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It’s the evening in Japan, the sun is setting and classes ended at Kamiyama High School just a few minutes ago. Tsukasa and Rui walk through the corridors in a comfortable silence to their lockers to take their shoes and leave the school. When Rui opens his locker, a bunch of chocolate boxes and letters fall on the ground. That’s right, today is Valentine's Day. He just looks at them saying a simple “oh” before bending down to pick them up.
“Is that your only reaction?” Tsukasa says standing beside him.
“How do you want me to react?” Rui doesn’t look at him and just stuff all the boxes and letters in his bag.
“I don’t know. You seem very popular, aren’t you happy? What if someone you like put something there for you?”
“I know the person I like didn’t put anything in here.”
“How can you be so sure?” Tsukasa asks.
Rui doesn’t respond and just stares at him with a bit of sadness in his eyes.
“Wait… YOU LIKE SOMEONE?!” Tsukasa looks at him with his eyes wide open. “You never told me.”
“Do I have to tell you everything?”
“N-No, of course not. That’s not what I meant, I just-”
“It’s fine Tsukasa-kun.” He smiles at him, but it looks off, Rui seems sad.
“Do I know her? Is she in our school?”
“I’m not telling you.” Rui focuses back on his locker, losing his smile.
“Can I at least know what she looks like?”
Rui looks back at him, checking him out, lost in his thoughts, almost mesmerised.
“They have a shiny smile, blond hair, a lively personality and their eyes…” Rui stops, looking intensely into Tsukasa’s eyes. “Their eyes are as bright as the sun.”
Tsukasa looks at him, his mouth slightly open. “Does a person like that really exist?”
“I don’t know, maybe I’m imagining things.” Rui whispers while taking his shoes.
Rui is acting really weird, Tsukasa rarely sees him like this, but maybe it’s better if he doesn’t say anything for now. Tsukasa opens his locker too now that he’s not distracted by Rui’s gifts and love interest anymore. Well not really since that last one is still on the back of his mind, but he will think about it later.
“Seems like you got something too.” Says Rui, making Tsukasa glance at him again before looking back at what was inside of his locker.
There was an envelope with his name beautifully written on it on top of a red chocolate box with a white bow sealing it. Tsukasa delicately takes it as well as his shoes and shuts his locker. He then walks to the school exit, Rui following him.
Why isn’t Tsukasa saying anything, Rui thinks. Is he not happy he got something? Is it because Rui got more? Now the comfortable silence they were in earlier got replaced by an awkward one. Tsukasa seems lost in his thoughts as they walk until they have to go their separate ways.
“Bye Tsukasa-kun.”
“Huh? Oh yeah, yeah, bye.” Responds Tsukasa before leaving.
Rui watches the star walk away, wondering what just happened. Did he make it too obvious that he was describing Tsukasa earlier? And now he knows and thinks Rui is weird for liking boys, for liking him. Rui just ruined their friendship. Was it that hard to just not say anything? Not that it really matters, Tsukasa would have known later anyway.
-
Finally home, Tsukasa drops his bag next to his chair and the letter on his desk, taking the chocolate box with him to his bed before lying down on it. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Rui said earlier. Who was he describing? He first thought he was talking about Nene since she’s head over heels for Emu and that would explain why he said that he knows the person he likes didn’t put anything in his locker. But then he described the person and it didn’t match Nene. And it can’t be Emu either. It could be Mizuki if you count light pink hair as blond hair, but that doesn’t feel right.
“UGGGGGH- Why am I like this? It would be way easier if he was talking about me.”
He looks at the ceiling for a few seconds before turning extremely red. What was he thinking about? Rui could never see him like this, that’s not possible. Why was he being jealous? It's ridiculous, he’s ridiculous. Tsukasa sighs before opening the chocolate box and putting one in his mouth. The taste was really familiar. He takes a look at the box. Hazelnut chocolate, his favourite. How can this person know? The only people who know about that are Rui and Saki. Maybe it’s just a coincidence but…
“Brother? Are you in there?” He heard Saki calling from the other side of the door.
Saki… Shiny smile, blond hair, lively personality, bright eyes… No, no it can’t be.
“Tsukasa?!” Saki yells.
The boy instantly gets up and runs to the door to open it.
