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Thwip! The dart hit the board dead center. Another bullseye.
Jason said darts were a good way to practice aiming when they weren't at the shooting range. So she practiced. But it was really just a distraction from her anxiety.
Jason had left earlier. Tonight was the night, he said. The night Batman-Bruce, would reckon with what he had done. He would have to make a choice.
He had promised nothing bad would happen to him. Batman didn't kill. But Stephanie couldn't help but worry.
What was she supposed to do if something happened to Jason? There was no one else who understood her. No one else who could look her in the and see the potential for good rather than the capacity for harm.
She'd have to go back to her mother. Not that she didn't love her mom, but how could she face her after nearly destroying Gotham?
And she didn't want Jason to die because despite what he might've thought, he was good.
And more than that, she owed Jason. She literally owed him her life! Without him, she would be dead. She'd be dead twice over, actually.
So Stephanie did something that was probably really fucking stupid.
She put on her Spoiler suit and went out. She knew where to go because Jason had told her a few weeks ago when they were leaving the deli.
“See that building, Steph?” He had said, pointing it out. “That's where I grew up. Apartment 4b. And that's where Bruce is gonna pay.”
So that was where Stephanie went.
She took the stairs up, like vigilantes normally never did. She was 99% sure Jason wasn't there yet, but the other 1% warned her to be cautious and quiet, so she was. The building was abandoned, so she knew the door would be unlocked.
Stephanie opened the door as quietly as she could. And then she heard the Joker.
His voice was bone chilling. Not because of what he sounded like, but because she knew what he had done.
He had killed more people than she could count. He was responsible for more misery than she could imagine. He killed Jason. He put Barbara in that wheelchair. He was a rapist, a torturer.
And now, was talking to himself in a low voice, so she couldn't quite make out the words; giggling, too. It terrified Steph.
But he wasn't in her line of sight. He must be in a room or a closet or something. That made sense; Jason would want a dramatic reveal.
Stephanie took a deep breath and put her foot forward as carefully as she could, heart jackhammering in her chest. She made her way across the apartment, quiet as a mouse. Then she pressed her ear against a door: no noise.
Perfect. She opened the door silently and stepped into a rundown bathroom. Then she shut the door and sat against it without a sound. Okay. Now she just had to stay quiet until Jason came by with the Big Bad Bats, listen to make sure he was safe, and then get back home before he did.
Easy.
She waited for a long time, maybe hours. Then she heard a crash so loud it shook her to her bones. She jumped a bit. Had Bruce…thrown Jason at something?
Then she heard him speak: “I'm sorry, Jason. I tried to save you.”
And then Jason spoke. “Is that what you think this is about?!” He asked angrily. “That you let me die?! I don't know what clouds your judgement worse, your guilt or your antiquated sense of morality. Bruce, I forgive you for not saving me. But why, why on God's Earth… (here there was another crash)...is he still alive?!”
Then Steph heard the Joker speak, and she was again terrified. She had to remind herself that Jason was right there, even if she couldn't see him. He wouldn't let anything happen to her.
“Gotta give the boy points! He came all the way back from the dead to make this shindig happen! So, who's got a camera? Ooh, ooh! Get one of me and the kid first! Then you and me, then the three of us, and then one with the crowbar, then-”
Something hit the floor. Probably Joker. He must be tied to a chair. “You'll be as quiet as possible, or I'll put one in your lap first.
Stephanie sighed in relief. Mentally, of course, so that no one would hear her. She was just glad that Jason was shutting him up.
But of course, he spoke again. “Party pooper. No cake for you.”
Luckily he didn't say anything else. Jason did, though. And he sounded as pissed as ever.
“I'm not even the last one you let this happen to. You didn't learn a goddamn thing, did you? But I avenged her, like you never did for me.”
Yes. He did, and Stephanie was grateful. She didn't want what Black Mask did to her to ever happen to anyone ever again.
Jason kept going. “Ignoring what he's done in the past - blindly, stupidly disregarding the entire graveyards he's filled, the thousands who have suffered, the friends he's crippled...! You know, I thought…” his breath hitched, and Stephanie's heart ached for him. “I thought I'd be the last person you'd ever let him hurt. If it had been you that he beat to a bloody pulp, if he had taken you from this world, I would've done nothing but search the planet for this pathetic pile of evil, death-worshiping garbage... and send him off to hell!”
Then Bruce spoke again: “You don't understand. I don't think you've ever understood.”
“What? What, your moral code just won't allow for that? It's too hard to cross that line?
“No!” Bruce shouted. “God Almighty, no. It'd be too damned easy. All I've ever wanted to do is kill him. A day doesn't go by when I don't think about subjecting him to every horrendous torture he's dealt out to others, and then... end him.”
“Awwww. So you do think about me,” the Joker cooed sarcastically. Steph wished he would stop talking.
