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The two weeks Ze spent down in the hole changed him. He has never been more frightened than when his vision cleared to the dark bedrock he was surrounded in. Never felt more vulnerable than when he was exposed to the sight of the eyes. Ze still felt the weight of its gaze focused on his back, and he wasn’t even sure if it really was still watching him or if he’s just paranoid now.
Ze was constantly questioning reality. Was he actually outside breathing fresh air and talking with his friends or was he still in the damp cold cave with blurry mimics pretending to care. He’s constantly startled, freezing still instead of fighting back and constantly checking his surroundings for even the slightest hint of anything out of place.
His flock had noticed. Of course they did. Moe and Regect had been walking on eggshells the whole week he’s been back home. Regect stopped pretending everything was normal after the third time Ze froze up like a terrified chick when the entity tried to roughhouse with him. Moe had kept an attendant eye on the avian ever since she noticed something had happened. Unbeknownst to her, the constant attention on him made Ze want to squirm out of his skin. The week he had gotten back has been awful and awkward for all three of them. Ze just wanted to go back to before. Before the hole, before the dark oak doors and before having to point his gun at his own flock. He just wanted his hands to stop shaking for fucks sake.
Ze was curled up on the couch again, his wings almost fully covering his body. Shielding him from the world. He was staring into empty space and just existing. The smell of the cushion was the only small comfort he could relish in. His nest had been untouched while he was gone, and while the sight of it almost made him cry on the spot, the slight smell of dust that had accumulated robbed it of all comfort. Ze couldn’t bare to withstand the dull and faded scents. It was a reminder of how long it took him to notice his supposed “flock” were just shadows of memories. Puppets on strings being controlled by the thing he didn’t notice was playing with him. The avian had abruptly gotten up and left his room just as quickly. So back on the couch he went.
He was currently alone in the rebuild house. Moe and Regect were both out running errands. Moe was hesitant to leave him home all on his own, but Ze put on his best smile and reassured her he would take a nap while they were gone. Regect had to physically drag her outside for her to stop mothering him. The Entity most likely noticed he wanted to be alone for a bit. Ze didn’t want to admit it, but the break of her constant hovering was nice. He was thankful Regect took his side for once instead of Moe’s.
Although... would Regect ever willingly take his side? They were always fighting, always had different views. Always on different sides of the argument. Usually both of them would go out of their way to make the others life even more difficult. So, why the hell would the entity help him? Was... that even the real Regect? That was way too nice for the antagonist, right? Was this another fake version of his friend? Ze looked around the living room. He was suddenly aware of being completely alone in the house. It was too quiet, too untouched, like the room wasn’t actually real and just a facade. The avian felt out of place, like he didn’t quite belong here. The walls felt restricting, slowly closing in on him, trapping him in place. Ze slowly sat up from his wing cocoon, as his breathing picked up pace. He squeezed his eyes shut, as his trembling hands clenched around his knees. He needed to calm down, he was fine. He’s just overreacting. But what if this was just another hallucination? Another layer of a nightmare he couldn’t escape from. Ze didn’t think he could confront the fake versions of his friends like that again. And what if he was wrong and hurt them instead? After all, Ze never gives off warning shots.
He had already interrogated the rejected antagonist on most things he knew about him. But... what if the eyes were watching and it just made a new version. A more accurate version. It would know what to improve on now. How would Ze ever tell the difference again? Oh god he was still down there, wasn’t he? His hands were cold and he opened his eyes again to find his vision was blurring. He was gasping for air as he mistook the blur of tears as the room melting away. Ze started to hear a shrill ringing that morphed into the laughter he was terrified of. Ze needed something to ground himself. Something that showed him this was real. The avian swiftly unclenched his hands to squeeze himself into a hug. His disheveled wings closed in around his shoulders, pressed against himself as tightly as he could manage. However, Ze’s panic kept rising. The pressure of his hands gripping his upper arms wasn’t enough, he needed something better. Something sharper. His feathers softly brushed against the back of his hands. He didn’t even think before releasing his upper arms and gripping a handful of his feathers and pulled as hard as he could. The avian doubled over in pain as he screamed. Ze took a deep breath as his left wing stung.
Tears ran down his face as he took a second to compose himself. He looked down at his hand in disbelief. The ripped-out feathers felt heavy in his hold, like they weighed as much as a handful of rocks. Holy shit he just ripped his feathers out. Ze’s gaze shot up to his wing as he cautiously spread it out. But he calmed down when he noticed that it looked… fine. The layer of feathers on top of the ones he pulled camouflaged the missing ones. Plus, with his wings being due for a preen, the spot was even more hidden between the messy feathers. He wiped his face clean of tears as he took another deep breath.