“Oh so you’re really here.”
“Oh yeah I’m sorry I was uh- busy.” Tsukasa apologises. “Is something wrong? Do you need something?” He asks.
“Oh no I’m just going out with Hona-chan and I’m staying the night at her place so don’t wait for me for dinner.”
“Oh alright.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yes, yes, don’t worry about me, go have fun with your friend.”
“If you say so. See you tomorrow!” She says with a big smile on her face before leaving.
Tsukasa closes the door again and leans against it. Is Rui in love with Saki? That would explain a lot of things. He starts walking in a circle in his room, mumbling for himself. That’s why he wouldn’t tell Tsukasa who it was, Rui was scared that he would be mad at him, but how could he? He can’t blame Rui for falling in love with his sister, she’s perfect after all. It would also explain why he knew she didn’t put any gift in his locker, because she doesn’t go to their school. Yes, that’s definitely it. He takes his phone out of his pocket and immediately texts Nene.
Tsukasa
NENE I THINK RUI IS IN LOVE WITH MY SISTER!
Nene
what?
Tsukasa
IT’S SHOCKING RIGHT?
Nene
Omg you’re so dense
Tsukasa
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I’M BEING SERIOUS!!!!!
Nene
Me too.
How did you come to that conclusion anyway?
Tsukasa
Well, Rui described the person he likes. He said she has a shiny smile, blond hair, a lively personality and really bright eyes.
Nene
You’re both big idiots.
I’m out of it, I’m not helping you.
Tsukasa
What?
Nene?
NENE COME BACK!
WHY ARE YOU LEAVING?
NENE????!!!!
He throws his phone on his bed and goes sit at his desk. The letter was still there, he should maybe take a look at it. He delicately takes it and opens it. He took a moment to just look at the page before reading it.
My dear star,
I had a hard time writing this letter. I couldn’t find a way to express my feelings no matter how hard I tried. I couldn’t find the right words to put on what I was feeling. I came to the conclusion that no words can describe how fast my heart is beating for you, how my stomach twists every time I see you, how my cheeks feel hot when our hands or knees brush each other. All of these feelings started to get too much, I had to let them out. I thought I would be able to keep them to myself but I was horribly wrong, I can’t keep going like this.
I know what I risk by doing that. I risk our friendship and I totally understand if you don’t want to see me anymore, I will cherish all the moments we spent together, they were the best of my life. Speaking of my life, it has changed a lot since I met you. I’ve been more confident, more creative, happier, more like myself and I could never thank you enough. I’m just so lucky to be your friend and even if you don’t reciprocate my feelings, I’m willing to endure being only friends with you. I tried to repress my feelings but that's just not possible, this love is too strong. I can't stop loving you, you are just too perfect.
I could talk about you and explain what I love about you for hours but I’ll have to end this letter eventually. Thank you for reading this, even though you probably don't like me back, I really appreciate it.
I love you.
Tsukasa stares at the words, hitting him like an arrow through his heart. His face is completely red and his heart beats so fast it could jump out of his ribcage.
This person didn't sign their letter but Tsukasa knows. He knows who wrote it. This handwriting, it’s Rui’s when he writes with his left hand, it’s slightly different from his right hand’s handwriting. He feels like a stalker knowing these things but he just loves watching Rui, everything about him is beautiful.
Now that he thinks about it, the description Rui gave him, he was exactly describing Tsukasa. All this time Rui was in love with him… So that means Tsukasa repressed whatever feelings he was having for nothing. He tried his best to be normal, like every other boy. That’s how he was raised, his parents would often say “You’ll see when you grow up, Tsukasa. You’ll find a girl you like.” He’s still waiting for that to happen, he’s in his last year of high school and he never found a girl attractive. Of course he thinks Nene and Emu are pretty but he would not want to be in a romantic relationship with them. One day when he was little, he made the mistake of saying he wanted to have a boyfriend to his dad, he got grounded for a whole week, he didn’t even understand why, his dad just told him that it was wrong and that he should never say that again. He thought for a long time that his father was right, maybe it is wrong, but then, a few years later, he read a book in which two male characters were in love with each other, in love and happy. In this instant, Tsukasa’s world crumbled, these feelings locked up at the bottom of his heart tried to escape, for a second he felt like maybe it wasn’t wrong, maybe he could be himself. That day, he searched it up on the Internet, he needed to understand his own feelings better, and then he saw it, the cruelty of this world, all these articles talking about violence against people like him, all the mean comments under queer posts. He saw people talking about their experiences and Tsukasa related to a lot of them. He spends at least one hour reading on his phone, he didn’t sleep that night, his thoughts were spiraling in his head with all the things he read. He ended up bottling up his feelings again because they were too dangerous, he couldn’t let anyone know about this.
