Chapter Text
CHAPTER I
Wammy's House, 2004.
It could be said that few things changed in the daily life of Wammy's House, an orphanage for gifted children. If there was anything that could be predicted, it was the rigid and continuous routine where children and teenagers went through rigorous classes, tests, and competitions against each other. Of course, things had changed after the death of A, a former official successor to L who had killed himself after succumbing to the pressure—at least now, the competition system was no longer mandatory as before.
However, most students seemed not to mind participating and were enthusiastic about the challenges placed in their paths, but not Mello, not in the same way as the others. Students were usually trying to prove something to other people or even to themselves, but he had left that phase behind a long time ago.
He was already on another level, which meant that, to challenge him, someone would need to be better than him, and that environment no longer offered the necessary challenge for that to be possible. Nothing could stimulate his mental capabilities, no test, exam, competition or game worried him or made his heart race. Nothing, except one thing, or rather one person, could make him fear being surpassed.
Near.
The big-headed idiot with the highest grades and the lowest social skills Mello had ever seen in his fifteen years of life. For years he had tried to completely surpass him, without achieving the desired success, even though he had already won some battles.
The worst part was the jerk's indifference; accustomed to winning, he did little more than briefly acknowledge his victories and go back to playing with his chosen toy of the moment. As if it didn't matter, as if that were just the natural course of things and there was no other possible outcome.
Of course, they had exchanged barbs many times and Mello had many opportunities to experience Near's sharp tongue. However quiet he was with other people, that silence hid a sea of cutting and cold words. There was no middle ground for him: either you were the best, or you were nothing but a failure. For Near, it was clear that Mello fit into the second category.
Anyone who saw him there near the fireplace putting together two jigsaw puzzles at the same time—and, by the way, jigsaw puzzles that didn't have any pictures, just small white pieces—might even feel sorry for his loneliness, if they weren't familiar with the orphanage's routine, but the solitary scene wasn't what it seemed. Near had gained obscene popularity because of his grades, but he didn't care about company, he never had.
During exam weeks, Near was constantly surrounded by large groups asking to see his graded papers. The other children and teenagers squeezed together and fought for a place around him, hoping to glimpse the grade written by the Professor in the upper corner of the sheet of paper, even though they already knew what they would see there—the highest grade, always. Every fucking time. And where did Mello fit into all this?
Always in second place, by tenths of a point. It was maddening to look at the cluster of orphans and find Near smiling ominously at him, as if challenging him with those big gray eyes. All this just to calmly make his way through the crowd and sit on the floor in some other corner of the recreation room, and if they insisted on keeping him company, he would request that they leave him alone.
While the other orphans did everything to belong and please, Near made it clear that social status never meant anything to him, because excellence was simply his natural state.
No one tried to please Mello, on the contrary, they tried to avoid him so they wouldn't be the target of mockery. Having his attention wasn't considered a positive thing within the institution and usually came with a stigma. A rebellious troublemaker who liked to provoke others, no one wanted to know what grades he got on the tests.
In fact, he did like to bully other orphans, but that didn't make him inferior to Near. Mello felt he deserved more recognition there, mainly because he got very high grades almost effortlessly, and had already obtained the exact same grades as Near a few times.
However, nobody seemed to care about that; his reputation as a bad boy was the main characteristic when his name was mentioned in the hallways, while Near's name was accompanied by praise and exclamations of admiration. Wasn’t he simply the perfect Poster Boy for Wammy’s…
His negative characteristics? Rarely mentioned. The only trait that seemed to irritate one child or another was Near's lack of social skills, as he refused invitations for conversations, group studies, non-mandatory group games, and any suggestion from anyone for joint activities. Even that, as the years went by, seemed not to matter anymore, as they had already gotten used to Near's ways and had accepted him.
Invitations still appeared here and there, but the anger at having their requests refused seemed to have diminished, and the children seemed happy just to have interacted with Near in some way. This feeling only seemed to increase with the rumors that he would be chosen to succeed L.
Little did the idiots know that Mello had already met L personally and talked to him for long hours, unlike Near. He had been the only one in that orphanage to see him in person and not just interact through a computer screen, as most had done. L had asked for discretion, and he hadn't told anyone, as promised, but if those little brats knew, they wouldn't be so enthusiastic about sucking up to Near. But one day they would see, L would make his choice.
His conversations with Roger were becoming more and more frequent, as was his contact with L; he had reason to believe he would be the chosen one. Near had the brains, but never the courage, much less the necessary grit to do what was needed. What would become of him without energy, breath, and fire behind the eyes? Sometimes it was hard to believe that a heart beat there. If you ripped open Near's chest, you might only find ice.
