Chapter Text
"Okay, how does this one look?"
"I already told you, idiot— you look good no matter what you wear, you've been through half your closet already."
Baku turned to the mirror to examine his fourth- no fifth, outfit of the evening. He stared at his reflection for a moment, examining the new shirt for a moment, before he let out a tired huff and shook his head, immediately reaching down and pulling the shirt off and over his head. He threw it to another part of his room before burying himself back in his closet, rummaging for his next fabric victim. His room which was usually kept clean, was now a mess of different shirts, sweaters and pants, all of which had been tried on and thrown off another three minutes later when he'd find something wrong with it, deeming it inappropriate to wear.
"Too colourful, too tight, too plain— this one has a HOLE IN IT GOGO, SHE COULD'VE SEEN MY NIPPLE!"
As Baku continued to rummage through his closet for the nth time tonight, Go Hyuntak lay flat on his tummy across Baku's bed, trying desperately too keep his eyes off his currently naked-from-the-waist-up best friend and failing. Very very badly.
It's not Baku's fault, really it isn't. I mean, how is he supposed to know that his best friend since they were toothless, running ragged on the playground and rolling around in the dirt was in love with him and had been since they were in high school? Especially now when they're both in their early twenties, living together and Hyuntak still hasn't uttered a word about it to him of course.
They'd been best friends for years now, joint at the hip and practically inseparable. They'd met when they were ten, Hyuntak remembered that day as if it was tattooed into his heart and engraved permenantly in his brain. Baku unfortunately had no lunch to bring to school, his father failing to prepare him something and Baku having slept in already that morning, didn't have the time to make anything or run and grab something on his way to school. When he'd arrived in class, hair askew, shoes on the wrong feet and school pants on backwards, he'd thrown himself down at his desk, completely unaware that the usual empty seat beside him was now occupied by a new and unfamiliar face.
Hyuntak had transferred to his school that day. He'd already been introduced to the rest of the class and assigned a seat at a desk that was currently empty— his teacher had told him that his desk mate was more than likely running late and that he'd have some company beside him soon. Not long later, said company had barrelled through the classroom door with half his uniform on the wrong way bowing his head and mumbling apologies before throwing himself down beside him in a manner that was almost comical. Hyuntak had let out a giggle at the spectacle and it had caused Baku to notice him, turning his head quickly and giving him the widest smile possible. He introduced himself as Park Humin, but explicitly stated that his friends called him Baku. He gave Baku a wide smile that mirrored his own and introduced himself as Go Hyuntak. It didn't take long for Baku to explode excitedly into conversation about anything and everything he could possibly think about ("do you like basketball?!?!? I love basketball, have you ever heard of Slam Dunk?!? Wait— I think I have a copy in my bag, we can read it together at lunch, does that sound okay Gotak?! Can I call you Gotak?)
And when lunch came around for the pair and Baku remembered he had no lunchbox in his bag, Hyuntak gave him a pat on the shoulder and put his own lunch box between them both to share. That was the moment Baku had declared Go Hyuntak— now formally knighted as Gotak, his new best friend for life. From that moment on, you couldn't find one without the other. Where Baku went, Gotak followed and vice versa. They would be at each others homes (Baku more frequently at Hyuntak's when he'd confided in him about how shitty his home life was). Baku went to all of Hyuntak's taekwondo competitions, cheering him on with custom name boards and banners as if he were his own personal cheerleader. They'd started playing basketball together, Hyuntak bettering the more Baku taught him.
Eventually they were made to face the horrors of high school together, both attending the same school of course. Even there, they were known as the pair that could not be separated. Baku's charismatic and charming personality put him high up on the popularity ranking, eventually earning him the title of Eunjang's top dog and Hyuntak, despite being a hot headed teen with a temper of an angry alley cat at times, made it right up there beside him. Although his nicknames were never as pleasant as Baku's (try getting through highschool being called your best friend's lapdog), he took it in stride because all that mattered was he still had Baku by his side.
