Chapter Text
N smiled at Tessa’s texts. He was glad he was someone she could go to if necessary, especially since he could imagine how V and J would react. J would tell Tessa that she doesn’t write (despite N once finding her computer open to an unposted blog draft where she reviewed movies and plays; N never said anything about it to her because he was sure she’d actually murder him if she knew he knew) and V would tell her to suck it up–she was the director, figure it out! Yeah, he was the best person if she was looking for sympathy.
The doorbell rang. He fumbled with his phone, nearly dropping it, before setting it down on the table and running to open the front door. A man holding two boxes of pizza stood outside. “Delivery for Noah Wilders?” he said.
“That’s me!” N replied. He took the boxes, tipped the man, and sent him off. “Cyn! Dinner!” He called as he grabbed plates for them both.
Cyn shuffled in moments later, holding her phone in her hand with one earbud in and one hanging loose. She took her seat and set her phone down, pulling the remaining earbud out. “Big brother. N. Noah. We have had pizza six times in the last month. You are not even working right now. You have time to prepare food.”
“Tessa’s working on it,” he replied, deciding to ignore everything she said before that–as if ignoring it would lessen the guilt. But working up the motivation to cook took more energy than he had right now, and Cyn despised the textures of many foods, making prepping meals hard for her. He gestured grandly to the two pizza boxes. “We have pepperoni or sausage, mushrooms, and olives because we’ve gotta at least pretend to be healthy.”
“I know that. Crossing my arms.” Cyn proceeded to cross her arms.
N wasn’t sure if she meant the types of pizza or that Tessa was working on it. “Great!” He said, helping himself to a slice of each.
Cyn sighed and grabbed a couple slices of the sausage, mushroom, and olive pizza. “Grab. Is this a cry for help, big brother?”
“. . . No? I’m not sure why you would think that.” Sure, for the first year and a half or so that they lived there he’d been on top of making meals, sometimes days in advance if he was working, but they had takeout fairly regularly.
“Never mind,” she muttered. She picked her phone up and waved it at him. “I found a new singer. Well, she’s not new, but new to me.”
“Oh?” This was something they did–besides talking about their days, they’d often share new artists or even shows they found over dinner. This was the first time in a while that Cyn had brought something up.
“Yes. She does nightcore covers and also original music, mostly rock. I found her through the ActuallyAutistic subreddit. I like the song about her ex being vain more than any of the ones about autism, though they are all good.”
“Ah, so she’s autistic?” N said.
“Yes, like us. Do you want to hear her music?”
“Sure.”
Cyn fiddled with her phone. The sound of drums pounding echoed from it. The vocals started soon after.
Invisible divide, watched you cross that line
You saw me when I was invisible
Did the unthinkable
“She has a nice voice,” N remarked. Cyn nodded.
You were the popular guy
I was the girl in the corner
You saw me when I was invisible
But it’s kind of uncomfortable
‘Cause you saw a stepping stone
The beat picked up.
You didn’t want me
I was used for your vanity
Tough luck on both sides (You kinda suck)
You didn’t want me
“Did she just say that he sucked?” N asked, amused.
“Uh huh,” Cyn replied.
You called me up one morning
Didn’t give me any warning
You wanted a song
To boost your ego
“So someone wanted her to write a song for them . . . and this was her response. It’s so petty.” He couldn’t say it wasn’t entertaining, though.
Well you get what you wanted
And you get what you get
I kind of wish we’d never met
‘Cause you saw a stepping stone
You didn’t want me
I was used for your vanity
Tough luck on both sides (You kinda suck)
You didn’t want me
I was used for your vanity
You didn’t want me
Cyn bobbed her head to the music as the lyrics sped up for the bridge.
Vanity project, you’re the architect
I fit the bill
Better write your will, Imma destroy your social
‘Cause you get what you get
And you don’t get upset
(You made me upset)
You didn’t want me
You didn’t want me
I was used for your vanity
Tough luck on both sides (You kinda suck)
You didn’t want me
You didn’t want me
You didn’t want me
(You get what you get)
“So I guess her ex got what he wanted, just probably not the way he wanted,” N remarked. Being wanted not for your sake, but just to boost someone else’s ego . . . It was a terrible feeling. As good as the song was, he felt terrible for the singer. “Hey, what’s this singer’s name?”
“UZI,” Cyn replied.
“Like the gun?”
“Yes. All caps.”
“I’ll have to check more of her stuff out.”
“You should.”