When he met Rui, all his feelings resurfaced, he didn’t know how to manage them, they were even stronger than before. Now he knows Rui loves him back. This makes him happy but so scared at the same time. What will they do now? Are they gonna be together? What will people think about this? What will his parents think about this? About them?
Tsukasa sighs, glancing at his desk where the letter still is. He takes it again, brushing his fingers against the paper, just to be sure this is real, to be sure his mind is not playing tricks on him. He folds the paper and puts it back in the envelope before going downstairs to put his shoes on. He needs to see Rui, to talk to him. Right now.
-
Rui was sitting at his desk, all the gifts he got in front of him, a sad look on his face. Here on top of the pile of chocolate boxes was a pink envelope with a name written on it. The problem is, it’s not Rui's name. It’s Tsukasa’s. All of these gifts, all of them were for Tsukasa. Rui feels ashamed of what he did. He’s being selfish. He took all the presents Tsukasa got to put them in his locker, so Tsukasa would only see his own love letter, only see him. That’s right, Rui is selfish and jealous. But now he regrets it, he regrets everything. He might just have ruined his friendship with Tsukasa because of his stupid feelings. There is no way Tsukasa likes him back, he’s the only weird guy who’s in love with his best friend and now it’s going to be awkward between them. Rui wishes he could go back in time and not put this damn letter in Tsukasa’s locker. But it’s too late now, what is done is done.
Rui gets up and takes one of the robots he’s working on for their next show, maybe it’ll make him think about something else. Or not. He just can’t work on something right now, he’s too stressed. His heart beats as fast as a racing car, his hands are shaking and he can’t get Tsukasa to leave his mind. This guy is going to make him go crazy, if he’s not already. He puts his robot on the floor and leaves his room to go to the bathroom. He just needs to calm down, everything is going to be okay. He splashes cold water on his face and looks at himself in the mirror, his fingers clinging to the sink. He feels pathetic.
Suddenly, Rui hears a bang coming from his room. He immediately gets out of the bathroom and rushes across the corridor. He looks to his right, then to his left, nothing. A loud bang again. Someone was knocking at the door that leads to the front of his house.
“What the-”
He opens it only to see an exhausted star right in front of him. He was holding the envelope Rui knew too well, he spent nights looking at it, thinking whether he should give it to the boy or not.
“Let me in.” Tsukasa says, pushing Rui to the side and letting himself enter his room.
He walks up to the couch before dropping on it. He breathes so fast as if he had run a marathon just before.
“Just give me a minute.” He says.
Rui just stands there, frozen, he can’t get himself to move. He wants this moment to last forever because it might be the last time he can see Tsukasa this close. His heart beat too fast, he’s so scared of what will happen next.
Tsukasa gets up again and takes a few steps towards Rui.
“Rui.” He starts. “I’ve read your letter, all of it, until the last word. And I’m sorry I’ve been so dumb this whole time, I should have noticed earlier. Well honestly, even if I had noticed, I wouldn't have said anything because I was scared, so scared of my own feelings. I know this sounds stupid but I think you telling me you like me first gave me the courage to open my heart to you and to free my feelings from my chest. I just needed to stop being so goddamn scared.” He makes a pause to just look at Rui. “I tried to tell myself love was not something I needed but everything changed when I met you. I got all these butterflies in my stomach and have gotten them everyday since. Sometimes I lose track of time because I’m too busy looking at you, watching you work, watching you eat, watching you perform on stage, you could do the stupidest thing ever and I would still think you are perfect. Which you are! Of course you are perfect. When I opened your letter I thought it was just gonna be a random girl I never met telling me to be her boyfriend for some reason. But turns out it was you, my director, my best friend, the guy I’m in love with. Happiness, fear and even a bit of sadness, all of these emotions hit me at the same time. I just stared at the paper, processing what had happened, I couldn’t believe this was real. And now here I am, standing in front of you saying all of this, you must think I’m crazy. I might be. So yeah, I came here to say, I love you too Rui.” The star finishes, out of breath after talking for so long without stopping.