“But if I do that,” Bruce continued, “if I allow myself to go down into that place... I'll never come back.”
Now Jason's voice began to quiver. “Why? I'm not talking about killing Penguin or Scarecrow or Dent. I'm talking about him. Just him. And doing it because... because he took me away from you!”
“I can't,” Bruce said. “I'm sorry.”
“That is so sweet!” The Joker said. Steph tried to ignore him.
“Well, you won't have any choice.” There was a faint swishing noise, then. Had Jason thrown something?
“I won't–”
“This is what it's all been about,” Jason exclaimed. “This! You and me and him! Now is the time you decide!.” It sounded like he had smashed something. “If you won't kill this psychotic piece of filth, I will! If you want to stop me, you're going to have to kill me!
“You know I won't–”
“I'm going to blow his deranged brains out, just like I did to Black Mask!” Jason threatened. “And if you want to stop it, you are going to have to shoot me, right in my face!
“This is turning out even better than I'd hoped,” said Joker.
Stephanie heard a loud, clattering noise. If she had to guess, it was the sound of the gun hitting the floor when Bruce dropped it.
“I will do it!” Jason shouted. “Not just for me! For Spoiler, who suffered so much already, so she never has to be afraid of him! So that no one ever does again!”
Stephanie was touched. Maybe it wasn't the time for that, with her hiding in the bathroom while outside, her surrogate brother tried to convince his father to kill the man who murdered him, but she still felt touched.
This was what Bruce didn't understand, she thought. Jason didn't kill for the hell of it. Everything he did was out of love for the world.
But Bruce didn't answer. Maybe he was already walking away.
Jason kept yelling. “It's him or me! You have to decide! Decide, now! DO IT! HIM, OR ME! DECIDE!”
Stephanie heard several sounds, then. The swish of something aerodynamic flying through the air, the sound of someone collapsing on the ground, and a guttural cry of pain from Jason's voice.
Without even thinking, she threw the door open and ran to her brother's side. What she saw made her feel sick:
Blood gushing from the side of Jason's neck as he desperately tried to staunch the flow. A batarang on the ground where he lay whimpering. She knew instantly what had happened.
And Bruce seemed to be in a state of shock, like he couldn't believe what he'd done. He didn't even seem to notice Stephanie. He just stood there, whispering: “My god. My god.”
But Stephanie wasn't focused on him. She was focused on saving her big brother. She tore off her hooded cape and pressed it to Jason's neck. “Hey, it's okay,” she told him. “You're okay. You're gonna be fine.”
The Joker was still talking and cackling but Stephanie couldn't make out what he was saying. But his voice still made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end. She was very aware of how unsafe she was.
“He's,” Jason gasped. He was shaking. “He's still,” his words dissolved into gurgles.
Stephanie knew what he was trying to say. He knew who he was talking about, and she knew what he needed her to do. Her free hand picked up the gun he'd dropped.
It happened in a heartbeat. She didn't even think. She aimed, and pulled the trigger, and then the Joker's brains were everywhere.
At first it didn't register with her that she had just killed a person. Then she heard Bruce yell in rage and run to his worst enemy’s side. “What have you done?”
“What have I done?” It came out high pitched and tinny, not how she meant it to at all. “You just tried to kill your son!”
Jason was breathing hard, but he helped her press the cloak to his neck. That meant he still had some strength left. But tears were running down his cheeks.
“I didn't mean,” Bruce stammered, “I, I just…”
Stephanie understood then that she was in it now, whether she wanted to be or not. There was a ringing in her ears, and she thought she might be having a panic attack, but she understood one thing:
Backing down right now was not an option. There was nothing to do but double down. So that was what Steph did.
“Come closer and I shoot. Leave and I won't tell everyone you tried to kill your son,” she told Bruce. And then she turned the gun on him.
“But Ja-”
“You've done enough for Jason!” She cried. “Now go before I shoot!”
Something happened that had never happened to Stephanie before: Batman listened to her.
He looked terribly guilty for a moment, and then he just fucking left. But there was no time to think about that
Jason was crying. Really crying. Sobbing, with big, fat tears, dripping past his domino mask.
“How are you alive?” Stephanie marveled.
“I wish I wasn't!” He sobbed.
“Tough luck,” she said. “You saved me, now I'm saving you.”
He wailed, and Stephanie wouldn't lie to herself. It scared her to see him like this, when he had been such an unshakable presence in her life. She'd never seen him so broken.
She knelt and pulled one of his arms around her shoulder. “Get up,” she said, trying to make her voice into steel, “Jason, you have to get up. I can't carry you.”
He sobbed. “God, just let me die.”
That was what she said to him when she tried to jump. The idea that he could be as sad as her terrified her.
