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The water of Avalon brushed against the rocky shore, sighing each time it withdrew back into itself. Each wave gently rocked the boat that held Arthur in it. Despite everything, it was peaceful.
He didn’t know how long it’d been since Arthur had taken his last breath. The near-constant buzzing that lived just under his skin — the magic that connected him to the Earth and all its life, the pull of the moon as it waxed and waned, the stretch of the flora as the sun’s rays shone from the sky — was silent, for the first time in Merlin’s life. It should have worried him.
Merlin held his breath as he stepped to Arthur’s side, the water lapping at his calves. For all the world, Arthur looked as if he could just be sleeping. Arthur always looked peaceful while he slept.
He wished he could pretend Arthur was just sleeping, but Merlin’s scalp still tingled where Arthur had held him. He could still feel his last whisper of breath against his lips. It had clung to him like a promise while he gathered sticks and grass and moss for the boat. It still clung to him as he pressed a shaky hand to Arthur’s forehead. He’d give anything, everything — he’d burn the whole world down — just to feel it again.
Merlin’s heart constricted, more than he ever knew it could, at the cold shock of Arthur’s skin. He couldn’t bear to look at his closest friend, cold and so devoid of life. He squeezed his eyes shut, but the torment didn’t stop. Arthur’s final words, now amplified, rang through his skull.
I want to say something I’ve never said to you before… Thank you.
He didn’t realize he was crying until he tasted tears against his lips. The floodgates opened, and Merlin choked on a sob. His heart cracked open. He loved Arthur. So much. He should have realized it sooner. The day he stumbled upon Kilgarrah under the castle, where he learned their fates were intertwined. They had always been promised. Two sides of the same coin. But time went on, and Merlin was too focused on the prophecy, the burden of his fate, to realize what had kindled within himself. Between them.
In the last few years, Camelot’s golden years ripe with peace, Merlin let himself relax a bit. And in the calm moments, he finally listened to the tug in his heart. Him and Arthur, seated next to the fireplace after a gruelling training session, dirty armour forgotten in lieu of a bottle of wine. In the shared quiet, when Merlin tended to his duties while Arthur worked away at his desk. Each and every playful shove or hair tussle, Arthur’s hand on his back as they walked together, the one time Arthur brushed a stray eyelash off his cheek… he realized more and more. His heart yearned for more and more.
It was only when Arthur spoke his last words that he knew it wasn’t just him. Arthur had finally seen him. All of him. All those years, Merlin never asked for anything in return. He never needed appreciation or gratitude. But to hear it from Arthur, in the face of a lifetime of lies and betrayal, to be truly seen, accepted… Merlin heard it for what it was. I love you.
Maybe that’s when Arthur realized it too.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. He did everything, everything, to keep Arthur alive. And it still wasn’t enough. He wasn’t enough. Arthur was supposed to live to see the Camelot he’d built. They should have seen it together.
Heaving a shaky breath, Merlin smoothed his fingers across Arthur’s forehead to cup his cheek. He gently clasped his other hand in Arthur’s where it lay against his chest and lowered his forehead to Arthur’s. That final breath, still ghosting his lips, slipped away from him as he gently pressed them to Arthur’s. It lingered between them, a promise, as he withdrew enough to whisper, “I’ll be waiting, Arthur. However long it takes.”
Merlin watched until the boat turned to ash and smoke, until Arthur was pulled into the depths of Avalon. He waited until the sun rose, its light breaching the forested horizon. He waited until it set again and the light from the moon and all the stars in the sky twinkled against the rippling water.
Merlin would never stop waiting, for he knew, one day, the Once and Future King would walk this Earth again.