Chapter Text
Kagome's heart raced as she tried to make sense of the completely absurd situation she had found herself in.
Claws. Fangs. An unyielding sense of smell that seemed to take in everything.
Across her sat her own body, wearing an expression that could only be described as a mix of sheer bewilderment, affront and curiosity.
How? It seemed like the highest form of kitsune humor, but if this was one of Shippo’s practical jokes, he hadn’t yet showed up to crow about it.
The last thing she remembered was a wave of blinding purple light before their cackling foe had perished, spouting nonsense about 'curses' and 'justice'.
“Release this one,” Sesshomaru growled when InuYasha instinctively moved to steady Kagome’s body as Sesshomaru wavered. “Immediately .”
"Keh!" He recoiled as if he'd touched something poisonous, dropping her arms instantly even as his drooping ears betrayed his internal panic.
"What the hell is going on here?!" Kagome heard Sesshoumaru's voice cracking in panic as she spoke, and clawed hands clapped to her mouth in shock, nearly slicing her (...his?) face open in the process.
“How the hell should I know?!” The hanyou raked a hand through his hair, trying to make sense of the situation.
Kagome sat and stared at....herself. The dispassionate stare that echoed back from her own face was deeply unsettling.
“You must calm yourself, miko,” he replied flatly, “lest you lose control of this one’s yoki.”
The sound of her own voice sounding so calm was… disconcerting to say the least. The miko gave him a look of disbelief and replied, “Yeah, and just how am I supposed to do that Sesshoumaru? And how are you so calm in the first place?!”
“It is a waste of energy to do otherwise.” He sniffed. “It certainly will not aid this one in undoing what has been wrought.”
"Okay, that's great but how do you do it? Because I can hear your...my... my body's heartbeat and it's hardly calm!"
Sesshomaru simply quirked a brow as though to say ‘must this one do everything?’ Yeah, help was definitely not coming from that direction.
A high-pitched squeal of joy erupted from behind them, and Kagome turned to see the ridiculous sight of Sango groping her own chest—it wasn’t hard to guess exactly who she had swapped bodies with.
“If you don’t remove your hands,” Miroku promised with a wrath they’d never heard before, “I’ll remove them for you, monk.”
Kagome wisely decided against reminding Sango that those were her own hands.
On the other side, a flailing Jaken was being chased in circles by a suspiciously feline-looking Shippo, leaving Kagome to wonder what on earth had happened to the rest of them.
Shippo, meanwhile, was grooming his tail. If only Kagome had a camera; that was prime—
What was Sesshomaru doing?
The sight of human fingers suspiciously pinching the blue fabric of her skirt was forever burnt into her retinas, yet the only response she got for her mortification was a dignified, "Hn."
“Oy, hands off, asshole,” InuYasha growled, “before I fucking cut another one off.”
"Sit, boy." Came Kagome's toneless voice. The entire room froze for half a beat, tension thick, before the kotodama failed to engage. "Hnn. Worth a try."
Sesshomaru then ran a hand through his—her?—hair. “You require new clothing, miko. Immediately.”
Before Kagome could retort, he smugly added, “Unless there is a reason you need yourself to be this ventilated at all time.”
A clawed hand slapped over the small human mouth, "Say one more word about my clothes and I make sure this body is seen losing fights to every low level demon in the west." Sesshoumaru's voice seethed with rage.
The rest of the group stopped and stared at the sound of Sesshoumaru’s voice vibrating with rage, all them suddenly thankful for the fact that he rarely showed emotion.
Kagome's eyes narrowed, a clear message of "You wouldn't dare" being transmitted.
"Try and stop me," 'Sesshoumaru smirked. "In that body you don't have your strength, or access to my reiki. You're weaker than I ever was."
“Well, I know that tension when I see it,” Sango’s voice called out with a lecherous purr it’d never before possessed. “Can I watch?”
"If I didn't know how much you'd enjoy it, I'd bind and gag you just to shut you up!" Inuyasha griped.
Miroku turned to InuYasha with an innocent look. “Why InuYasha,” he drawled, leaning forward to press Sango’s breasts to the hanyo’s forearm, “I didn’t know you were interested.”
"Gah!!" Clawed hands flew straight into air in self-preservation. "Sango! Get your monk infested body offa me!!!"
“With pleasure.” Sango reached for her body and dragged it off, threatening to remove certain anatomy from the monk in the process.
Kagome sighed. They really needed to undo…well, whatever this was.
“As much as I hate to say this because it feels like we just left, we should probably head back to the village and see if Kaede has any ideas on how to fix what’s going on right now,” the miko said, pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Milord!" The group collectively groaned at the sound of the imp's grating voice. "Milord, I-" He stopped, staring back and forth, trying to figure out which figure he should fawn over.
