoke. It must be coming from somewhere else. Maybe somebody down the hall is Burning. That would be terrible, but I’m not allowed to check. I have so many forms to stamp and we’re already short staffed. I have to finish them all before my meeting with Master Dedan this afternoon. It’s better this way, I think, because what if I open the door and someone really is Burning? I don’t want to see a dead body. It’s better not to know.
It’s vitally important that I don’t get too excited. Master Dedan reminds us quarterly that we shouldn’t let someone else’s weakness be the death of us, too. He gave an extra speech just a month ago when all of floor 728 went Burnt. There are still blackened handprints on the elevator doors, and footprints melted into the carpet. He showed that to us and said it was wrong to let fear spread like an infection. That we were all better than that. I do want to make him proud. Especially on a day like today, when I have a meeting. He didn’t tell me what it was about— I hope it isn’t because of my paperwork. I really try my best to get it right, really I do, but sometimes even when I try very hard I still upset him. It’s so hard to tell sometimes.
I shouldn’t get worked up over nothing. Maybe everything is fine. Maybe I’ll be transferred to Alma.
I heard your head explodes when you go Burnt. The smoke comes out of your neck like a chimney. All of your insides turn into hot black goop and leak through your uniform. They have to scrape you off of the carpet with special chemicals. I wonder if it hurts. It has to hurt, I think. One time I almost saw someone go Burnt at the tram station. I looked away at the last moment. That way I can pretend that he’s still alive and okay, even if he’s not at the tram station anymore, even though I know he’s dead. I wonder if they’re doing that in another office right now. Not looking. Not watching.
It still smells like smoke. I think I will go get a drink of plastic from the cooler. The cooler is down the hall, so I can sniff quietly, very secretly, and see if the smoke is coming from another office.
I got my drink of plastic. The hall smells like smoke. So does the cooler. I think somebody is Burning in one of the offices. I don’t know which one. We won’t find out until tomorrow. I can’t worry about that, though— someone has ruined all of my paperwork. The forms I just finished are covered in black smudgy fingerprints. Master Dedan will be furious. Our meeting is in an hour, so I don’t know what to do. Maybe I can clean the smudges off. But what if I ruin the forms? I’ll have to work overtime again.
The smoke smell is getting worse. Maybe I should ask the others if they smell it, too. But that would scare them, and that would be bad. Master Dedan says it’s wrong to scare your coworkers. If we all get too scared there won’t be any of us left. So really I should just sit here and tell myself that I am hallucinating. The smoke smell is only in my nose. That’s also bad, but it only scares me, so I think it’s okay.
I finished cleaning my forms. It wasn’t so bad, really, not like an ink spill or a coffee stain, just a little smudge of black dust on the surface. Very easy to clean up. Not scary at all. Only now my fingers are all dusty and dirty, so I have to clean up in the bathroom before my meeting. The meeting is in half an hour but I have to leave soon so I have enough time to take the elevator up and walk through the Postal Service and then be presentable. I heard there are specters in the Postal Service. I hope they don’t make me late. It would be really terrible to die to a specter, I think, because I heard they tear you apart before you can go Burnt and you feel it, all of it. It would actually be worse if they didn’t kill me because then I would be late and Master Dedan told us that specters are not a reasonable excuse for late work.
The bathroom smells like smoke. It’s concerning. I checked all of the stalls but nobody else is in here with me. I don’t know what to do. Maybe I should tell Master Dedan about the smoke at my meeting. Actually that’s a very bad idea and I won’t do that, because he might get upset. So I won’t say anything at all. I’ll be the best worker I can be.
There’s something very strange in the mirror over the sink. I don’t want to look at it directly. It looks like an Elsen, almost. Its head is all swollen with smoke. Its eyes are big and drooping down its face. Its mouth is just a terrible dark gash half open, gasping for breath. It’s even washing its hands, like I am, but its fingers are burnt black and the plastic swirling down the drain looks like spilled ink.
I think I will go to my meeting early. I can’t go back to my office, not now, not like this. I might say something about the creature in the mirror and scare all of them. I can’t do that. That would be bad and not good and I might scare all of them and the air smells like smoke and we would all go burnt and Master Dedan would show everybody our footprints melted in the carpet. I have to go to my meeting. The meeting I have with Master Dedan. I am going to the elevator and I am entering the floor number and I. Can’t remember the floor. I remember the time but I can’t remember the floor. There are so many floors. Some of them are the Postal Service but I can’t remember. Nobody does. This is terrible. I don’t know what to do. The elevator is so small it isn’t big enough to think in but I can’t leave now because I have to go meet with Master Dedan in his office.
The air smells like smoke.
…I’m scared.