How could he take the place of the world's best detective if he spent his days lost in his thoughts, playing house with LEGO figures, robots, toy trains, Rubik's cubes and the like? Not to mention all the time Near spent holed up in his own room.
Yes, of course Mello had paid attention to what Near did with his time. Knowing the enemy is essential, and, to be honest, however intriguing that strange behavior was to the others, Mello wasn't as impressed as they were. Perhaps because he was the only one with real potential in that place, and he was on par with Near. He would still surpass him, no matter what.
The rain was falling outside and Near seemed oblivious to any change in the weather since the beginning of the day. He had erected a series of impressive card castles near the fireplace, only to knock them down and try other angles and card arrangements, until he grew bored and began to dedicate himself to the puzzle, which was as lifeless as his facial expressions.
The light from the fireplace cast shadows of different shades on Near's face, accentuating the boy's small nose and soft cheeks. Mello was sitting on the sofa doing a list of math exercises, the notebook precariously balanced on his leg.
As if sensing the boy's gaze fixed on him, Near lifted his gaze to Mello, placed the last piece of the puzzle, and stood up. Terrified, even though he would never admit it, Mello frowned and adjusted himself on the sofa to adopt a posture a little more intimidating than his usual sprawled way of sitting.
"Hello, Mello. I have a request to make." The freak had spoken.
What the hell could Near ask him? What between heaven and earth could he ask for that he didn't already have? Mello looked at him suspiciously and tightened his grip on the pencil.
"You want to ask me something?"
"Yes, I do." Near's calmness was irritating, Mello observed.
"Spit it out, I'm in the middle of something important."
"Oh yes, of course. I see. It's just that you spent so much time looking at me that I thought you were finished."
The furrow in Mello's brow deepened indignantly, and he had to restrain himself from breaking the pencil he was holding. What an insufferable brat, who did he think he was to claim he'd been staring for that long? And how did he know how long it had been, if he was so busy with his idiotic games? And how could he say something so absurd so calmly?
Mello felt his face burn with anger, but he knew he needed to control himself to avoid blushing, it was the last thing he wanted to happen right now. He didn't want to give Near that pleasure, he didn't want him to think he had any power over him.
"I was looking at the fireplace, not at you. What do you want?"
"I need a partner for the math challenge, the Professor said it's mandatory."
"Huh? Why are you asking me, when you have tons of fans around?" He could hardly believe he had just heard those words. What was Near thinking? They were rivals, anyone else would accept without a second thought, but not him.
“Exactly for that reason. I’d like it to be someone who does not idolize me, so I can concentrate on the project with total dedication, without wasting time on side conversations unrelated to the challenge. I don’t think I would get that from anyone else,” Near stated objectively.
“And how is that my problem? I have no reason to want to be your partner, Near. We’re enemies, I don’t know what got into you to ask me that question.”
“I just explained why, I believe my reasons are valid enough. I know you wouldn’t want to bombard me with questions or spend time talking about hobbies and free-time activities.”
“That’s not my problem, figure it out. Why don’t you go to the Professor and tell him you’re too good to do the challenge as a pair, as he suggested?”
Now, the pencil lay forgotten along with the list of exercises next to a cushion, Mello had crossed his arms and stared at Near with the satisfaction of someone who is very necessary, but needs nothing.
“I understand.” He went back to the fireplace instead of storming out of the room, as Mello would have done in his place. Suddenly, the list of exercises seemed too tedious to hold Mello's attention, and even though he really needed to finish it, it was impossible not to glance at it every minute to see if anything about Near had changed.
The pale boy, in turn, didn't seem to look at him even once. Mello mentally cursed him, how had he dared to ask something of his greatest enemy in that house? It could only have been a strategy to sabotage him or something. Mello couldn't give Near a chance like that, not without having something equally valuable at stake.
_
"Your friend came to talk to me today."
"Huh?"
Matt turned his chair sideways toward Mello's bed and rested his elbow on the desk where he had been working on the math list. Tomorrow was Saturday, and he would only have to worry about the next list after this one was graded.
“Near. He came to talk to me.”
“So?”
“He still hasn’t found a partner for the math challenge.”
“And what does that have to do with me?”
“I suggested he ask you, since I’m not participating. It’s mandatory to do it in pairs, the Professor said something about socialization or society, I don’t know.”
So it was because of Matt that Near felt confident enough to suggest a partnership, unbelievable.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You know very well why I’m pissed! Near and I are mortal enemies, what got into you to suggest we team up? Wasn’t it obvious enough?”
“Don’t be dramatic, man. I know you guys are competitive about grades, but I thought it wouldn’t hurt to team up to achieve a common goal for once, since you both like math.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me, it can’t be.” Mello stared at him with hatred in his eyes.
"I had nothing but good intentions and a pure heart, besides, you have no obligation to accept, and you probably didn't accept anyway."