He finally just fell over in a low bow in front of them—or maybe that was just because Shippo, in Kirara’s body, had chosen to that moment to pounce.
"Jaken, enough." 'Kagome' stood and began to head west. "This One will return to the shiro to seek answers. Miko, you will accompany me."
“The village by the well first.” Kagome lifted her chin. “The miko there knows a lot, and I’d like to see if she can help before we leave—surely you’d like a solution sooner than later,” she added when he opened his mouth to disagree.
"Hnnn," the inuyoukai huffed, and wow was that a weird sound coming from her throat!
It was, fortunately, a half-day’s trip back to the village—they hadn’t really gone that far—but that was enough time for Miroku to end up knocked out after fondling his new rear, Shippo to experiment with fire (a terrible mix, Kagome concluded, because cat fire was apparently far more potent than his young foxfire), Jaken to apologize to Sesshomaru in several bodies he wasn’t currently occupying, and for Sesshomaru to experiment with several versions of the sit command after InuYasha’s continual threats (so far, all had been unsuccessful, but that hadn’t stopped him from trying).
In other words, by the time they got to the village, Kagome was exhausted.
Kaede had seen many things in her long life, and very little shocked her anymore.
The Lord of The West stumbling through her door and collapsing on a futon with a loud groan was highly successful in that regard.
"....Is there something I can assist ye with, Lord Sesshoumaru?"
InuYasha entered right after the form of his brother and snorted. "That ain't the ice prick, baa-baa."
Kaede opened her mouth to question him further when Kagome walked through the door, shoulder checking Inuyasha before depositing herself in the corner with an annoyed "hnn".
Kaede's eyebrows rose at that, never having seen Kagome behave in such a manner toward the hanyou even when annoyed at the young man.
“Old woman,” the miko said flatly, further astounding Kaede, “you will advise this one of all you know regarding curses and similar afflictions.”
She glanced back to the hanyou, "I see what ye mean." Turning back to 'Kagome' She told him. "Perhaps it would save time if ye were to explain the nature of said curse so that I do not waste time on unnecessary chatter."
This is when the inuyoukai chose to speak. "Kaede-bachan, we've swapped bodies. Sesshoumaru's consciousness is in my body, I'm in his, and it wasn't just us that were switched."
“That would explain why the slayer is unconscious,” the old woman replied, eying the monk then as she put the picture together.
"Yeah, the stupid lech doesn't know when to stop." The hanyou moved to give the monk a kick, then recalled it was Sango's body and flopped against the wall with a huff instead. "The kit and the cat got switched too."
“It is a wonder ye escaped,” Kaede replied dryly, “but perhaps ye did not possess enough of a brain to switch.”
"The hell is that supposed to mean, old woman?"
"Merely that, of the group, it seems only you and the imp were spared." Kaede gave the imp a dismissive glance. “And he appears to suffer a similar affliction.”
Before InuYasha could say another word, Kagome jumped in to try to keep an argument from starting. "Anyway, do you know anything about what we're experiencing? I'd really rather not stay like this longer than necessary, No offense, Sesshoumaru."
"None taken, Miko. You cannot help being accustomed to an inferior existence."
He sniffed as he attempted to run his fingers over his fur—fur that didn’t exist on her body. “Trust me,” she ground out, irked, “you’ll be begging me to switch when my cycle hits tomorrow.”
Sesshoumaru just looked at her, a single eyebrow raised askance as if he found what she said amusing. Internally however, he was trying to figure out what she meant by "cycle".
“Hmmm.” The old woman gave him a pitying look. “Perhaps it would be best if ye reverse this quickly. Do ye recall how this occurred?”
The miko in a youkai's body thought for second, recalling what happened before everything went topsy-turvy. "We had been fighting with a humanoid youkai that possessed a shard, though Sesshoumaru and Jaken hadn't been there at the start, I don't think."
“It is hardly this one’s fault that InuYasha foolishly swings his sword about at anything that moves.” Sesshomaru sniffed.
"Keh, at least I have a sword worth swinging, asshole."
Sesshomaru’s gaze dropped down. “It does not bode well, InuYasha, if you only know how to swing it about.”
The hanyou looked at his brother in confusion while Kagome flushed all the way to the tips of her(?) ears, catching the innuendo.
"Low-blow dick jokes aside--how about we stop focusing on Dicksaiga and its techniques and instead try to figure out how to, oh I don't know, fix this?" Kagome suggests while huffing a mighty sigh and aiming a look at Sesshomaru.
That damnable eyebrow rose again at the miko’s insinuation, however, the daiyoukai chose not to respond and instead just nodded his head in acquiescence to her point.