But of course, things weren't always perfect for them. When they were both fifteen, Hyuntak's world had completely crashed down to the ground and went up in flames. Na Baekjin, someone who used to be close to Baku and now ran a brutal gang named 'The Union' had him cornered. He tried his hardest to fight back, tried to hold his own until Baku could help but he wasn't as lucky as he'd hoped to be. Hyuntak remembers everything. The look on Baekjin's face, the words he'd spoken, telling him he should've stayed away from Baku. The excruciating pain and his own screams and cries as Baekjin brought his foot down repeatedly on his knee. Baku's yelling and sobbing as he'd finally found him, picking him up and sprinting to the hospital, trying to assure Hyuntak that he'd be okay and that he needs to stay with him.
Hyuntak had lost everything that day. The sound of his mothers sobs beside him as the doctors had told him that the damage to his knee had been too much and that he'd never be able to compete professionally again still haunted him sometimes. Baku's guilt ridden face, tears pouring down his cheeks as he placed the blame on himself for everything despite Hyuntak's reassurance that it wasn't his fault. That was the darkest time of Hyuntak's life but Baku… Baku had been his light. He'd never left his side, staying with him through every physiotherapy session, every hard day he'd had, every rock in the road to his recovery. It didn't take long for Hyuntak to realise that through all of this, he was in fact insanely, disgustingly in love with his best friend.
Of course, being in love with your best friend sounds like a dream come true, I mean— you practically know everything about each other, are already compatible based on interest and personality but for Hyuntak that's what was holding him back. He didn't want to ruin what they'd built. What if he confessed and got shut down because Baku didn't share those feelings? What if Baku didn't even like guys? Baku knew Hyuntak liked guys, he'd told him when they were eighteen and he'd felt like it was the right time.
"Oh! That's cool, do we celebrate? Shall we get cake like we did when Suho and Sieun started dating? I saw these really awesome rainbow cupcakes in the bakery down the street! I'm proud of you for telling me Gogo, this doesn't change anything between us— you're still my best friend!"
So Hyuntak suffered in silence for longer, fearing what could happen if he'd ever told Baku. His friendship with the taller boy was something special, something sacred that he couldn't risk losing. Baku was his rock, his sun, his absolute everything— and if never telling him how he really felt meant that he could keep that then he'd gladly keep things as they are, as painful as it may be.
Unfortunately that meant he had to sit here and watch his love get ready for a Valentine's day date that wasn't him. He didn't know much about the girl in question, just that they'd exchanged a few texts and Baku had offered to take her to dinner for Valentine's day, hopefully to get to know her more in person and potentially see where things go from tonight if it went well.
Baku let out a loud, dramatic sigh before crawling out from his closet and turning back around to face his beloved best friend— still very much shirtless.
Hyuntak was in a hell of his own making. How the fuck was he supposed to feel normal and okay when the love of his life stood half naked in front of him, chest and abs on show? Where else was he supposed to look when Baku looked THAT good? He was of course, only a man at the end of the day.
"Gogoooooo… I can't choose an outfit!" Baku whined, walking over to the bed before throwing himself down on top of Hyuntak and smothering him like a weighted blanket, his bare chest against Hyuntak's clothed back. Hyuntak felt the heat of a thousand suns rush to his face at the contact. He swears he can feel Baku's skin through his layers of clothing. He needs to die immediately. If he doesn't get off him in the next thirty seconds, he swears he'll pop a boner and that would just make everything uncomfortable for all parties involved and then he'd have to die.
"Get your big ass off me— I'll choose something for you since you're so fucking indecisive… yah, I said move!" Hyuntak grunted from under Baku, trying to claw himself out from under Baku's weight. He has another ten seconds before its hard-on central. Luckily for him, Baku rolls off of him and onto his back, arms sprawled out on the mattress as if he were a starfish. Hyuntak pushed himself up from the bed as fast as he could, dusting off his hoodie before he walked over to Baku's closet and started rummaging through his shirts, blush still evident on his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
"Picking my date outfit for me? Aah my Gogo is so kind to me" the taller hummed from the bed, pushing himself up with his arms as he watched Gotak examine each of his shirts.
"Yeah yeah big guy, I just couldn't stand watching you tear your closet apart for another half hour, you'll end up making yourself late for your date."
His voice had faltered as he uttered that last word. Date. Hearing Baku say the word the last couple days had been painful enough, but now that he'd said it himself made his heart ache even more. Oh how he wished it could've been him that Baku was oh so excited to spend the evening with. The fact that it wasn't and probably never would be was eating Hyuntak inside out like a parasite but he can't lose him. If he lost Baku, he wouldn't have anything and there would be no coming back from that. If he could choose one person in every timeline and alternate universe, against all odds he'd always choose Baku.