“Of course I didn’t accept!”
“See? Problem solved. I think Near got the message.”
Matt’s friendly smile only seemed to deepen the wrinkle on Mello’s tense forehead. He had to restrain himself from getting out of bed and punching that likable face. Why was Matt always so chill about everything?
“I hope you got it too.” He pointed an accusing finger at his friend.
“I got it, I got it!” Matt threw his hands up as if surrendering to the cocked weapon that was Mello’s index finger.
“Great.”
Matt didn't get it, not really. Yes, it was easy to see the reason for the rivalry, since they both had a competitive spirit and liked to achieve the same goals, but did they have to hate each other because of that? And for so long (how many years now?). Wouldn’t it be easier to team up and get some study tips from each other or something? Apparently, there was a lot of ego involved in the story, and he didn't want trouble for himself either, but it had been worth a try.
Near was a nice guy if you were patient with his reserved nature, he wasn't difficult to talk to if you took it slow. Was Mello capable of taking things slow in life? Perhaps that was an important part of the equation. It was possible to see that Near had been humble enough to at least consider the partnership, as for Mello…
Well, anyway, it was better to change the subject, and that's what Matt did.
“Have you finished your homework for the week? I feel like relaxing tomorrow, if you want to do something. I don't even want to go near the library, just letting you know.”
“Yes, I'm finished. What are you planning to do this weekend?”
Matt began to describe a series of exciting and unlikely adventures within the possibilities they had at that moment, but Mello listened anyway, interested, while the moon grew higher and higher in the sky seen through the window.
_
‘That’s not my problem, deal with it. Why don’t you go find the Professor and tell him you’re too good to do the group challenge, like he suggested?’
The words echoed insistently in his mind as Mello’s irritated face appeared before his eyes. Near was well aware of the rivalry and had contributed to its existence, but the moment he decided to approach Mello, he had truly thought there was a possibility of a truce. Well, maybe he was naive about that.
He twirled a strand of white hair around his finger as he looked out the window.
Mello’s words were true, but they still sounded uncomfortable. If someone else had said them, Near wouldn’t have thought twice, since he really was too good to do the challenge with someone else. But it hadn’t been just anyone, it was Mello, trying to point out some characteristic that made him inferior.
Should he take that into consideration, when most of the kids at Wammy's avoided Mello so as not to become his target? Could he really point fingers at Near? And even if Near was indeed superior to the others, that didn't exempt him from the rules of the game, much less give rise to exceptions on the part of any Professor. He would need to play the game, that was obvious. In a situation like this, Near should adapt, not run away from something imposed on all the other students.
Even if he understood this, Near didn't like how Mello spoke to him. At first, he had only observed his behavior as an object of curiosity, without expecting him to become aware that he was being analyzed in a profound way. But he did notice, and resented Near for it. Perhaps he had awakened the thirst for competitiveness without intending to do so, by making Mello feel tested. Therefore, he felt the need to prove to Near that he wasn't like the other boys in the orphanage and that he didn't need his approval. It was a hypothesis.
But what he didn't expect was that Near felt fascination and curiosity about him, not disdain. His interest only seemed to grow, as did his desire to get closer and see who he was behind those walls, since Mello's profile was so different from the other children. However, Near knew that his reserved way of acting could seem intimidating or challenging in the eyes of other people.
Perhaps the very fact that Mello didn't have the same interest in him as the other children triggered Near's curiosity, and he found himself fixated on the idea of understanding and observing him more and more. And the more he tried to understand, the more judged Mello felt, and the more reactions arose from him, until the rivalry was formed and consolidated through the numerous episodes of competition between the two.
Near had never been the type of person to refuse games and challenges, on the contrary, this was his natural habitat, his element, and the kind of element where he triumphed without mercy. Mello still seemed to frequently lose his composure, which only made him hate Near's quietness even more.
At first, it had been funny and, if he were being honest, delightful to see Mello struggling to catch up with him on the podium, but after both had proven their respective worths, Near had grown tired of the cat-and-mouse game and allowed himself only… to feel an interest in Mello as an individual.
As they grew older, he expected the frequency and intensity of the confrontations to cease, but this did not happen, on the contrary, they seemed to increase when Kira's murders began and L felt more pressure to choose a successor. Near was not surprised when his name and Mello's were mentioned around as the two most likely to succeed L, but he knew that his bond with Mello would be irreversibly affected.
From that moment on, there might be no turning back. Things had evolved like a snowball, or perhaps like an avalanche.
What would happen when he found out that Roger had already asked Near how he would feel if he had to replace L? Near was sure that question had been a kind of first test, something very subtle, a gateway to something much bigger.
Despite everything, Near allowed himself to nurture hopes of having a more solid relationship with Mello. He never said anything, but sometimes he tried to get closer with different pretexts.