“No!” Stephanie yelled. “If I have to live, then so do you. Get up, Jason! Get the fuck up!”
The words came out raw and angry. And Stephanie was angry, because he wanted to die when she still needed him. And because he wanted to die when he wouldn't let her. So yes, she was fucking pissed. But somehow, being pissed at Jason worked.
For a minute, he didn't move. For a minute, he still lay on his side in a pool of blood. But then, with a cry of grief, he drew up one leg to plant his foot on the ground and rolled to that side as he bent his other leg to kneel, so that he was almost genuflecting.
One of his hands was pressed to his neck, helping hold Spoiler's cloak to the wound. The other arm was around her shoulder. And with her supporting some of her weight, he managed to stand, still crying like a child.
“Good,” Steph said shakily, “now walk.”
And she made him walk. She wasn't sure how she managed to carry half his weight the whole way home, but she did it.
By the time she opened the apartment door, she was panting, but she had made it. By then, Jason had stopped crying. His eyes were shut in resignation, but Stephanie knew he was still awake by the way he still held her cloak to his neck.
“You're gonna be fine,” she told him as she dragged him to the bathroom.
“Fuck you,” he said weakly. She knew he didn't mean it. He was just hurting.
She helped him sit on the ground and peeled off his domino mask. She took her cloak off his neck and wiped the blood away, revealing a nasty gash.
“You know how to do stitches, right, Blondie?” Jason asked weakly.
She nodded nervously. “Uh-huh.”
“You're about to get some practice in,” he told her tiredly.
When she looked at the wound, she could see a fleshy tube-like thing as thick as her finger lying inside Jason's neck. That had to be the carotid artery. And it was intact, if scarred. Which meant it had somehow healed itself.
“Jay,” she said in a small voice.
“Don't bother with anaesthetic,” he snapped, uncharacteristically angry. “Just stitch it up.
Stephanie somehow managed to do that without puking. Then she somehow managed to help him get his body armour off and get into bed. Jason conked out almost as soon as he hit the mattress.
After that, Stephanie didn't know what to do. Her day had been a whirlwind of chaos and fear, and now she felt totally lost. She felt like a leaf floating in the wind, but there was no feeling of freedom in it.
In the end, she took all the blankets and pillows from her bed and made a pallet on the floor next to Jason's. She felt she should be there in case his condition changed. That was where she slept, or tried to.
She mostly just lay awake and tried not to cry. Every time she fell asleep, nightmares woke her up. Jason used to check on her if she screamed loudly before, but now, when she screamed, he slept right through it.
That probably wasn't a good sign, so Steph got up and checked his pulse. To her relief and surprise, it was still strong. But he didn't wake when her fingers touched his neck.
When the sun began to rise, Stephanie gave up on sleep and just stared out the window for what seemed like a long time. Even when it had risen, Jason slept on.
She wondered if he'd be angry at her when he woke up. Yes, she had killed Joker, but she had also disobeyed his orders.
Oh, god. Stephanie had killed Joker! Bruce would come after her! The thought sent her into a panic attack, and suddenly she couldn't breathe.
She grabbed her chest, right where her heart was, and she tried to focus on how it beat. She tried to focus on the rise and fall of her breathing. I'm alive, she told herself, I'm alive.
In the end, she managed to convince herself of that fact and calm herself down. And it was mostly because she remembered how Bruce had let her go.
But she had blackmailed him into it. Was it right that she used what happened to Jason as blackmail? Wasn't that crossing a big boundary? Probably.
That thought drove her to tears all over again, and even that didn't wake Jason. He slept well into the day, and Steph stayed by his side as much as she could.
The only time she left was to go to the bathroom, and to retrieve a box of protein bars from the kitchen when she got hungry. Besides that, she stayed nearby and waited for him to wake up.
But when she came back with her box of protein bars and he spoke for the first time in hours, she nearly shit her pants.
“Hey, Steph,” he said hoarsely.
“You're awake!” she exclaimed.
“Obviously,” he said. “I-”
“I'm so glad you're okay!” Steph exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. She more or less fell on top of him in her desperate pursuit to hug him.
“Ow! Steph!”
“Right. Sorry, sorry!” She quickly let go of him. “Sorry about that.”
Jason pulled himself up into a sitting position with a wince. “How long was I asleep?”
“I think, like, eighteen hours?” Steph ventured. Still not wanting to be far from him, she sat herself next to him on the bed.
Jason just sighed. “Musta been pretty bad, then.”
“Yeah. It was,” Stephanie said. She remembered the blood pouring from his wound, and had to make an effort not to stare at his neck. “Listen, I...I get it if you're mad at me. And I get it if-”
She didn't get to finish before Jason interrupted her. “Why the hell,” he croaked, “would I be mad at you?”
“I disobeyed orders. I followed you.”
“And you killed the Joker,” he said slowly, like she was dumb.
