Chapter Text
About a week later, you’re sitting at your desk, reciting your parsha. Your Hebrew teacher Sadie insists you practice at least an hour each day and your father makes sure to enforce this. Whenever he bugs you to practice, you’ll just roll your eyes and retreat to your room for an hour, though you generally don’t spend the whole time doing what you’re supposed to. You’ve managed to stay on task since you got home from school around three, but that changes when your computer makes a pinging noise. One of your chums has pestered you!
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ghostyTrickster [GT] at 3:14 on 5/25/09 --
TG: oh man im so psyched for your bro mitzvah
GT: i told you, it’s BAR mitzvah, douche.
GT: it means “son of the commandments.”
TG: yeah so “bro mitzvah” means “bro of the commandments”
TG: which sounds at least 18 times cooler
TG: like youre gonna school us with hells of sick jewish insight
TG: and then yahweh himself will descend from on high to give you a fistbump
TG: before doing a kickass ollie back into heaven
GT: jews don’t believe in heaven you horse’s ass.
TG: man see im being taken to shul already
GT: whatever.
GT: speaking of my BAR mitzvah, have you asked your bro if you can come yet?
TG: yeah i kinda
TG: dont think im gonna do that
GT: do you think he’ll say no or something?
TG: nah its more like
TG: i think hell say yeah
TG: and then find some way to fuck it up for me at the last second
TG: like i dont know
TG: replacing everything in my suitcase with smuppets
TG: or sticking a fucking katana in there when im not looking so i get stopped by airport security
TG: “mr president we found this kid with nothing in his suitcase but shitty swords and puppets and puppets with shitty swords hidden inside them. do we call the fbi or child services? please advise"
GT: oh jeez!
GT: what are you gonna do then?
TG: figure ill just keep it on the dl
TG: if i up and disappear one day i honestly dont think hell care
TG: might leave a note just in case though
TG: “gone to washington to do a sick skateboard stunt off the space needle. see you in the hospital -dave”