Baku watched him from the bed quietly, as if he were observing a chemical reaction. Now Park Humin knows he isn't the most intelligent of beings. He'll admit, he's no Einstein or Yeon Sieun but if there's something he'd always been good at reading, it was how people were feeling and their emotions. It was like his super power and it was at it's strongest whenever his closest friends whom he cared for deeply were in the mix— especially his Gogo. His Gogo who'd been a little different the last week or so, a little more quiet and reserved. He'd asked him a few times if he was alright and had told him that he seemed a little off but Hyuntak kept saying he was fine, that it was just the insanely cold weather dulling his mood and making his morning runs harder, the pain in his knee flaring up a lot more in the colder seasons.
Baku was also very observant when it came to Hyuntak. He'd always notice things that others didn't for example, whenever he'd leave their apartment, he'd always check everything at least three times ("third time's for luck" he'd told Baku once after he'd asked about it). Whenever Hyuntak ate something spicy, he'd scrunch up his nose before taking another bite. Or whenever Hyuntak smiled, he'd smile with all of his teeth and his eyes would take the form of crescent moons, which is funny considering that's what he was to Baku. Hyuntak was his moon as much as he was Hyuntak's sun.
Hyuntak had always been special to Baku, dating all the way back to when they'd first met and he shared his lunch with him as Baku excitedly showed him the worn pages of one of his Slam Dunk!!! volumes. Baku had shown Hyuntak every side of him that he would never show to another. He'd been by Hyuntak's side during the darkest time of his life, all whilst carrying a heavy boulder of guilt on his shoulders. As much as he'd been by Hyuntak's side during that time, Hyuntak had been by his. He had been a constant blanket of reassurance over his heart, always making sure Baku knew that what happened to him wasn't his fault and as guilty Baku still felt about that day, Hyuntak's constant words of reassurance and the care he showed him chipped away at that boulder and made him feel lighter with every word shared.
If Baku were to choose to be anywhere, he would always choose to be with him. He'd always chose him and he'd always continue to do so.
Point is, Baku knew when there was something wrong with his Gogo. He'd caught the way his voice had faltered when he'd spoke and definitely noticed how the air surrounding him felt as if it had thickened all of a sudden, become more tense as Hyuntak had gone a little quieter and rummaged through his closet with a lot less grace than he'd initially started.
"Gotak, you good?" he called across the room. He watched as Hyuntak paused what he was doing, watched him take a deep breath before going back to his searching.
"Yah, I'm fine— god you have so many shirts…"
Baku just nodded and continued to watch from his spot on the bed. He didn't exactly believe him but he'll ask him again when he was fully dressed and they could have a normal conversation that isn't being yelled across his bedroom while Hyuntak pick's out a shirt for his date.
His date. The date that he was going on tonight. The date that he'd been excited for at first but the excitement had slowly fizzled from his brain overtime the more he'd actually thought about it. Don't get him wrong, the girl was lovely, she really was. They'd met via a mutual classmate and exchanged phone numbers, shared some conversations and she'd mentioned she didn't have any Valentine's day plans. Baku being the gentleman that he is, kindly offered to take her out to dinner and she'd agreed somehow. However, the more he'd thought about it, the more he'd thought about how Hyuntak was going to be left in the apartment alone. Hyuntak had assured him that it was okay and that he'd be fine— but that didn't make Baku feel any better.
There was even a small part of him that wished he could stay home tonight with Hyuntak instead, watching some shitty movies or playing some games, just enjoying each others company as they'd always done… but it'd be rude to cancel on this girl last minute and he'd get to spend all the time in the world with his Gogo afterwards. That thought made his heart flutter and smile more than the idea of going on the actual date.
He was shaken from the fog of his thought when he felt a soft piece of fabric hit him square in the face. He reached up and pulled it off his face, unfolding the article of clothing to see what Hyuntak had chosen for him. It was a red sweater, one Hyuntak had given him for Christmas once as a gift.
"You always complain that you don't own enough winter clothing so here you go big guy, something to keep you warm."