Ze had a dangerous thought. His grip on the loose feathers faltered as they glide through the air onto the floor. Maybe he could pluck just one more. Just one more wouldn’t hurt. Just to make sure he was actually home. With a shaking hand he gripped a single feather and counted down from three. He pulled and another sharp pain flared up. Ze hissed before sighing in relief. This was real. He was actually home. He glanced at the single feather in his hand. It wasn’t even a broken one. The vane of the feather wasn’t damaged, and the quill and rachis were still durable. It was a perfect feather, which wasn’t due for a molt for another few months. He caressed the feather’s edges before letting it fall to the floor where the other ones resided. The pain of plucking the premature feather dulled down into an ache and Ze started to get an itch for the reassurance the pain provided. Ze glanced at his wing. He contemplated what he was doing, before deciding to indulge himself. Fuck it, he couldn’t care less about his wings right now. He was going to pluck just a few more anyways. He was going to skip a few preens to hide the small bald spot and then never speak of this again. Neither of his housemates will suspect a thing, he was shedding feathers all the time anyways. A few more won’t raise suspicion.
Ze reached for his left wing once more. One more little feather was a low price for knowing he wasn’t still in the hole. He excused the next feather he pulled to make sure he was actually in the living room. The next to reassure the eyes couldn’t possibly know how painful feather plucking actually feels like. So, there was no way this was staged in any way. One after another Ze made excuses for each feather he plucked. Ze didn’t react when his hand came back bloody. Nor did he realize that his tunnel vision was obscuring the bald spot getting bigger and harder to hide. He lost count on how many feathers he plucked, just that it felt good and grounding. A comfort wrapped in pain.
When he went to reach for another feather, a hand abruptly grabbed his own and stopped him. Ze jumped and let out a squawk of surprise. He didn’t hear anyone approaching. When he looked at who was grabbing him, he saw a red nose first. Horrified dark blue eyes were searching his face for any explanation. Ze stopped fighting her grip when he realized it was Moe. The clown was crouched down in front of him. He could see Regect standing by the doorway, unnaturally still. The bags he was carrying sat on the floor, completely forgotten about. Oh, his flock was home. Ze averted his gaze to the floor and seemed to realize that there were a lot more feathers on the ground than he initially wanted to pull. Most of them looked like they were dipped in blood, and he seemed to only now register the sticky sustain coating his fingers red. The weight of the situation seemed to finally dawn on him as he began to panic once more.
They weren’t supposed to see him like this. His wing wasn’t supposed to start bleeding. Ze hadn’t meant for it to escalate like this. “I- I can explain! It wasn’t supposed to go out of hand like this I promise! I’m fine!” Ze looked back up to the clown desperation lacing his words. Moe studied his face before softening her hold on his hand and asserting his bleeding wing. She had concern written all over her face. His hand dropped uselessly onto his lap. Ze fought the urge to follow her to look at his wing. He didn’t want to see it, he was scared of what he would find. He didn’t have any experience with avians that excessively plucked their own feathers. His dad used to say only the ones with mental illnesses would mutilate their own wings like that. Does that mean he was sick in the head? He wanted to stop after just a few. Why didn’t he stop? The winged man flinched when a very gentle hand prodded at the hurt limb. Moe quickly retreated her hand from the wing and stood up from her crouched position. She looked back at Regect and beckoned him to come forward before making a beeline for the kitchen.
The entity hesitantly approached the couch the avian was sitting on. He was uncharacteristically quiet, and the silence was grating on Ze’s ears. Regect was never that quiet. He always had something to say. “Dude... I know I’m not an expert on avian stuff, but this doesn’t look healthy.” Once Regect stood close enough he crouched down to pick up a feather that wasn’t dipped in blood. He rolled the feather between his fingers, before gently placing it back onto the floor. His body shifted as he presumably looked up at Ze again. “Why would you- What fucked you up so bad for you to hurt yourself?” At that comment Regect got a harsh honk from Moe as she came back with a medkit in hand. The rejected antagonist sheepishly apologized to her as the clown sat down on the edge of the couch. She opened the medkit to pull out the supplies she needed. Ze took a harsh breath as Moe sprayed disinfectant on his wound. The sting of the spray gave him a similar reassurance that plucking the feathers did. This was actually real. Ze had injured himself. His friends were worried and cared about him. They were nice to him because they wanted to be.
Ze’s remorse started to crumble as he spilled his bottled-up distress out. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do this. Really. I just had to make sure it was real! I should have stopped at the first one. God I’m so stupid!” Ze slightly leaned forward to hide his face in his hands when he could feel his eyes starting to sting. Moe glanced over at them with a sad expression before adjusting herself to continue to treat his hurt wing. Regect stood up from the floor to sit down at Ze’s other side. “Make sure what was real?” The entity pressed. Ze peaked out of his hands and mumbled back. “Me. The room, the house. Y-You. I just had to make sure it wasn’t fake. I don’t think I can handle that again.”
“You are real Zee. So are Mo and me. We’re not going anywhere.” Regect nudged his knee to bump against his thigh. Showing him he’s really there and tangible. Moe’s hand petted down at his remaining feathers. Almost done with wrapping his wing in bandages. How Moe knew how to bandage a wing is beyond him. Maybe she learned it from that book she told him about. The clown honked once, pulling her hands away and giving Ze a tender smile. Ze hesitated before glancing at his wing. The bandages weren’t perfect, but they were good enough to stay firm. He signed in relief when he couldn’t see how bad it actually was. Moe took a wet wipe and wiped some of the remaining blood off his wing. She gently took his hand once more and wiped it clean of blood as well. Once she was done, she threw the used wipe with the other trash of the medical supplies. They’ll have to clean that up later.
