Work Text:
At the end of the world, Kyouji was eating curry rice at a restaurant in Kamata, with Satomi-kun.
An emergency warning sounded on the mobile phones of every person in the restaurant: a massive meteor was traveling in a trajectory determined to make impact with Earth in three days.
"You wanna go home?" Kyouji asked, and Satomi nodded gravely.
He paid for the meal, amongst all the people who had ended up dining and dashing in their panic.
All trains out of Tokyo were packed, so despite the traffic being abysmal, Kyouji had to shell out for a rental car. While the circumstances were shit, it was nice to have Satomi in his passenger seat again.
"Don't you… want to see your family, too?" Satomi asked.
Kyouji shrugged. Neither of his siblings had contacted him in the few hours since the warning, and he didn't expect them to. The only person he might've wanted to see was Kumicho, but he'd been in Tokyo to begin with, and was hopefully reuniting with Masanori. Kyouji had no other responsibilities, no loved ones. Only Satomi.
"I've spent this long without, what's three more days? And how else would you get home if I didn't drive you?"
Satomi didn't answer— he was bent over his phone, thumbs tapping away. Kyouji snuck a glance at the screen.
"Your friends?" Kyouji asked.
"Maruyama's on his way home. Mana's trying."
"You don't want to see them?"
"Not enough time." Satomi bit his lip.
The sun was setting, and their six-hour drive had already lengthened an hour with how they were stuck in traffic. They wouldn't have a lot of time left once they got to Osaka.
The silence was heavy. Kyouji turned the radio on. It reminded him of old times, and he hummed along. Satomi didn't.
*
"I want to have sex with you, Kyouji-san."
They had stopped at a self-service love hotel around midnight to get some sleep. Satomi had his back against the headboard, hugging his knees to his chest. Kyouji sat on the side of the bed, drying his hair.
"If my first time is going to be the last time, then I want it to be with you."
"That isn't something you wanna rush," Kyouji said.
"When the world's ending, you do!" Satomi's tone was biting. "Even if it's out of pity, I don't care."
"I don't pity you, Satomi."
"Then what do you feel for me?"
"I admire you," Kyouji said. "Look up to you, even if that's kind of backward. But because of that… I don't want to drag you down with me."
"Then, why?" Satomi's golden eyes bore into his. "Why did you take me to karaoke?"
Kyouji stared back at him. "Because you spoke normally to me despite knowing what I am. Y'always do. I'm long past saving, but you were a little bit of normalcy for me." He sighed. "I'm not gonna be able to quit my job, Satomi. Not for a while."
"We don't have a while." Satomi crawled forward on the bed, grabbing Kyouji's arm. The hotel pajamas' collar dropped, exposing his chest. "So it doesn't matter now. As long as I can be with you, until the end, I—" He pressed his forehead against Kyouji's shoulder.
"You should be with your family, at the end," Kyouji said. "I'll get you there."
"If not at the end," Satomi's breath was warm against Kyouji's skin. "Can I have you now?"
Kyouji cupped a hand around the back of Satomi's head. He ran his fingers through his fine black hair. "I'm gonna take the chair to sleep, Satomi-kun."
*
Satomi didn't speak to him in the morning. Kyouji had banished himself to the armchair and got a couple hours of fitful sleep.
He had heard Satomi crying in the night, despite the kid's desperate attempts to hide it. Kyouji was aware he was a coward, unable to comfort Satomi when the world was literally ending around them. But even in this circumstance, he wouldn't be able to bear the guilt that lapped at his heels like the tide. It had grown into a wave that he knew would come crashing down and drown him.
After a vending machine breakfast, they got back in the car for the second leg of their journey.
Satomi kept his phone plugged into the car charger, anxiously checking it every few minutes.
Kyouji realized he hadn't had a smoke since he started driving, and once it hit him he couldn't stop thinking about it. But he was still hesitant to smoke around Satomi.
When he reached into his jacket pocket for the fifth time, Satomi finally broke his silence.
"It's fine, just have one."
"I don't wanna take you home smelling like cigarettes," Kyouji said.
"Like that matters, now. Like any of this matters," Satomi huffed, pressing the butts of his palms against his eyes and pushing his glasses up to the top of his head.
"Your parents are gonna think you got in with the wrong crowd at university."
"I did. In middle school. There's no point in hiding it anymore."
"Well, I probably shouldn't smoke in a rental, anyway."
"Pull over," Satomi said.
Satomi stayed in the car while he had his smoke. Kyouji watched the clouds, and wondered if this would be the last time he'd see such a blue sky. It would be the last time Satomi saw it, too.
*
Kyouji pulled up to Satomi's house. Both his parents and his brother were waiting out front. He assumed Satomi must've been in contact with them on the way.
He put the car in park and stared in front of himself. "Alright, there you go."
Satomi didn't move.
"You've only got a couple days, so better make the most of it."
Satomi hugged his backpack closer to himself. Kyouji dared to look at his profile, to examine how the boy he had coerced into teaching him how to sing had grown into a handsome young man. Satomi was meant for something good, and it hurt to think he'd never get that, despite how much Kyouji had tried to keep him on the right path.
He'd been too selfish to let him go.
"Kyouji-san." Satomi's adam's-apple bobbed when he swallowed. "I want to be together with you."
He had said so once before. It was a confession, and Kyouji never answered properly. He didn't deserve it. "I know."
"But you still ignore it. You pretend like everything's fine when it's not." He stared down at his lap. "I want to say I hate you. I want to tell you that you could just die for all I care. But since that's really a possibility, I can't."
Kyouji rested his elbow on the center console, took Satomi's chin between his fingers like he had when he was fourteen, made him look at him.
"Satomi-kun. Go see your parents. You know that if you need me, I'm only a message away."
When Satomi got out of the car, he slammed the door shut. He crossed over to the driver's side and opened Kyouji's door, too. "I need you now. I want you here."
He held his hand out to Kyouji.
And Kyouji took it.