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He wasn’t supposed to be back today.
Robby had triple checked every version of the staffing calendar he could get his hands on before informing Gloria which day would be his last before his sabbatical. Purposefully giving himself a three-day buffer just in case.
But apparently, July 4th was expected to be crazier than usual, thanks to the abnormally hot weather and the fact that it was a weekend holiday. So it seemed like someone had made the preemptive decision to call in some extra hands in preparation.
It was because of this unexpected schedule change that Robby was now staring across the Pitt as Langdon wrapped gauze around a patient’s burned hand.
Robby already had enough to deal with today with his replacement showing up early, Westbridge going down all day, Caleb getting on his case about his latest failed attempt at therapy, Dana watching his every move like a hawk—and not to mention the never-ending rotation of patients flooding the ED. At least that last one made for an easy out whenever someone tried to corner him into conversation.
Most people seemed to get the hint and give up after a few tries, but not Langdon. Every time they crossed paths (which was surprisingly often considering Robby was actively trying to avoid him by keeping him isolated in triage), Langdon would try to speak to him. And each time, Robby immediately found a way to push him away.
It was clear these rejections were taking a toll on Langdon. All day, that glimmer of hope in his bright blue eyes dimmed more and more each time Robby turned his back on him or cut him off before he could say more than “Can we talk?”. A small part of Robby ached seeing Langdon wilt with each rejection, but a larger part of him couldn’t help feeling that Langdon deserved it. After all, it had destroyed Robby when he discovered Langdon’s deception. Why shouldn’t Langdon get a little taste of that in return?
Robby wasn’t usually this vindictive, but after the one-two punch of losing his right-hand man followed by losing his pseudo-stepson within hours of one another (not to mention the second confrontation with Langdon after things had begun to calm down), something had broken inside him. And despite the insistence of Abbot, Dana, Janey, Caleb, and a handful of other concerned colleagues and acquaintances, Robby no longer cared enough to try to fix it.
Which was why he had planned this sabbatical in the first place.
Robby noticed Langdon glancing in his direction, so he turned his back—and was startled by Abbot standing a few feet behind him, his arms folded across his chest and his calculating stare locked onto Robby.
Jumping slightly, Robby muttered, “Shit, Jack. ‘Hello’ is the customary way to greet someone, you know.”
“Hello,” Abbot said, not budging an inch.
Squirming under the scrutiny, Robby asked, “When’d you get in anyway?”
“About five minutes ago. Four minutes longer than I needed to assess this situation.”
Already knowing what he was going to say, Robby tried to play dumb. “And what situation would that be?”
Abbot continued to stare for another moment before relaxing his stance and jerking his head towards the stairwell. “We need to talk.”
Without waiting to see if Robby would follow him, Abbot pivoted and marched to the stairs. As much as Robby didn’t want to have this conversation, he obediently followed. One way or another, Abbot was going to say his piece, and Robby preferred it happen just between the two of them, rather than Abbot doing it where the entire Pitt could witness.
The second they stepped onto the roof, Robby unzipped his jacket as the full force of the July heat hit him. The sun was just beginning to set, but it did little to ease the stifling humidity hanging in the air. Though Robby doubted anything would stop the thousands of people with plans to celebrate tonight—that is until those celebrations landed them downstairs in the ED.
Abbot walked to the railing, then turned to stand against it, opting to remain on the safe side of the barrier today. Which was good because, as much as Robby would always be there to support Abbot, he didn’t think he had the mental or emotional fortitude today to be what he needed in those darkest of moments.
But apparently, that was the role Abbot planned on taking today.
Leaning back against the railing, he asked, “Have you talked to Langdon yet?”
Robby sighed, knowing it was better to just get this over with so he could finish up his day and get the hell out of town. “No. And I don’t plan on it.” He walked over to the railing, a few feet from Abbot, and leaned over as he peered at the street far below. “Which is why I was supposed to be long gone before they let him come back.”
“You know it’s better this way. If you don’t talk to him before you leave, you’re gonna regret it.”
Robby scoffed, pushing his sleeves up as sweat began dampening his clothes. “What? You think clearing the air with Langdon is going to magically fix everything? That it’ll save me from this self-destructive spiral everyone thinks I’m going through?”
“No. But it might save him from doing the same.” Abbot sighed, rubbing the back of his neck as he leaned heavily against the railing. “I love you, brother, but you have your head so far up your ass wallowing in your own self-pity that you can’t see he’s drowning right in front of you. And I’m not trying to downplay what you’re dealing with because I know it’s some real heavy shit, but you putting that on him isn’t helping either of you.”
“Langdon made his bed, and now he has to lie in it,” Robby muttered, staring out at the horizon.
Abbot nodded. “And he is. But that doesn’t mean you have to kick him when he’s already face down in the dirt. Yeah, he made some mistakes—some really fucking big ones—but from all the reports he’s turned in to the board, he’s been working his ass off to make up for them. And if you remember, you’re the one who outlined his conditions to return in the first place.”