With Moe being done playing doctor, all the attention was back on the avian. Moe and Regect had a silent conversation while Ze sunk back onto the couch. He was waiting for the scolding, anxiously fidgeting with his hands. He felt like he was a child again. Regect sighed in defeat, having lost the battle he and Moe seemed to have. “Zee, Mo is worried about you. Whatever happened has obviously taken a huge toll on you. We can’t help you if you shut us out.” Moe honked in agreement nodding her head to emphasize his point. She’s saying that they wouldn’t judge him for needing help. That both of them were there to listen. And if he needed a doctor, they would find him one, no questions asked. Ze couldn’t understand how he managed to get such good friends. It made him feel even worse that he couldn’t just fucking say what was wrong. Say, that there was something tormenting him with bedrock walls and deep holes in the ground.
But Ze was so tired. He wanted to be normal again. To sleep without nightmares, and to stop freezing up every time someone moves too quickly. It was exhausting, he was exhausted. So Ze took a deep breath and metaphorically pushed himself over the edge to start talking. “I... I saw something. To be honest I thought it was you just messing with me again.” Ze glanced over at the entity with an empty smile. Regect was silent and intently listening beckoning him to continue. “So, I didn’t think anything of it, but… it showed me things. Things I don’t even really get, but it was weird and creepy, and I thought I got out but some things felt off. You guys started acting weird, and it turned out I was just hallucinating and I didn’t even notice that it wasn’t you for two whole weeks. I was still in that hole with it!” Ze huffed, angry at himself. He rubbed the unshed tears away before they could fall. He kept his hand on his face. A childish attempt to hide from the world. Moe gave off a drawn-out honk, and she leaned down beside the avian to gather him in a hug. Ze burrowed his face into her shoulder as he silently let himself cry.
Regect was rigidly still. Ze didn’t know what to expect from him. Every other entity that appeared in their world so far was mostly passive to the three, and if any steps to close for comfort, Ze himself would usually point one of his guns at them and make them back off. But this was different. This time it got to him, and he wasn’t sure if Regect would care or not. Ze hoped he would, this one was terrifying. Regect put a hand on Ze’s thigh as he replied, “I’ll look into it, okey? We can talk more about it later. Right now, I think you had enough for today.” The rejected antagonist was calm, speaking in a careful tone as in to not spook the winged man anymore. Moe nodded and suggested for Ze to take that nap he had said he would take when the two went out. Ze sniffed as he willed himself to calm down. A nap sounded like heaven, but the couch was soiled with splotches of blood, and Ze didn’t feel like being alone in a dull nest. Maybe they would take pity on him if he asked them to stay.
He pulled his face out of Moe’s shoulder to look at his flock. He most likely looked pathetic right now, but Ze swallowed his pride and asked anyways. “Could you guys stay with me? I don’t want to be alone.” Moes face melted into a giant smile, before nodding and honking her agreement. Regect was more hesitant than the clown. “Dude that’s gay. Isn’t your nest like a comfort haven for you? Actually, now that I think about it why were you on the couch in the first place?” Shit. Ze didn’t think he would have to air this out today. He thought he could deal with this on his own for a bit longer. He avoided their questioning gaze and only admitted why when Moe sharply honked his name. “Alright, alright! The nest is fine, it’s stupid really. It’s just- the smells dulled… Kind of a reminder of being gone.” It was silent once he admitted it. Moe’s hold on him tightened just a tiny bit. The entity hummed before grabbing Ze’s wrist and dragging the other two up with him to stand. Confused the winged man stood with the clown as the disembodied dark limbs let them go and started walking towards the stairs. “Fine. I guess we can take a nap. No homo though.”
Ze rolled his eyes as they made their way up to his room. A small smile stretching on his tired face. “Shut up, you’re making it weird.” Moe silently giggled next to them while they bickered for the first time this week. Once inside Ze’s room, the avian got in his nest first, stomach down to not disturb his injured wing any further. Both Moe and Regect carefully followed on either of his sides. Regect curled his purple blanket he had lent Ze around his body while Moe got comfortable cuddling his side. “Okey, I understand now, this is cozy as fuck.” Ze snorted looking at the swaddled antagonist. He looked stupid all wrapped up in the blanket. “Don’t expect me to let you in again this is a onetime thing only.” He’s lying, having his flock in the nest was overly thrilling.
His heart swelled up in warmth, as the stress melted away. Ze relaxed as the trio continued talking and joking around. Finally, having the small resemblance of the before Ze was desperately wishing for. Regect was constantly poking him with one of his claws as he kept talking. Asking him if he was still listening. Moe was halfheartedly combing through his feathers. She will most likely demand him to sit through a proper preen later on. For now, this was fine though. Slowly the conversation died down, as they grew more and more tired. Ze even draped his wings over his friends as a makeshift blanket, being careful of the bandages. It was peaceful, and he felt safe for the first time this week. His flock was safe, and really there and present. And for a moment Ze really did believe that he could recover from what happened. They will conquer whatever those eyes belonged to as a group, because Ze was no longer on his own.