The conversation moved on from there, but the song stuck in N’s head. Throughout the rest of dinner and cleanup, it played on loop. Later that night, he sat down at his computer and typed “uzi singer” into the search bar. The top results were some of her more popular songs, the r/UZI subreddit, and a few other threads discussing her music. Curious about what they were saying, he clicked on one of them.
r/UZI
What’s everyone’s favorite UZI song and why?
u/Thadster
Mine is her cover of The Music of The Night. It’s so cinematic! And the vocals are amazing!
Replies
GreenEggsAndSam
Mine is A Daughter’s Lament bc I relate to being the disappointment/black sheep of the family 😔😣
Thadster
That’s a good choice! Sorry to hear that about ur family tho
AmeliaBearheart
Different Plane all the way! The message is so sweet and as a neurodivergent person it really spoke to me and encouraged me ❤️
th_th_theresa
💯
Thadster
Ooh yeah that one’s great
Violet_Violence
Disappear. As someone whose father went to jail when I was younger, the “was it me” really hit close to home. He took care of us and then one day, he does something terrible . . .
Thadster
Aww sorry 2 hear that
Violet_Violence
I don’t need pity
KittyKat1000
Vanity. It’s a vibe and I can relate to people not wanting me for me, but for a status/ego boost. No one’s ever dated me to get me to write a song for them tho.
Thadster
Great choice! Sorry to hear that btw
jellyca
Her cover of Let You Down by NF!
Thadster
That’s one that I don’t know how she made it work, but it does!
Becca
Vanity 100%
Thadster
Great choice!
Final_Girl
Disappear! The vocals are so so good and the whole song is just heartbreaking!
Thadster
That’s a great one!
classictoxicmasculinity
Her cover of Paint It Black
Thadster
Ooh nice choice!
urfave
Her cover of Letdown by Citizen Soldier
Thadster
That’s a good one!
There were a few more answers–Vanity and Disappear were popular ones, but her other songs popped up quite a bit. She’d also written a couple of songs for films before. N made a mental note to check all these songs out. He noticed another thread as he scrolled and clicked on it.
r/UZI
I don’t understand this line in A Daughter’s Lament
u/urfave
There’s this part in A Daughter’s Lament: “You were never there for me/I just wanted you to be/Sometimes I think you’d love me more/If I was a door. What does the line about the door mean? Is it a metaphor? Please help I don’t understand 😭
Edit: Thanks for the answers
Replies
AmeliaBearheart
It’s not a metaphor . . . it’s literal. Her last name is Doorman. Her dad has a door business
jellyca
Her last name is Doorman and her dad works with doors?? Talk about coincidence
AmeliaBearheart
I think it might be a family thing or smth
GreenEggsAndSam
It’s a reference to these ads
th_th_theresa
“Doors are my real daughter” the heck is wrong with this man
Scorpion_Angie
Ngl I kinda hate that line. Like it just takes you completely out of the immersion
N decided to check out all the songs he’d heard of, starting with A Daughter’s Lament. An hour and over a dozen songs later, he was in tears. UZI’s songs were beautiful. The way her music complemented her voice . . . the emotional lyrics . . .
He chose that moment to check the time. Tapping his phone, he saw that it was a little after 9:30. He should probably go to bed soon. He noticed a text from Tessa that he’d missed earlier and clicked on it. It was just her half-jokingly saying that he should tell her if he found anyone who could write music. He glanced from the phone to the computer that was still open to one of UZI’s songs on YouTube and back to the phone. He picked it up and dialed Tessa’s number. She was always up late, so he didn’t feel too bad for calling at this late hour.
“N?” Tessa said.
“You know how you said you were looking for someone who could write music? Well, I found someone!” N exclaimed.
“Really? Who? Do I know them?” In her excitement, the questions came in rapid succession.
“She’s an indie singer/songwriter who goes by UZI. She has mostly nightcore covers and original rock songs, but she’s written for films before. Also, the main characters of your next project are autistic, right?”
“Yeah. I really want this to be something you can connect with, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” He’d told Tessa about how he wasn’t having as much fun acting as he once had. She’d become determined to create something that he could be passionate about, or at least care about. She’d decided to do that by making the main characters people he could hopefully relate to, and part of that was making them autistic. “And she’s autistic too, so that might help.”
“Nice. Send me some of her music?”
“Of course! I’ll do that now.”
“Great! Thanks!”
He hung up and got back on the computer. He had a good feeling about this.