It was fairly worn, it being one of Baku's favourite things to wear during the colder seasons or even when they'd just be chilling in the apartment but still looked to be in good condition. Baku gave him a small smile before standing once again, pulling the sweater over his head and straightening it out, brushing out the few creases that were there. He walked to the mirror besides were Hyuntak was standing and gave his appearance a quick once over.
Good. He looked good. Great even.
So why didn't he feel it?
They'd been at this for almost an hour, tearing through different outfits and clothing combinations and now that he was finally dressed, why did he suddenly feel like there was a bag of rocks in his stomach, slowly weighing him down?
"So, how do I look?" He asked as he turned on the spot to face Hyuntak, forcing a smile onto his face. He caught it immediately. How Hyuntak's posture had stiffened where he stood, how he had forced his own smile over the very clear tension that had taken over his face as well as the rest of his body. He watched as Hyuntak's eyes gave him a once over before focusing on the ground under their feet, as if he were counting the threads of the carpet.
Hyuntak cleared his throat, "good— great, you look great Baku, you're really gonna knock her socks off man."
"Are you sure you're okay? If you don't feel good I can see about possibly rescheduling?"
Hyuntak shook his head a little too quickly, "Nah nah I'm fine, I swear. It'd be rude to cancel now anyways, just the uh, cold making my knee ache, I'll be fine once I stick a heat pad on it."
"You're sure? I'm sure she'll understand If I tell her you don't feel good y'know? I don't mind staying home…" The 'I'd rather stay home with you' staying unspoken and locked at the back of his throat like it was a curse that couldn't be spoken.
"Park Humin, I'm 100% sure. I'm a grown ass man, I'll be fine yeah?"
He was lying. The thing with Go Hyuntak is he couldn't lie to save his life… well he couldn't lie to Baku. Something else Baku had noticed about him through all their years of friendship was that whenever Hyuntak tried to lie, he'd bite the inside of his cheek, as if he was trying to hold the truth with his teeth before it came spilling out. Either way, there's clearly something that Hyuntak is keeping from him but he'd interrogate him about it later. Right now, he (unfortunately) had somewhere to be that wasn't with Hyuntak but with someone else entirely different.
There's that heavy feeling again. Did he feel okay? Was he actually the sick one?
"Yah— earth to Baku, earth to Baku," Hyuntak waved his hand in front of his face, Baku's eyes widening as he snapped back to reality, "don't you have somewhere to be?"
Baku cleared his throat and straightened up. He did. The date. He had to leave for his date. The date where there'd be no Hyuntak and someone that wasn't him.
Oh the joys.
Hyuntak watched as Baku proceeded to gather the rest of his things getting ready to leave for his Valentine's day date. That never ending ache in his chest got heavier and more painful with every second that passed, the urge to reach out, grab Baku by the arm and ask him— no beg him to stay with him instead increasing. He could, he had a few more minutes. The opportunity was there and ready, waiting to be grasped in the palm of Hyuntak's hand.
But he couldn't. He couldn't do it. He couldn't break the rules he'd set for himself, he couldn't risk losing everything he had. Hyuntak had always been brave, had always been a fighter— but when it came to his feelings for Baku, he was nothing but the opposite. All of that strength, all of that courage he wore so proudly shrank away as the constant fear of losing Baku plagued both his mind and his heart. Hyuntak hated it. He hated every slow and agonising second but he couldn't do anything about it. If he tried to speak he'd choke and stumble over his words. If he tried to reach out, he'd pull himself back with his other hand. If he tried to step forward, he couldn't move his feet. It's as if he was glued to the spot where he stood and his bones had solidified into cement. As if his throat had been stuffed full of cotton and no sound could come out, no matter how much he tried.
Baku stood in the middle of the doorway, fighting his own internal battle. For someone who's superhuman ability was reading the emotions of others like they were written on the pages of a book, he couldn't identify the feelings he himself was feeling. Why did this bother him so much? Why did he feel like he was about to commit some sort of criminal offence? Was this like some sort of separation anxiety? He couldn't tell. The only thing he could do was muster up a quick goodbye and a smile before heading out the door, leaving Hyuntak alone, still stood by Baku's closet with nothing but the mess of emotions that were currently swirling inside his head like a violent tornado ripping a wooden house apart plank by plank, nail by nail.