Kaede gave them all a look of clear disapproval. "Perhaps if ye stop bickering, ye might be able to answer the question and find a way out of this predicament."
"It was a dark miko, you stupid old woman!" Jaken's voice rose above the others. "She cast some sort of spell towards the group. My lord, of course, stepped forward to take the hit knowing that he was too powerful to be harmed, and thus prevent injury to th-" A small rock struck him in the head, silencing him.
It seemed that Kirara had figured out the potential of hands rather easily—though Shippo had absolutely been egging her on with his mews.
Shaking her head at the smaller youkai’s antics, Kaede pondered what the imp said for a moment before asking, “I would assume that Miroku and Kirara probably did the same for Sango and Shippo respectively, then?”
"Tch, you're right about Kirara, but Sango dove for the idiot monk. Don't ask me why. I woulda let him take the hit." Inuyasha supplied.
“Perhaps if you learned how to satisfy a woman—” Miroku began with a knowing grin.
Sango shot a glare at the monk, brandishing his shakujo at him and growled, “Finish that sentence monk, I dare you.”
Miroku wisely decided against it, one hand moving into a protective position.
"This One wonders how your group has managed anything at all, when your monk is too stupid to even-"
"Okay, so a dark miko hit us with a spell. Any ideas, Kaede?" 'Kagome' cut in before 'Sesshoumaru' could set off another bickering match.
Kaede sighed. "Perhaps it would be best, if ye all took some time to sleep before attempting to solve this matter. It is clear ye are all too overwrought to think clearly." She looked pointedly at both brothers as she spoke.
"Keh" InuYasha scoffed, folding his arms and plopping down where he was standing, his face turned from the group to show his annoyance.
Well, none of that was her problem, and if Sesshomaru was pissy tomorrow because of her period, that wouldn’t be her problem, either.
Sango sat near her body, prepared to stay up all night to protect it, if necessary. Kagome went and sat with her, intent on using her current body's stamina to keeo her company. Shippo and Kirara both went to curl up together, and Jaken rose to leave for the clearing where Ah-Uh waited. Sesshoumaru stayed, turning to Kaede he said, "Explain to This One what the miko meant by, 'her cycle' old woman."
Kaede’s brows raised as she got to her feet. “Ye must forgive this old woman, Sesshomaru-sama, but that is not a term I am familiar with,” she said, reaching for her tea kettle. “Tea?”
"It means she's gonna bleed out of 'er cooch, don'cha know anything about women, Ani-san?" Inuyasha smirked, drawing out the last word purposefully.
"Sit." The command was cold, emotionless, and Inuyasha smirked knowing it would do nothing. The splinters that appeared in his face moments later reminded him that it was not his brother's soul in that particular body.
Sesshoumaru smirked as his brother’s face hit the hardwood. “I know enough not to provoke them, otouto.”
Kagome, however, had reached her limit. As Sesshomaru turned to ask her directly about blood gushing out from mysterious vaginal wounds, she did what any mature teenager would do. She shoved her fingers in her ears and said, “La la la I can’t hear any of you talk about bloody anything, nope.”
Jumping up, she decided a nice long walk was a very good idea at that moment. So caught up in her own mortification that she didn't notice the small female figure that followed her out into the night.
She got up and left, effectively ending the conversation. A walk would do her some good—with things as they were right now, sleep would elude her, and she didn’t really know how much sleep Sesshomaru required, anyway—and hopefully by the time she reached the Boneeater’s Well, she’d be able to focus on a solution for the unusual problem they found themselves in.
The group watched as 'Kagome' left the hut, then as one they pinned InuYasha with a glare. 'Miroku' started to open his mouth, but the hanyou interrupted him before he could get a word out. "Can it bouzo; I don't wanna hear it."
“And if you even think of following her,” Sango warned, glowering at the monk in her body, “I’ll ensure you find your bed early tonight—outside, in the dirt, alone.”
Sesshoumaru got up and followed the miko occupying his body, barely catching the monk's words about not wishing to find a bed underneath the dirt.
Though the miko was unlikely to allow his form to come to any true harm, her emotional state could lead to an incompetence he could ill-afford. His arm had only just returned to him; he did not intend to lose another limb at the miko’s hapless hands.
Kaede sighed, watching as the monk tried to dig himself out of the hole he perpetually found himself in. Catching movement out of the corner of her eye, she watched the inuyoukai leave the hut, no doubt following Kagome. The others failed to notice him move, caught as they were in their usual arguments.
She took a sip of her tea, hiding her smile. If all went well, maybe tonight would be the night things fell into place for the young girl.
And if not, well, she would pull out the antidote for millipede yokai toxin if they were too foolish to discover the easier path for a cure.