Work Text:
Text Thread - BFF
Hayden: Hey, man, sorry I made it weird last night. It’s been a while since I’ve thrown ‘em back like that.
Shane: You’re good, buddy, don’t worry about it.
Shane: And for the record, I’m not weirded out by what you said. I’d be a hypocrite if I was.
Hayden: It’s not even important since I’m with Jackie. Not like I’m gonna go out and start picking up dudes at a bar.
Shane: You’re allowed to think it’s important, Hayd. I think it is.
Hayden: Thanks, Shaney.
Hayden: I really missed you.
Shane: Me too.
—
Text Thread - Asshole-in-Law
Rozanov: So you are chomping my style now, Pike?
Hayden: Fuck off, Rozanov.
Rozanov: It’s okay. I understand how hard it is to not become gay around my very handsome husband. Too bad you were too late.
Hayden: I’m bi, asshole, and I’m happily married.
Rozanov: Good because the only bi asshole Shane is interested in is mine.
Hayden: I can’t believe I let you babysit my kids.
—
Text Thread - любовники
Jane: Ilya, leave Hayden alone, he’s having a rough time.
Lily: I’m supposed to ignore that Pike’s crush on you gave him a sexual awakening? I’m a hockey god, not a saint, Shane.
Jane: That is not what happened.
Lily: Shane. My love. Open your eyes. Who else do you think made him realize?
Jane: I don’t know! It could be anyone. Or porn or something.
Lily: RIght, okay. Hayden Pike showered next to Cosmo’s Hottest Athlete for years and realized he was bisexual from random porn guy. Makes sense.
Jane: You’re a menace.
Lily: You love me. 😘
—
Text Thread - Wifey
Jax: Hey, Babe, smash or pass: Troy Barrett
Hayden: Jackie, what the hell?
Jax: It came up in the WAGs group chat today! Come on, I won’t tell them what you say, I’m just curious.
Hayden: I don’t even know how to answer that.
Jax: What good is being married to a hot bisexual man if I can’t enjoy dishing over guys with him?
Hayden: …smash.
Jax: ❤️❤️❤️
—-
Rozanov: You can’t join the team just because you’re bi now.
Hayden: Why would I want to be on a team with the worst captain in the league?
Rozanov: Yes, I feel bad for you, and I’m glad you’re asking yourself that question about your terrible captain, but again, that doesn’t mean you can join The Centaurs.
—-
Hayden: I don’t think I realized how hard it must have been for you on this team, but I’m starting to get it now.
Shane: I’m sorry, Hayd. I wish you didn’t.
Hayden: It was easier to defend you than to stand up for myself. Even if they don’t know that’s what I’m doing.
Shane: I get that. They’re assholes.
Hayden: They got worse after you left.
Hayden: I just wonder. I got close with you and JJ because I liked you guys, but maybe some part of me knew you’d be… I don’t know.
Shane: Safe?
Hayden: Shit. Yeah, maybe.
Shane: Harris (that’s our social media guy) says we have a way of finding each other.
Hayden: You don’t think that JJ..?
—
Rozanov: Okay, you can join team, but only as towel boy.
Hayden: You wish.
—
Text Thread - Hockey Queers (and partners)
Hollander: Hey guys. Do you mind if I add someone to the chat? He’s new to this, so go easy on him.
Harris: Of course, Shane. The more the merrier!
Bennett: Love when we add a new guy. The reveal is like The Masked Singer but for gay hockey.
Pike: Hey.
Bennett: Pike! Nice.
Harris: Welcome to the group, Hayden! Don’t worry, we don’t bite (most of the time 😈).
Price: I thought you were married to a WAG?
Pike: I am. What about it?
Harris: Ryan, bisexuals can marry women. Doesn’t make them less queer.
Price: Oh. Sorry, man, I didn’t mean anything by it.
Pike: That’s okay, I get it. It’s kinda weird for me too.
Barrett: But she’s cool with it?
Pike: If anything, she’s too cool about it. She keeps trying to get me to rank hockey players by hotness.
Rozanov: Easy.
Shane: Ilya.
Rozanov: I am number one, followed by Shane. And sadly, as usual, you are at the bottom, Pike, right above old man Hunter.
Hunter: Welcome to this bullshit, Pike.
Pike: Oh, don’t worry. “This bullshit” and I go way back.
—
Text Thread - Gay Hockey Jesus
Hayden: There’s no reason for me to come out. I’m good where I’m at, and it’s gonna be a fucking nightmare if I do.
Scott: There are definite downsides, I won’t lie. It’s gotten better, but the media loves a story.
Hayden: I just keep thinking about my kids. I don’t want them to think their dad is ashamed. Like they have to hide it if they turn out to be queer.
Hayden: And then I think about how lonely my best fucking friend was for years because he couldn’t tell me. It would kill me if that happened to my boy. It kills me that it happened to Shane.
Scott: You love him a lot, huh?
Hayden: More than I realized. Or differently, maybe.
Hayden: Don’t tell anyone, please. I wouldn’t change anything. I’m happy with my life. I love Jackie so much.
Scott: I know. You don’t have to explain it to me. Believe me, I get it.
—
Text Thread - Hollanders
Yuna (Shane’s Mom): It’s great to hear from you, Hayden! Shane sent us the Easter pictures of the kids. So adorable!
Hayden: They better be. It took us hours to stuff them into those matching outfits. Amber was terrified of the guy in the bunny suit.
Yuna (Shane’s Mom): 😂 Shane felt the same way about Santa.
Yuna (Shane’s Mom): David and I never got to thank you for standing by him through that mess with the Metros last year. I know it meant the world to him.
Hayden: It’s the least I could do considering it was kinda my fault.
Yuna (Shane’s Mom): It turned out for the best in the end.
Hayden: Speaking of, Shane said you were good at writing PR stuff? I was hoping to ask you for a favor.
—
Rozanov: Nice of you to out yourself this time instead of us.
Hayden: Ha Ha. Leave me alone, asshole.
Rozanov: It was a good announcement.
Rozanov: If you tell him I said this, I’ll run you over with my Bugatti, but Shane is lucky to have you. Your family too. You’re a good father.
Hayden: Am I hallucinating??
Hayden: Thank you. He’s lucky to have you too even if you are a dick sometimes.
Rozanov: The dick is his favorite part. 🍆💦
Hayden: You ruined it.
—
Shane: I inspired you, huh?
Hayden: Well, don’t let it go to your head, but yeah. You’re the bravest guy I know.
Shane: I don’t know, I think you’re giving me a run for my money.
Shane: Can we come over this weekend? Ilya said he’d behave himself. I know it’s hard to believe, but he cares. We both want to be there for you.
Hayden: Yeah, okay. It’ll be good to talk to you since you’ve been through this shitshow before.
Shane: We’ve got your back.
Hayden: I swear we didn’t used to be this soft.
Shane: Yeah, it’s kinda gay, right? 😜
—
Jax: Hayden, whatever happens at work today, just know the kids and I love you and we are so proud of you. You’re our hero forever, baby. 💗
—--
Text Thread - Montreal Boys
JJ: Okay, am I the only straight man in this friend group?
JJ: Guys?
Hayden: You tell us, buddy.
—
Jax: You know, there are some great schools in Ottawa…
Hayden: Jackie.