“That was before he tried to drag me down into the dirt with him.” Robby gripped the railing tightly as his last real conversation with Langdon in the ambulance bay replayed in his head. Jerking his neck around to look at Abbot, he growled, “He begged me to save his career and, when I gave him a way to do it, he threw my worst moment in my face. And you want me to just, what? Forget that ever happened?”
“No. I want you to look past your own hurt and really see how much he’s struggling right now.” Twisting so he was facing Robby head-on, Abbot asked, “Have you ever once wondered how he’s doing? Because I know for a fact you haven’t tried to reach out since his disciplinary hearing almost ten months ago. If you had, you might’ve heard about the mountain of rehab bills he’s acquired on top of his student loans. Or how Abby took the kids and moved in with her parents while he was in an inpatient center. Or how they’re now legally separated and she’s looking at divorce lawyers. Or how, now that he’s off the pills, he’s suffering daily from crippling back pain because he’s scared to take anything stronger than Advil. Or how despite all of that, the thing he regrets most is betraying you.”
Robby hadn’t known any of that. He hadn’t noticed if Langdon was wearing his wedding ring, or if he was moving around the ED differently to avoid a new bolt of pain, or if he looked more exhausted than normal. All Robby had seen were those blue eyes crying out to him for help, and he had relished every time they were rejected. Abbot was right. He hadn’t tried seeing the man who walked into the Pitt today. All he saw was the one who had walked out of it ten months ago.
Swallowing as the weight of that realization hit him, Robby mumbled, “How do you know all of that?”
“Because I asked. Because I’ve been there and I know how impossible it can feel when something world-shattering happens, and you have to try to get back on your feet.” Abbot shrugged. “In my case, literally.”
Robby rolled his eyes but didn’t argue this time. Taking that as an invitation to continue, Abbot slid over until his shoulder bumped against Robby’s. Lowering his voice an octave, he said, “I know you know how that feels, too. And how much worse it is when the one person you want most to lean on isn’t there anymore.”
“Jack—”
“Listen, Adamson is gone, and I’m so sorry for that. He was a great man, mentor, and friend to both of us. More than that, I know what making that call did to you, even though we both know it was the right one to make. But you are still here, and so is Langdon. You can still be there for him when he needs you most. And maybe it’ll end up being healing for both of you.”
Bringing up Adamson and what happened to him, what Robby had to do, was a low blow…but an admittedly effective one. Robby had made plenty of mistakes over the years (maybe none as big as getting addicted to pills and stealing them from the ED, but he’d had some doozies in his past), but Adamson never gave up on him. Even when he made the biggest mistake of his medical career, his mentor had stuck by him and turned him into the doctor he was today.
Robby had always strived to be the kind of doctor—the kind of man—Adamson was. But it seemed like he had failed when his friend needed him most.
Scrubbing his hand over his beard, Robby sighed as he shot Abbot a look. “I hate it when you get all philosophical and deep.”
“Yeah, well, deal with it, brother.” Abbot slapped him on the back before giving his shoulder a tight squeeze.
Robby nodded at him, the closest thing to a thanks the two ever shared, and he watched as Abbot headed for the door.
But just before he opened it, Abbot turned back and said, “Whatever you decide, consider one thing. Your forgiveness could keep him off this roof. Or your rejection could push him over the edge of it. Which will you be able to live with?”
And with a final shrug, Abbot disappeared down the stairs.
Robby remained on the roof for a long time after he left, just staring out into the city. He knew Abbot was right—about all of it—but knowing something was true and accepting what that meant were two different things. Yes, Langdon might be a changed man who had made a mistake in his past, but that didn’t absolve him from the things he had said or the bridges he had burned in his wake.
Yet maybe new bridges could be built in their place.
Taking one last look at the blinking lights of the city below him, Robby sighed and headed downstairs.
When he reemerged into the ED, he spotted Langdon grabbing his bag out of his locker. Seeing him standing in the same spot where their relationship had imploded ten months ago was almost enough to cause Robby to lose all the courage he’d built up and just run the other way. But for the first time, he saw Langdon for the man he was now: the shattered confidence, the gingerly way he made every move (along with the slight grimaces when it didn’t help the pain), the dark circles under his eyes, the missing ring. The man in front of him was not the man whom he fought with long ago. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t still in there somewhere.
Langdon slung his backpack over his shoulder and turned to go. When he noticed Robby standing there, this time there was no glimmer in his eyes as he met his stare. Instead, he let his dull gaze slide to the floor as he shuffled off towards the exit.
As he passed, Robby reached out his hand and gently grabbed his arm. Langdon’s head snapped up, and he cowered back, probably expecting his former mentor to lash out at him one last time before disappearing on his sabbatical. But behind the fear and the regret, Robby saw just the smallest spark of hope struggling to hang on.
With a small smile, Robby said, “Hey, Frank. Let’s have that talk now.”