Steph shrugged. “You killed my monster. I was just returning the favor.”
“Did you seriously think I'd be mad at you for disobeying when you saved my fucking life?” Jason asked incredulously.
Well, when he said it like that, it sounded stupid. “Uh, well, sort of,” Steph stammered, suddenly feeling insecure. “It's just that…”
“Steph,” he said kindly, “I'm not Bruce. I'm not mad at you, I'm proud.”
“You're…proud?” she repeated in shock.
“Yeah, I'm fucking proud of you!” He repeated. “The whole city’s probably proud of you! You just disposed of the most evil man in Gotham.”
Stephanie didn't know what to say. But then she started talking anyway. “I got a lot of people killed in that gang war,” she said, picking at her nailbeds. “But Joker killed lots of people, too. And did way worse. So, do you think me killing him evens it all out for me?”
Jason looked at her the way you looked at a puppy with no legs: that was to say, with intense pity. “I don't blame you for the gang war,” he said, for about the millionth time since she'd known him.
This annoyed Stephanie. “Okay, but let's say you did,” she insisted. “Hypothetically, would you think I've made up for it?”
“Of course,” he said. “It wouldn't even be a question.”
She sighed in relief, then felt guilty for being relieved. “Sorry,” she said, “God, you almost died and here I am whining about-”
“You're not whining,” Jason interjected. “You're allowed to be traumatized, too, you know.”
“So are you,” she countered. “Do you wanna talk about what happened with Bruce?”
“No!” He snapped. “I mean, just, not now. I don't wanna think about it.”
“I get that,” Stephanie said empathetically. “There's lots of shit I don't like to think about.”
Jason hummed. He shut his eyes, and leaned back against the headboard. “Hey,” he said, “I'm sorry if I scared you before when I was freaking out….when it happened.”
Steph was astonished. “Are you kidding me, Jason? You don't have to apologize for being in pain!”
He shifted in a way that indicated discomfort. Not the physical kind, but emotional. She didn't blame him. His father almost killed him. “Yeah, well…thanks for making me get up. If you weren't there I don't think I could've.”
“Thanks for stopping me from jumping,” Steph replied, maybe more causally than the situation warranted. But being cavalier about her emotions and trauma was often the only way she could cope with them.
“Any time, kid.” He reached out to briefly clasp her hand, and she let him. It was a comfort, to have someone near her who thought she was worth saving.
Suddenly Stephanie wanted to be closer to him. She scooted up to his side and leaned her head on his shoulder, the one that wasn't right next to his neck wound. “Are you in much pain, Jay?”
He rested his head against her and Stephanie wanted to cry because no one else in the Batfamily ever let her get this close to them. Except Tim, when they were dating. She didn't think kindly of him, though.
“It hurts, yeah, but when I compare it to getting blown up it's not so bad,” he said lightly. Stephanie just snorted humorlessly.
“I think I'm gonna be out of commission for a little while, though,” he admitted. “Since I lost all that blood. Do you think you could patrol for me til I get my strength back?”
Shocked, Steph's eyes opened. She sat up straighter. “Wait, really?”
“Yeah. The alley needs someone out there at night.”
“But you said I was too young before!” Stephanie half protested.
“Well, kiddo, you’ve done a pretty solid job at proving yourself.”
This was unbelievable. This was what she wished she'd got from Bruce. She didn't think she'd ever get this kind of approval from anyone. “I-are you sure?”
“Steph,” Jason replied. “You killed the fucking Joker.”
Well, when he put like that….
“You're right. I did do that.”
“Exactly, kiddo. Just steer clear of the big bads. And make sure you answer text if I text you. I'll worry if you don't.”
“Who knew the big bad redhood was such a mother hen?” she teased.
“Im serious, kiddo. If I text you and you don't respond, I'll go out there to find you myself.”
“Got it.”
“And if you see Scarecrow, just run. Please. For the love of God.”
“Okay, I-”
His expression hardened. “Stephanie. I'm serious.”
“Fine. Scout's honor.”
“One more thing,” he insisted.
“What?” Stephanie groaned. She was starting to get sick of his demands. But still, he went on. Suddenly he seemed very talkative.
“Can we just agree," he said, "that if one of us has to live, so does the other?”
“Jason, where is this coming from?”
“Hey, it was your idea," he reminded her. "I remember what you said when I wouldn't get up, and anyway, it's kind of the one condition for my letting you have a gun.”
Stephanie was shocked. “You're giving me a gun?”
“You've proven you can make the right choices with them,” he pointed out. “Unless you think-”
And suddenly she wanted that gun. Because it wasn't just a gun. Because the gun meant that Jason trusted her. “No. I can," she insisted.
And she hugged him tight, and he hugged her back, and for once Stephanie felt like everything might work out.