If Rui couldn’t move before, he’s now completely paralyzed. Looking at Tsukasa with his eyes wide open. This isn’t really right? He just fell asleep on his couch and is going to wake up soon, he thinks. Tsukasa loves him? He really loves him? It can’t be true, it’s just a stupid joke. No Tsukasa would never joke about this.
“Rui? Please say something…”
The purple haired boy snaps out of his trance and looks directly at Tsukasa's eyes.
“Are you sure?” He simply says.
“Of course I’m sure, I wouldn’t have come here otherwise.” Tsukasa replies.
Whatever expression was on Rui’s face got immediately replaced by a genuine smile, looking lovingly at Tsukasa before walking up to him and taking him in his arms. He feels Tsukasa’s arms pressing gently on his back, making their bodies closer to each other. It was nice, really nice.
Rui pushes Tsukasa away just to be able to take his face in his hands. His cheeks are burning up, he can feel it on his palms. He then looks down at his rosy lips, the only thing he wants now is to put his own on it.
“Can I?” He asks.
The blond nods, looking at the other’s lips too. Rui then crashes his lips against his “friend”’s. Here they are, their first kiss, it is nowhere near perfect but they don’t care. The only thing they can think about is the other.
They break apart a few seconds just to go back for another kiss, slower this time. Tsukasa’s lips are so soft, Rui is melting under his touch. They both feel like nothing exists around them anymore, that they’re all alone, only the star and his director, their lips moving against each other. None of them can believe this is true.
They separate again. Both red to their ears but with big smiles on their faces.
“So it was me, the person you were talking about earlier at school.” Tsukasa speaks first.
“Of course it was you, it’s always been you.” Rui smiles.
“What are we now?” Tsukasa asks.
“I don’t know. What do you want us to be, my star?”
The blond boy flushes at the pet name.
“I want you to be my boyfriend, if that’s okay with you.”
“Of course it’s okay, why would I say no?”
The star doesn’t respond and plants a gentle kiss on Rui's lips.
“I’m so happy right now.” Tsukasa whispers.
“I am too.” Rui replies.
After a few minutes staring at each other, Tsukasa turns his head to see all the letters on Rui’s desk.
“You’re not gonna open them?” He asks.
“No, because they’re not mine.”
“What do you mean?”
Rui looks at the ground for a few seconds, he’s still ashamed of what he has done, but he has to tell Tsukasa the truth.
“They’re yours, not mine.” He simply says.
“What?”
“I’m sorry, I know I shouldn’t have done that, I regret it so much…” Rui still doesn’t look at his star. “I took them from your locker and put mine in instead.”
Tsukasa doesn’t say anything for a moment, Rui just feels him stare into his soul.
“Are you serious? Why did you do that?!”
“I was just jealous and selfish, I wanted to be the only person you’ll see, the only person on your mind.” Rui looks back at him.
“Rui… You’re already the only person on my mind. Well, there’s Saki too but she’s my sister so it doesn’t really count, right?”
The director laughs, “Don’t worry, I get it.”
Tsukasa smiles back at him.
“Anyway, shall I start opening them?” Tsukasa asks.
“You’ll read them?”
“Of course! Who do you think I am? Imagine one of them asked me to meet them on the rooftop or behind the school.” He exclaims.
“What?” Rui stares at him, his eyes wide open.
“Oh don’t be jealous, I’m not going there to reciprocate their feelings, just to tell them I don’t like them back.”
The other boy gets closer to his boyfriend, taking him by his hips.
“Or maybe you can just not go and stay with me.”
“Come on, don’t be like that. I’m not going to let them wait for nothing.”
“Alright, alright.” Rui smiles before giving his partner a kiss.
Tsukasa gently pushes him away.
“I still haven’t forgiven you for what you did. Now let me read these letters.”
The director is left there by his star, gone reading someone else’s love letter. That’s what he gets for falling in love with the sweetest guy known to earth.
The end