He really wanted to participate in the math challenge, that hadn't been a lie to get closer to Mello, and when he asked Matt to be his partner, Near didn't have ulterior motives either. But once his friend suggested Mello instead, Near didn't immediately dismiss the possibility, because deep down he still believed. Was that bad?
Maybe it was.
Outside, it seemed like it would never stop raining. Near wondered if perhaps this was the moment to leave Mello alone, simply ignore his fascination and accept that there was no way for them to reconcile. Even if curiosity made him feel pangs in his chest.
The truth is that loneliness had never bothered him, because there were no people around him worth entertaining. That was precisely the problem. When Near realized that he and Mello were… complementary, in a way, he seemed to be the only one in that place capable of understanding him, at the right moment. There was no way to stop the expectations that took over his thoughts, the questions involving a possible friendship where the two could still compete if Mello wanted.
Perhaps they could have deep conversations, express complex thoughts and solve enigmas together. Near would love to have that kind of relationship with someone, where he could be himself without being idolized. On equal footing. Mello was the only one who would keep his feet on the ground.
Matt was also cool, other children were also very intelligent, but something was missing. Something was always missing.
So, the correct thing to say would be that loneliness didn't bother him until he learned who Mello was behind the bad boy facade. Now that he knew him, he wanted to be recognized as his equal, he wanted Mello to accept him, as he was accepted by the others in the orphanage. From the moment he became aware of the presence of someone who was able to see him, Near couldn't think of anything else.
It was good that Mello didn't know about this vulnerability, because if that happened, he would certainly use it to his advantage. Near didn't like the idea of being ignored by him, so it was better to be hated, it was better that they competed.
_
The movement of students during breakfast was not attractive to Near. He had only put a cup of tea and a small piece of bread on his tray, intending to finish breakfast as quickly as possible. He sat in the same chair he had occupied since arriving at Wammy's and soon turned to his inner world.
He was in the middle of the line of LEGO figures he was arranging in front of his tray when he heard voices getting agitated not too far away.
"Nobody has the courage to tell you this, but I do, because I have nothing to lose!" a female voice rose above the hitherto quiet hubbub of the cafeteria. Near looked up to the back of the room, where he saw a girl who looked ready to defend herself or attack Mello.
"You'd better leave him alone, the boy didn't do anything to you, NOTHING! You ridiculous prick. Why do you think you're so superior?" she poked Mello in the chest and, despite the great height difference, looked at him with the conviction that only an audacious gnome would have.
"He should already know how things work around here, that was my spot and he didn't want to take his ass somewhere else!"
“And was your damn name written in that corner?” The girl’s head, full of braids, tilted defiantly to the side, but Mello didn’t seem fazed. He pointed his finger back in her face.
“That’s what happens when you test my authority.”
“Your authority?” She echoed hysterically “Oh please! You’re a nobody!” she laughed maniacally and pushed Mello away, as the proximity had become dangerous.
Near finished the row of Lego figures, sipped his tea, and leaned forward to watch the outcome of the confrontation. Obviously, he was rooting for the girl.
“After spending so much time here, it was only expected that people would understand how things work. I get what I want.” Mello’s fist had clenched, his eyes were dark now.
“No, that’s not true! You wish! You hide behind that strong-willed persona because you can’t be like Near!”
Oh? Now it was getting interesting.
“How dare you, you…”
“Everyone knows that. Always second place. And the way you look at him… there are rumors going around, you know? Not everyone thinks it’s about rivalry. But you still aren’t the best. How long are you going to take it out on everyone?”
“You don’t know anything! And if my ranking worries you, you should rethink your life, since you’re far from being close to either of us!”
“So much for nothing! As far as I’m concerned, you two could explode together in this race against time, but I guarantee you I’ll never see Near intimidating anyone in the hallways.”
“That’s because you don’t know him well, you fucking imbecile.” He started to close the distance between them again, but the girl didn’t move a muscle to step away. “If you knew him like I do, you’d eat your words.”
She laughed and took another step forward, but Near would never know what she was about to answer, as the fight was broken up by a Professor who was passing by and, alerted by the shouting, came running to intervene.
“Both of you, to the principal’s office, immediately! What dreadful behavior! Mello, this isn’t the first time, and even so, I wouldn’t have imagined you getting into a fight with Quam.” When it seemed he was about to protest, the teacher demanded he be quiet and then took them both out of the cafeteria.
Near nibbled on his bread and looked back at the toys, many children stared at him after his name had been mentioned in the argument, but he didn’t seem to care. Gradually, the usual activity returned, and the place previously occupied by the two offenders was filled with hungry passersby.
Neither Quam nor Mello would be seen again until the next day, neither by Near nor by anyone else.